September Update of my life.
Im going to be a vet.
Thats my decision at this point. I dont doubt it. I think I could make an amazing vet.
I mean I think im amazing at everything. But it only means i believe in potential..... (im not conceeded).....much.
I want to own many dogs. Many fish. Some lizards. One bird...... Maybe a hampster. Definately a scorpion...and a snake.
Still think i shouldnt be a vet?
I also love plants. I infact could live in a room entirely covered in vines. Its the color green. I love it. It makes me think of life.
Im sure im like the most hypocritical naturalist i know. It only bothers me a bit. It bothers me that i think.... maybe this isnt how im supose to be, or.... maybe i should not be a hypocrite.
I like being a hypocrite.... dont ask me why. Something about it is attractive to me. (not like im attracted to hypocrites) Im just attracted to that characteristic of myself. I supose i feel better than most people since i get the best of both worlds. I get to say im really into the environment.... then i light up a smoke.
I guess im not really proud of that fact. I just dont want to do anyhting about that situation.
Never blame the nicotine.
I love my fish. I have many. like ummm.... 40.
They dont all have names. My first 6 do. Theres the fancy guppies. M/F... Sully and Dahlia. Theres the .... I actually dont know what they are. i used to know. M/M ... Milo and Not-Milo. Then theres my regular guppies. F/F... Frankie and Claire. (One died though. I feel like shit about it..... cuz i dont know which one it was.) Then from the new baby fish i only named one Male... Morgan. He's my favorite. I havent named the other 33 since i want to get rid of them.... not point getting attatched to them.
When stacey gets her tank. Milo and Not-Milo are gonna be hers. (I bought Milo for her B-day anyway. haha)
I hate working.
I also cut my head on a metal shelf for lumber. .... ..... ..... at work.
Im too tired to work.
Did i mention im entirely broke. ...... ya.
I told a guy at work that i have to be humurous... to keep from killing myself.
He laughed like crazy for 3 minutes.
I guess he thought i was kidding.
Another guy at work mentions to me that im comfortable with myself and that i know who i am.
I said to him "I love that you think that." "but its not true"
He stands by his statement.
I stand by mine.
I love The Offspring. They are an inspiration to life. And they make me feel good. Dexter Hollands voice makes me want to scream. I feel the energy of his songs everytime. And i dont have to feel what the words are saying.... cause the feeling is explained in tone.... and i get it. I can instantly relate.
I realised the other day that im weird.
That.... I have 6 holes on my face.
I wear many skirts at once.
Scarfs in the summer.
My hair is Yellow and Orange.
It all came together at once.
This is what I look like to others. And i looked at myself for a while. It hurts that people will never see what i see.
Im beautiful.
If i was reading this as someone elses writting.... I would bitch them out in my mind. I would find so many ways to call bullshit.
But it feels real..... I think im trying not to be fake anymore.
The word try worries me...... it should come naturally, no?
Well school has started.
Fucking School Tomorrow morning.
I should sleep then.
-----k-r-y-s-t-a-l------