Stuff.
Alright. Finally got crud cleared up with Capital One so that all our bank accounts are now accessible. That's good, I'm thinking. Having an emergency fund in an inaccessible account is rather pointless.
On the other stuff front, I'm feeling a little closer back to myself, I think. I'm much less of an emotional wreck. I'm debating work tonight. If I call out tonight and tomorrow, I can cover one night with personal time, and one night with sick time, possibly two. That would give me more time to finish resettling before I have to deal with everyday kinda stuff again. But I also feel like its time to get back to that sort of stuff, as that's going to be what keeps me going for a while right now. I'm not sure.
Been doing some thinking of the larger picture.
A lot of talking to do. Still a few decisions that need to be made.
Having thoughts about how long things have been rocky/etc for. There's changes to be made on both parts for anything to have a chance of lasting. And I think I'm starting to get an idea of a lot of the things that have seemed wrong in myself, and in the relationship.
Quite a bit of it relates to the working situations, with me being the provider of the family. I don't want to be the provider for a family. For me and kiddo, I kinda have to. I've also still felt the need, and felt pressure to be the housewife. I constantly feel overwhelmed with responsibility, and because of that tend to not give him credit for what he does take responsibility for. Honestly speaking, he helps with what he can most of the time. He's forgetful about his own things, but he seems to honestly want to help me out with mine when I'm seeming overwhelmed.
That's been on my mind today, and trying to figure out ways to start fixing the situation. Unfortunately, there's several options, but most of them require relying on him to make a change first. I'm hesitant to rely on him at the moment, given some of the instability of the situation. At the same time, I want to rely on him, I want to trust him. The few options that are within my means would require several sacrifices, and not solely personal ones. Basically, in order to change the situation myself without sacrificing things I've worked hard to get for myself and my family, I'd need to find a school hours job with immediate benefits.
I've got a full time job, with security that I at least get 34 hours a week. The way work is, it can be stressful, but I've got a decent amount of job security, as well as being a person with a good enough work ethic that lax as they are about enforcing certain policies, I still abide by them, thus giving them no reason to be looking to fire me. I have affordable medical benefits for my family. As of Feb 1 I will have had medical for me and kiddo for 1 year. That means I can get my annual female exam and pap and all covered. That means my insurance will now cover major dental work. Not entirely the specifics I want for dental work, but it'll help.
I've worked for what I have. And while I want to be the wife/mother, not provider/wife/mother, I can't just give up what I've got now to make it happen. I'm trying to be too much, and our roles have gotten out of balance and confused.
On the other stuff front, I'm feeling a little closer back to myself, I think. I'm much less of an emotional wreck. I'm debating work tonight. If I call out tonight and tomorrow, I can cover one night with personal time, and one night with sick time, possibly two. That would give me more time to finish resettling before I have to deal with everyday kinda stuff again. But I also feel like its time to get back to that sort of stuff, as that's going to be what keeps me going for a while right now. I'm not sure.
Been doing some thinking of the larger picture.
A lot of talking to do. Still a few decisions that need to be made.
Having thoughts about how long things have been rocky/etc for. There's changes to be made on both parts for anything to have a chance of lasting. And I think I'm starting to get an idea of a lot of the things that have seemed wrong in myself, and in the relationship.
Quite a bit of it relates to the working situations, with me being the provider of the family. I don't want to be the provider for a family. For me and kiddo, I kinda have to. I've also still felt the need, and felt pressure to be the housewife. I constantly feel overwhelmed with responsibility, and because of that tend to not give him credit for what he does take responsibility for. Honestly speaking, he helps with what he can most of the time. He's forgetful about his own things, but he seems to honestly want to help me out with mine when I'm seeming overwhelmed.
That's been on my mind today, and trying to figure out ways to start fixing the situation. Unfortunately, there's several options, but most of them require relying on him to make a change first. I'm hesitant to rely on him at the moment, given some of the instability of the situation. At the same time, I want to rely on him, I want to trust him. The few options that are within my means would require several sacrifices, and not solely personal ones. Basically, in order to change the situation myself without sacrificing things I've worked hard to get for myself and my family, I'd need to find a school hours job with immediate benefits.
I've got a full time job, with security that I at least get 34 hours a week. The way work is, it can be stressful, but I've got a decent amount of job security, as well as being a person with a good enough work ethic that lax as they are about enforcing certain policies, I still abide by them, thus giving them no reason to be looking to fire me. I have affordable medical benefits for my family. As of Feb 1 I will have had medical for me and kiddo for 1 year. That means I can get my annual female exam and pap and all covered. That means my insurance will now cover major dental work. Not entirely the specifics I want for dental work, but it'll help.
I've worked for what I have. And while I want to be the wife/mother, not provider/wife/mother, I can't just give up what I've got now to make it happen. I'm trying to be too much, and our roles have gotten out of balance and confused.