General Krel Update~!
I haven't posted in a little while, because every time I think of something to post, I realize it's trite and silly and would be odd to post as a follow-up to, well, my rather unusual last post.
Kelsey and I are still talking, she calls me once a week now, and we have a nice chat. At first, it was difficult, because I missed her so much, and wanted nothing more than to give in to that feeling during conversations with her. It's getting easier now. I still miss her, I'm still lonely at nights, but I suppose it will be that way until I find someone else. I had to be harsh with her a couple conversations ago, when she was talking about doing everything in order to get back together with me, because that wasn't healthy, so I simply told her "No.", and hated myself for the next few days for doing so. The right thing to do is always hard...
In any case! Things are a little unsteady on all fronts of my life. I'm taking a lighter classload than usual this quarter, with the logic that it'll be easier to focus on classes and, well, teach myself to focus in general if I have fewer classes to focus on. Still a full-time class load, hell, a *difficult* one at that, but not as much as I've grown used to in the past year. It's nice, I find myself with time to relax on my own, time to actually *read* the textbooks I buy for once.
The greatest change in my life recently is how much more time I have to spend with my friends. At times I look at everything I have now, all the good relationships I've built, all the *great* people I know, and am simply amazed at how much better I have it now than I did three years ago when I dropped out.
I'm finding myself interested in other girls for the first time in two years, now, and that change is a bit unsettling. I think it'll be a little bit before I'm comfortable starting a relationship again, although there's someone I really do have in mind...
Work is the same as usual. Not much to speak of there. I get a new project on Monday concerning image analysis, which I'm looking forward to greatly, since I've been entrenched in a monstrous webapp (including all tiers, from downloading the data, to parsing it, to populating the database with it, to programming the php frontend to process and access it) for... christ, since sometime around June xD. On the way, I've become more familiar than I ever wanted to be with perl, php, mysql, and linux, which are great skills to have, so yeah. On one hand, I'm glad to have been part of all levels of development for something like this, an opportunity I'd be lucky to get elsewhere, but on the other hand, I'm just glad it's finally done xD
One of my closest friends down here, Scott (numist), is seriously dating my sister, Cindy (milami), and I think that some people may be curious as to my seeming lack of a reaction to it. I suppose the stereotypical big brother reaction is "omg stay away from my sister", so I suppose some explanation is due as to why I'm not behaving that way. A few points of explanation:
- Cindy and I have been good friends for years, and she never really dated until after high school, so I never lived with her while she had a serious boyfriend.
- Cindy is an *amazing* person, I like to think that I've spent my whole life trying to catch up to her in maturity, even though I'm 2.5 years older than her. I often say, completely seriously, that Cindy is like me, but with a work ethic, and it's completely true, she's talented *and* hard-working, a rare combination.
- Scott is also an amazing person. He's a bit younger than me, and has accomplished more in his life so far than I reasonably expect to accomplish in the next *decade*. The man never ceases to amaze me, in his talent, his perseverance, his work ethic, and, most of all, his people skills. He is a great friend, and I couldn't imagine a better person for my sister.
There isn't much more to say, without making this entry more extremely long than it needs to be. I'm going to get fine grades this quarter, that much is certain. Work will be interesting, I initially intended on leaving the company after accumulating a year's worth of experience, a date which is approaching rapidly (8 weeks from now?), and am now questioning whether or not that would be the right decision to make. What better introduction to my field than a job where I'm exposed to and involved in the *entire* process? Then again, a pay hike wouldn't hurt xD
During the relationship, my motivation for everything was Kelsey. I went to school to support her, I worked to support her, I tutored her, I cared for her. It was only after a full year of doing this that I realized that I had become her parent, and no longer her boyfriend. Leaving her has shown me that there is so much more to life, and I'm still in a phase where I'm adjusting to it all.
I still miss her. It hurts, but at the same time, it feels good to know that I still *can* feel this way. I feel more *normal* than ever now, and it's a hell of a thing to adjust to, but I believe that the death of my idealism is a good thing.
