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Just a quick update. Been an okay week. Tuesday was an awsome day. I got a lot done in school and passed my hardest Algebra test yet. Then I got to go to the dojo and help Sensei Kim & Aimee with lil' dragons and that was soooo much fun. I love being able to be a part of that and it's so cool getting to be a part of these little kids lives. I'm really enjoying getting close to all of them as well as getting closer to Sensei Kim. After dragons I helped out in the 5:00 class and I got to teach Do San which was fun. Then did XMA class and as always that was a blast. I love our new kicking combo and our new form. I'm still struggling with being loud though. I guess it'll just take time. After class I went into the specialty dojo with Alaina and she was helping me with my cartwheels and we were seeing who could stay in the bridge the longest. That was fun.
After that there was a board meeting so I was sitting in the main room by myself until MB came in and that was quite the fiasco. We almost got into a physical fight which was not cool at all. I was pretty angry but I restrained myself and kept quiet. I'm really struggling with the situation with her right now. I love her so much and want to be able to forgive her and be able to trust her again. But as much as I love & want to forgive her I am very angry with the situation and how so many people were hurt by this, including myself. I want so much to be able to believe the things shes been telling me but I can't. And now shes trying to turn the situation around and blame other people and thats really REALLY making me angry. But I guess I should judge myself before I go around trying to judge her. But after our little fiasco I was ready to go home. As soon as Aaron dropped me off I didn't even stand around to talk with Jess. I just said bye and went inside. Then I just spent some time in prayer & tears, just trying to sort everything out in my own mind.
Yesterday I worked and that was actually fun. Overall I really enjoy my job. I get along well with most of the people I work with and just enjoy being able to keep myself busy. I've had a lot of great witnessing oportunities which has been awsome but now that everyone there knows I'm a christian it makes things a lot more difficult knowing that their all watching to see if I screw up so they can throw my faith into my face. And Satan has been trying to get me to screw up but I'm doing the best I can and keeping it in prayer.
Today has been a long day. I didn't sleep very well last night so school was rough. This new chapter in Algebra is already getting pretty complicated. I think I'm gonna have to get Jesse to help me again. Algebra is so confusing!! I did a bunch of cleaning today as well. That went okay I guess, got a lot done even though I'm pretty tired and then I got to take a nice nap. Then Mom got the kids from school and I've been babysitting them. Dad & I got into another fight which wasn't good. Thankfully I held my tounge and didn't say anything but I think he kinda woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Joe was being....himself and so I was dealing with him but because Joe was screaming that REALLY made Dad mad so he was taking it out on me, which was okay I guess, was just verbal stuff, nothing physical but still some of the stuff he said kinda hurt. If he didn't like me dealing with Joe then he should of done something himself rather then chew me out about it but oh well. Thats another thing I'm struggling with right now, being submissive. Yeah I obey my parents and do the things I'm told to do, mostly without complaint but I hate how whenever I try to do anything to help I just get my head bit off. It's frustrating, and it hurts. If they would just deal with the kids then they wouldn't have to yell at me for doing it. But when Joes doing things like punching and kicking Sean or beating on the walls someone has to stop him before he seriously hurts someone. And since Mom and Dad just ignore him I have to stop him, its for the safety of the rest of the house but then he throws such a tantrum for being stopped that I get yelled at instead. But oh well. As long as nobody else gets hurt then I'm happy.
Anyhoo I need to go start supper and then get the kids in bed. Dad had to go to work early today and Mom and Catie went to a movie so I've got child duty for the night, again. Anyhoo, Hope y'all have a great evening! Love y'all!!
~Manda