It's Almost Thanksgiving and the End of the Semester
It's been rough chez Hamsters recently.
Morticia, aka Tish, has disappeared. My kitty, who has been with me and my family since we've moved into our current house, who was my Halloween/Egyptian kitty, who brought my family joy and love with her sister (gone these few years), who was so old and getting all of the ailments of living a long life as an outdoor cat, spent a night asleep curled in my lap while I did my homework and then walked into the night. We have not heard from her since. She has not returned to eat, drink, lounge, or yowl at us in that endearing way that part-Siamese cats can do. Her jet-black body has melded with the shadows of that night. There is only one thing that must have happened to her, but we have no trace. And I am, and have been, terribly sad.
A huge term paper for my crazy-lady class was due last week. I have been utterly stressed out about it, but not in the normal way. I viewed it as insurmountable for some unknown reason and was paralyzed. I budgeted an entire day to reviewing/writing and literally nothing was completed. I believe that this is the worst essay I have ever written, hands down. If my freshman self was to read this paper and see how horrible my process was, she would not recognize me. That is a sad statement. But, the paper is turned in and we shall see how it is judged.
Grandma is not doing well. And Caretaker Auntie has problems of her own, which include not being able to take responsibility. They are feeding off each other in quite a negative way, and I don't know what to do about it. Being there drains my energy and I can't care for Grandma full-time. I feel guilty and responsible and useless in an intractable situation whenever I think about them.
I need to stop The Spiral. I want to have a different perspective. How can you help yourself when the motivation to walk out the door is something you have to dig for? This does not help my coping.
To counter:
I went out for a wonderful dinner at Bubba Gump's with Twin, Other Mother, and Mum. It was fun. The food was really good. Everything that we ordered (and, of course, shared) was delicious. Honestly, I didn't have a complaint. :D But, next time, Twin stop putting food on my plate!! I was way too full at the end. >.<
Also, my birthday is this Wednesday! Yay! After class, I'm going to go to the opening of the Muppet movie. It will be silly and it will be fun. And goshdarnit, I'm going to enjoy myself. Yay birthday! I will be baking pumpkin bars for my class with a chocolate drizzle. There will be a graham cracker crust. *nods* I hope people like them.
Morticia, aka Tish, has disappeared. My kitty, who has been with me and my family since we've moved into our current house, who was my Halloween/Egyptian kitty, who brought my family joy and love with her sister (gone these few years), who was so old and getting all of the ailments of living a long life as an outdoor cat, spent a night asleep curled in my lap while I did my homework and then walked into the night. We have not heard from her since. She has not returned to eat, drink, lounge, or yowl at us in that endearing way that part-Siamese cats can do. Her jet-black body has melded with the shadows of that night. There is only one thing that must have happened to her, but we have no trace. And I am, and have been, terribly sad.
A huge term paper for my crazy-lady class was due last week. I have been utterly stressed out about it, but not in the normal way. I viewed it as insurmountable for some unknown reason and was paralyzed. I budgeted an entire day to reviewing/writing and literally nothing was completed. I believe that this is the worst essay I have ever written, hands down. If my freshman self was to read this paper and see how horrible my process was, she would not recognize me. That is a sad statement. But, the paper is turned in and we shall see how it is judged.
Grandma is not doing well. And Caretaker Auntie has problems of her own, which include not being able to take responsibility. They are feeding off each other in quite a negative way, and I don't know what to do about it. Being there drains my energy and I can't care for Grandma full-time. I feel guilty and responsible and useless in an intractable situation whenever I think about them.
I need to stop The Spiral. I want to have a different perspective. How can you help yourself when the motivation to walk out the door is something you have to dig for? This does not help my coping.
To counter:
I went out for a wonderful dinner at Bubba Gump's with Twin, Other Mother, and Mum. It was fun. The food was really good. Everything that we ordered (and, of course, shared) was delicious. Honestly, I didn't have a complaint. :D But, next time, Twin stop putting food on my plate!! I was way too full at the end. >.<
Also, my birthday is this Wednesday! Yay! After class, I'm going to go to the opening of the Muppet movie. It will be silly and it will be fun. And goshdarnit, I'm going to enjoy myself. Yay birthday! I will be baking pumpkin bars for my class with a chocolate drizzle. There will be a graham cracker crust. *nods* I hope people like them.