"Kris, No One Wants To Go" - Pops (I love you)
It's an unfamiliar feeling knowing someone you dearly love will soon be gone forever.
We visited him last weekend, and he literally looked like a dying man. It worsened every day we were there.
He was literally skin & bones...the cancer eating him alive.
I can only imagine the thoughts, worries, concerns, fear running through his mind.
It was the last time I'd ever speak to him, touch him, see him...just typing all of this down brings tears to my eyes.
I try not to think about it because it devastates me to the point where I can't stop crying.
Last night, I spoke with someone over the phone who allowed me to talk and cry about it.
It was the first time I had really cried and shared my feelings out loud. It felt good, though it was a temporary, fleeting moment of relief.
Sometimes you just have to cry to let it out. You know?
But that won't be the last time I cry about it.
Not only did he let me really expel my feelings and emotions, but we talked...for what I believe was a few hours.
Time just flew by, and it felt good to talk to him again -- in a civil way.
For once, we just talked. No arguing, no hard feelings. Just...talk.
It was refreshing, and it felt like old times...when things weren't so messed up.
He's doing his own thing, and I mine.
While I want to say we were talking like friends, it was evident we still had feelings for each other.
And I hate to admit it, but I really do.
I think about him on my downtime, and I have to tell myself to shake it off and stop.
It was a very honest conversation. Something we hadn't had in quite some time.
I do miss him.
It'd be nice to see him again.
How feasible or smart that is, I just don't know.
But, I've never been one to always make the right decision. I like to take chances.
I swear my heart guides my actions. More like dictates what I do and what I say.
It's who I've always been. I've been burned in the past, and sometimes it was never a good idea, but it's just my nature.
Anyway, it feels good to know someone cares enough to pray for my grandfather and keep him and me in his thoughts.
Thank you so much. You know who you are.
It truly means a lot. :)
We visited him last weekend, and he literally looked like a dying man. It worsened every day we were there.
He was literally skin & bones...the cancer eating him alive.
I can only imagine the thoughts, worries, concerns, fear running through his mind.
It was the last time I'd ever speak to him, touch him, see him...just typing all of this down brings tears to my eyes.
I try not to think about it because it devastates me to the point where I can't stop crying.
Last night, I spoke with someone over the phone who allowed me to talk and cry about it.
It was the first time I had really cried and shared my feelings out loud. It felt good, though it was a temporary, fleeting moment of relief.
Sometimes you just have to cry to let it out. You know?
But that won't be the last time I cry about it.
Not only did he let me really expel my feelings and emotions, but we talked...for what I believe was a few hours.
Time just flew by, and it felt good to talk to him again -- in a civil way.
For once, we just talked. No arguing, no hard feelings. Just...talk.
It was refreshing, and it felt like old times...when things weren't so messed up.
He's doing his own thing, and I mine.
While I want to say we were talking like friends, it was evident we still had feelings for each other.
And I hate to admit it, but I really do.
I think about him on my downtime, and I have to tell myself to shake it off and stop.
It was a very honest conversation. Something we hadn't had in quite some time.
I do miss him.
It'd be nice to see him again.
How feasible or smart that is, I just don't know.
But, I've never been one to always make the right decision. I like to take chances.
I swear my heart guides my actions. More like dictates what I do and what I say.
It's who I've always been. I've been burned in the past, and sometimes it was never a good idea, but it's just my nature.
Anyway, it feels good to know someone cares enough to pray for my grandfather and keep him and me in his thoughts.
Thank you so much. You know who you are.
It truly means a lot. :)