It's time to get on with it...
Ok, I know my entries have not been upbeat and optimistic and cheery at all lately. I have reason for that but it needs to change.
I'm tired of being the pessimistic, depressed, complaining child that I have been. It's got to be boring, and it's got to be old. I know I'm
bored and I can tell you that it is definitely old. I guess my life is not what it used to be last year. Not only that, but I know I have changed some too.
I guess it's part of the growing up process, but at the same time, it's adjusting to this new lifestyle that has suddenly taken over the lifestyle I was accustomed
too for the past 13 years or so. It's hard to explain, and I don't necessarily miss what was, but more like how it was. This new world is so different. People
have recently gone and I won't ever see them again. I guess I felt a part of me left with them. Or a part of me wanted to leave. It's hard being stuck in this
place when everyone that accompanied me has left. It's lonely. It's hard being here, with the ghost of everything, with the memories that are slowly
fading away in the eyes of others, but are in clear view in my eyes.
But, with everything that comes, you have to take it in stride. I have not done so. No, my grades aren't slacking, and no I don't just sit in my room wishing
things were the way they used to be. I don't wish for that. Yes, I could be doing perfect in school, but at the same time I could be doing much worse. I don't
have a lot to complain about really. I still have wonderful friends here in Walkersville and a loving boyfriend. I still talk and occasionally see the best friends I've ever had. And I am very thankful to those that have been there for me
the past few months to hang out with. It's just I guess I felt lost and lonely when everyone I grew up with suddenly left, and I started going to a new school,
but I still live here, the same place I have for 18 years. I don't live at Hood, and if I did, things might be different, in fact, I know they would be different. But
I made the choice to save 7,000 dollars (which I do not regret) to commute. And that's fine with me that I hardly know anyone at Hood because I am only there
for my classes. But it's hard coming back here with all the memories. It's hard to explain everything, I'm not saying that I miss it. Maybe I do. But I'm trying
to live for the moment. Hood's not fun, maybe it's not supposed to be. I know I am also not making it fun because I don't want too. I have people here. They are
my fun. But I'm not having college fun, it that makes any sense. Which brings me to my next point...
I have this obsession on my mind. This obsession to get into College Park next year. It's literally driving me crazy. I need to do something, to stop
obsessing about my chances of getting in or not. I can't though. But if I don't stop asking myself the what if's then I'm seriously going to go insane. I guess
this is probably one of the biggest goals of my life. My college grades should be fine enough to get in, but the thing is I won't have enough credits for them
to ignore my high school transcripts and SATs. Yes, the dreadful SATs scores in my name. Which I know for a fact are nowhere near anything that UMD accepts.
I can't do anything about the decision College Park will make for my admission now, but it haunts my mind every day.
So, it is time I stop my pouting and move on with my life, overcome the weight that has strained my shoulders and live for the day as it is. It's not that bad and
it certainly could be worse. Yes, it's over, and that's ok. It was fun, and next year will be even more fun because I won't be commuting to Hood. This semester
is more than halfway over and that is good too. It's one short part of an even shorter life. It will no longer get to me in the way it has. I want to be myself again so
I shall be just that.
It's not like everything I've ever known is gone.
I'm still young. College is serious. But so is the need to have fun, it's probably the most serious of all. Having fun, it's certainly the healthiest of all.
So I'm going to try...
I'm tired of being the pessimistic, depressed, complaining child that I have been. It's got to be boring, and it's got to be old. I know I'm
bored and I can tell you that it is definitely old. I guess my life is not what it used to be last year. Not only that, but I know I have changed some too.
I guess it's part of the growing up process, but at the same time, it's adjusting to this new lifestyle that has suddenly taken over the lifestyle I was accustomed
too for the past 13 years or so. It's hard to explain, and I don't necessarily miss what was, but more like how it was. This new world is so different. People
have recently gone and I won't ever see them again. I guess I felt a part of me left with them. Or a part of me wanted to leave. It's hard being stuck in this
place when everyone that accompanied me has left. It's lonely. It's hard being here, with the ghost of everything, with the memories that are slowly
fading away in the eyes of others, but are in clear view in my eyes.
But, with everything that comes, you have to take it in stride. I have not done so. No, my grades aren't slacking, and no I don't just sit in my room wishing
things were the way they used to be. I don't wish for that. Yes, I could be doing perfect in school, but at the same time I could be doing much worse. I don't
have a lot to complain about really. I still have wonderful friends here in Walkersville and a loving boyfriend. I still talk and occasionally see the best friends I've ever had. And I am very thankful to those that have been there for me
the past few months to hang out with. It's just I guess I felt lost and lonely when everyone I grew up with suddenly left, and I started going to a new school,
but I still live here, the same place I have for 18 years. I don't live at Hood, and if I did, things might be different, in fact, I know they would be different. But
I made the choice to save 7,000 dollars (which I do not regret) to commute. And that's fine with me that I hardly know anyone at Hood because I am only there
for my classes. But it's hard coming back here with all the memories. It's hard to explain everything, I'm not saying that I miss it. Maybe I do. But I'm trying
to live for the moment. Hood's not fun, maybe it's not supposed to be. I know I am also not making it fun because I don't want too. I have people here. They are
my fun. But I'm not having college fun, it that makes any sense. Which brings me to my next point...
I have this obsession on my mind. This obsession to get into College Park next year. It's literally driving me crazy. I need to do something, to stop
obsessing about my chances of getting in or not. I can't though. But if I don't stop asking myself the what if's then I'm seriously going to go insane. I guess
this is probably one of the biggest goals of my life. My college grades should be fine enough to get in, but the thing is I won't have enough credits for them
to ignore my high school transcripts and SATs. Yes, the dreadful SATs scores in my name. Which I know for a fact are nowhere near anything that UMD accepts.
I can't do anything about the decision College Park will make for my admission now, but it haunts my mind every day.
So, it is time I stop my pouting and move on with my life, overcome the weight that has strained my shoulders and live for the day as it is. It's not that bad and
it certainly could be worse. Yes, it's over, and that's ok. It was fun, and next year will be even more fun because I won't be commuting to Hood. This semester
is more than halfway over and that is good too. It's one short part of an even shorter life. It will no longer get to me in the way it has. I want to be myself again so
I shall be just that.
It's not like everything I've ever known is gone.
I'm still young. College is serious. But so is the need to have fun, it's probably the most serious of all. Having fun, it's certainly the healthiest of all.
So I'm going to try...