Stuck [1/1] (KAT-TUN // Kame/Junno)
Title: Stuck
Author: Krys Yuy
Summary: Taguchi is someone you can either take or leave. He’d leave him if he could, even if a voice inside his head tells him something else entirely.
Pairing/Characters: Kamenashi/Taguchi (KAT-TUN)
Warnings: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4,800
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This fic is purely for entertainment purposes only.
Notes: Written for randomicicle (♥♥♥) for the 2011 je_holiday (originally posted here). Thanks so much to my beta, who was absolutely fabulous, understanding and who helped a great deal. If you’re so inclined, please leave feedback - it would totally make my day. ♥ Enjoy!
Q26 A part of Taguchi Junnosuke you like?
Eh?! (laughs)
~ Kamenashi Kazuya, Duet 2011.12
“Kame?”
Kame freezes in the middle of perusing a toy stall. His hands fall away from the hand-painted wooden figures and he looks over his shoulder, already dreading who he’ll find.
But there’s that wide smile that looks like it won’t quite fit on his bandmate’s face.
“Did you follow me here?” he asks without preamble because 1) he really wouldn’t put it past him and 2) unexpected interruptions during his peaceful solitude did not a pleasant Kame make.
Taguchi, being Taguchi, merely laughs, loud and boisterous at the suggestion, and Kame’s lips twitch involuntarily. “I’ve been here since Wednesday.”
The wisp of a conversation floats through his head, Taguchi’s eager voice proclaiming the merits of the small little seaside town, the charming townspeople, the shops and most importantly, the clear blue sea perfect for all kinds of outdoor activities. That same voice demands his attention in the present.
“Shopping for your niece?”
Taguchi picks up a finely crafted doll wearing a lovely purple kimono and then its samurai companion wearing a tiny sword at its side. He has the samurai bow at the lady’s feet, and for a moment, Kame can only stare bemused as his bandmate proceeds to put the dolls through some sort of mini drama.
“Just window shopping for now,” he interrupts before Taguchi can make the dolls kiss.
Taguchi places the figures down carefully, ensuring their wooden hands are touching as they stand side by side. “I rented a boat for the day to go fishing,” he says. “Care to join me? Maybe your star aura will attract them!”
“As much as I would relish spending the day sitting in the middle of the ocean with you,” Kame replies dryly, “I have plans.”
“Come on! Go with the flow.” Taguchi imitates a wave with his hands.
Kame wants to relax at an onsen, perhaps unwind after by walking through the gardens. Alone. He is not going to forgo that by getting the stink of fish all over himself. “Maybe next time,” he says, sliding his sunglasses back on his face.
“Okay.” Taguchi’s smile is quick and sunny as if Kame has promised to give him a present. “I’m going surfing tomorrow - maybe I’ll see you then?”
Kame shrugs, not wanting to admit he had been thinking of doing just that. His noncommittal reply doesn’t deter Taguchi in the slightest.
“Wish me luck! Though there are plenty of fish in the sea.” He chuckles and takes his leave with a wave, jogging towards the docks with a duffle bag bouncing against his back.
Kame massages his temples. So much for an uninterrupted weekend trip.
---
They used to be close.
Before Shūji to Akira, before the first time they became five.
He and Jin were complicated even then, and he got along well enough with the rest of the members but they weren’t exactly thick as thieves. There was something about Taguchi though. He didn’t do anything by halves. Everything about him was big and loud; he was too tall, too noisy, too into his video games - he screamed at the most inopportune moments - and generally, too lame for his own good.
But he didn’t look at Kame like he expected him to have all the answers, didn’t resent him for his need to be the best. He listened. When he got into fights with the others, he always apologized first even if he was in the right. Taguchi handled everything so differently. Mistakes and setbacks, frustration and anger. He was always smiling, laughing through it all.
He made Kame wonder about the key to that smile.
Sometimes, Taguchi stayed late to go over choreography and in the dim light of the practice rooms, Kame would laugh at his awful jokes and puns, a lot of which weren’t awful at all. Then after, when Taguchi asked if he wanted to go out for a drink, maybe even dinner, Kame occasionally consented.
Taguchi is easy to be around once you get used to him. And back then, Kame just... got used to him.
But that was before.
---
“Hey! I was looking for you.”
Kame lifts his head from his crossed arms and peers up at Taguchi, who looks extra tall from his vantage point lying down on the sand. There’s a dark blue baseball cap perched backwards on his head, but other than that, he doesn’t seem at all concerned about being recognized.
Kame feels a twinge of envy, adjusting his own floppy hat on his head. “Well, you found me,” he says. He snuggles back into his arms, letting the sun beat down on his bare back.
There’s a thump and grains of sand scatter all over his skin, and he knows Taguchi has plopped down beside him. He turns his head and peeks over his arm. Taguchi is leaning back on his hands, his head tilted towards the sunshine. His boardshorts are such a bright yellow that Kame wouldn’t be surprised if there was a giant smiley face printed on his ass.
He rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses and settles down again, hoping to get back to his nap.
“Wanna catch some waves?”
Kame turns in the direction opposite Taguchi’s voice. “I want to sleep,” he murmurs.
“Don’t be such a turtle,” Taguchi says. “I’ll give you ten minutes.”
Kame’s already drifting off to the sounds of the beach, waves lapping on the shore, children shrieking and giggling... Taguchi humming... Samurai Love Attack? Kame strikes out with his hand and smirks when his bandmate yelps.
“Shh...”
This time he wanders into dreamland with no distractions - well, it only takes a couple more jabs.
---
Kame wakes up to very hot sand being poured down his back. He shouts and scrambles to a sitting position, all while Taguchi laughs and laughs with a toy bucket in hand.
“Taguchi...”
Taguchi’s laughter abruptly stops and some sense of self-preservation must have alerted him to danger because he flees before Kame has a chance to pounce on him. Kame gets his confirmation that there is indeed a smiley face printed on Taguchi’s boardshorts before his focus shifts and he springs to his feet, giving chase.
The two of them sprint through the crowd of people enjoying the summer weather. They dodge running children, sandcastles and frisbees. Somewhere in the back of his head, Kame prays that his sunglasses and hat are enough to disguise him. He thanks his lucky stars that Taguchi had turned his cap back around so the brim is now shading his face.
