Oma-Lin Amazon
wow. its been a month since i've written in this.
it doesn't feel like a month. what do i have to show for this big waste of time.
i suppose i'll just start as far back as i can remember and let it all ride up to the present.
that always seems to work.
so i work at wal-mart, but i don't make enough money to pay my bills.
i've got debts in kansas city that i still havn't paid off and my school bills are getting outrageously crazy because now some people wanna sue me. yeah, take it all fuckers, i've got nothing.
so this led my parents to believe that my current state of affairs is because of my life choices and i may need some directional coaching and monetary management skills. you know what it is? its me, its how i am, how i want to be, and if i could do less shit and be more free, I FUCKIN WOULD!
so my mom is talking about me moving home and living in the attic of the big garage and i can renevate it anyway i want. which means i'll probably pay for it, cuz if i let her pay for it, it'll end up looking like some kind of wanker pad. and i'm not shootin my rocket to the chocolate planet ever, so thats out of the question. i suppose she could be right about the living situations. i left kc, everyone i knew and made friends with (which i so regretfully havn't been able to see in such a long time) and i left my debt and some of the best paying jobs around. spent all the money i had moving into a place i couldn't afford 2 hours away from kc and then i didn't get into school like i was hoping, so no government assistance. i'm not a retard and i don't have any dissabilities that the government recognizes, and i think they'd catch on if i suddenly came down with a case of something or another which totally abuses their *ahem* generosity. if i move home i will probably end up working at the ethenol plant or the nuclear power plant in brownville. doing security guard work. yay, a fucking rent-a-cop. rok-n-roal if i decide not to go home though, i'll be cut off from my family completely no help in any way. i'm against the world on my own. i always kinda felt that way, but the reality will give me whiplash when it really sets in. the whole conversation gave me a new perspective on the relationship i have with my mom, i feel she understands me a little better. (no no, fuck you freudians). but there are other paths i can take. i could bum around from couch to couch here in maryville, maybe try to find a place to stay in kansas city, and then i've got a lot of assistance from my good friend krista up in new york. she's willing to set me up with everything. the point is, i have to have someplace to stay super cheap so i can pay off my IRS bill and my SCHOOL loans which are through the federal government. which cuz their through the federal government means they don't need a court ruling to garnish my wages. and guess what, dum dum dum dum! they know where i work now. so its just a matter of time before i will never be able to make rent payment again. the time to hesitate is through, no time to wallow in the mind. i have to make a decision what i'm goin to do and i have to do it soon. if i left maryville. i might lose all potential to find a mate, someone to make me happier and less grump-headedly. and not to mention the band. what would happen then. shit, i don't know. okay, moving on, friday nite, i went to a party at a mutual friend's place and there were some people down from lincoln/omaha. well they seemed like quite fun and there was an exceptionally cute and playful girl named brooke. i'm sure she was a little younger than me, and she was about as straight-edged as they get, minus the alcohol (wow what does that say about me). anywho, we hit it off really well and she confessed she was a cuddle-slut and i was cool with that. i was drowning in the opportunity to show someone i thought was attractive some affection. well we said good nite and then i busted my ass the next day to make it over to the theatre where i knew she'd be. she completely blew me off. the guy that was with her group, was really drunk and stupid the night before, was asking me if he knew who i was. i was momentarily struck by the absurdity and audacious behavior that all i wanted was to go home and fucking break shit and cry. i didn't do any of that, instead i went over to jamie's and wrote some music and screamed into the mic for about half an hour. it was kinda therapeudic. fucking sagitarius. should have known, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, god damn fire signs. sunday i skipped work. monday i skipped work, tuesday i had off, and hey guess what, today, wednesday, i'm skipping work. i get paid tomorrow so yeah i'll go in, and i'm supposed to work an 8 hr day shift tomorrow so we'll see what management has to say. but here's the kicker and i don't even know if i should be writing this. i hung out at the tattoo shop with steph last night, and she gave me a ride to donnie's after she closed up. i hung out there for about half an hour and then his landlords (donnie lives in an apt above his landlords) were knocking on his door asking if something was burning. he told them he had some incense going but that was it. they asked if there was anything burning in the kitchen and he said he'd check and then replied no. WE WERE HITTING THE BONG. in the living room upstairs no doubt, which is probably why they smelled it so potently downstairs. but then about 5-10 mins later there was another knock on the door and before i knew it police were forcing their way in. they searched me and all my shit, missed everything i had, searched derek who was clean, but totally got donnie. for those of you who don't know (all of you) donnie is our skilled bass player and an amazingly intelligent person. philosophy major among other things. a senior, about to graduate. they took all his shit. his weed, his pipes, bongs, containers, anything related. which wouldn't have been so bad, even with all the substance it would have been minimal misdermeanor charges. but then they fucking found his plant in the back room. BOOOOOOOOOOOM. fucking felony. automatic jail time. no more owning guns. no more voting for donnie. donnie is fucked. and i feel like everything is crashing down around me in a shockwave. like everywhere i go things just fuck up. i'm really anxious to know what anyone out there has to say. i don't care if you think i won't like it, let me have it straight in the face. cuz right now, i'm completely blown away by all this bullshit hitting the fan. and i feel so sorry for donnie. he doesn't deserve this, reguardless of the fact that he broke a stupid law against owning a plant that causes your brain to respond to chemicals that are initially all ready there... but just simply not released on command. FUCK YOU!
