day by day
yep im back
oh thse past few days..past few weeks have been on and off....school is starting soon and im now just realizing it....and maybe a new job for me too...im supposed to find out if i got the position by some time tomorrow..i want this job so bad but then im scared to get it.....
and here i go crying again....
i want to get it because i think i will have fun with it and actually enjoy it and then i dont want to get the job because with school ill be busy and then with a job on top of that..its affecting my relationship with Joel....
LOOK i know relationships arent easy,that you have to make sacrifices and have faith and be strong for each other but im so scared right now. we hadnt talked about much of both starting school and both having a job until really....today....
i wish i could have had the nerve to talk to him about it much earlier but i was so scared..i couldnt get myself to do it.everytime i did i made up something else that was bothering me,well i mean yes other things are on my mind other than Joel but this was my main thing on my mind..instead i just said oh im worried about my uncle or not enough sleep, a little cranky..the not enough sleep part is true...i havent gotten much sleep lately because of all this going on..
a big boulder has been pushed off my shoulder after we talked but there is still pieces of that boulder that are trapped there..and will be there until well...the time comes that i wont want to..
we are still together right now and are going to try very hard to make it work when school starts. and if/when the time comes that it doesnt work for a relationship we are going to work hard on a friendship.we both want to stay in each other lives no matter what happens. its no suprise to any of you that when i say its going to be quite hard at first and take some time for things to be better and for us to be okay with being friends...and hey look..maybe...just maybe sometime down the road....things can go back to us being in a relationship.....but im not going to think that far ahead....
we are together still.and im happy and yes worried but im with him and thats all that matters to me.
i dont care if i cant see him everyday and all day.there is no such thing as a perfect world. to see him once a week will be the best day of every week for me...
im going to enjoy my time with him,the few minutes or few hours i get to see him of the rest of summer..and take it day by day.step by step.
oh thse past few days..past few weeks have been on and off....school is starting soon and im now just realizing it....and maybe a new job for me too...im supposed to find out if i got the position by some time tomorrow..i want this job so bad but then im scared to get it.....
and here i go crying again....
i want to get it because i think i will have fun with it and actually enjoy it and then i dont want to get the job because with school ill be busy and then with a job on top of that..its affecting my relationship with Joel....
LOOK i know relationships arent easy,that you have to make sacrifices and have faith and be strong for each other but im so scared right now. we hadnt talked about much of both starting school and both having a job until really....today....
i wish i could have had the nerve to talk to him about it much earlier but i was so scared..i couldnt get myself to do it.everytime i did i made up something else that was bothering me,well i mean yes other things are on my mind other than Joel but this was my main thing on my mind..instead i just said oh im worried about my uncle or not enough sleep, a little cranky..the not enough sleep part is true...i havent gotten much sleep lately because of all this going on..
a big boulder has been pushed off my shoulder after we talked but there is still pieces of that boulder that are trapped there..and will be there until well...the time comes that i wont want to..
we are still together right now and are going to try very hard to make it work when school starts. and if/when the time comes that it doesnt work for a relationship we are going to work hard on a friendship.we both want to stay in each other lives no matter what happens. its no suprise to any of you that when i say its going to be quite hard at first and take some time for things to be better and for us to be okay with being friends...and hey look..maybe...just maybe sometime down the road....things can go back to us being in a relationship.....but im not going to think that far ahead....
we are together still.and im happy and yes worried but im with him and thats all that matters to me.
i dont care if i cant see him everyday and all day.there is no such thing as a perfect world. to see him once a week will be the best day of every week for me...
im going to enjoy my time with him,the few minutes or few hours i get to see him of the rest of summer..and take it day by day.step by step.