(no subject)
Bel poked me, and I'm using my tablet and am a bit drunk at a bar. What better time to write than now?!
Thanks to all the amazing humans who donated to my fundraising campaign to get me to Vegas and the dance intensive last summer. I was able to manage getting to both things. The dance intensive left me with more questions than anything else in terms of what I'm capable of regarding performance art. That's not necessarily a bad thing. My right brain just needs to catch up and help me make some stuff that will be palatable for audiences. I also need to continue experimenting in front of a mirror--despite how uncomfortable it makes me to see myself moving--in order to make more visually appealing stuff. It's been occurring to me that the movements I imagine myself making in my head are different than what actually ends up happening. Which is somewhat disappointing, but I've just gotta find a way to work with it. Lying on my back on the floor really frees me up to do more creative things--maybe filming from above? Such interesting stuff to play with...
I changed my mind re: drugs. I've been smoking weed here and there. Maybe it's just the difference between what I had access to in Maine vs the stuff that grows here, but I like it a lot better. And the more I smoke, the less I cough, the fewer headaches and sore throats I experience... the better the experience. My first time getting really stoned was when Righter (my partner) got me a medicated piece of taffy that we split. Man, that stuff was intense. LOL. Funniest memory was when I was eating ice cream outta the box, and it was REALLY frozen and difficult for me to scoop, so I started laughing... and he asked what I was laughing at, and I was like, "I feel like every scoop of this ice cream is taking ten minutes for me to get!" XD I'm still relatively inexperienced in the realm of all things stoner-ish, but it's something I enjoy on occasion.
People ask me what took me so long to try it. Part of it was that I just didn't have access to it. My teenage years were far from fucking normal. I hated everyone. I was never invited to parties like anyone else, I didn't go to the prom, my mom was drunk most nights. I was home alone a lot of the time, on the internet until the wee hours of the morning. Normal people were getting drunk and experimenting with drugs. I wanted to be anything but normal. I was anything but normal.
I'm dwelling on the past a lot lately. I feel like I need to sort some shit out as far as it's concerned so I can really move forward. Anyway.
What else is new with me? My partner. Righter. I wrote about him once before in a friends-only entry, when we were still newbs to each other. We're still together. :3 He's sort of like... a good combination of Matt and Rook, someone that works really well with me. We're both kind of unambitious in the traditional sense, while still having big dreams and hopes and goals. (Like, we both hate traditional trajectories of "normal adulthood," but/and we feel like we're capable of awesome stuff.) And he's sexy and romantic and sensitive, and perceptive, and nurturing... which were all things I loved about Rook. (They're both Cancers, so maybe there's something to astrology after all... hehe) We have amazing sex on a regular basis, which is a new thing for me. Sometimes it scares me how much I care about him. I loved Rook intensely, but there were some disconnects in our lifestyle. Righter is a much better fit, but I still fear one or both of us burning out on the other, or getting tired of the other, or something. Rook dumped me semi out of the blue. I intuited it when I heard he was going on a date, but we didn't really... communicate about it. So now I'm just waiting for that to happen again. It doesn't fucking help that more than one person I've been on a date with here in Portland has simply disappeared. My insecure heart needs explicit communication. :P But overall, Righter and I are doing very well. He is the cutes. I think he'll be around for the long haul, whether romantically or not.
I got a normal job. Customer service for Sprint wireless. I loved the (paid) training, made good friends, really enjoyed the trainer. The job itself was so fucking repetitive and miserable and I was only teamed with one of my training classmates... so I quit. Lots of feels around that. Maybe I'm too buzzed to talk about it right now. Maybe I will another time.
Journaling sites are kind of dead, huh? I'm on all the social media du jour...
qvolta.tumblr.com
Instagram: astridvolta
Snapchat: astridvolta
www.facebook.com/kschap
Hit me up. I'm always dying for people to talk to. :P
(Also posted at http://daughtercell.dreamwidth.org/357717.html. There are
comments there.)
