Cara's Exinction Diary
So, we were walking. And it starting snowing.
I really, really like snow.
It's like, my favoritest thing ever. I kinda get all warm and fuzzy---in a totally appropriate way for a Mord'Sith, when I think about snow. Don't get me wrong...I like it because it's tough. Strong. Freeze you to death. Not because the idea of rolling around with Kahlan in it makes me feel funny things in my leathers.
Come to find out...it was not snow. Because Kahlan totally tried the "catching a snowflake on the tongue" thing, and it wasn't yummy and cold. Or...it got on her face. I wasn't looking at her face. Her boobs are Right. There.
She freaked out when it turned out to be ash, or something, and took off running. Well, uh, Zedd and I kinda stood there for a minute, before taking off after her. Well...I took off so fast I felt blurry, and Zedd took an extra minute to look confused.
So, Richard caught up with her first. Butt kisser. Followed closely by moi. What we saw really, really upset Kahlan. But with those bare thighs showing above her boots, and all that cleavage, I had a hard time not just staring at her.
When I finally could look up, I realized something we all should have noticed before. The forest was on fire. HOLY CRAP. NOT GOOD. Smokey the Bear would be quite disappointed in somebody.
Well, not only that. But it happened to be the home of all the night wisps...like, ever. Why they hadn't spread the hell out, I don't know. But, there we are. Their home was on fire. And it was up to try to rush in and save any we could find. We totally need their help!
We all got to do some fighting, because of course it's the D'Harans---yeah, I know, I'm a D'Haran too, but, you know what I mean. The "bad" D'Harans, destroying the environment and crap. And PETA would totally be all over them about killing the night wisps. Well, anyway, I got to be badass, as usual.
We are so awesome. We fight hard, and look good doing it. Unfortunately, we were too late. All the night wisps were dead. Well, all but one. Unfortunately, Darken Rahl had it--her. It. Whatever. I don't get squishy over these blue things like Kahlan. Though...they are kinda pretty. But doesn't Darken kinda look like he's trying to sell us something?
I knew whatever he was saying he wanted, I knew what he really wanted. It was pretty OBVIOUS...
Kahlan and I are pretty hot stuff. OBVIOUSLY. I pondered on this, and totally zoned out while they were all talking.
Well, he finally gave it to Kahlan, and it was decided he'd hang out for a while. I wasn't too happy with this plan. Well, I don't think anyone really was, to be honest.
Kahlan and Richard did their usual squishy thing:
And we split up. Apparently the night wisp was going to spawn, and we needed to take it up stream or something. IDEK. But, I'll follow Kahlan to the ends of Cleavage and back, so, while the Rahl-boys did their bonding over lunch and SotD butt-kicking...I stared at Kahlan's. Butt. Of course. Whatever.
Oh, and Zedd wandered off to go find that bratty red-headed step-child from season one. To read Darken's mind, or whatever. I already know how he thinks. And it goes something along the lines of: "Bewbs. Mord'Sith. Evil. Bewbs. Lunch. Bewbs. Evil Plan. Kill Richard. Stab Someone. Bewbs." You're welcome to continue in song form, if you'd like.
Anyway. Kahlan and I, alone at last...mmm. Sexitimes? I THINK NOT. She was too damned busy worrying about that stupid night wisp even to let me go pee. And damnit, I really needed to go.
She started doing that thing where she wants to talk about feelings and brushing our hair, and doing our make up and stuff, and I just had to give her this face. I mean, she wouldn't even let me go pee, and she wants to talk about that kind of stuff? REALLY?
Anyway, we walked until it got really dark. But the moon was full enough that it made her cleavage look even prettier than usual. Way to go, Moon! I totally scoped and she didn't notice. Yay stealth!
So, while I was paying attention to her boobs, and she was paying attention to hurrying, she fell. It afforded me a momentarily fantastic view, but I knew I had to help my girlfriend.
She decided it was more important that I get the knocked up thing to safety, than worry about her. So now I was stuck with the pissed off thing in labor. Awesome. I hated being pregnant myself...I could feel her pain.
It took foreverz trying to find it.
But damned if I couldn't understand the thing. It was actually better company than Richard usually is!
And for some reason, she lead me back to Kahlan. I knew we belonged together.
I passed her back off to Kahlan, whom ended up giving her back, because now it was time to really stop playing around and get a move on.
So, I finally got her to this place with a bunch of lilies. I hate lilies---they make me think of dead people, for some reason. Anyway...the night wisp then proceeded to kind of explode into giving birth, and they all sorta floated around me. It was weird, but cool
I knew Kahlan would want to know all about it, so I gave her my best excited face when I told her about it.
And then we made out.
Or...no, I wanted to, but she thought it'd be a good idea to start looking for Richard, Zedd, the bratty kid, and Darken.
THE END!!!!!
I LOVE SNOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!