Taguchi may have started jogging in his off time, but Kame’s training for his Home Run Project wasn’t for nothing. He gains on him quickly when they make it to the long stretch of sand where there are no chairs and a lot less people to trip over. Kame wonders what the hell he’s doing running around like an asylum escapee - filming for Run For You was over after all - when Taguchi has the nerve to look back and blow a raspberry at him.
Kame doesn’t know what happens next. One moment, his feet are on the ground; the next, his arms are wrapping around Taguchi’s middle, and his momentum propels them both into the freezing embrace of the ocean.
The shock of the sudden cold makes him lose his grip and when he surfaces, coughing, Taguchi is slicking his hair back and looking like he’s having the time of his life.
“Did you just tackle me?” he laughs.
“Did you pour hot sand on my back?” he shoots back. Somehow, his sunglasses survived the tackle and he glares at Taguchi through watery lenses.
“You can’t complain about the temperature in here!” Taguchi puts his baseball cap on backwards again and splashes him. “Ahh, this feels great!”
Returning the splashes with a vengeance, Kame pats his head, letting out a shocked gasp when all he feels is wet hair. “My hat!” Then he lets out another one when he realizes he dunked himself in the ocean, meaning one of his favorite hats... “It’s ruined!” His sunglasses were salvageable, but his hat?
“It’s just water, Kazuya,” Taguchi says. He plucks Kame’s hat as it floats by and deposits it back on his head. “There. Home sweet home.”
The use of his first name barely registers as Kame reaches out and dunks him. Taguchi sputters and tries to return the favor, but Kame latches onto him like a leech from behind. Eventually, Taguchi gives up on trying to dislodge him and floats there in the water with Kame as a human backpack.
“This was fun, right?”
There’s something about the quiet way Taguchi asks that keeps Kame from delivering a sarcastic retort. “Right,” he agrees just as softly, then pauses. “I always enjoy a good chase through a crowded beach in the middle of summer.”
Taguchi chuckles. “What time are you leaving?”
“Not until tomorrow morning. I just have to be back before Going! in the evening,” he says.
“Want to get dinner? I know this hole-in-the-wall okonomiyaki place that’s amazing,” Taguchi replies. “You have to try it before you go.”
Kame almost refuses, but instead says, “Why not? I think you’d show up wherever I went anyway.”
“Sorry to say you’re stuck with me.”
“I’m sorry, too.” Kame pushes Taguchi’s cap down on his head and dunks him again before he can respond.
---
Taguchi is someone you can either take or leave. He’d leave him if he could, even if a voice inside his head tells him something else entirely.
---
The weekend Kame accidentally bumps into Taguchi is his last free day before Run For You promos start and Dream Boys practice kicks into high gear, not to mention meetings and prep work for Yokai Ningen Bemu. Suffice to say, there’s the lingering doubt that he may be biting off more than he can chew this time. A doubt which is swept away easily enough by other matters.
Like how Taguchi has somehow taken their surprise rendezvous weekend as some kind of sign. He’s always around. He sits next to Kame in meetings, asks more than the average small talk questions about his other jobs apart from the group, and even tails along to the first official rehearsal for Dream Boys.
Then there’s the reappearance of an old habit. He used to ask everyone if they wanted to go to dinner after work, and after enough refusals, Taguchi had finally taken the hint and had gradually stopped asking over the years. Now he’s asking again and Kame finds himself falling into patterns that had ceased being familiar since he was a Junior. Taguchi has a way of coaxing agreements out of him, something he still doesn’t understand.
This goes on for the whole month of August, past opening night of Dream Boys and Kame is not at all surprised when he exits his shower one night to find a long-legged full of himself idol stretching out on his dressing room couch.
“Yo! Well done on the first act~”
Kame pauses in toweling his hair. “What are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d take a rest before I make my grand appearance,” he says cheekily, “check out your digs.” Taguchi’s choice of outfit is casual, with jeans, a white V-neck shirt and black jacket. Kame nods in approval.
He goes about his business, bustling around the room as Taguchi remains a lazy heap. “I’m sure all that fishing tires out a person,” he says. The reminder of Taguchi’s hobby has Kame coming up from behind and giving his hair a good sniff. Hmm... vanilla.
Taguchi glances over his shoulder with a smile. “Something you like back there?”
Kame gives his forehead a little smack. “Glad you have the sense to come here not smelling of fish.” He gets a good look at the side of his head. “You cut your hair.”
“Yeah! What do you think?”
Kame skims his fingers over the right side, which has been trimmed while the rest of his hair has been swept to the left, long bangs at the front while the back is spiked. He starts when Taguchi reaches back and grabs his hand. When he looks down, Taguchi is staring at him in a way that unsettles him. He takes his hand back.
“I think you should knock before coming into people’s dressing rooms.” Kame looks away and dries himself, and - feeling Taguchi’s eyes on him - returns to the bathroom to exchange his towel for his bathrobe.
When he comes out, Taguchi is still there but flipping through the pamphlet from the play. Kame sits down on the far end of the couch with only a brief hesitation, waiting. When he doesn’t say anything, Kame relaxes and tilts his head against the back of the couch, closing his eyes.
The next ten minutes are spent in silence aside from the occasional rustle of a turning page. Then a stage assistant knocks and tells him there are five minutes until the curtain opens on the second act. Taguchi bounces out of the room without a word to him and Kame frowns.
There’s the usual flurry of activity and Kame forgets all about Taguchi until the moment before Run For You, when he sees him peeking out behind the curtain, looking longingly at the audience. Kame rolls his eyes and snags him by the collar of his jacket as he passes by and the music starts. Predictably, the audience shrieks at the sight of him leading KAT-TUN’s tallest member by the scruff of his neck. Taguchi beams, waving enthusiastically at the audience, all while being led around.
The ultimate ham, if Kame ever knew one.
Taguchi makes it through the number relatively unscathed, simply following Kame’s directions on where to stand. The MC is even livelier than usual, which Kame didn’t think was possible. Taguchi’s boisterous laughter leads the way as he’s reprimanded by Koki and Maru for barging in on Kame’s rest time. Kame focuses on the audience when Koki turns the topic on to Taguchi’s new haircut and why did he stop at the right side, he could’ve gone all the way and made it Dream Bouzu.
