Quotes from Work

[kuhn8921]

Since I started working at the museum I've been collecting quotes of some of the most inane questions I get on a regular basis. It's a little bit "Not Always Right" and a whole lot of WTF?  Figured it was time to write them down somewhere besides a random notebook, and I'll likely update these as I get them.  Sometimes there's a huge drought...others, when it rains it pours.  I'll offer explanations when I can.  All dates are listed in a year-month-date using two digits for each format. (For example, today January 27, 2012 is 120127) Anyway, here we go:

Quotes:

2009

• 091210 - AA Man: “How long to Mars?”
  • Guy had a bet 6 months vs. 2 years
  • Average: ~260 days (8.7 months)
  • Shortest: 130 days (4.3 months)

• 091217 - “I live in Grand Island, and I have a strange squirrel I’d like identified.”

2010

• 100120 - AB: “If a surgeon is willing to carve up his time for the Hayes lecture…”
  • Not realizing the pun

• 100208 - “The nails didn’t hold Jesus to the cross.  It was his love for all of us that held him there.”
  • Seen in Oriental Trading “Fun & Faith” catalog
  • (It was a craft kit for kids)

• 100211 - MS “I’m not a leader, I’m just impatient.”
  • Referring to a team building exercise

• 100216 - Hippy Valley Girl: “I’m not sure which museum it was but I remember as a kid going to a museum in Buffalo and seeing dolphins.”
  • Me, confused: “Stuffed or Alive?”
  • Her: “Alive.”
  • Me: “That would be the (Niagara Falls) Aquarium most likely.”
  • Her: “A-quar-i-um…yeah I guess that could be it.  How do I look them up in the phone book?”

• 100223 - “How does one lose that which does not exist?”
  • Me after receiving an e-mail about lost Beerology tickets

• 100226 - AA Woman: “How long does that Elmo Science Body Worlds go for?” (Referring to Sesame Street Presents: the Body, Body Worlds had left the museum the year prior.)

• 100301 - Female: “Who can I talk to concerning skunks?”

• 100305 - KL: “I want Chauncey Hamlin to jump out of a cake.”
  • Meeting on 150th Anniversary

• 100317 - AAM: “I have a lithograph from Currier & Ives from 1929 that I want ‘authenticized.’”

• 100317 - E-Mail: “I’m graduating in May and I want to volunteer in the forensics labs.” (Despite what you see on tv, museums don't have forensics labs...)

• 100414 - Betty from Minnesota (Complete with thick Minnesota accent): “Hi, I’m Betty from Minnesota and I have an article from ’99 talking about how they discovered a city underwater, but I haven’t heard anything from since.”
  • (She goes on to mention more details of the article and how the sunken city is in Lake Erie)
  • Me: “Ma’am…what paper did you find this article in?”
  • BfM: “I only have the article, but near the page number it says Weekly…Weekly World News.”

• 100422 - HS Boy on Voicemail: “My name is ----.  I’m a senior at Clarence HS, and I was wondering if there were any volunteer opportunities at the Buffalo Zoo from today up to May 1st.  My contact numbers are…” (Keep in mind that I work at the Museum of Science, and notice the date is April 22nd...)

• 100608 - Over Radio: “Thom to Jerry”

• 100719 - Female: “I have a question for you.  My friend’s birthday is September 11th…<
  >…You there?” (I hadn't responded as I hadn't been asked a question as of yet.)

• 100816 - Message left on my voicemail: Man with vaguely Russian accent: “Good morning.  How are you?  That’s a fantastic message you have there.  Please leave your name, telephone number, serial number, whether or not you’re susceptible to any diseases, and if you are susceptible to any diseases maybe I bring you a picture of a dinosaur, maybe I rip off your arms.  Very entertaining.” <>

• 100924 - Old Man: “I just have a quick question.  Can a badger come in a black color with a white stripe?”
  • Transferred to Tifft Nature Preserve (And for those that are wondering...yes, skunks are part of the badger family)

• 101005 - MH via E-Mail: “The good coprolite that the docents have used for years is missing from the cabinet upstairs.  If anyone knows where it is we would greatly appreciate it.  I am also unaware of any reason that anyone should be in the cabinet taking out items.”
  • Coprolite: Fossilized Feces
  • In other words… “Somebody stole our $#!%”

• 101214 - Female Caller @ 1605:  “Can you connect me to the gift shop?”
  • “I’m sorry, but the gift shop closed about five minutes ago.”
  • “Well…do you know if they have any Mexican Jumping Beans?”

