542: Have some mystic bullshit!
AAAAAAAAAAAH.
I AM ON THE CUSP, GUYS. I am so freaking close to passing the JLPT, I'm seriously, like, 1 or 2 points below passing on just about every section. Admittedly, you don't need a horribly good score to pass this test XD But this at least means I have a decent base to work off of.
Of course, this means I get to ignore my nano HAHA. Sorry, novel, but hell if I'm paying $60 to take this test again if I can actually pass it the first time.
Uh, in other news, nanowrimo! I'm about 6k behind already XD Mostly because I took yesterday to just take a practice test and my brain seriously putzed out on wanting to write anymore. But tomorrow is the Grand Californian write-in, and on the 18th my region's ML and I promised to be at the movie theater for Harry Potter starting at 11 am, soooooo~ I'm pretty sure I have a lot of opportunities to catch up. I need to focus on my test.
And lastly, well, I think I have a thing for a girl OTL A Hannafag, obviously. (Why they all gotta be so damn attractive?) but I worry that it's just an hyperactive desire to just get to know her, you know? I mean, I got over Diana pretty painlessly once I decided we were decent enough friends, but, uuuuh, that did take awhile. And this girl is just so FREAKING COOL.
Anyway, I was 悩むing about it last night when my tarot cards starting clamoring for my attention. I haven't done a reading in AGES but I am not one to ignore my cards when they go through the trouble of yelling at me.
1: Present Position: Judgement Reversed
Basically like being in limbo. Either the judgement was postponed, or you were found guilty, any judgement that is generally not pleasant. Can also infer a romantic disconnect.
-I'm taking this as referring to my current relationship with this girl and the other Hannafags. I'm kind of an anti-social twat right now, so it feels a bit like being in limbo, seeing if I'll ever get to be decent friends with them and whatnot.
2: Immediate Influence: Ace of Cups
This is a card of beginnings and fresh starts. It signifies the start of something wonderful and represents fertility, creativity and abundance.
-Despite my feeling in limbo, there are a million new beginnings waiting to happen with these people if I just reach out to them.
3: Distant Past: 6 of Pentacles Reversed
This card signifies avarice and greed, everything bad there can be about money, mostly.
-I guess this is saying I've been selfish. And I have been with relationships; I want to keep the husbands to myself and I'm not good with meeting new people recently and I'm not open to letting new comers into my groups of friends.
4: Recent Past: 6 of Swords Reversed
A stalemate. Infers an inability to move forward. If there is activity going on around you, you are not the active person.
-More of what I've been saying about not initiating contact with everyone. The last card told of how I've always been wary of outsiders, and this one is showing that even if I'm willing to let new people in, I've still be unable to invite those new friendships.
5: Goal: Knight of Cups Reversed
The knight of cups generally represents emotional rescue; the arrival of your knight in shining armor. When reversed, it means that savior is too good to be true. Advises that you proceed with caution.
-Okay, so I don't know. (This was the part of the reading where I started wondering if all my cards were just upside down.) Upright, this card is totally my goal. But perhaps it sees that I'm setting myself up for failure. One of the things I wondered while shuffling the cards was "Do I even genuinely like her this time?" Perhaps my unconscious goal is to find out she isn't interested so I don't have to spend so much time fretting over a relationship.
6: Future Influence: The Lovers Reversed
Failed expectations. Infers that your standards in love are unrealistic.
-Every now and again, when I vaguely fancy myself interested in someone, I find some trait in them that assures me I wouldn't actually want to date them. In this position, I assume it means I am going to find such a trait in this girl as well. But no lover is ever going to be perfect. When I come across this trait, I'll have to try to look past it.
7: The Questioner: Emperor
Represents order, strength and calm. Indicates a person with power, or one's own power to lead.
-I figure the ball is in my court. I'm the one with the misleading facebook statuses and lack of messenger programs with which to contact me. I have the power to turn that around and express my interests.
8: Outside View: Death
Speaks of major changes, often leading to hardship or loss. Also represents new beginnings and regeneration.
-NO ONE IS GONNA KILL ME, DON'T WORRY. This card is always very difficult for me to understand because it talks about how other people see me in this situation. To someone, I must look like some kind of impending doom, that any relationship I form will only lead to hardship and perhaps disappointment from others.
9: Hopes and Fears: 10 of Cups
Represents love, friendship, happiness and fulfillment.
-Yup. That's... basically what I want. It's spelled out pretty clearly here.
10: Final Outcome: Ace of Pentacles Reversed
Warns that money can't buy happiness. Tells of a coming fortune with unseen consequences.
-This one confused me for the longest time, but I think I've figured it out; Something will come of this relationship. Either we start going out or maybe we just become super fabulous best friends, whatever. What I want, I will get in some form. But, with it, some unforeseen hardship will hit us. Perhaps it will be opposition from family or friends because of our gender. Perhaps the distance will prove too difficult for one of us. (Not me, I'm all over the distance thing) Whatever it is, I think the outside view sees it. Whoever it is that thinks of me as some kind of impending doom knows the hardship that could come of this relationship. The nice thing about the final outcome being represented in an minor arcana is that it's a fairly weak card. It can be changed if act accordingly. Perhaps I'll just have to find who is my outside viewer and convince them that I can handle it, and that this girl is worth it.
After all, isn't love worth fighting for?
Anyway, with that in mind, I do believe some movement from my side is in order. (Haha, because I'm not abysmal at flirting or anything.)
