late night revelations...
I'm still me.
I know that doesn't sound like much but really it's huge. Parenthood is so all encompassing--not just time consuming, not just life altering--that I've often wondered, in the quiet corners of my mind, if Janelle really existed any more or if she had been swallowed up entirely by Raine's Mommy. Don't get me wrong, I like Raine's Mommy (even if she is a bit inexperienced) but I can't quite bring myself to say good-bye to plain old Janelle. I've been mourning her a bit, these last few weeks, and it was such an incredible relief to have a purely Janelle moment (Raine actually fell asleep without a fuss, and I stayed up to finish reading a romance novel, after telling maxemulien that I'd be in bed "in a bit"--something I'd done countless times BK.) It's such a treat that I'm extending it by staying up even further past my bed-time to indulge myself with a little on-line time.
It gives me hope, and hope is such a glorious thing. It makes me think that maybe, someday I'll work on my novel again. (Raine has squished any staying-up-after-she-goes-to-bed plans by habitually refusing to sleep until it's late and I'm exhausted) Maybe someday I'll even have the energy to consider having another kid. Tonight anything seems possible...
I know that doesn't sound like much but really it's huge. Parenthood is so all encompassing--not just time consuming, not just life altering--that I've often wondered, in the quiet corners of my mind, if Janelle really existed any more or if she had been swallowed up entirely by Raine's Mommy. Don't get me wrong, I like Raine's Mommy (even if she is a bit inexperienced) but I can't quite bring myself to say good-bye to plain old Janelle. I've been mourning her a bit, these last few weeks, and it was such an incredible relief to have a purely Janelle moment (Raine actually fell asleep without a fuss, and I stayed up to finish reading a romance novel, after telling maxemulien that I'd be in bed "in a bit"--something I'd done countless times BK.) It's such a treat that I'm extending it by staying up even further past my bed-time to indulge myself with a little on-line time.
It gives me hope, and hope is such a glorious thing. It makes me think that maybe, someday I'll work on my novel again. (Raine has squished any staying-up-after-she-goes-to-bed plans by habitually refusing to sleep until it's late and I'm exhausted) Maybe someday I'll even have the energy to consider having another kid. Tonight anything seems possible...