i dont know.
i feel like i talk about dustin too much. i talk about him to my friends, my family, i write about him in my xanga and my livejournal, i have pics of him on my myspace. god, i must get so annoying. ive decided that im going to stop talking about him. and after this entry, if i feel the need to talk about him, ill make it priavte.
i feel like i pay too much attention to him. he doesnt really talk about me. he stopped writing in his xanga entirely. so its like, i talk about him to keep people up to date. he doesnt care, why should i?
i think im too clingy. i think i rely on him too much. i feel like i should grow up and try to act more adult, but i cant. i wish he was younger so we could do more fun things. but hes older than me. he doesnt want to do the same things i do. he says he'll do them because he wants to make me happy. i want him to do them because he thinks theyll be fun. maybe i ask for too much? its times like these that i think about what if we broke up and i found someone closer to my age. closer to my mentality. someone who gets excited about going to college parties and going drinking and doing things we shouldnt instead of talking about how he cant because it upsets his stomach and hes too tired and he wants to go to bed. i mean, i want to go out to parties and drink with friends. i want to go do things that i shouldnt, be stupid, maybe wake up in the morning wondering why i did stuff, and i want him beside me. not staying up taking care of me like my mom. i want him to be like, man that was dumb i CANNOT believe we did that. but...he wont. he cant. he isnt like that. i mean, i think he used to be. he told me stories about him and jeremy, and ive heard things from other people. but being with me has...changed him i guess. now hes like, all responsible. i dont know. i guess i have to accept that. i dont know why, but the thought makes me want to cry.
him being so far away is killing me. i feel like we're loosing time and the more time we dont spend together, the more we are going to grow apart. we're going to keep getting more and more different. im going to want different things than him. when he gets here im going to want to go out and hes going to want to stay in and its going to be him or me. and either ill stay home with him and not have fun, or ill go out and worry about him not having fun either. then he'll go out and have fun with jeremy. the kind of fun he refuses to have with me.
i dont know what im thinking anymore. god, whats going on?
i feel like i pay too much attention to him. he doesnt really talk about me. he stopped writing in his xanga entirely. so its like, i talk about him to keep people up to date. he doesnt care, why should i?
i think im too clingy. i think i rely on him too much. i feel like i should grow up and try to act more adult, but i cant. i wish he was younger so we could do more fun things. but hes older than me. he doesnt want to do the same things i do. he says he'll do them because he wants to make me happy. i want him to do them because he thinks theyll be fun. maybe i ask for too much? its times like these that i think about what if we broke up and i found someone closer to my age. closer to my mentality. someone who gets excited about going to college parties and going drinking and doing things we shouldnt instead of talking about how he cant because it upsets his stomach and hes too tired and he wants to go to bed. i mean, i want to go out to parties and drink with friends. i want to go do things that i shouldnt, be stupid, maybe wake up in the morning wondering why i did stuff, and i want him beside me. not staying up taking care of me like my mom. i want him to be like, man that was dumb i CANNOT believe we did that. but...he wont. he cant. he isnt like that. i mean, i think he used to be. he told me stories about him and jeremy, and ive heard things from other people. but being with me has...changed him i guess. now hes like, all responsible. i dont know. i guess i have to accept that. i dont know why, but the thought makes me want to cry.
him being so far away is killing me. i feel like we're loosing time and the more time we dont spend together, the more we are going to grow apart. we're going to keep getting more and more different. im going to want different things than him. when he gets here im going to want to go out and hes going to want to stay in and its going to be him or me. and either ill stay home with him and not have fun, or ill go out and worry about him not having fun either. then he'll go out and have fun with jeremy. the kind of fun he refuses to have with me.
i dont know what im thinking anymore. god, whats going on?