Emotion download.
Writing helps me get things out of my head enough for me to function sometimes. So here we go.
I'm a care giver, thats a fact
Though in balancing it I lack
I can take care of my family just fine
But the needs I neglect are mine
I can't put them first
Cause my mother thinks thats worst
And while living with her here
She will try to interfere
To her, first comes family
Or to her that's how it should be
She's the master of the way
Of the "Don't do as I do, but as I say."
She's depressed and we all know it
She does everything to show it
I'm depressed as well
But am sentenced hidden hell
For that problem is hers alone
And mine cannot be shown
For years it's been neglected and hidden
For that's what she has bidden
Her words tell me the mother comes last
But what about my past?
Was she the sacraficing Mom she wants me to be?
These words she tells me hypocritically
For her sacrafices were few
Not much for me did she do
No real attention to me did she pay
Just complaints if I wanted her to go out of her way
She's changed a bit its true
But I don't know what to do
After years of living, pained
And into silence trained
She says shes always there for me to turn
Whenever I crash and burn
She'll help me pick up the pieces I leave
And that I do believe
But she'll always want to be a martyr
Just for helping out her daughter
I'm the kid who was always wild
I'm always called her prodigal child
When I didn't leave so much as I was driven
By the supposed care that I was given
I've left her behind me twice
And come back here for help twice
Each time I returned so did manipulation
And control became part of the situation
When I'm here I'm not free
To think or be me.
To sum it up I suppose I can say
That I need to find a way
To be myself in spite of her
Or get myself away from her.
I've gotta be able to take care of me
And then my family
And we'll all be taken care of
For everyone will feel loved
Even me.
I'm a care giver, thats a fact
Though in balancing it I lack
I can take care of my family just fine
But the needs I neglect are mine
I can't put them first
Cause my mother thinks thats worst
And while living with her here
She will try to interfere
To her, first comes family
Or to her that's how it should be
She's the master of the way
Of the "Don't do as I do, but as I say."
She's depressed and we all know it
She does everything to show it
I'm depressed as well
But am sentenced hidden hell
For that problem is hers alone
And mine cannot be shown
For years it's been neglected and hidden
For that's what she has bidden
Her words tell me the mother comes last
But what about my past?
Was she the sacraficing Mom she wants me to be?
These words she tells me hypocritically
For her sacrafices were few
Not much for me did she do
No real attention to me did she pay
Just complaints if I wanted her to go out of her way
She's changed a bit its true
But I don't know what to do
After years of living, pained
And into silence trained
She says shes always there for me to turn
Whenever I crash and burn
She'll help me pick up the pieces I leave
And that I do believe
But she'll always want to be a martyr
Just for helping out her daughter
I'm the kid who was always wild
I'm always called her prodigal child
When I didn't leave so much as I was driven
By the supposed care that I was given
I've left her behind me twice
And come back here for help twice
Each time I returned so did manipulation
And control became part of the situation
When I'm here I'm not free
To think or be me.
To sum it up I suppose I can say
That I need to find a way
To be myself in spite of her
Or get myself away from her.
I've gotta be able to take care of me
And then my family
And we'll all be taken care of
For everyone will feel loved
Even me.