The Black
• Looks like we made it...
/// Incoming Transmission ((061106:20:37 | 33°49 / 90°42)) ///
Well, I made it in. One heck of a trip too.
Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas. My travels have taken me across 5 of the 50 colonies.
I have seen much. I saw 2 trains that would inevitably wreck; though I was driving too fast to witness the tragedy. I saw an entire small town burning, with over 20 firetrucks trying to put it out. And I saw a convoy of creepy black caravans, with federal plates, that were guarding other -larger- trucks; with oversised loads, they were ferrying large pieces of a nuclear reactor (rods not included).
Driving long, mind numbing distances, gives me a unique chance to communicate with God. Listening is an intrigal part of communication. I listen to AM radio, I listen to the sounds that the engine makes, and I listen to the subtle transmission that my creator impresses on my heart. Having done so much for me in the past, I can easily say I would not be here today if it was not for him.
On the end of my second day, of driving like a bat out of hell, I had finally broken the barrier that was the Arkansas border. Seven miles in, I fueled up and headed for a junction that would take me to my final destination; Jonesboro. This junction would be the half way point of my journey through the state. 5 miles from the junction, I -for reasons only known to God-, looked over at the passenger seat and did not see my wallet; that had been staring at me the whole trip. Instantly panicked, I pulled over on the freeway (traffic whizzing by me) and looked for my wallet. I found that it has slipped between the passenger seat the door. Neatly recovered, and extremely relived, I proceeded to enter my vehicle. While doing so, however, I was compelled to look again; this time -inside- the wallet. What I did -not- find inside was my Gold Card, "We have just lost cabin pressure".
This Gold Card was my only connection to my money. I have since realized that I need to carry some cash on me at all times. In my desperation to find it, I tore my car apart; that is hardly a metaphor. I found things, some appealing, other gross, that had been in the car since my dad had owned it. I kept the tin of mints that were under the driver's seat, I lost them back when I was going to South.
I was kicking myself internally. I was hardly able to see by the dim light from the cabin, and my flashlight lost power months ago. While searching for thin piece of reflective plastic, another vehicle pulled in front of mine. At first, I thought he was an off duty police officer. Dressed in a similar gear he asked if I needed help. We briefly talked about our crappy lives and the magnificence of God, and I told him I was not broken down but looking for my Card. He told me I should pull off at the exit, and not the freeway so I don't get hit.
The exit was for the junction. I got there and there was nothing but the road I needed to take east and a podunk service station, that was closed. Tearing my car apart more, I found my calling cards and immediately used them to call my folks. Not being able to remember it, I had my mom get online and look up the number for my bank (this is at 3:00am by the way). My bank told me that I am S.O.L. and urged me to call back if I could not find the card so it could be deactivated. Calling my dad, he looked up the number to the Citgo that I had fueled up at. And, having expended one calling card in this process (cheap bastards), I called the Citgo; the line was busy.
I, carefully, threw away all the trash I found while cleaning out my car; making sure none of it contained my Gold Card. Then, already on my knees looking for it, discussed my options with myself and God.
I needed that card not only for food (I have gone days without food in the past), but gas to get back home (my journey had just begun though). I could live in my car if need be (I had stayed in it two nights already), and I could have my dad reserve a room at Motel 6 (where I was going to stay anyway), and wire me some money (I am good for it I just can't -get- to it), but the money might not get here till Tuesday.
There were only three places my card could be. If it was in the first place, on the side of the road when I got out and looked for my wallet I was -officially- S.O.L. Secondly, it could be in my car, and I -could- be truly inept. It was the third option that enabled me to realized the brilliance of God. My faith told me that, through no fault of my own, my card was at the Citgo.
The reason this is important is the miracle. Looking back, there was not real reason for me to care if my wallet was not visibly in the seat next to me. If I had not looked over at it (and seen it missing) I would not have found it, and I would not have noticed the real problem; my missing Gold Card. I had also gotten a full tank of gas; this would have gotten me to my destination, but without my Card I would not be able to get a room for the night, nor would I be able to afford the gas to go back across the state.
Sure, it was inconvenient, but nearly 125 miles in the opposite direction was where my card -had- to be. So, praying, I drove. I drove 110-mph, with my hazards on, so I could get back before the girl who served me last had a shift change. As I drove, I witnessed the brilliance of God, he not only wanted me to have my card, but to show me my favorite natural marvel. Going the other way I would have outraced a lightning storm. This way I was headed right into it and was able to witness all it's beauty.
I got back there, back to Van Buren and to the Citgo. Sure enough she had my card. Upon arriving I also noticed my tires doing a few weird things. I bought a tire gage, and filled up my tires. It's a good thing too, they were all down to about 9/44-psi.
Earlier I had told him, "Your will be done lord". If I was to drive across 5 states to meet my potential life partner, and it was not -his- will, then I wanted him to -get- in my way. I have had smooth sailing this far, and as a result I am confident that this relationship is ordained by him.
Lately I have been rethinking my outlook. I use the words Fate and Destiny quite a bit. I believe that we all have a Destiny, an end game that is preplanned for us all. I had once told Roger, that (in rethinking my outlook) that Desitny is your -Destin-ation and you can take what path you like getting there. Then there is Fate (another word I use too often). Fate is, I told him, God's will for your actions along a path. Often it is God subtlety placing you back on the path you -should- be on.
He politely disagreed. He said, that too often Fate (in being Gods will) is -not- subtle. It has all the subtlety of a Master Artist using a Sledge Hammer to carve The Daniel. That Fate, is often, upsetting, thundering and debilitating. The hammer hits the rock and it is explosive; but this is God. When it is his will, and he interviens, the rock cracks in all the right places and the fragments land meticulously, and perfection is achieved; though hardly subtle.
I am inclined to agree. I have often spoken of Fate with a negative connotation; and Destiny with a positive. Destiny is you completing God's will, Fate is him compelling your Destiny. It can be your Fate to meet your Destiny.
God is great, all the time. All the time, God is good.
/// End Transmission ///