Taguchi says goodbye when the four of them get a reminder over their earpieces that the MC is running long. The audience makes sounds of disapproval but wave when Taguchi bows and goes on his way. Kame expertly commands their attention once more and makes sure they have the time of their life.
After the curtain falls the second time and Kame makes the rounds of ‘good job’s and ‘well done’s to the staff and his juniors, he sees Taguchi waiting in the wings.
Taking a deep breath, he walks over. “Thanks for coming tonight.”
“It was nice being on stage again,” he says. His bright smile eases into something softer, something that makes Kame’s heart tighten in his chest. “I’ll always support you, Kazuya.”
Kame smiles back, but there’s a brittle edge to it and Taguchi furrows his brows. “Have a good night.”
---
Out of everyone, Kame thought Taguchi would understand.
He had planned everything out, exactly what he wanted to say, how he wanted to tell them. But the grapevine of the agency had taken care of it for him. As he made his way through the maze of hallways, murmurs of debuts, changing units and disbanding others rang in his ears.
When he got to their dressing room, there was no one there but Taguchi. Gameboy forgotten at his side, he sat forward with his hands on his knees, looking down at the ground. He blinked at the sound of the door closing and when he registered Kame’s presence, he stood up.
Kame opened his mouth to explain, but Taguchi didn’t wait. Instead, he brushed past him and Kame caught him by the shoulder. For a moment, Kame stared into his eyes and the disappointment in there sliced through him. His hand went limp as Taguchi shrugged him off and walked away.
---
Taguchi giggles like crazy when he sees him in his Bemu costume for the first time. He goes on so long Kame finally gets fed up and throws a shoe at his head. Either his aim has gotten lousy or Taguchi has fast reflexes. For being so tall and awkward, he’s surprisingly quick on his feet.
“Don’t you have an interview to get to? A radio recording you’re late for?”
“I’m not working at all!” Taguchi replies cheerfully. “Lots of video games, more fishing...”
“Planting?”
Taguchi’s grin is blinding. “You read my serial?”
Kame’s not about to admit it, even if he does skim it every now and then to pass the time on Sundays. “No, you just always seemed the type who would want to... plant... in his off time,” he says lamely.
“You’re a lousy liar, Kazuya,” Taguchi says, and Kame wonders how he can so obviously be laughing without actually doing so.
Kame huffs and turns around to adjust his costume in the mirror. Any moment now they’re supposed to call him for his solo photoshoot. “Then I’m not very good at my job.”
“Oh, you’re amazing at that,” Taguchi retorts, “but not very good at admitting things to yourself.”
“You don’t know me,” Kame snaps. He glares at his bandmate’s reflection in the mirror, follows him with his eyes as he stands up and moves in behind him, trapping him between his body and the counter.
“Maybe,” Taguchi concedes easily. Kame scowls because he can tell Taguchi doesn’t actually believe that. “But I do know something you don’t.”
Taguchi leans down, his chin almost but not quite resting on Kame’s shoulder. Kame breathes in sharply when their gazes meet in the mirror; there is something unsettling about seeing himself side by side with Taguchi like this and it’s not because he’s decked out in the full Bemu costume. He is himself in this moment, he is the one tensing as Junno gravitates towards him, whispering.
“Do you trust me?”
Kame watches his reflection shiver, then murmur just as quietly.
“Not at all.”
---
When Jin left the first time, Kame remembers a turbulent anger which he let out in a stream of caustic words. What he expressed verbally, Koki matched in physical outbursts, kicking over a table and even a couple chairs before storming out of the room. Ueda followed at a calmer pace, though he got in a few choice words of his own.
Jin yelled back, about how he had to seize this chance and there was no way he was changing his mind. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides and Kame was sure it would have come to blows if Koki hadn’t left first.
Nakamaru and Taguchi were quiet through it all, but Taguchi was the first to speak. His smile didn’t have its usual radiance, but it was kind and reassuring all the same. “Come back soon,” he said.
Something in Kame iced over.
---
There are some things you get over because you have to. But those same things that you think are buried deep can come seeping to the surface, just waiting for that one spark to make it explode.
---
Taguchi catches him in the parking garage, lurking like some kind of stalker behind his car. “What the hell!” Kame shouts, hitting him with his bag. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
“And have all your fangirls kill me in revenge for inadvertently killing you?” Taguchi shudders. “I can think of more pleasant death scenarios.”
Kame steps back, unlocking his car to put away his things. “What do you want?” he asks.
Taguchi comes towards him but stops when Kame backs away again. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what it is,” he says.
Kame contemplates lying until this obsession Taguchi has with him bowls over, or maybe he could even make a run for it to the driver’s seat. “Some things stay broken,” he replies.
Taguchi’s voice is earnest, his eyes pleading. “You can trust me.”
“Trust you?” Kame laughs, but the sound is hollow. “You turned your back on me.”
Taguchi looks bewildered and lost, which sends a new blaze of anger running through him, old scars opening up and blistering anew.
“When I needed you to trust me, you turned your back first. I was alone and you weren’t there!”
Taguchi flinches the more he lets go, but Kame can’t stop now, not with all of it rushing back, pouring out.
“But when Jin left to study abroad, you were all smiles and encouragement. You supported him, you stood by him. I debuted first for the group. I did it for each of you. And you couldn’t stand by me.”
Kame wields his words like a whip and for all the damage it’s doing, he might as well have used one. Taguchi’s gone pale, his face tight with tension. He’s at a loss for what to say and Kame thinks he probably expected anything but this. This was old news, right? History supposedly long forgotten, and there are new bonds forged over the years they’ve been together.
But there was never closure. He had learned to overlook it, move on. But without closure, things had a nasty way of bubbling back up, unwanted and ugly.
Kame shakes his head. “I don’t understand,” he says.
Why him and not me?
Taguchi’s looking particularly pathetic and Kame is not devoid of compassion. “I do trust you. As a friend,” he admits because it’s the truth. It’s one truth he’s never been able to hide from himself. “But I can’t trust you as anything... more.”
