life is interesting
So most of you have probably been keeping up with me via
dimethirwen's lj, where you can also see pictures of me and the famous Cafe Gratitude, which I've been talking about for months. Anyway, life is interesting. I'm still contemplating doing service for a year in Peru. But there are also other things going on (as usual). For the past few days I've been feeling an intense need/urge to go to the Siddha Yoga Ashram. So I did. Yesterday I took the bus over, only to find out it's closed between 2 and 5. So I went back again after 5, because, like I said there was an intense desire to go, and I didn't want to go today because TF works the front desk between 11:30 and 2 and I didn't really want to talk to him. (Side note, I saw him on Friday, gave him a hug, he kissed me on the cheek and that was it. He's so clearly not interested and I deserve to be with someone who's responsive.) Anyway, I went back at 5 and meditated in their temple where I had a really nice experience. Doing my Ananda Marga meditation, Gurumayi spoke to me and said she wants me here, that I'm supposed to be in California to meet all these people so we can do something grand in the future. That she wants to see me succeed and that many people are taking care of me. Afterwards I felt like I was floating on a wave of bliss. And interestingly, on Friday I also ran into another Siddha Yoga friend who said she is looking for someone to sublet her apartment for a month. So instead of moving myself three hours north to Grass Valley like I planned, apparently the universe wants me to stay in the Bay area? I think it's funny how much Siddha Yoga is entering my life. And also I'm thinking why would I move to Peru when I have the opportunity to do my favorite form of service: talking about spirituality and teaching people meditation? I just can't help myself. On Saturday, dimethirwen, my friend RY, her coworker and his wife and friends and I went out to dinner and I taught the woman next to me Baba Nam Kevalam! I just can't even help myself. It just spills out of me. (Oh and Saturday was awesome, we went to the JCC, which I find really ironic considering how not Jewish I feel and saw Soundies from the 1940's. It was really interesting.)
And this morning I woke up feeling like I know why I moved and why my life is seemingly chaotic. It's to put me in constant contact with the divine flow. It's to get me to trust and be open and accepting of whatever comes my way. It's to get me to surrender and live without fear, knowing that all of my needs will be met always. (And not just mine, but everyone's if they open themselves up to that.) And also, I feel like I'm going through an even more intense experience of Eat, Pray, Love because I don't even have a book deal in the works paying for things. Nor do I even know where I'm going to be living more than a month in advance. I've moved 5 times since February and I am totally and completely flying by the seat of my pants. And oftentimes I feel like I'm being cradled. Sometimes though, such as a moments today I feel sad because dimethirwen already has an interview on Friday (a job I found for her, btw) and she's only been here for not even two weeks. I've been applying for jobs for ALMOST A YEAR and still have nothing. But then a voice tells me my life isn't about finding a job and an apartment right now. It's about putting myself out there and having this Eat, Pray, Love experience. So really God, I surrender to you. Whatever you want for me, I want for me.
dimethirwen's lj, where you can also see pictures of me and the famous Cafe Gratitude, which I've been talking about for months. Anyway, life is interesting. I'm still contemplating doing service for a year in Peru. But there are also other things going on (as usual). For the past few days I've been feeling an intense need/urge to go to the Siddha Yoga Ashram. So I did. Yesterday I took the bus over, only to find out it's closed between 2 and 5. So I went back again after 5, because, like I said there was an intense desire to go, and I didn't want to go today because TF works the front desk between 11:30 and 2 and I didn't really want to talk to him. (Side note, I saw him on Friday, gave him a hug, he kissed me on the cheek and that was it. He's so clearly not interested and I deserve to be with someone who's responsive.) Anyway, I went back at 5 and meditated in their temple where I had a really nice experience. Doing my Ananda Marga meditation, Gurumayi spoke to me and said she wants me here, that I'm supposed to be in California to meet all these people so we can do something grand in the future. That she wants to see me succeed and that many people are taking care of me. Afterwards I felt like I was floating on a wave of bliss. And interestingly, on Friday I also ran into another Siddha Yoga friend who said she is looking for someone to sublet her apartment for a month. So instead of moving myself three hours north to Grass Valley like I planned, apparently the universe wants me to stay in the Bay area? I think it's funny how much Siddha Yoga is entering my life. And also I'm thinking why would I move to Peru when I have the opportunity to do my favorite form of service: talking about spirituality and teaching people meditation? I just can't help myself. On Saturday, dimethirwen, my friend RY, her coworker and his wife and friends and I went out to dinner and I taught the woman next to me Baba Nam Kevalam! I just can't even help myself. It just spills out of me. (Oh and Saturday was awesome, we went to the JCC, which I find really ironic considering how not Jewish I feel and saw Soundies from the 1940's. It was really interesting.)
And this morning I woke up feeling like I know why I moved and why my life is seemingly chaotic. It's to put me in constant contact with the divine flow. It's to get me to trust and be open and accepting of whatever comes my way. It's to get me to surrender and live without fear, knowing that all of my needs will be met always. (And not just mine, but everyone's if they open themselves up to that.) And also, I feel like I'm going through an even more intense experience of Eat, Pray, Love because I don't even have a book deal in the works paying for things. Nor do I even know where I'm going to be living more than a month in advance. I've moved 5 times since February and I am totally and completely flying by the seat of my pants. And oftentimes I feel like I'm being cradled. Sometimes though, such as a moments today I feel sad because dimethirwen already has an interview on Friday (a job I found for her, btw) and she's only been here for not even two weeks. I've been applying for jobs for ALMOST A YEAR and still have nothing. But then a voice tells me my life isn't about finding a job and an apartment right now. It's about putting myself out there and having this Eat, Pray, Love experience. So really God, I surrender to you. Whatever you want for me, I want for me.