a long awaited update!
Wow, so first of all, where do I start? There have been so many things going on for me lately. Simply put,I went to Harlem for a month,had some interesting thoughts on love, and learned a lot about myself. Not to mention, my sister and I still haven't spoken, which is on my mind and has been since Christmas Break. I really dont know where to begin. My last entry was before I left for Harlem, and it wasn't exactly the happiest entry, but I guess I was pretty stressed about the upcoming trip, which as I found out, I had reason to be stressed. What can you expect when you're throwing yourself into a place that isn't exactly what you're used to, for almost a month? I'm going to try to list a couple things that occurred on the trip. The most important thing, at least in my opinion,was that I had a chance to work in a 1st grade classroom and teach. Going into the trip, I hoped that opportunity would arise, but I wasn't so sure it would. Also, when I actually was handed a text book and told to prepare a lesson, I realized how terrified I was. Of what? 1st graders? I don't know, but being an educator is a huge responsibility. I have a new found respect for teachers and I would love to be one, maybe not as a career, but for a couple years or something. Another thing that happened on the service learning trip, was that we made some really strong friendships. I love everyone that was on that trip. They were all amazing people. We had our differences, but we learned a lot about each other, what pisses someone off, what makes them laugh, we learned about each other's moms...haha, "your mom goes to college." I learned that friends are awesome, being different from your friends is essential. One thing that I also learned was that we have a completely wrong perception of Harlem. When I say "we" i mean the population in general, but particularly people who have never been and people from the south. Let's face it, the stereotype is that it's violent, dirty, and just extremely dangerous. Well, in my experience, it was wonderful. The people were generally welcoming. There were a few exceptions, but aren't there exceptions everywhere? Are southerners always hospitable? No, I dont think so. Also, if every single one of the people living in Harlem was un-inviting and hostile towards us, us being Birmingham-Southern College students who are predominantly middle to upper class people, could you blame them? The current trend is for people to buy houses in Harlem (for rediculously expensive prices--which makes the people buying them rich) and push the original and predominantly African American and Spanish population out of their homes. Would we like that? Would we welcome the "enemy?" Is it fair that we have all of this power and can dominate? Poverty is a sad thing, but I think we are responsible for a portion of it. Our apathy, our feeling that we are incapable of helping a bad situation cuz it's just too big for one person to tackle. The trip helped me realize that as much as I thought I wasn't an apathetic person, I really am. What do I do to help people? What do I do that can change the system rather than just make me feel good about myself. Are the motives for service selfish? These are questions I left with and will probably try to answer for a long time. The children at St. Al's certainly will have a special place in my heart. So naive, so innocent yet not. They've seen more than I have, they just choose to interpret it differently. They dont make euphanisms for everything to sugar coat what they see, they see death, shootings, drugs...they see it all, and it's reality to them. I admire them and I love that they are in a school like St. Aloysius. See, I told you this would be an unorganized entry. So since those were my thoughts about the service learning part, I guess I can just tell a little bit about my experience in the city....I seriously love New York. I love it I love it I love it! We had so much fun, going to broadway plays, shopping, seeing snow (and a blizzard), going to the famous tourist spots and museums. We seriously did it all. One day, I want to go back with that special someone, cuz it was seriously a romantic city. The Empire state building and St. Patrick's Cathedral...wow. How beautiful.
