sick and tired.
i dont write here much because i prefer to write in my xanga. i dont know why. most of the time it's because i just write about my days, and i like to keep my friends updated on my life. i write here when it's something serious. something i dont really want people (or a lot of people anyway) to read.
this time, its about Alexis. and i know i've written about my problems with her before, but this time...it's serious.
i dont want to talk to her anymore. and that makes me sad. more sad than anyone knows, because i've known her since 3rd grade. and thats a long time to know someone. we made it through two different high schools, her going to Granite Hills and me going to El Capitan. we always had a common tie which was band. we always had things to talk about, or reasons to see each other. band, band, band. then jesse and her broke up for the final time and she snapped. now, she's all about going downtown with this Mercedes chick. drinking. dressing, LITERALLY, like a slut. there are pictures on her with her "friends" and theres on a stripper pole. theyre wearing clothes (this time anyway. there may have been other times that i just dont know about) and someone who worked at the club actually asked them if they wanted applications. for what? to be a slut? to be eye candy? you already act and dress like you want attention, even though you say you dont. and then this?! and you just think its funny. the only person that relates with me on this is jesse. robin says that she is acting like a whore, and that i should just not hang out with her anymore. but jesse has know alexis for a long time too. not as long as me, but since their freshman year of high school. and he sees these things too. he sees how shes acting, whats shes turning in to. and he, like me, knows that since she has graduated, we wont see her every again. she may call to hang out, but at this point, i dont like the person she is. i dont want to associate myself with someone like that. so if she does call, i think i'm going to make an excuse. say i'm busy. say i'm hanging out with robin. that'll make her jealous. say i'm hanging out with felicia, like i am tonight. i am SO excited about that. but it would be nice if she felt at all sad that we are drifting apart. the last time i tried to talk to her about it, she just cried. we got nothing productive done. it was actually a waste of my time and energy. nothing has changed. she still dresses like a skank when she goes out. robin said we should invite her out with us and then dress like COMPLETE whores. super skimpy skirts with hooker boots and super low cut tops with a shit ton of makeup on. it made me laugh. a part of me thinks that alexis wouldnt realize we were mocking her, and would be down with it. and that makes me sad. i just read what she write in her xanga, about going out on new years, and then on sunday, and then on tues, wed, and thurs, then going to the snow with Mercedes and a BUNCH of guys this weekened. whatever. do what you want, i'm so tired of worrying and caring. you want to be crazy, go. do it. but dont except me to come. you embarrass me when you go out and act the way you do. i dont want to be seen with you. i have friends that still act somewhat normal that i'd rather go out with. like robin. and brenda and felicia. these people dont act like crazy whores. well...they do. but in a good way. not in the way you do. i like being with these people. going to The Shout House. or whatever. tonight felicia and i are going to play Harry Potter Clue. i would invite you, but you'd probably ask if we can drink. why?? if it happens it happens. why do you NEED it to happen?
sigh.
but i could never say this to her. she would go off the deep end like she did with jesse. and that was scary. i would never want to be the reason that happens again. so i will suffer in silence and just avoid it. and her.
this time, its about Alexis. and i know i've written about my problems with her before, but this time...it's serious.
i dont want to talk to her anymore. and that makes me sad. more sad than anyone knows, because i've known her since 3rd grade. and thats a long time to know someone. we made it through two different high schools, her going to Granite Hills and me going to El Capitan. we always had a common tie which was band. we always had things to talk about, or reasons to see each other. band, band, band. then jesse and her broke up for the final time and she snapped. now, she's all about going downtown with this Mercedes chick. drinking. dressing, LITERALLY, like a slut. there are pictures on her with her "friends" and theres on a stripper pole. theyre wearing clothes (this time anyway. there may have been other times that i just dont know about) and someone who worked at the club actually asked them if they wanted applications. for what? to be a slut? to be eye candy? you already act and dress like you want attention, even though you say you dont. and then this?! and you just think its funny. the only person that relates with me on this is jesse. robin says that she is acting like a whore, and that i should just not hang out with her anymore. but jesse has know alexis for a long time too. not as long as me, but since their freshman year of high school. and he sees these things too. he sees how shes acting, whats shes turning in to. and he, like me, knows that since she has graduated, we wont see her every again. she may call to hang out, but at this point, i dont like the person she is. i dont want to associate myself with someone like that. so if she does call, i think i'm going to make an excuse. say i'm busy. say i'm hanging out with robin. that'll make her jealous. say i'm hanging out with felicia, like i am tonight. i am SO excited about that. but it would be nice if she felt at all sad that we are drifting apart. the last time i tried to talk to her about it, she just cried. we got nothing productive done. it was actually a waste of my time and energy. nothing has changed. she still dresses like a skank when she goes out. robin said we should invite her out with us and then dress like COMPLETE whores. super skimpy skirts with hooker boots and super low cut tops with a shit ton of makeup on. it made me laugh. a part of me thinks that alexis wouldnt realize we were mocking her, and would be down with it. and that makes me sad. i just read what she write in her xanga, about going out on new years, and then on sunday, and then on tues, wed, and thurs, then going to the snow with Mercedes and a BUNCH of guys this weekened. whatever. do what you want, i'm so tired of worrying and caring. you want to be crazy, go. do it. but dont except me to come. you embarrass me when you go out and act the way you do. i dont want to be seen with you. i have friends that still act somewhat normal that i'd rather go out with. like robin. and brenda and felicia. these people dont act like crazy whores. well...they do. but in a good way. not in the way you do. i like being with these people. going to The Shout House. or whatever. tonight felicia and i are going to play Harry Potter Clue. i would invite you, but you'd probably ask if we can drink. why?? if it happens it happens. why do you NEED it to happen?
sigh.
but i could never say this to her. she would go off the deep end like she did with jesse. and that was scary. i would never want to be the reason that happens again. so i will suffer in silence and just avoid it. and her.