looong entry... I just had to make up for my first one
Well my day today was much more relazing than a year ago. November 11, 2003... how could I forget that day? It's just not possible. I'll forget my own birthday before I forget this date. So much has changed because of my diagnoses. With out it, I never would've ... in 2003/4:
-met so many people in the cancer community
-become a CIT (Counselor in Training)
-gone to New Zealand for free
-come so close to death during my biopsy
-experienced literally blazen chemotherapy
-cried after the age of 18
-received two blazen scars
-been able to get away with just 4 periods of class lol
-found a hairstyle that works for me
-bungy jumped
-run a 6:30 mile instead of a 4:30
-gotten as close to my friends
-or even had a girlfriend
-so much more...
How about a recap. I had a CT scan of my chest the day before, to see if my lungs were somehow still injured from my cliff diving "incident." Earlier test showed that my breathing was healthy, and my lungs at first glance appeared like any normal being (too bad my continuous running made my lungs seem healthy compared to an average, stagnant individual. As a runner, my lungs were not in the shape that they should be).
I knew in the morning I had a doctor's appointment, but I never comprehended just how serious the appointment was. All I knew is that I would finally find out why my XC season sucked horribly. I remember discussing AS I LAY DYING in Finch's class when it was time for me to head to the hospital for my appointment. It doesn't take a genius to know something more serious is wrong with you when you notice that the doctor I would be seeing had his office in "AFLAC Cancer Center & Blood Disorders Service." I didn't learn till later that my parents had an idea of what was wrong with me, but didn't want to say anything until an official diagnoses was determined.
The appointment was made to discuss with Dr. Bergsagel (Dr. B) the results of my CT scan from the day earlier. Seeing that an oncologist had to look at my CT scan to diagnosis my problem, wasn't a good sign. He shows me an image of the CT scan on his computer. My lungs are outlined and a very noticable melon-sized spot can be seen in the middle of my chest. I had no idea what the image meant. To me, it's just a spot on the screen. He refers to my running and explains to me that I've been running with 3 tumors in my chest. Dr. B then tells me with some uncertainty that he thinks the spot is Hodgkin's Disease, and that I'll need a biopsy the next day to confirm his diagnoses. However, he does say the diagnoses is early, and that this cancer should be very treatable.
To be honest, I didn't react much at the time. I was just silent Dbwa. I guess I just took Dr. B's word for it, and believed him when he said it was treatable. He told me it would take 3 months of chemotherapy. After I heard 3 months, I was just thinking that it was a good thing my treatment would be over in time for me to run track. If I only I knew it would actually take 6 months of chemo, 1 month of radiation, and if I knew how much chemotherapy and all the pills woud really suck, then I would be considerably upset.
Next was the emergency appointment Dr. B made with Dr. Bleacher, my soon to be surgeon. Anyone who has to discuss their own biopsy to guy with a grim look as this man, will become quite worried fast. Normally, a biopsy is no problem for him, but with my luck the tumor had to be surrounding my heart, lungs, and spinal cord. Oh yeah, the worst part, I had a bad cold with a terrible cough at the time (that I had for more than month by then, a sign my immune system was impaired, which can mean cancer). He didn't want to operate under these circumstances, but didn't really have a choice. The cold + plus the weight of my tumor + plus lying on back = very hard to breath & tumor near heart, lung, spinal cord = good chance of damaging heart, lung, spinal cord with long needle. I'd say that's a good reason for the surgeon not to like the circumstances.
After hearing these details of my operation, it finally hits me how serious my diagnosis is. I'll be a man and have no shame in saying my last name was no longer stalin... I teared up. When I realized what I was facing, I started questioning if I would even graduate in '04, or if I might even die. Too many thoughts ran through my head to recall all of them.
So yeah... It's night by then. I don't remember the drive home or dinner, but I remember posting an away message that stated I had cancer. Then I came back to the computer after awhile to tell my friends half the story of the day.
