(no subject)
You know, the stupid and idiotic thing about being thirty something is that you think you're all done growing up.
You're old enough to know you don't know everything. You have an education (perhaps a lot of education), you've held many jobs and may even have a career. Your heart has been broken, and mended, and often broken again, for all three types of love. You've figured out that humanity, as a whole, is a very messed up group of neurotic characters, and have remorsefully realized that world peace (and all the young, idealistic stance you had in your youth) probably won't come about in your lifetime. You have segmented off in to your own family unit, be that through marriage, friends, kids, whatever. You pay your own bills, clean your own house, mow your own lawn, get yourself to places on time.
But you know? That whole little facade of being "done" goes out the window as soon as something Majorly Life Changing comes in to the picture. Because life? It goes on. You forget the pain, and how much it knocks you on your ass when it first comes. Every time there is a loss, it hurts. And you realize just how much it makes you feel like you're 10 and lost in a mall. Helpless, lost, out of control.
And the only thought is "When do I grow up? When do I get over this? When does this get easier?"
The answer is, of course, never. If you're living life with love, compassion, and honesty, it will ALWAYS hurt.
This fact doesn't take the edge off while the pain is so sharp. Time. Time. In due time.
You're old enough to know you don't know everything. You have an education (perhaps a lot of education), you've held many jobs and may even have a career. Your heart has been broken, and mended, and often broken again, for all three types of love. You've figured out that humanity, as a whole, is a very messed up group of neurotic characters, and have remorsefully realized that world peace (and all the young, idealistic stance you had in your youth) probably won't come about in your lifetime. You have segmented off in to your own family unit, be that through marriage, friends, kids, whatever. You pay your own bills, clean your own house, mow your own lawn, get yourself to places on time.
But you know? That whole little facade of being "done" goes out the window as soon as something Majorly Life Changing comes in to the picture. Because life? It goes on. You forget the pain, and how much it knocks you on your ass when it first comes. Every time there is a loss, it hurts. And you realize just how much it makes you feel like you're 10 and lost in a mall. Helpless, lost, out of control.
And the only thought is "When do I grow up? When do I get over this? When does this get easier?"
The answer is, of course, never. If you're living life with love, compassion, and honesty, it will ALWAYS hurt.
This fact doesn't take the edge off while the pain is so sharp. Time. Time. In due time.