So you say you know...
but there is no way to tell how difficult this week has been.
Ive been working long hours just to ensure that we dont get kicked out of the apartments. I want to help my dad in any way that i can, and this at the moment is it. But my next paycheck does not fall when the rent is due so i think i might get this money.Thanks mom...
Im in the middle of an arguement with a friend- a friend i thought was a good friend. I hate fighting with him because this is not the petty shit that we do, we were different. But i have a pet peeve about friendships. I dont like to be important to you and be a good friend and then the next thing happens and im no one. Im sure that i am not the only one who feels this way in their friendships, but i feel like i dont need to be taken for granted. I am a good friend and i will be there for this person even when he is choosing to ignore me and only focus on those in his new surroundings.I just hate this feeling and i hate the feeling that he thinks im immature, but yet, just a few months ago, he thought i was mature enough to fancy me...im confused and i dont want to try to figure it out. It just hurts...
I worked today,went to Cindy's for dinner and then drove home. On the way, i stopped in to see Jaimee's headstone. It is so appropriate for her. It has her name, the dates she was alive, and her mothers saying...accomanying this is a brass vase with faux pink roses. Around the vase is a pink ribbon and a pink little sign that says 'youre an angel'.I lost it.. i still cannot cope and im not sure how. Im not sure how to let her go and how to let god. On the way home i got to thinking again about my grandpa. Its fathers day, and he cant celebrate it. So i called my grandmas house. (On the answering machine, he recorded the message and they let it there. Therefore, whenever i want to hear his voice, i can just call the house.) I was already i tears from seeing Jaimee, and from not having a Grandpa to wish happy father's day, and my grandma answered the phone. I wanted to scream, cry and hang up all at the same time. I knew in the state that she was in, that i couldnt tell her to hang up. So i nicely and as not-cryingly as i could and asked her to not answer the phone when i called. She did that and i got to hear grandpa. I had to pull off the side of the road. I just miss him so much. He was so intelligent and always had something new and exciting to teach me or tell me about. He always wanted to make sure that his grandchildren had Josh Early Lollypops. He always made sure that we knew he loved us. I need him and his reassurance and whats worse is that 1000 miles away from him or anyone that cares for him. I have to cope bymyself and even my therapist says she is worried. The one year anniversary is coming up right before my birthday. I dont know how to explain my pain, i dont know how to cope, i dont know how to bring him back....i just want him back.
sorry...<3
Ive been working long hours just to ensure that we dont get kicked out of the apartments. I want to help my dad in any way that i can, and this at the moment is it. But my next paycheck does not fall when the rent is due so i think i might get this money.Thanks mom...
Im in the middle of an arguement with a friend- a friend i thought was a good friend. I hate fighting with him because this is not the petty shit that we do, we were different. But i have a pet peeve about friendships. I dont like to be important to you and be a good friend and then the next thing happens and im no one. Im sure that i am not the only one who feels this way in their friendships, but i feel like i dont need to be taken for granted. I am a good friend and i will be there for this person even when he is choosing to ignore me and only focus on those in his new surroundings.I just hate this feeling and i hate the feeling that he thinks im immature, but yet, just a few months ago, he thought i was mature enough to fancy me...im confused and i dont want to try to figure it out. It just hurts...
I worked today,went to Cindy's for dinner and then drove home. On the way, i stopped in to see Jaimee's headstone. It is so appropriate for her. It has her name, the dates she was alive, and her mothers saying...accomanying this is a brass vase with faux pink roses. Around the vase is a pink ribbon and a pink little sign that says 'youre an angel'.I lost it.. i still cannot cope and im not sure how. Im not sure how to let her go and how to let god. On the way home i got to thinking again about my grandpa. Its fathers day, and he cant celebrate it. So i called my grandmas house. (On the answering machine, he recorded the message and they let it there. Therefore, whenever i want to hear his voice, i can just call the house.) I was already i tears from seeing Jaimee, and from not having a Grandpa to wish happy father's day, and my grandma answered the phone. I wanted to scream, cry and hang up all at the same time. I knew in the state that she was in, that i couldnt tell her to hang up. So i nicely and as not-cryingly as i could and asked her to not answer the phone when i called. She did that and i got to hear grandpa. I had to pull off the side of the road. I just miss him so much. He was so intelligent and always had something new and exciting to teach me or tell me about. He always wanted to make sure that his grandchildren had Josh Early Lollypops. He always made sure that we knew he loved us. I need him and his reassurance and whats worse is that 1000 miles away from him or anyone that cares for him. I have to cope bymyself and even my therapist says she is worried. The one year anniversary is coming up right before my birthday. I dont know how to explain my pain, i dont know how to cope, i dont know how to bring him back....i just want him back.
sorry...<3