(no subject)
tonight was so weird
i drove the airport only to find my aircraft viewing spot is still under fucking construction so i had to drive allll the way back home
with the shins playing and a dark highway, i had somewhat of a small panic attack...okay, maybe not so severe but i was definitely overwhelmed by a lot at once
it is my senior year and i have a stronger relationship with my wall than i do with my dad. i never thought i'd be almost graduating with no sense of a relationship with him. i know i do nothing to change it, and i dont know how any could change, but i know that before i move on to the next step in my life i would like for him to exist
my grandfather is not doing well. my family doesn't think he will make it to x-mas. today my mom went to visit him at the hospital and he thought it was snowing outside. when i visited him last weekend i had a really difficult time with it all, i literally cried everytime i even thought about him not being here some day, but i know no one lives forever
i have all these strong awesome feelings for you but i know that considering our circumstance nothing will ever be now, or maybe even ever. so why do i even stick around? i can not blame you for the reason we are not together, and i can not blame myself either, but someone has got to be to blame. sometimes i wish nothing between us would have ever happened, maybe it would save me the grief of not being able to HAVE YOU...and before anyone assumes as to who or what im talking about, save it, trust me you will never know what any of this is about. i swear to you
good night, sorry for the emo LJ entry. too much on my mind
i drove the airport only to find my aircraft viewing spot is still under fucking construction so i had to drive allll the way back home
with the shins playing and a dark highway, i had somewhat of a small panic attack...okay, maybe not so severe but i was definitely overwhelmed by a lot at once
it is my senior year and i have a stronger relationship with my wall than i do with my dad. i never thought i'd be almost graduating with no sense of a relationship with him. i know i do nothing to change it, and i dont know how any could change, but i know that before i move on to the next step in my life i would like for him to exist
my grandfather is not doing well. my family doesn't think he will make it to x-mas. today my mom went to visit him at the hospital and he thought it was snowing outside. when i visited him last weekend i had a really difficult time with it all, i literally cried everytime i even thought about him not being here some day, but i know no one lives forever
i have all these strong awesome feelings for you but i know that considering our circumstance nothing will ever be now, or maybe even ever. so why do i even stick around? i can not blame you for the reason we are not together, and i can not blame myself either, but someone has got to be to blame. sometimes i wish nothing between us would have ever happened, maybe it would save me the grief of not being able to HAVE YOU...and before anyone assumes as to who or what im talking about, save it, trust me you will never know what any of this is about. i swear to you
good night, sorry for the emo LJ entry. too much on my mind