“Kazuya...”
“Don’t call me that!” Kame nearly regrets it when he sees the crushed look on Taguchi’s face. But holding back is no longer an option. “Don’t.”
---
It’s not as if their entire relationship fractures. It’s just that nothing changes. Taguchi is steady, constant. But there are no more outings to the ramen shop around the corner of the agency, no trips to the shopping district on the way to both their houses, no late nights collaborating on lyrics, not even drives home in the rain where Kame’s afraid he’s going to die because of Taguchi’s dramatic driving.
They don’t move backwards, but they don’t move forwards either. They just... are.
It’s nice for a while. Safe. But there is this gap.
And he doesn’t know how to fix it.
---
He expects Nakamaru, so he pauses long enough at the door that Koki has to jostle past. He lets him in, offers a glass of wine and the two of them make small talk in his living room, Ran in his lap and Gerie in Koki’s.
Koki scratches Gerie behind the ears and he kisses her nose when she lifts up her face to lick him. “You have to talk to him,” he says.
Kame smiles wryly. “I think the problem was I did exactly that.”
“But you didn’t let him talk back. He’s really pitiful, more so than usual.” Koki nuzzles his nose in Gerie’s fur and Ran whines until Kame starts to pet her again. “From what I hear, you laid into him good.”
“I have a lot pent up.”
Koki snorts. “I bet.” He gives him a serious stare, which would be more effective if Gerie wasn’t trying to jump on his chest. “And this is what happens when you bury that shit without resolving it. We took care of our crap during our drama, but you never handled whatever’s between you and Taguchi.”
Kame runs a hand through his hair, half of it already coming out of his messy ponytail. “What am I supposed to do?” he asks.
“Besides talking to him?” Koki evades Kame’s half-hearted punch. “You have to decide what you want.” He shrugs. “Either way, you gotta put the dork out of his misery.”
“We don’t fit together.” Kame hugs Ran close, taking all the comfort she has to offer.
“How do you know?” Koki raises his hands in surrender when Kame glowers at him. “All I’m saying... you can’t say that for sure. Not unless you try.”
“Whose side are you on anyway?” He kicks at him, making sure to get Koki’s leg and not Gerie.
“I think there’s only one side here, if you two numbskulls could figure it out.” Koki downs a drink from his wineglass as if it’s a beer bottle. “Now. Where do you keep the raw files of your photos?”
---
The next time Kame sees Taguchi is in the KAT-TUN dressing room, where the others are suspiciously absent. Koki’s doing, he has no doubt. His tall bandmate springs to his feet, clutching a colorfully wrapped package at his side. They stand on opposite sides of the room, and Kame’s grip tightens on the straps of his bag.
Taguchi moves as if to step forward, but stops, hesitant. “Kaz- Kame, I- I’m sorry,” he says. “If I had known- if I knew you were hurting all this time, I would’ve... I mean, back then, I shadowed you for a week with apologies before you snapped at me.”
Kame cracks a smile in spite of himself. “It’s not even that, Taguchi,” he says. “I’ve already forgiven you for that. It’s what happened afterward...”
“You have to decide what you want.”
In for a penny, in for a pound, right? “Why did you stand up for Jin?” And not me?
Taguchi looks away, fingering the brim of his baseball cap. “I was ashamed of how I had reacted with you. I didn’t even give you a chance to explain,” he says. “I love KAT-TUN, but you’re my friends first. I swore then that I’d never turn my back on any of you.” That sounded more like Taguchi, his bandmate who forgives, giving all of himself, someone who would do what he could not to let any of them down. “I’m only sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.” He offers the package like some sort of peace offering.
Kame raises an eyebrow at the odd timing. “And I didn’t get you anything.”
“Consider it an early Christmas present.” He grins as innocently as possible and not without a dash of hope.
“So I’ll forgive you?” He tosses his bag on the couch and takes the present from Taguchi.
“I might be hoping for a little goodwill.”
Kame tries to resist the urge to chuckle. “At least you’re honest,” he says. He unwraps the present carefully and drops the snowflake paper in the trash bin Taguchi is quick to pick up and hold out for him. It is a beautiful large leather-bound book, but what takes his breath away are his photos inside, professionally printed.
The selection of photos would seem random to a stranger, but all of them are Kame’s favorites - the cherry blossoms at springtime, kids playing baseball in the park, Shibuya at nighttime, Ran and Gerie curled up together sleeping, and even Fuku blowing a raspberry at the camera with Anne laughing behind him. Scattered throughout the variety of shots are artistic portraits of the other members that Kame remembers taking when they were unaware. Messages from them are scrawled along the borders.
This is creepy. I didn’t even know you were there. Try to get my good side next time. - Ueda
Did you have to get a close-up of my nose? - Nakamaru
Thanks for making me look so cool! You should sell these - you’d rake in a ton! - Koki
Your kamera sure comes in handy. Let’s make more memories together. - Junno
Kame runs his hand reverently over the pages. “Thank you,” he says. “It’s wonderful.” He pauses. “This is why Koki asked for a thumbdrive of my pictures, isn’t it?”
“I may or may not have recruited him for the task,” Taguchi replies vaguely. He searches Kame’s face. “Are you still mad?”
“This was never about being mad at you,” Kame says. Taguchi looks skeptical and he admits, “Okay, maybe a little bit. But also... I could never get in your head. I guess some part of me always thought you chose Jin for a reason.”
Taguchi shakes his head and he’s all earnestness when he confesses, “I’ve always liked you, Kaz- Kame.”
And there skips his heart; once, twice. “‘Kazuya’ is fine.”
“Kazuya.” Has his name always sounded so nice coming from Junno? “So... want to take a ride on my boat sometime?”
Kame flips his cap off his head. “Get out, please,” he says dryly.
“I think you’re stuck with me.” With his hair all astray and adorable looking, Junno snags him by the sleeve of his skull-printed shirt and tugs him in so he can press his lips to his temple. “Sorry.”
Kame squeezes his hand. He smiles, which has Junno beaming so brightly that Kame can feel the warmth overflowing his heart, wondering how he could have ever thought differently.
“I’m not.”
Crossposted to jent_fanfics, kattun_fanfics.