On a completely different note, while I was in New York, it seemed kinda difficult for Bryce and I at first. We didn't get to talk as much as usual, I was hanging out with Dan (which he didn't like and it's understandable), just different things that we hadn't faced before that put stress on our relationship. I started to get frustrated with the situation. There I was, with strep throat, going to St. Al's daily, having reflection time, and trying to get sleep....and feeling guilty for not talking to him. I thought maybe I wanted more independence, time to think about things that were on my mind, time to just be me in New York, that mentality seemed to carry through the rest of the trip and even some after I got back. There just didnt seem to be enough time and when we did have the time, we didn't seem to click like we used to. When I got back in Birmingham, we had an issue over when he was going to come for his Birthday and I felt very mis-understood. I'd never really felt like that, nor had I ever raised my voice at him until that day on the phone. I guess I just didn't know what was going on, but I wasn't happy. Anyway, despite the small argument, he came Saturday and we went to Bottega's for dinner and had a good night and everything seemed fine. The next morning, we had a talk that was pretty serious involving things we needed to fix in our relationship. I want him to be himself, and not do something because he thinks that's what I want. I don't want to control him. I don't want an imposter. I want someone real. I want us to accept each other for the way we are, even if there are some arguments because of things. That's normal. That's what a relationship is. It's trying, its loving, its being yourself with someone else. I think Bryce and I have something wonderful, but I think we're going to always have to work on it...its important for us to realize that. Everyone does. Anyway, I love him dearly and I'm thankful for him.
On another random note, I talked with my sister's old friend from High School the other night on the phone. We talked mainly about our lives and such, but I was feeling pretty darn upset about the way my sister has changed. She isn't the same person anymore. She isn't my sister and we aren't close. It seriously kills me when i think about how we used to be and I see how my roommate is with her sister. I hope one day that changes. She'll be graduating soon and moving to California. I really hope I get an invitation to the graduation, though Im not counting on it :| As for me, today was my first day of class. I only had one since my organic 2 lab was cancelled. I had Social and Cultural History of Germany...which i think may actually be a challenging class. At least Im in it with people I know (which I didnt know anyone taking it until I walked in and saw friends! yay!). I guess Im going to go, my mom is talking to me and so is Bryce. Love you guys.
<3
K....
On a completely different note, while I was in New York, it seemed kinda difficult for Bryce and I at first. We didn't get to talk as much as usual, I was hanging out with Dan (which he didn't like and it's understandable), just different things that we hadn't faced before that put stress on our relationship. I started to get frustrated with the situation. There I was, with strep throat, going to St. Al's daily, having reflection time, and trying to get sleep....and feeling guilty for not talking to him. I thought maybe I wanted more independence, time to think about things that were on my mind, time to just be me in New York, that mentality seemed to carry through the rest of the trip and even some after I got back. There just didnt seem to be enough time and when we did have the time, we didn't seem to click like we used to. When I got back in Birmingham, we had an issue over when he was going to come for his Birthday and I felt very mis-understood. I'd never really felt like that, nor had I ever raised my voice at him until that day on the phone. I guess I just didn't know what was going on, but I wasn't happy. Anyway, despite the small argument, he came Saturday and we went to Bottega's for dinner and had a good night and everything seemed fine. The next morning, we had a talk that was pretty serious involving things we needed to fix in our relationship. I want him to be himself, and not do something because he thinks that's what I want. I don't want to control him. I don't want an imposter. I want someone real. I want us to accept each other for the way we are, even if there are some arguments because of things. That's normal. That's what a relationship is. It's trying, its loving, its being yourself with someone else. I think Bryce and I have something wonderful, but I think we're going to always have to work on it...its important for us to realize that. Everyone does. Anyway, I love him dearly and I'm thankful for him.
On another random note, I talked with my sister's old friend from High School the other night on the phone. We talked mainly about our lives and such, but I was feeling pretty darn upset about the way my sister has changed. She isn't the same person anymore. She isn't my sister and we aren't close. It seriously kills me when i think about how we used to be and I see how my roommate is with her sister. I hope one day that changes. She'll be graduating soon and moving to California. I really hope I get an invitation to the graduation, though Im not counting on it :| As for me, today was my first day of class. I only had one since my organic 2 lab was cancelled. I had Social and Cultural History of Germany...which i think may actually be a challenging class. At least Im in it with people I know (which I didnt know anyone taking it until I walked in and saw friends! yay!). I guess Im going to go, my mom is talking to me and so is Bryce. Love you guys.
<3
K....