Sick Of these Bite Marks!
I am trying to start 2009 on a positive note but so far it is almost impossible...
All I can think about are those whom I lost in 2008...
Whether they be friends or pets...or even boyfriends...
I feel like every year ends the same way...
In heartbreak!
It's like no matter what I do it is impossible for me to be happy. All I want is for someone to care about me for who I am...not what I look like, not what I do for a living, not how much money I make...but for WHO I AM! for who I am on the inside who I aspire to be...all I want is someone to be there to hold my hand when I am scared and tell me everything is OK, to laugh at me when I am laughing at myself not to look at me like i am crazy... Someone once asked me what do I look for in a guy...to be honest I have no real clue...here is my every changing list so far...just for today....
Sweet
Caring
Friendly
FUNNY
Serious
Spontaneous
Intelligent
I know it is a hard list...hell I would even take 4/7 I guess I just want that someone who sees the flaws in me but still loves me for me...
As for friends.....well I feel like have lost almost all but three of them...everyone else seems like they have just disappeared or have better lives...I feel like it is partly my fault because I was the one to say no go hang out with your other friends I will still be here when you get back. I think I made a major mistake...I know people have other friends but it sucks when they automatically assume that I will be here waiting for them whenever they actually feel like coming back and talking to me. I just feel like I am being used and I am so sick of it. I am sick of sitting on the sidelines while everyone else is off playing the game it really is not fare to be treated this way and I hope everyone understands and stops taking advantage of their friends and realizes that it is not a nice way to live...that everyone has feelings and a lot of times people put up shields, because they don't want you to know that you are hurting their feelings by doing something....But I think it is about time that my shield comes down...I think I have spent enough time biting my tongue...I am sick of the taste of blood at this point I can no longer hold back...and I am sorry if I hurt anyone in the process of finding out who the true me really is.
Thank You for letting me rant and for those of you who still are my friend I love you guys more than you may really know.