I AM ON THE CUSP, GUYS. I am so freaking close to passing the JLPT, I'm seriously, like, 1 or 2 points below passing on just about every section. Admittedly, you don't need a horribly good score to pass this test XD But this at least means I have a decent base to work off of.
Of course, this means I get to ignore my nano HAHA. Sorry, novel, but hell if I'm paying $60 to take this test again if I can actually pass it the first time.
Uh, in other news, nanowrimo! I'm about 6k behind already XD Mostly because I took yesterday to just take a practice test and my brain seriously putzed out on wanting to write anymore. But tomorrow is the Grand Californian write-in, and on the 18th my region's ML and I promised to be at the movie theater for Harry Potter starting at 11 am, soooooo~ I'm pretty sure I have a lot of opportunities to catch up. I need to focus on my test.
And lastly, well, I think I have a thing for a girl OTL A Hannafag, obviously. (Why they all gotta be so damn attractive?) but I worry that it's just an hyperactive desire to just get to know her, you know? I mean, I got over Diana pretty painlessly once I decided we were decent enough friends, but, uuuuh, that did take awhile. And this girl is just so FREAKING COOL.
Anyway, I was 悩むing about it last night when my tarot cards starting clamoring for my attention. I haven't done a reading in AGES but I am not one to ignore my cards when they go through the trouble of yelling at me.
1: Present Position: Judgement Reversed
Basically like being in limbo. Either the judgement was postponed, or you were found guilty, any judgement that is generally not pleasant. Can also infer a romantic disconnect.
-I'm taking this as referring to my current relationship with this girl and the other Hannafags. I'm kind of an anti-social twat right now, so it feels a bit like being in limbo, seeing if I'll ever get to be decent friends with them and whatnot.
2: Immediate Influence: Ace of Cups
This is a card of beginnings and fresh starts. It signifies the start of something wonderful and represents fertility, creativity and abundance.
-Despite my feeling in limbo, there are a million new beginnings waiting to happen with these people if I just reach out to them.
3: Distant Past: 6 of Pentacles Reversed
This card signifies avarice and greed, everything bad there can be about money, mostly.
-I guess this is saying I've been selfish. And I have been with relationships; I want to keep the husbands to myself and I'm not good with meeting new people recently and I'm not open to letting new comers into my groups of friends.
4: Recent Past: 6 of Swords Reversed
A stalemate. Infers an inability to move forward. If there is activity going on around you, you are not the active person.
-More of what I've been saying about not initiating contact with everyone. The last card told of how I've always been wary of outsiders, and this one is showing that even if I'm willing to let new people in, I've still be unable to invite those new friendships.
5: Goal: Knight of Cups Reversed
The knight of cups generally represents emotional rescue; the arrival of your knight in shining armor. When reversed, it means that savior is too good to be true. Advises that you proceed with caution.
-Okay, so I don't know. (This was the part of the reading where I started wondering if all my cards were just upside down.) Upright, this card is totally my goal. But perhaps it sees that I'm setting myself up for failure. One of the things I wondered while shuffling the cards was "Do I even genuinely like her this time?" Perhaps my unconscious goal is to find out she isn't interested so I don't have to spend so much time fretting over a relationship.
6: Future Influence: The Lovers Reversed
Failed expectations. Infers that your standards in love are unrealistic.
-Every now and again, when I vaguely fancy myself interested in someone, I find some trait in them that assures me I wouldn't actually want to date them. In this position, I assume it means I am going to find such a trait in this girl as well. But no lover is ever going to be perfect. When I come across this trait, I'll have to try to look past it.
7: The Questioner: Emperor
Represents order, strength and calm. Indicates a person with power, or one's own power to lead.
-I figure the ball is in my court. I'm the one with the misleading facebook statuses and lack of messenger programs with which to contact me. I have the power to turn that around and express my interests.
8: Outside View: Death
Speaks of major changes, often leading to hardship or loss. Also represents new beginnings and regeneration.
-NO ONE IS GONNA KILL ME, DON'T WORRY. This card is always very difficult for me to understand because it talks about how other people see me in this situation. To someone, I must look like some kind of impending doom, that any relationship I form will only lead to hardship and perhaps disappointment from others.
9: Hopes and Fears: 10 of Cups
Represents love, friendship, happiness and fulfillment.
-Yup. That's... basically what I want. It's spelled out pretty clearly here.
10: Final Outcome: Ace of Pentacles Reversed
Warns that money can't buy happiness. Tells of a coming fortune with unseen consequences.
-This one confused me for the longest time, but I think I've figured it out; Something will come of this relationship. Either we start going out or maybe we just become super fabulous best friends, whatever. What I want, I will get in some form. But, with it, some unforeseen hardship will hit us. Perhaps it will be opposition from family or friends because of our gender. Perhaps the distance will prove too difficult for one of us. (Not me, I'm all over the distance thing) Whatever it is, I think the outside view sees it. Whoever it is that thinks of me as some kind of impending doom knows the hardship that could come of this relationship. The nice thing about the final outcome being represented in an minor arcana is that it's a fairly weak card. It can be changed if act accordingly. Perhaps I'll just have to find who is my outside viewer and convince them that I can handle it, and that this girl is worth it.
After all, isn't love worth fighting for?
Anyway, with that in mind, I do believe some movement from my side is in order. (Haha, because I'm not abysmal at flirting or anything.)