Thanks to all the amazing humans who donated to my fundraising campaign to get me to Vegas and the dance intensive last summer. I was able to manage getting to both things. The dance intensive left me with more questions than anything else in terms of what I'm capable of regarding performance art. That's not necessarily a bad thing. My right brain just needs to catch up and help me make some stuff that will be palatable for audiences. I also need to continue experimenting in front of a mirror--despite how uncomfortable it makes me to see myself moving--in order to make more visually appealing stuff. It's been occurring to me that the movements I imagine myself making in my head are different than what actually ends up happening. Which is somewhat disappointing, but I've just gotta find a way to work with it. Lying on my back on the floor really frees me up to do more creative things--maybe filming from above? Such interesting stuff to play with...
I changed my mind re: drugs. I've been smoking weed here and there. Maybe it's just the difference between what I had access to in Maine vs the stuff that grows here, but I like it a lot better. And the more I smoke, the less I cough, the fewer headaches and sore throats I experience... the better the experience. My first time getting really stoned was when Righter (my partner) got me a medicated piece of taffy that we split. Man, that stuff was intense. LOL. Funniest memory was when I was eating ice cream outta the box, and it was REALLY frozen and difficult for me to scoop, so I started laughing... and he asked what I was laughing at, and I was like, "I feel like every scoop of this ice cream is taking ten minutes for me to get!" XD I'm still relatively inexperienced in the realm of all things stoner-ish, but it's something I enjoy on occasion.
People ask me what took me so long to try it. Part of it was that I just didn't have access to it. My teenage years were far from fucking normal. I hated everyone. I was never invited to parties like anyone else, I didn't go to the prom, my mom was drunk most nights. I was home alone a lot of the time, on the internet until the wee hours of the morning. Normal people were getting drunk and experimenting with drugs. I wanted to be anything but normal. I was anything but normal.
I'm dwelling on the past a lot lately. I feel like I need to sort some shit out as far as it's concerned so I can really move forward. Anyway.
What else is new with me? My partner. Righter. I wrote about him once before in a friends-only entry, when we were still newbs to each other. We're still together. :3 He's sort of like... a good combination of Matt and Rook, someone that works really well with me. We're both kind of unambitious in the traditional sense, while still having big dreams and hopes and goals. (Like, we both hate traditional trajectories of "normal adulthood," but/and we feel like we're capable of awesome stuff.) And he's sexy and romantic and sensitive, and perceptive, and nurturing... which were all things I loved about Rook. (They're both Cancers, so maybe there's something to astrology after all... hehe) We have amazing sex on a regular basis, which is a new thing for me. Sometimes it scares me how much I care about him. I loved Rook intensely, but there were some disconnects in our lifestyle. Righter is a much better fit, but I still fear one or both of us burning out on the other, or getting tired of the other, or something. Rook dumped me semi out of the blue. I intuited it when I heard he was going on a date, but we didn't really... communicate about it. So now I'm just waiting for that to happen again. It doesn't fucking help that more than one person I've been on a date with here in Portland has simply disappeared. My insecure heart needs explicit communication. :P But overall, Righter and I are doing very well. He is the cutes. I think he'll be around for the long haul, whether romantically or not.
I got a normal job. Customer service for Sprint wireless. I loved the (paid) training, made good friends, really enjoyed the trainer. The job itself was so fucking repetitive and miserable and I was only teamed with one of my training classmates... so I quit. Lots of feels around that. Maybe I'm too buzzed to talk about it right now. Maybe I will another time.
Journaling sites are kind of dead, huh? I'm on all the social media du jour...
qvolta.tumblr.com
Instagram: astridvolta
Snapchat: astridvolta
www.facebook.com/kschap
Hit me up. I'm always dying for people to talk to. :P
(Also posted at http://daughtercell.dreamwidth.org/357717.html. There are
comments there.)