Author: Krys Yuy
Summary: Taguchi is someone you can either take or leave. He’d leave him if he could, even if a voice inside his head tells him something else entirely.
Pairing/Characters: Kamenashi/Taguchi (KAT-TUN)
Warnings: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~4,800
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This fic is purely for entertainment purposes only.
Notes: Written for randomicicle (♥♥♥) for the 2011 je_holiday (originally posted here). Thanks so much to my beta, who was absolutely fabulous, understanding and who helped a great deal. If you’re so inclined, please leave feedback - it would totally make my day. ♥ Enjoy!
Q26 A part of Taguchi Junnosuke you like?
Eh?! (laughs)
~ Kamenashi Kazuya, Duet 2011.12
“Kame?”
Kame freezes in the middle of perusing a toy stall. His hands fall away from the hand-painted wooden figures and he looks over his shoulder, already dreading who he’ll find.
But there’s that wide smile that looks like it won’t quite fit on his bandmate’s face.
“Did you follow me here?” he asks without preamble because 1) he really wouldn’t put it past him and 2) unexpected interruptions during his peaceful solitude did not a pleasant Kame make.
Taguchi, being Taguchi, merely laughs, loud and boisterous at the suggestion, and Kame’s lips twitch involuntarily. “I’ve been here since Wednesday.”
The wisp of a conversation floats through his head, Taguchi’s eager voice proclaiming the merits of the small little seaside town, the charming townspeople, the shops and most importantly, the clear blue sea perfect for all kinds of outdoor activities. That same voice demands his attention in the present.
“Shopping for your niece?”
Taguchi picks up a finely crafted doll wearing a lovely purple kimono and then its samurai companion wearing a tiny sword at its side. He has the samurai bow at the lady’s feet, and for a moment, Kame can only stare bemused as his bandmate proceeds to put the dolls through some sort of mini drama.
“Just window shopping for now,” he interrupts before Taguchi can make the dolls kiss.
Taguchi places the figures down carefully, ensuring their wooden hands are touching as they stand side by side. “I rented a boat for the day to go fishing,” he says. “Care to join me? Maybe your star aura will attract them!”
“As much as I would relish spending the day sitting in the middle of the ocean with you,” Kame replies dryly, “I have plans.”
“Come on! Go with the flow.” Taguchi imitates a wave with his hands.
Kame wants to relax at an onsen, perhaps unwind after by walking through the gardens. Alone. He is not going to forgo that by getting the stink of fish all over himself. “Maybe next time,” he says, sliding his sunglasses back on his face.
“Okay.” Taguchi’s smile is quick and sunny as if Kame has promised to give him a present. “I’m going surfing tomorrow - maybe I’ll see you then?”
Kame shrugs, not wanting to admit he had been thinking of doing just that. His noncommittal reply doesn’t deter Taguchi in the slightest.
“Wish me luck! Though there are plenty of fish in the sea.” He chuckles and takes his leave with a wave, jogging towards the docks with a duffle bag bouncing against his back.
Kame massages his temples. So much for an uninterrupted weekend trip.
---
They used to be close.
Before Shūji to Akira, before the first time they became five.
He and Jin were complicated even then, and he got along well enough with the rest of the members but they weren’t exactly thick as thieves. There was something about Taguchi though. He didn’t do anything by halves. Everything about him was big and loud; he was too tall, too noisy, too into his video games - he screamed at the most inopportune moments - and generally, too lame for his own good.
But he didn’t look at Kame like he expected him to have all the answers, didn’t resent him for his need to be the best. He listened. When he got into fights with the others, he always apologized first even if he was in the right. Taguchi handled everything so differently. Mistakes and setbacks, frustration and anger. He was always smiling, laughing through it all.
He made Kame wonder about the key to that smile.
Sometimes, Taguchi stayed late to go over choreography and in the dim light of the practice rooms, Kame would laugh at his awful jokes and puns, a lot of which weren’t awful at all. Then after, when Taguchi asked if he wanted to go out for a drink, maybe even dinner, Kame occasionally consented.
Taguchi is easy to be around once you get used to him. And back then, Kame just... got used to him.
But that was before.
---
“Hey! I was looking for you.”
Kame lifts his head from his crossed arms and peers up at Taguchi, who looks extra tall from his vantage point lying down on the sand. There’s a dark blue baseball cap perched backwards on his head, but other than that, he doesn’t seem at all concerned about being recognized.
Kame feels a twinge of envy, adjusting his own floppy hat on his head. “Well, you found me,” he says. He snuggles back into his arms, letting the sun beat down on his bare back.
There’s a thump and grains of sand scatter all over his skin, and he knows Taguchi has plopped down beside him. He turns his head and peeks over his arm. Taguchi is leaning back on his hands, his head tilted towards the sunshine. His boardshorts are such a bright yellow that Kame wouldn’t be surprised if there was a giant smiley face printed on his ass.
He rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses and settles down again, hoping to get back to his nap.
“Wanna catch some waves?”
Kame turns in the direction opposite Taguchi’s voice. “I want to sleep,” he murmurs.
“Don’t be such a turtle,” Taguchi says. “I’ll give you ten minutes.”
Kame’s already drifting off to the sounds of the beach, waves lapping on the shore, children shrieking and giggling... Taguchi humming... Samurai Love Attack? Kame strikes out with his hand and smirks when his bandmate yelps.
“Shh...”
This time he wanders into dreamland with no distractions - well, it only takes a couple more jabs.
---
Kame wakes up to very hot sand being poured down his back. He shouts and scrambles to a sitting position, all while Taguchi laughs and laughs with a toy bucket in hand.
“Taguchi...”
Taguchi’s laughter abruptly stops and some sense of self-preservation must have alerted him to danger because he flees before Kame has a chance to pounce on him. Kame gets his confirmation that there is indeed a smiley face printed on Taguchi’s boardshorts before his focus shifts and he springs to his feet, giving chase.
The two of them sprint through the crowd of people enjoying the summer weather. They dodge running children, sandcastles and frisbees. Somewhere in the back of his head, Kame prays that his sunglasses and hat are enough to disguise him. He thanks his lucky stars that Taguchi had turned his cap back around so the brim is now shading his face.
