Hulk Smash!!!...and other stuff
Looks like I have more Hulk related news to give you, but it's not about that God-awful movie. It's about the game made because of the God-awful movie. I rented it thinking it was going to suck, but it surprised me, it's actually a pretty good game.
Basically, you play as the Hulk, well, most of the time, I'll get to that later. Well, as the Hulk, you smash things, lots of things. It doesn't exactly have a good story; just "Go here, smash this guy. Now go over here and smash these other guys. Repeat." But smashing people with a giant steal pole is very satisfying, along with throwing, punching, and using the unbelievably powerful gamma attacks.
Those are all the good points of the game. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be Hulk game if they didn't put in something horrible that almost ruins it. What ruins this game you ask? Banner. Bruce Banner. Some genius over at Vivendi Universal decided that being the Hulk wasn't fun enough. So they decided to put in Banner mode. You play as Bruce Banner, the 90-pound weakling who can't fight worth shit. Your mission: Pull lever A to get to point B. Pull crate C to get shot to death by soldier D. After failing the Banner missions for the fifth time, it starts to get a little bit annoying. I guess they figured people bought Hulk games to play as Bruce Banner.
So, to review:
Hulk Movie: Teh Sux0rz
Hulk Game: Teh Rox0rz
All right, if there is anything you read in this update, let it be this...Red vs Blue is the funniest video game movie thingy EVAR! Well, it's basically a bunch of guys who wrote a script and act it out using Halo. Here's a sample.
"Sarge: Who wants to guess...why I gathered you here...today?
Grif: Uhh..Is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?
Sarge: That's exactly it private. War's over, we won. Turns out you're the big hero. We're goin' hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here, is in CHARGE OF CONFETTI!!!
Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm sir
Sarge: God, damn it private. Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!
Simmons: Oh I'd do it too.
Sarge: I know you would Simmons...good man."
Ah, here's another one. Grif is wondering why Sarge calls is calling the new vehicle they got the Warthog
"Grif: Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Sarge: Say that again?
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam hell is a Puma?
Simmons: Uhh..you mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Sarge: You're makin' that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes sir!
Sarge: *Pointing to warthog* Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal, has tusks?
Grif: A walrus
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?!"
And a little later...
"Sarge: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with, the warthog. How about it Grif?
Grif: No sir, no more suggestions.
Sarge: Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?
Grif: That's ok.
Sarge: Unicorn?
Grif: No really, I'm cool.
Sarge: Sasquatch?
Simmons: Leprechaun?
Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help man.
Sarge: Phoenix?
Grif: *sigh* Christ...
Sarge: Hey Simmons? What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?
Simmons: That would be the Chupacabra sir.
Sarge: Hey Grif! Chupathingy, how about that? I like it. Got a ring to it."
And this is all from just one episode. It is hilarious, it truly is.
Basically, you play as the Hulk, well, most of the time, I'll get to that later. Well, as the Hulk, you smash things, lots of things. It doesn't exactly have a good story; just "Go here, smash this guy. Now go over here and smash these other guys. Repeat." But smashing people with a giant steal pole is very satisfying, along with throwing, punching, and using the unbelievably powerful gamma attacks.
Those are all the good points of the game. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be Hulk game if they didn't put in something horrible that almost ruins it. What ruins this game you ask? Banner. Bruce Banner. Some genius over at Vivendi Universal decided that being the Hulk wasn't fun enough. So they decided to put in Banner mode. You play as Bruce Banner, the 90-pound weakling who can't fight worth shit. Your mission: Pull lever A to get to point B. Pull crate C to get shot to death by soldier D. After failing the Banner missions for the fifth time, it starts to get a little bit annoying. I guess they figured people bought Hulk games to play as Bruce Banner.
So, to review:
Hulk Movie: Teh Sux0rz
Hulk Game: Teh Rox0rz
All right, if there is anything you read in this update, let it be this...Red vs Blue is the funniest video game movie thingy EVAR! Well, it's basically a bunch of guys who wrote a script and act it out using Halo. Here's a sample.
"Sarge: Who wants to guess...why I gathered you here...today?
Grif: Uhh..Is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?
Sarge: That's exactly it private. War's over, we won. Turns out you're the big hero. We're goin' hold a parade in your honor. I get to drive the float, and Simmons here, is in CHARGE OF CONFETTI!!!
Grif: I'm no stranger to sarcasm sir
Sarge: God, damn it private. Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!
Simmons: Oh I'd do it too.
Sarge: I know you would Simmons...good man."
Ah, here's another one. Grif is wondering why Sarge calls is calling the new vehicle they got the Warthog
"Grif: Why Warthog? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig.
Sarge: Say that again?
Grif: I think it looks more like a puma.
Sarge: What in Sam hell is a Puma?
Simmons: Uhh..you mean like the shoe company?
Grif: No, like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion.
Sarge: You're makin' that up.
Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal!
Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.
Simmons: Yes sir!
Sarge: *Pointing to warthog* Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal, has tusks?
Grif: A walrus
Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop makin' up animals?!"
And a little later...
"Sarge: So unless anybody has anymore mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're going to stick with, the warthog. How about it Grif?
Grif: No sir, no more suggestions.
Sarge: Are you sure? How about Bigfoot?
Grif: That's ok.
Sarge: Unicorn?
Grif: No really, I'm cool.
Sarge: Sasquatch?
Simmons: Leprechaun?
Grif: Hey, he doesn't need any help man.
Sarge: Phoenix?
Grif: *sigh* Christ...
Sarge: Hey Simmons? What's the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?
Simmons: That would be the Chupacabra sir.
Sarge: Hey Grif! Chupathingy, how about that? I like it. Got a ring to it."
And this is all from just one episode. It is hilarious, it truly is.