Some resolution…or maybe even the seeds of long-elusive peace…

[kryosa]

Mat and I have finally come to some common ground, an arrangement that’s probably best for us at this time. For now, all my plans of grandeur can wait - I’m just going to drift for a while…live without expectations, without limits, without rules. To be free to be myself. I’m going to lay down all of the guilt, all of the horror the past has held for me, and live. Truly live this time. And live this life for myself. The responsibilities I chose to honourably defect from so very long ago are still waiting, and can wait a while still. I have found out the hard way that trying to carry them before I am ready does not do anyone any favours, not for myself, or anyone or anything around me. I’m not going to let myself think too far ahead, or too far behind - too long have I spent dwelling in either past or future, haunted by things long gone or not yet come. As someone once told me “the worst things in my life never happened”. My hopes and dreams are still there, just set aside for the time being. I will instead dream in the moment, instead of of it. They will wait for me, as they always have. I have spent too long bound by chains of my own device - I will wheel and face my demons now, for I am afraid no longer. They cannot take from me anymore than they already have. Now, in this moment, I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain…and I intend to take full advantage of it…

~Kryss/Kryos~