Taguchi may have started jogging in his off time, but Kame’s training for his Home Run Project wasn’t for nothing. He gains on him quickly when they make it to the long stretch of sand where there are no chairs and a lot less people to trip over. Kame wonders what the hell he’s doing running around like an asylum escapee - filming for Run For You was over after all - when Taguchi has the nerve to look back and blow a raspberry at him.
Kame doesn’t know what happens next. One moment, his feet are on the ground; the next, his arms are wrapping around Taguchi’s middle, and his momentum propels them both into the freezing embrace of the ocean.
The shock of the sudden cold makes him lose his grip and when he surfaces, coughing, Taguchi is slicking his hair back and looking like he’s having the time of his life.
“Did you just tackle me?” he laughs.
“Did you pour hot sand on my back?” he shoots back. Somehow, his sunglasses survived the tackle and he glares at Taguchi through watery lenses.
“You can’t complain about the temperature in here!” Taguchi puts his baseball cap on backwards again and splashes him. “Ahh, this feels great!”
Returning the splashes with a vengeance, Kame pats his head, letting out a shocked gasp when all he feels is wet hair. “My hat!” Then he lets out another one when he realizes he dunked himself in the ocean, meaning one of his favorite hats... “It’s ruined!” His sunglasses were salvageable, but his hat?
“It’s just water, Kazuya,” Taguchi says. He plucks Kame’s hat as it floats by and deposits it back on his head. “There. Home sweet home.”
The use of his first name barely registers as Kame reaches out and dunks him. Taguchi sputters and tries to return the favor, but Kame latches onto him like a leech from behind. Eventually, Taguchi gives up on trying to dislodge him and floats there in the water with Kame as a human backpack.
“This was fun, right?”
There’s something about the quiet way Taguchi asks that keeps Kame from delivering a sarcastic retort. “Right,” he agrees just as softly, then pauses. “I always enjoy a good chase through a crowded beach in the middle of summer.”
Taguchi chuckles. “What time are you leaving?”
“Not until tomorrow morning. I just have to be back before Going! in the evening,” he says.
“Want to get dinner? I know this hole-in-the-wall okonomiyaki place that’s amazing,” Taguchi replies. “You have to try it before you go.”
Kame almost refuses, but instead says, “Why not? I think you’d show up wherever I went anyway.”
“Sorry to say you’re stuck with me.”
“I’m sorry, too.” Kame pushes Taguchi’s cap down on his head and dunks him again before he can respond.
---
Taguchi is someone you can either take or leave. He’d leave him if he could, even if a voice inside his head tells him something else entirely.
---
The weekend Kame accidentally bumps into Taguchi is his last free day before Run For You promos start and Dream Boys practice kicks into high gear, not to mention meetings and prep work for Yokai Ningen Bemu. Suffice to say, there’s the lingering doubt that he may be biting off more than he can chew this time. A doubt which is swept away easily enough by other matters.
Like how Taguchi has somehow taken their surprise rendezvous weekend as some kind of sign. He’s always around. He sits next to Kame in meetings, asks more than the average small talk questions about his other jobs apart from the group, and even tails along to the first official rehearsal for Dream Boys.
Then there’s the reappearance of an old habit. He used to ask everyone if they wanted to go to dinner after work, and after enough refusals, Taguchi had finally taken the hint and had gradually stopped asking over the years. Now he’s asking again and Kame finds himself falling into patterns that had ceased being familiar since he was a Junior. Taguchi has a way of coaxing agreements out of him, something he still doesn’t understand.
This goes on for the whole month of August, past opening night of Dream Boys and Kame is not at all surprised when he exits his shower one night to find a long-legged full of himself idol stretching out on his dressing room couch.
“Yo! Well done on the first act~”
Kame pauses in toweling his hair. “What are you doing here?”
“Thought I’d take a rest before I make my grand appearance,” he says cheekily, “check out your digs.” Taguchi’s choice of outfit is casual, with jeans, a white V-neck shirt and black jacket. Kame nods in approval.
He goes about his business, bustling around the room as Taguchi remains a lazy heap. “I’m sure all that fishing tires out a person,” he says. The reminder of Taguchi’s hobby has Kame coming up from behind and giving his hair a good sniff. Hmm... vanilla.
Taguchi glances over his shoulder with a smile. “Something you like back there?”
Kame gives his forehead a little smack. “Glad you have the sense to come here not smelling of fish.” He gets a good look at the side of his head. “You cut your hair.”
“Yeah! What do you think?”
Kame skims his fingers over the right side, which has been trimmed while the rest of his hair has been swept to the left, long bangs at the front while the back is spiked. He starts when Taguchi reaches back and grabs his hand. When he looks down, Taguchi is staring at him in a way that unsettles him. He takes his hand back.
“I think you should knock before coming into people’s dressing rooms.” Kame looks away and dries himself, and - feeling Taguchi’s eyes on him - returns to the bathroom to exchange his towel for his bathrobe.
When he comes out, Taguchi is still there but flipping through the pamphlet from the play. Kame sits down on the far end of the couch with only a brief hesitation, waiting. When he doesn’t say anything, Kame relaxes and tilts his head against the back of the couch, closing his eyes.
The next ten minutes are spent in silence aside from the occasional rustle of a turning page. Then a stage assistant knocks and tells him there are five minutes until the curtain opens on the second act. Taguchi bounces out of the room without a word to him and Kame frowns.
There’s the usual flurry of activity and Kame forgets all about Taguchi until the moment before Run For You, when he sees him peeking out behind the curtain, looking longingly at the audience. Kame rolls his eyes and snags him by the collar of his jacket as he passes by and the music starts. Predictably, the audience shrieks at the sight of him leading KAT-TUN’s tallest member by the scruff of his neck. Taguchi beams, waving enthusiastically at the audience, all while being led around.
The ultimate ham, if Kame ever knew one.
Taguchi makes it through the number relatively unscathed, simply following Kame’s directions on where to stand. The MC is even livelier than usual, which Kame didn’t think was possible. Taguchi’s boisterous laughter leads the way as he’s reprimanded by Koki and Maru for barging in on Kame’s rest time. Kame focuses on the audience when Koki turns the topic on to Taguchi’s new haircut and why did he stop at the right side, he could’ve gone all the way and made it Dream Bouzu.