Lastly, I didn't sleep well with my biopsy scheduled the next day... it was a bad day to say the least, and the next day would be worst...
-met so many people in the cancer community
-become a CIT (Counselor in Training)
-gone to New Zealand for free
-come so close to death during my biopsy
-experienced literally blazen chemotherapy
-cried after the age of 18
-received two blazen scars
-been able to get away with just 4 periods of class lol
-found a hairstyle that works for me
-bungy jumped
-run a 6:30 mile instead of a 4:30
-gotten as close to my friends
-or even had a girlfriend
-so much more...
How about a recap. I had a CT scan of my chest the day before, to see if my lungs were somehow still injured from my cliff diving "incident." Earlier test showed that my breathing was healthy, and my lungs at first glance appeared like any normal being (too bad my continuous running made my lungs seem healthy compared to an average, stagnant individual. As a runner, my lungs were not in the shape that they should be).
I knew in the morning I had a doctor's appointment, but I never comprehended just how serious the appointment was. All I knew is that I would finally find out why my XC season sucked horribly. I remember discussing AS I LAY DYING in Finch's class when it was time for me to head to the hospital for my appointment. It doesn't take a genius to know something more serious is wrong with you when you notice that the doctor I would be seeing had his office in "AFLAC Cancer Center & Blood Disorders Service." I didn't learn till later that my parents had an idea of what was wrong with me, but didn't want to say anything until an official diagnoses was determined.
The appointment was made to discuss with Dr. Bergsagel (Dr. B) the results of my CT scan from the day earlier. Seeing that an oncologist had to look at my CT scan to diagnosis my problem, wasn't a good sign. He shows me an image of the CT scan on his computer. My lungs are outlined and a very noticable melon-sized spot can be seen in the middle of my chest. I had no idea what the image meant. To me, it's just a spot on the screen. He refers to my running and explains to me that I've been running with 3 tumors in my chest. Dr. B then tells me with some uncertainty that he thinks the spot is Hodgkin's Disease, and that I'll need a biopsy the next day to confirm his diagnoses. However, he does say the diagnoses is early, and that this cancer should be very treatable.
To be honest, I didn't react much at the time. I was just silent Dbwa. I guess I just took Dr. B's word for it, and believed him when he said it was treatable. He told me it would take 3 months of chemotherapy. After I heard 3 months, I was just thinking that it was a good thing my treatment would be over in time for me to run track. If I only I knew it would actually take 6 months of chemo, 1 month of radiation, and if I knew how much chemotherapy and all the pills woud really suck, then I would be considerably upset.
Next was the emergency appointment Dr. B made with Dr. Bleacher, my soon to be surgeon. Anyone who has to discuss their own biopsy to guy with a grim look as this man, will become quite worried fast. Normally, a biopsy is no problem for him, but with my luck the tumor had to be surrounding my heart, lungs, and spinal cord. Oh yeah, the worst part, I had a bad cold with a terrible cough at the time (that I had for more than month by then, a sign my immune system was impaired, which can mean cancer). He didn't want to operate under these circumstances, but didn't really have a choice. The cold + plus the weight of my tumor + plus lying on back = very hard to breath & tumor near heart, lung, spinal cord = good chance of damaging heart, lung, spinal cord with long needle. I'd say that's a good reason for the surgeon not to like the circumstances.
After hearing these details of my operation, it finally hits me how serious my diagnosis is. I'll be a man and have no shame in saying my last name was no longer stalin... I teared up. When I realized what I was facing, I started questioning if I would even graduate in '04, or if I might even die. Too many thoughts ran through my head to recall all of them.
So yeah... It's night by then. I don't remember the drive home or dinner, but I remember posting an away message that stated I had cancer. Then I came back to the computer after awhile to tell my friends half the story of the day.
Lastly, I didn't sleep well with my biopsy scheduled the next day... it was a bad day to say the least, and the next day would be worst...