=/ Krel's single?
Krel's in a weird time of his life right now.
Kelsey moved out of town once Krel presented the ultimatum that Krel wouldn't pay for her rent anymore, and is now living in (undisclosed (to me) location). This was a reaction to Krel telling Kelsey that Krel wouldn't pay her rent anymore starting with the new year.
Okay, enough third person.
I realize now that a large part of my motivation to succeed at work and school and life in general was to provide for her financially. Hell, a HUGE part. My life is meaningless without her... and that's a problem. A problem that I intend to work on.
I still have plenty of friends around me, and my pride, and that's what's carrying me through. I'm also taking the opportunity now to find pleasure in my field for what it is, and not for what it pays for, and that's a step I've been needing to take for a long time now.
Relationship status? Big question mark there. I still care about her, hell, I still love her, but she's gone, and I'm not sure I want her back. Well, I'm divided. I want her back like crazy, but having her with me makes me weak, and her leaving only exposes those weaknesses. I need time, lots of time, to grow up on my own, and become independent. It SHOCKS me how much I depended on the motivation of needing to financially support her.
In any case, I'm not looking for another relationship for a while now. I'm lonely, god, I'm incredibly lonely already. But I have friends around me, friends I've been neglecting for a while now, and I have a lot of hope. At the same time, the feeling of massive vulnerability I'm going through right now makes me reluctant to even think about girls that I've been attracted to in the past.
I screwed this relationship up so much, how can I even consider entering another until I become a different person entirely?
Kelsey moved out of town once Krel presented the ultimatum that Krel wouldn't pay for her rent anymore, and is now living in (undisclosed (to me) location). This was a reaction to Krel telling Kelsey that Krel wouldn't pay her rent anymore starting with the new year.
Okay, enough third person.
I realize now that a large part of my motivation to succeed at work and school and life in general was to provide for her financially. Hell, a HUGE part. My life is meaningless without her... and that's a problem. A problem that I intend to work on.
I still have plenty of friends around me, and my pride, and that's what's carrying me through. I'm also taking the opportunity now to find pleasure in my field for what it is, and not for what it pays for, and that's a step I've been needing to take for a long time now.
Relationship status? Big question mark there. I still care about her, hell, I still love her, but she's gone, and I'm not sure I want her back. Well, I'm divided. I want her back like crazy, but having her with me makes me weak, and her leaving only exposes those weaknesses. I need time, lots of time, to grow up on my own, and become independent. It SHOCKS me how much I depended on the motivation of needing to financially support her.
In any case, I'm not looking for another relationship for a while now. I'm lonely, god, I'm incredibly lonely already. But I have friends around me, friends I've been neglecting for a while now, and I have a lot of hope. At the same time, the feeling of massive vulnerability I'm going through right now makes me reluctant to even think about girls that I've been attracted to in the past.
I screwed this relationship up so much, how can I even consider entering another until I become a different person entirely?