Kelsey and I are still talking, she calls me once a week now, and we have a nice chat. At first, it was difficult, because I missed her so much, and wanted nothing more than to give in to that feeling during conversations with her. It's getting easier now. I still miss her, I'm still lonely at nights, but I suppose it will be that way until I find someone else. I had to be harsh with her a couple conversations ago, when she was talking about doing everything in order to get back together with me, because that wasn't healthy, so I simply told her "No.", and hated myself for the next few days for doing so. The right thing to do is always hard...
In any case! Things are a little unsteady on all fronts of my life. I'm taking a lighter classload than usual this quarter, with the logic that it'll be easier to focus on classes and, well, teach myself to focus in general if I have fewer classes to focus on. Still a full-time class load, hell, a *difficult* one at that, but not as much as I've grown used to in the past year. It's nice, I find myself with time to relax on my own, time to actually *read* the textbooks I buy for once.
The greatest change in my life recently is how much more time I have to spend with my friends. At times I look at everything I have now, all the good relationships I've built, all the *great* people I know, and am simply amazed at how much better I have it now than I did three years ago when I dropped out.
I'm finding myself interested in other girls for the first time in two years, now, and that change is a bit unsettling. I think it'll be a little bit before I'm comfortable starting a relationship again, although there's someone I really do have in mind...
Work is the same as usual. Not much to speak of there. I get a new project on Monday concerning image analysis, which I'm looking forward to greatly, since I've been entrenched in a monstrous webapp (including all tiers, from downloading the data, to parsing it, to populating the database with it, to programming the php frontend to process and access it) for... christ, since sometime around June xD. On the way, I've become more familiar than I ever wanted to be with perl, php, mysql, and linux, which are great skills to have, so yeah. On one hand, I'm glad to have been part of all levels of development for something like this, an opportunity I'd be lucky to get elsewhere, but on the other hand, I'm just glad it's finally done xD
One of my closest friends down here, Scott (numist), is seriously dating my sister, Cindy (milami), and I think that some people may be curious as to my seeming lack of a reaction to it. I suppose the stereotypical big brother reaction is "omg stay away from my sister", so I suppose some explanation is due as to why I'm not behaving that way. A few points of explanation:
- Cindy and I have been good friends for years, and she never really dated until after high school, so I never lived with her while she had a serious boyfriend.
- Cindy is an *amazing* person, I like to think that I've spent my whole life trying to catch up to her in maturity, even though I'm 2.5 years older than her. I often say, completely seriously, that Cindy is like me, but with a work ethic, and it's completely true, she's talented *and* hard-working, a rare combination.
- Scott is also an amazing person. He's a bit younger than me, and has accomplished more in his life so far than I reasonably expect to accomplish in the next *decade*. The man never ceases to amaze me, in his talent, his perseverance, his work ethic, and, most of all, his people skills. He is a great friend, and I couldn't imagine a better person for my sister.
There isn't much more to say, without making this entry more extremely long than it needs to be. I'm going to get fine grades this quarter, that much is certain. Work will be interesting, I initially intended on leaving the company after accumulating a year's worth of experience, a date which is approaching rapidly (8 weeks from now?), and am now questioning whether or not that would be the right decision to make. What better introduction to my field than a job where I'm exposed to and involved in the *entire* process? Then again, a pay hike wouldn't hurt xD
During the relationship, my motivation for everything was Kelsey. I went to school to support her, I worked to support her, I tutored her, I cared for her. It was only after a full year of doing this that I realized that I had become her parent, and no longer her boyfriend. Leaving her has shown me that there is so much more to life, and I'm still in a phase where I'm adjusting to it all.
I still miss her. It hurts, but at the same time, it feels good to know that I still *can* feel this way. I feel more *normal* than ever now, and it's a hell of a thing to adjust to, but I believe that the death of my idealism is a good thing.