Taguchi says goodbye when the four of them get a reminder over their earpieces that the MC is running long. The audience makes sounds of disapproval but wave when Taguchi bows and goes on his way. Kame expertly commands their attention once more and makes sure they have the time of their life.
After the curtain falls the second time and Kame makes the rounds of ‘good job’s and ‘well done’s to the staff and his juniors, he sees Taguchi waiting in the wings.
Taking a deep breath, he walks over. “Thanks for coming tonight.”
“It was nice being on stage again,” he says. His bright smile eases into something softer, something that makes Kame’s heart tighten in his chest. “I’ll always support you, Kazuya.”
Kame smiles back, but there’s a brittle edge to it and Taguchi furrows his brows. “Have a good night.”
---
Out of everyone, Kame thought Taguchi would understand.
He had planned everything out, exactly what he wanted to say, how he wanted to tell them. But the grapevine of the agency had taken care of it for him. As he made his way through the maze of hallways, murmurs of debuts, changing units and disbanding others rang in his ears.
When he got to their dressing room, there was no one there but Taguchi. Gameboy forgotten at his side, he sat forward with his hands on his knees, looking down at the ground. He blinked at the sound of the door closing and when he registered Kame’s presence, he stood up.
Kame opened his mouth to explain, but Taguchi didn’t wait. Instead, he brushed past him and Kame caught him by the shoulder. For a moment, Kame stared into his eyes and the disappointment in there sliced through him. His hand went limp as Taguchi shrugged him off and walked away.
---
Taguchi giggles like crazy when he sees him in his Bemu costume for the first time. He goes on so long Kame finally gets fed up and throws a shoe at his head. Either his aim has gotten lousy or Taguchi has fast reflexes. For being so tall and awkward, he’s surprisingly quick on his feet.
“Don’t you have an interview to get to? A radio recording you’re late for?”
“I’m not working at all!” Taguchi replies cheerfully. “Lots of video games, more fishing...”
“Planting?”
Taguchi’s grin is blinding. “You read my serial?”
Kame’s not about to admit it, even if he does skim it every now and then to pass the time on Sundays. “No, you just always seemed the type who would want to... plant... in his off time,” he says lamely.
“You’re a lousy liar, Kazuya,” Taguchi says, and Kame wonders how he can so obviously be laughing without actually doing so.
Kame huffs and turns around to adjust his costume in the mirror. Any moment now they’re supposed to call him for his solo photoshoot. “Then I’m not very good at my job.”
“Oh, you’re amazing at that,” Taguchi retorts, “but not very good at admitting things to yourself.”
“You don’t know me,” Kame snaps. He glares at his bandmate’s reflection in the mirror, follows him with his eyes as he stands up and moves in behind him, trapping him between his body and the counter.
“Maybe,” Taguchi concedes easily. Kame scowls because he can tell Taguchi doesn’t actually believe that. “But I do know something you don’t.”
Taguchi leans down, his chin almost but not quite resting on Kame’s shoulder. Kame breathes in sharply when their gazes meet in the mirror; there is something unsettling about seeing himself side by side with Taguchi like this and it’s not because he’s decked out in the full Bemu costume. He is himself in this moment, he is the one tensing as Junno gravitates towards him, whispering.
“Do you trust me?”
Kame watches his reflection shiver, then murmur just as quietly.
“Not at all.”
---
When Jin left the first time, Kame remembers a turbulent anger which he let out in a stream of caustic words. What he expressed verbally, Koki matched in physical outbursts, kicking over a table and even a couple chairs before storming out of the room. Ueda followed at a calmer pace, though he got in a few choice words of his own.
Jin yelled back, about how he had to seize this chance and there was no way he was changing his mind. His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides and Kame was sure it would have come to blows if Koki hadn’t left first.
Nakamaru and Taguchi were quiet through it all, but Taguchi was the first to speak. His smile didn’t have its usual radiance, but it was kind and reassuring all the same. “Come back soon,” he said.
Something in Kame iced over.
---
There are some things you get over because you have to. But those same things that you think are buried deep can come seeping to the surface, just waiting for that one spark to make it explode.
---
Taguchi catches him in the parking garage, lurking like some kind of stalker behind his car. “What the hell!” Kame shouts, hitting him with his bag. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”
“And have all your fangirls kill me in revenge for inadvertently killing you?” Taguchi shudders. “I can think of more pleasant death scenarios.”
Kame steps back, unlocking his car to put away his things. “What do you want?” he asks.
Taguchi comes towards him but stops when Kame backs away again. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what it is,” he says.
Kame contemplates lying until this obsession Taguchi has with him bowls over, or maybe he could even make a run for it to the driver’s seat. “Some things stay broken,” he replies.
Taguchi’s voice is earnest, his eyes pleading. “You can trust me.”
“Trust you?” Kame laughs, but the sound is hollow. “You turned your back on me.”
Taguchi looks bewildered and lost, which sends a new blaze of anger running through him, old scars opening up and blistering anew.
“When I needed you to trust me, you turned your back first. I was alone and you weren’t there!”
Taguchi flinches the more he lets go, but Kame can’t stop now, not with all of it rushing back, pouring out.
“But when Jin left to study abroad, you were all smiles and encouragement. You supported him, you stood by him. I debuted first for the group. I did it for each of you. And you couldn’t stand by me.”
Kame wields his words like a whip and for all the damage it’s doing, he might as well have used one. Taguchi’s gone pale, his face tight with tension. He’s at a loss for what to say and Kame thinks he probably expected anything but this. This was old news, right? History supposedly long forgotten, and there are new bonds forged over the years they’ve been together.
But there was never closure. He had learned to overlook it, move on. But without closure, things had a nasty way of bubbling back up, unwanted and ugly.
Kame shakes his head. “I don’t understand,” he says.
Why him and not me?
Taguchi’s looking particularly pathetic and Kame is not devoid of compassion. “I do trust you. As a friend,” he admits because it’s the truth. It’s one truth he’s never been able to hide from himself. “But I can’t trust you as anything... more.”
