My first high school romance... at 28.
So I've talked to some of my friends and of course my family knows, but her's doesn't... I'm dating Ruth. For real this time. We have the late night talks, when we're in public we sneak holds of each others hands since we're still not trying to publicize everything (I guess my posting of this nullifies my claims of such cooperation). It's like the two of use are 16 and dating for the first time.
Well... Maybe it's just me since this is my longest relationship, clocking in at a whopping 1 month.
I must admit I was really freaking out about EVERYTHING at first. For example after our first kiss I was like a kid who'd finally beaten Mario for the first time (the video game, and I mean the first one, from 20 years ago). Then after that I was constantly wondering, "What next". I realized that as a lover I was totally goal oriented. What was the formula? 2 + 2 had to equal what? I had the first two reactants now I just needed to finish the equation to find the products. Then I read a great article in the March issue of Men's Health. I realzied that what i needed to do was just stop looking for an end goal. Enjoy the scent of her neck for what it was, because I'd been blessed to finally be that close. I should enjoy the smallness and shape of her fingers, I'm blessed to wrap my own around them. Staring into her eyes is like gazing into the night sky, how great it is when she allows me to gaze into those debts without me saying a word (I had other things more poetic to say but this is after all a public forum).
I also love talking to her and spending time with her because she makes me want to be a better ME. So many girls I've chased over the years had made me feel like I was doing exactly that... chasing. I was so ready to become whoever they wanted me to be that I was ready to tear down who I was or put what I cared about on hold just to be with them. Ruth only make me mature into kShaw 2.0 It's like the purpose that I had going into college the first time is renewed, yet, I've made my mistakes and learned from them. When I'm with her I'm willing to focus and get things done.
I kind of felt it important to talk about so that i can remember this time as a good time. Regardless of how i may rant and rave in the future, regardless of whether we stay together or the Holy One (Blessed Be He) decides that we should part, I want to remember that if nothing else she makes me want to be all that I can be, beyond anything the Army can push me into.
So I will continue to take pleasure in the little moments, there's no rush, not even into the kShaw 2.0 I'm becoming. We're both growing into this thing call a relationship. I think I can handle growing things with my newly developed green thumb.