Single Shmingle
Here is how I see it. It's not a big deal. It's not the low light of your life. It's not just the time you have to kill until your next romantic quest. It just is. And more people should take a stab at it now and again.
I don't know when it all began, but we suddenly split into two teams: Shirts and Skins. Those of us still going to sleep with our clothes on, and those of us who are not. And you know which team everyone wants to be on.
It seems that the Skins first move was to start a cult-like ritual. The commencement ceremony detailed initiation prerequisites of being an active member of a romantic relationship. The bitter and fleeting moment a relationship expires, you get booted. Then, there are plenty of willing Shirts lined up to replace former members of the Skins. This sends the exiled ex-Skins scrambling around so desperately they lose sight of their ideal partner and wind up settling for something that tiptoes on the boundary of what they consider good enough for right now.
I see this transformation in a lot of my friends and acquaintances. I see the fanatical desire to be one of them, a member of the cult. That is the desperation that leaves them blind. It leaves them vulnerable. It leaves them to their own stupidity. And when they do snag a mate, they metamorphosize. They are suddenly one of them, no longer one of us.
This caste system sheds its ugliest flakes at the confrontation of a Shirt and a Skin. Skins always lose their conversational mystery, and become predictable. It is guaranteed each Skin will instigate this same, overplayed banter with a Shirt and lay bare their feelings of smug superiority.
The Skin kicks off by itemizing sickening details of their clearly exaggerated happiness, and persists with cheesy details about how lucky they think they are. Suddenly recognizing that they are dominating the conversation and yielding to let the Shirt participate, they proceed with the question "So, are you seeing anyone these days?"
The Shirt will reply with "No, I am single" exhibiting varying degrees of insecurity or confidence. To adhere to the Skin's conversation etiquette, the Shirt is now expected to 'enter excuse here.'
If they fail to provide an excuse, the Skin will inquire why they are single, and the Shirt will succumb to fumbling through their selected cookie-cutter cover story: Too wrapped up in work? Concentrating on studies right now? Swearing off the opposite sex? Still mourning last relationship? No time for dating? Just have not found the right person?
As the Skin feigns compassionate understanding, they smile inside mentally listing the reasons they are happy to be with their true love.
Next, it becomes the Skin's turn to fumble. They bid the Shirt trite, shallow reassurance: There are many fish in the sea? It is good to be single and not have to worry about a relationship? Being single is fun? You have plenty of time to live it up? You will find someone when the time is right? It will happen for you? Love will find you when you are not looking for it?
This banal interplay nauseates me.
Is it wrong not to be in a relationship? Why is there an explanation expected? It's as if someone is inquiring about a disease, and then offers their condolences. And sadly, I know I have been at both sides of it.
Personally, I can have good times on either side. But I can't be a part of something that I don't feel with my whole heart. I would rather be a Shirt, piece together my life on my own, and find my happiness, than to be a Skin that's only drive is fear of loneliness. I want a life I build independently that makes me smile. Then, if someone comes along that makes my life so much better for being in it, I will welcome it. But right now, I am single. I am happy. And it would have to take someone damn impressive to make me turn my head, alter my routine, and want to find time for. I think that is the way it should always be.
"GO SHIRTS!!!"
I don't know when it all began, but we suddenly split into two teams: Shirts and Skins. Those of us still going to sleep with our clothes on, and those of us who are not. And you know which team everyone wants to be on.
It seems that the Skins first move was to start a cult-like ritual. The commencement ceremony detailed initiation prerequisites of being an active member of a romantic relationship. The bitter and fleeting moment a relationship expires, you get booted. Then, there are plenty of willing Shirts lined up to replace former members of the Skins. This sends the exiled ex-Skins scrambling around so desperately they lose sight of their ideal partner and wind up settling for something that tiptoes on the boundary of what they consider good enough for right now.
I see this transformation in a lot of my friends and acquaintances. I see the fanatical desire to be one of them, a member of the cult. That is the desperation that leaves them blind. It leaves them vulnerable. It leaves them to their own stupidity. And when they do snag a mate, they metamorphosize. They are suddenly one of them, no longer one of us.
This caste system sheds its ugliest flakes at the confrontation of a Shirt and a Skin. Skins always lose their conversational mystery, and become predictable. It is guaranteed each Skin will instigate this same, overplayed banter with a Shirt and lay bare their feelings of smug superiority.
The Skin kicks off by itemizing sickening details of their clearly exaggerated happiness, and persists with cheesy details about how lucky they think they are. Suddenly recognizing that they are dominating the conversation and yielding to let the Shirt participate, they proceed with the question "So, are you seeing anyone these days?"
The Shirt will reply with "No, I am single" exhibiting varying degrees of insecurity or confidence. To adhere to the Skin's conversation etiquette, the Shirt is now expected to 'enter excuse here.'
If they fail to provide an excuse, the Skin will inquire why they are single, and the Shirt will succumb to fumbling through their selected cookie-cutter cover story: Too wrapped up in work? Concentrating on studies right now? Swearing off the opposite sex? Still mourning last relationship? No time for dating? Just have not found the right person?
As the Skin feigns compassionate understanding, they smile inside mentally listing the reasons they are happy to be with their true love.
Next, it becomes the Skin's turn to fumble. They bid the Shirt trite, shallow reassurance: There are many fish in the sea? It is good to be single and not have to worry about a relationship? Being single is fun? You have plenty of time to live it up? You will find someone when the time is right? It will happen for you? Love will find you when you are not looking for it?
This banal interplay nauseates me.
Is it wrong not to be in a relationship? Why is there an explanation expected? It's as if someone is inquiring about a disease, and then offers their condolences. And sadly, I know I have been at both sides of it.
Personally, I can have good times on either side. But I can't be a part of something that I don't feel with my whole heart. I would rather be a Shirt, piece together my life on my own, and find my happiness, than to be a Skin that's only drive is fear of loneliness. I want a life I build independently that makes me smile. Then, if someone comes along that makes my life so much better for being in it, I will welcome it. But right now, I am single. I am happy. And it would have to take someone damn impressive to make me turn my head, alter my routine, and want to find time for. I think that is the way it should always be.
"GO SHIRTS!!!"