“Kazuya...”
“Don’t call me that!” Kame nearly regrets it when he sees the crushed look on Taguchi’s face. But holding back is no longer an option. “Don’t.”
---
It’s not as if their entire relationship fractures. It’s just that nothing changes. Taguchi is steady, constant. But there are no more outings to the ramen shop around the corner of the agency, no trips to the shopping district on the way to both their houses, no late nights collaborating on lyrics, not even drives home in the rain where Kame’s afraid he’s going to die because of Taguchi’s dramatic driving.
They don’t move backwards, but they don’t move forwards either. They just... are.
It’s nice for a while. Safe. But there is this gap.
And he doesn’t know how to fix it.
---
He expects Nakamaru, so he pauses long enough at the door that Koki has to jostle past. He lets him in, offers a glass of wine and the two of them make small talk in his living room, Ran in his lap and Gerie in Koki’s.
Koki scratches Gerie behind the ears and he kisses her nose when she lifts up her face to lick him. “You have to talk to him,” he says.
Kame smiles wryly. “I think the problem was I did exactly that.”
“But you didn’t let him talk back. He’s really pitiful, more so than usual.” Koki nuzzles his nose in Gerie’s fur and Ran whines until Kame starts to pet her again. “From what I hear, you laid into him good.”
“I have a lot pent up.”
Koki snorts. “I bet.” He gives him a serious stare, which would be more effective if Gerie wasn’t trying to jump on his chest. “And this is what happens when you bury that shit without resolving it. We took care of our crap during our drama, but you never handled whatever’s between you and Taguchi.”
Kame runs a hand through his hair, half of it already coming out of his messy ponytail. “What am I supposed to do?” he asks.
“Besides talking to him?” Koki evades Kame’s half-hearted punch. “You have to decide what you want.” He shrugs. “Either way, you gotta put the dork out of his misery.”
“We don’t fit together.” Kame hugs Ran close, taking all the comfort she has to offer.
“How do you know?” Koki raises his hands in surrender when Kame glowers at him. “All I’m saying... you can’t say that for sure. Not unless you try.”
“Whose side are you on anyway?” He kicks at him, making sure to get Koki’s leg and not Gerie.
“I think there’s only one side here, if you two numbskulls could figure it out.” Koki downs a drink from his wineglass as if it’s a beer bottle. “Now. Where do you keep the raw files of your photos?”
---
The next time Kame sees Taguchi is in the KAT-TUN dressing room, where the others are suspiciously absent. Koki’s doing, he has no doubt. His tall bandmate springs to his feet, clutching a colorfully wrapped package at his side. They stand on opposite sides of the room, and Kame’s grip tightens on the straps of his bag.
Taguchi moves as if to step forward, but stops, hesitant. “Kaz- Kame, I- I’m sorry,” he says. “If I had known- if I knew you were hurting all this time, I would’ve... I mean, back then, I shadowed you for a week with apologies before you snapped at me.”
Kame cracks a smile in spite of himself. “It’s not even that, Taguchi,” he says. “I’ve already forgiven you for that. It’s what happened afterward...”
“You have to decide what you want.”
In for a penny, in for a pound, right? “Why did you stand up for Jin?” And not me?
Taguchi looks away, fingering the brim of his baseball cap. “I was ashamed of how I had reacted with you. I didn’t even give you a chance to explain,” he says. “I love KAT-TUN, but you’re my friends first. I swore then that I’d never turn my back on any of you.” That sounded more like Taguchi, his bandmate who forgives, giving all of himself, someone who would do what he could not to let any of them down. “I’m only sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.” He offers the package like some sort of peace offering.
Kame raises an eyebrow at the odd timing. “And I didn’t get you anything.”
“Consider it an early Christmas present.” He grins as innocently as possible and not without a dash of hope.
“So I’ll forgive you?” He tosses his bag on the couch and takes the present from Taguchi.
“I might be hoping for a little goodwill.”
Kame tries to resist the urge to chuckle. “At least you’re honest,” he says. He unwraps the present carefully and drops the snowflake paper in the trash bin Taguchi is quick to pick up and hold out for him. It is a beautiful large leather-bound book, but what takes his breath away are his photos inside, professionally printed.
The selection of photos would seem random to a stranger, but all of them are Kame’s favorites - the cherry blossoms at springtime, kids playing baseball in the park, Shibuya at nighttime, Ran and Gerie curled up together sleeping, and even Fuku blowing a raspberry at the camera with Anne laughing behind him. Scattered throughout the variety of shots are artistic portraits of the other members that Kame remembers taking when they were unaware. Messages from them are scrawled along the borders.
This is creepy. I didn’t even know you were there. Try to get my good side next time. - Ueda
Did you have to get a close-up of my nose? - Nakamaru
Thanks for making me look so cool! You should sell these - you’d rake in a ton! - Koki
Your kamera sure comes in handy. Let’s make more memories together. - Junno
Kame runs his hand reverently over the pages. “Thank you,” he says. “It’s wonderful.” He pauses. “This is why Koki asked for a thumbdrive of my pictures, isn’t it?”
“I may or may not have recruited him for the task,” Taguchi replies vaguely. He searches Kame’s face. “Are you still mad?”
“This was never about being mad at you,” Kame says. Taguchi looks skeptical and he admits, “Okay, maybe a little bit. But also... I could never get in your head. I guess some part of me always thought you chose Jin for a reason.”
Taguchi shakes his head and he’s all earnestness when he confesses, “I’ve always liked you, Kaz- Kame.”
And there skips his heart; once, twice. “‘Kazuya’ is fine.”
“Kazuya.” Has his name always sounded so nice coming from Junno? “So... want to take a ride on my boat sometime?”
Kame flips his cap off his head. “Get out, please,” he says dryly.
“I think you’re stuck with me.” With his hair all astray and adorable looking, Junno snags him by the sleeve of his skull-printed shirt and tugs him in so he can press his lips to his temple. “Sorry.”
Kame squeezes his hand. He smiles, which has Junno beaming so brightly that Kame can feel the warmth overflowing his heart, wondering how he could have ever thought differently.
“I’m not.”
Crossposted to jent_fanfics, kattun_fanfics.