(no subject)
Hi. It's been awhile. That's the most recent picture of me, by the way. Just in case you all forgot what I look like.
I haven't been typing or blogging at all. I sign into Facebook every once in awhile (mostly when they send me e-mails or someone has messaged me and sometimes to play Scrabulous) but that has been about the extent of my Internet interaction. Maybe it's because I'm on the computer for 8 hours at work and then tend to avoid it all other times. Maybe it's because I used to just blog about drama - which my life is lacking these days, quite happily. I'm in a weird place. An in-between phase. I'm 27 but don't look it or feel it. I'm in a temporary house, in a temporary city, always thinking about the day I get to leave. I'm in between sizes - too small for a small, too big for a medium - and too short for it all. I'm in between places at my job - most of the time I'm designing and not editing ... and I don't know how I feel about it.
I've been feeling pretty lonely lately. For girlfriends. Matt is amazing. And I'd be going totally crazy without him. But, he's not a girl, ya know? I have a girlfriend here who is fun, but it's not like a typical friendship. We hang out but don't call each other. Sometimes we go days without really speaking - even though our desks at work are next to each other. And my best girlfriend here ... well, we'll always be friends but I feel really disconnected from her. We live 15 minutes apart and haven't seen each other for months. I guess I just keep thinking about how life will never be the same; it will never be like it used to be. My best, best friend lives thousands of miles away; there's a chance my sister and I will never live in the same city again; I don't know where I'll be a year from now; my relationship with my parents will change drastically when I leave Gainesville ... am I ready for all this? I'm ready to leave this town, but not some of the people. I was in Minnesota last week, and I just felt so at home there. The city, the bars, the food, the people, the accent, the weather; everything just feels so good when I'm there. But it's not just me anymore; it's Matt and I. We've both got things we want, things we miss about our "homelands" ... the next phase will be a compromise, whatever is good for both of us.
I don't know. The future is a scary place.