The Return of the Notorious K.M.

Jul 15, 2013 01:15

Dear Journal,

It has been some time and with good reason. I realize that I needed the hiatus and in large part this was due to many other areas of my life that needed attention. I also needed the time to reflect, live a little, and change my paradigm.

It's 2013, I have two masters, spent 2 years working in the Baltimore Inner City Public Schools as a mental health therapist. I have experienced joy, drama, and misery all in my professional life so far. But still my personal life has taken a toll and no, I have still not been in a relationship. But I also understand that much of this is my doing at this point.

Recently, I have come to the conclusion that living is about the imperfect, about making mistakes, about being awkward and having fun at the same time. For too long I have imprisoned myself in a very small cocoon of comfort - to the point that outside of work while I do go out and have fun much of my life is spent within the four walls of my room. This will change.

Now my purpose of this journal will not chronicle the pain and the depression and the anger of yesteryears. I'm moving on from that and I am honestly and thoroughly exhausted with it. I want newer experiences, brighter experiences, to live with a smile on my face. I may not have a relationship with someone else, but I can always have a better one for myself. So, I'm going to continue on the path I have chosen and be apologetic and forgiving, but firm. I am learning to live a life of purpose. I want to discover who I am with each moment. I am blessed, fortunate, and grateful to have family to whom I can relate, friends whom I love dearly. I have good things in my life even if they are not perfect, even if I get let down. Three things need to be worked on: 1. My relationship with God. 2. My relationship with myself and 3. my relationship with others.

I may not fully appreciate myself as 30, but by 40 I WILL love myself and treat myself accordingly. Pray for me. God, give me strength and endurance, and keep me patient and loving.

Changing Faces,
~KM (is back)
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