2011

• 110126 - Female Caller @ 0950: “I got your postcard for this ‘Najna’ exhibit.”
  • “Do you mean Narnia?”
  • “Is dat how it pronounced?...yeah.  Now what’s this I see about $2 for a…what’s a C-H-A-P-E-R-O-N-E?”
  • “A chaperone?”
  • “Yeah…wait…dat mean I gotta pay $2 to have someone show us around?”
  • “No…”

• 110228 - Elderly Female Caller @ 1122: “I bought my son a planetarium years ago, and he just gave it back to me and I’d like to give it to my grandson, but he didn’t put the instruction manual in the box.  Do you know where I can write to get a new instruction manual?”
  • Me…trying to be helpful thinking I’d look up the address online: “Not off hand, but can you tell me the name of the company?”
  • Obviously reading off box: “It’s Educational Design at ------ Street, New York City, NY”
  • “That would be your best bet ma’am.”
  • “Oh…I thought I’d try and do this the easy way…”
  • *facepalm*

• 110228 - Me: “Thank you for calling the Buffalo Museum of Science, this is Ian speaking, how may I help you?”
  • Female Caller @ 1555: “I’m looking for Ian.”
  • “Speaking”
  • “Thank you.”
  • “…How may I help you?”
  • “Is this Ian?”
  • “Yes…”

• 110408 - Voicemail from (Thursday) 110407 @ 1720
  • Male Caller: “Hello this is B---- M-----, my cell phone is --------.  I was there Sunday afternoon (April 3rd) with my son who, uh, has a cast and, uh, we had him in a lightweight aluminum wheelchair with red wheels, and I don’t know…it’s now missing.  I don’t know if I accidentally left it there. So if you could please call me and let me know.  It’s a lightweight aluminum wheelchair with red wheels and, uh *aside* what…?”
  • Female in room: “Blue cloth”
  • Male Caller: “Blue cloth for the seats.”

• 110422 - Female Caller: “Hi, is it okay if we park in the back of the museum where it says ‘Buses Only - No Parking?’”
  • Me: “I wouldn’t advise it.”
  • FC: “Is someone going to give me a ticket?”
  • Me: “I honestly couldn’t tell you.”
  • FC: “Well, thanks.”

• 110606 - Male Caller: “I’m looking for the person that handles treaties.”

• 110705 - Male Caller: “Can you tell me where the front desk is?”

• 110711 - Female Caller: “I have a 7 year old and 6 year old-“
  • Small voice in background: “I’M FIVE!!!”
  • FC: “-5 year old that I’ll bringing to the museum…”
  • (These are the calls that make it all worthwhile)

• 110726 - Male Caller: “Hi, I’m calling from Toronto and was wondering, are there any tribal art stores in Buffalo?  You know, stores that sell, well, tribal art I guess you would say.  When I googled it I came up with the Buffalo Museum of Science.”

• 110818 - LMe (HR): “Where’s my bonus for not giving you the beating you so richly deserve?”  (Concerning a vendor who was whining about not getting their bonus if we don’t pay them on time)

• 110928 - Me [With Female Caller wanting to setup a Self-Guided Discovery Kit]: “Can I get your name please?”
  • FC: “[First Name] Casper, just like the friendly ghost.”
  • [goes through other information]
  • Me: “E-Mail?”
  • FC: “[Spells out first name]K-A-S-P-E-R@[domain]”
  • …

• 111117 - FC w/ (Japanese?) Accent: “[Asks a few basic questions] and what is your address?”
  • Me: “1020 Humboldt, that’s H-U-M-B…O-L-D-T Parkway, Buffalo, New York.”
  • FC: “That’s in Quints?”
  • Me: “Quints?”
  • FC: “Near Flushing, Quints”
  • Me [suddenly realizing what she said]: “Oh…no, not Queens, Buffalo.”
  • FC: “So that’s not near Meadow Park, it says on website Meadow Park.”

• 111207 - KW after having sent her a second e-mail concerning KM’s attitude toward me in less than a month, and having been blown off the first time. “I don’t want to be the one to have to mediate these things…”
  • Me: *Aren’t you the “Manager?”*

• 111227 - (Someone had left a message on my machine asking about general information.  I called back the number she left.)
  • FC: “Praise the Lord” (Said as matter-of-factly as, “Hello.”)

2012

• 120110 - (We received a donation through a lawyer for Tifft.  We had three constituents with the same name in our system…the letter from the lawyers was nice enough to include the constituent’s Social Security Number.  After talking to the secretary and being put on hold one of the lawyers answers the phone.)
  • Me: “Hello, this is Ian Kuhn from the Buffalo Museum of Science.  Mr. M------ J------ donated to Tifft Nature Preserve through your office, and unfortunately we have three M- J-s in our system so I wanted to make sure I sent the acknowledgment to the correct one.”
  • Lawyer: “I gave you his Social Security Number, isn’t that enough?”
  • Me: “I apologize sir, but we don’t keep Social Security Numbers.”
  • (turned out to be a 4th one…)

• 120127 - A teacher called to setup a group reservation and was asking about CSI: the Experience for her first grade class.
  • FC: “I see on your website here that you’re recommending it for grades 5 and up, is there a reason for that?”
  • Me: “Well, as it is CSI we felt that it was subject matter for ages 12 and up.”
  • FC: “But, I mean there’s not like, blood and murder and stuff is there?”
  • Me: “Actually, yes.  It’s Crime Scene Investigation…are you familiar with the show at all?”
  • FC: “Oh there is? So you don’t think smaller children can handle it?”
    Me: “As a general rule, if you would allow your child to watch CSI then they won’t have any problems with the exhibit.”
  • Ultimately she decided against seeing it because of the Upcharge, rather than the subject matter.