National Coming Out Day
I am, in general, a pretty apathetic queer ally. I wrote a letter to my representatives years ago when Bush was bandying about the idea of an awful bigoted amendment, which is more than I've done for any other cause* but is still pathetically little. I've always had a bit of the "it gets better" philosophy which is to say I expect my grandchildren to find homophobia as befuddling as I find racism now. However, given how racism is alive and well, even though it is no longer socially acceptable, I should perhaps not be so sanguine...
This year I decided to take a step toward that future by taking about National Coming Out day with my kids. It was awkward and strange, as such things tend to be. My Catholic upbringing makes me uncomfortable talking about sex, even in the most round about way, and it doesn't help that I don't really know what terms are the right ones to use with my five year old. Homosexual seems too technical, LGBT does not roll off the tongue, and I think of "gay" as only applying to boys. If anyone who is more up on the lingo has any suggestions for me that would be great. I really didn't find much advice online for a straight parent talking to a young child about LGBT issues. There is a lot about questioning teens, and quite a bit for same sex parents, but I'm looking at creating a probably straight ally who is really too young to even be questioning.
I ended up explaining homosexuality as people who want to marry people of their own gender, since marriage is something of a short hand for sexual attraction at this age. She immediately piped up that she'd like to marry someone of her own gender, which wasn't surprising since most of her friends are girls. We told her that kids often feel that way but for most people their feelings change when they get older. We explained that these people can't get married in a lot of our country right now, and can lose their jobs if they don't keep who they love a secret. We compared their struggles to women struggling for the right to vote, and talked about why we have a day to support them.
Mostly I wanted to get the conversation started. She's five, and I don't expect a lot to sink in, but I figure by talking about it now, she'll know it is not a taboo subject, and we can have more sophisticated talks as she gets older. And I admit, I'm looking toward the future, where she or one of her friends might be bullied or harassed because of their sexuality and I want her to know without question that where I stand.
*I did send an outraged email to my reps about giving a blank check to Wall Street a couple of years ago, but I've only once written an actual letter on paper to my reps.
This year I decided to take a step toward that future by taking about National Coming Out day with my kids. It was awkward and strange, as such things tend to be. My Catholic upbringing makes me uncomfortable talking about sex, even in the most round about way, and it doesn't help that I don't really know what terms are the right ones to use with my five year old. Homosexual seems too technical, LGBT does not roll off the tongue, and I think of "gay" as only applying to boys. If anyone who is more up on the lingo has any suggestions for me that would be great. I really didn't find much advice online for a straight parent talking to a young child about LGBT issues. There is a lot about questioning teens, and quite a bit for same sex parents, but I'm looking at creating a probably straight ally who is really too young to even be questioning.
I ended up explaining homosexuality as people who want to marry people of their own gender, since marriage is something of a short hand for sexual attraction at this age. She immediately piped up that she'd like to marry someone of her own gender, which wasn't surprising since most of her friends are girls. We told her that kids often feel that way but for most people their feelings change when they get older. We explained that these people can't get married in a lot of our country right now, and can lose their jobs if they don't keep who they love a secret. We compared their struggles to women struggling for the right to vote, and talked about why we have a day to support them.
Mostly I wanted to get the conversation started. She's five, and I don't expect a lot to sink in, but I figure by talking about it now, she'll know it is not a taboo subject, and we can have more sophisticated talks as she gets older. And I admit, I'm looking toward the future, where she or one of her friends might be bullied or harassed because of their sexuality and I want her to know without question that where I stand.
*I did send an outraged email to my reps about giving a blank check to Wall Street a couple of years ago, but I've only once written an actual letter on paper to my reps.