it doesn't feel like a month. what do i have to show for this big waste of time.
i suppose i'll just start as far back as i can remember and let it all ride up to the present.
that always seems to work.
so i work at wal-mart, but i don't make enough money to pay my bills.
i've got debts in kansas city that i still havn't paid off and my school bills are getting outrageously crazy because now some people wanna sue me. yeah, take it all fuckers, i've got nothing.
so this led my parents to believe that my current state of affairs is because of my life choices and i may need some directional coaching and monetary management skills. you know what it is? its me, its how i am, how i want to be, and if i could do less shit and be more free, I FUCKIN WOULD!
so my mom is talking about me moving home and living in the attic of the big garage and i can renevate it anyway i want. which means i'll probably pay for it, cuz if i let her pay for it, it'll end up looking like some kind of wanker pad. and i'm not shootin my rocket to the chocolate planet ever, so thats out of the question. i suppose she could be right about the living situations. i left kc, everyone i knew and made friends with (which i so regretfully havn't been able to see in such a long time) and i left my debt and some of the best paying jobs around. spent all the money i had moving into a place i couldn't afford 2 hours away from kc and then i didn't get into school like i was hoping, so no government assistance. i'm not a retard and i don't have any dissabilities that the government recognizes, and i think they'd catch on if i suddenly came down with a case of something or another which totally abuses their *ahem* generosity. if i move home i will probably end up working at the ethenol plant or the nuclear power plant in brownville. doing security guard work. yay, a fucking rent-a-cop. rok-n-roal if i decide not to go home though, i'll be cut off from my family completely no help in any way. i'm against the world on my own. i always kinda felt that way, but the reality will give me whiplash when it really sets in. the whole conversation gave me a new perspective on the relationship i have with my mom, i feel she understands me a little better. (no no, fuck you freudians). but there are other paths i can take. i could bum around from couch to couch here in maryville, maybe try to find a place to stay in kansas city, and then i've got a lot of assistance from my good friend krista up in new york. she's willing to set me up with everything. the point is, i have to have someplace to stay super cheap so i can pay off my IRS bill and my SCHOOL loans which are through the federal government. which cuz their through the federal government means they don't need a court ruling to garnish my wages. and guess what, dum dum dum dum! they know where i work now. so its just a matter of time before i will never be able to make rent payment again. the time to hesitate is through, no time to wallow in the mind. i have to make a decision what i'm goin to do and i have to do it soon. if i left maryville. i might lose all potential to find a mate, someone to make me happier and less grump-headedly. and not to mention the band. what would happen then. shit, i don't know. okay, moving on, friday nite, i went to a party at a mutual friend's place and there were some people down from lincoln/omaha. well they seemed like quite fun and there was an exceptionally cute and playful girl named brooke. i'm sure she was a little younger than me, and she was about as straight-edged as they get, minus the alcohol (wow what does that say about me). anywho, we hit it off really well and she confessed she was a cuddle-slut and i was cool with that. i was drowning in the opportunity to show someone i thought was attractive some affection. well we said good nite and then i busted my ass the next day to make it over to the theatre where i knew she'd be. she completely blew me off. the guy that was with her group, was really drunk and stupid the night before, was asking me if he knew who i was. i was momentarily struck by the absurdity and audacious behavior that all i wanted was to go home and fucking break shit and cry. i didn't do any of that, instead i went over to jamie's and wrote some music and screamed into the mic for about half an hour. it was kinda therapeudic. fucking sagitarius. should have known, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, god damn fire signs. sunday i skipped work. monday i skipped work, tuesday i had off, and hey guess what, today, wednesday, i'm skipping work. i get paid tomorrow so yeah i'll go in, and i'm supposed to work an 8 hr day shift tomorrow so we'll see what management has to say. but here's the kicker and i don't even know if i should be writing this. i hung out at the tattoo shop with steph last night, and she gave me a ride to donnie's after she closed up. i hung out there for about half an hour and then his landlords (donnie lives in an apt above his landlords) were knocking on his door asking if something was burning. he told them he had some incense going but that was it. they asked if there was anything burning in the kitchen and he said he'd check and then replied no. WE WERE HITTING THE BONG. in the living room upstairs no doubt, which is probably why they smelled it so potently downstairs. but then about 5-10 mins later there was another knock on the door and before i knew it police were forcing their way in. they searched me and all my shit, missed everything i had, searched derek who was clean, but totally got donnie. for those of you who don't know (all of you) donnie is our skilled bass player and an amazingly intelligent person. philosophy major among other things. a senior, about to graduate. they took all his shit. his weed, his pipes, bongs, containers, anything related. which wouldn't have been so bad, even with all the substance it would have been minimal misdermeanor charges. but then they fucking found his plant in the back room. BOOOOOOOOOOOM. fucking felony. automatic jail time. no more owning guns. no more voting for donnie. donnie is fucked. and i feel like everything is crashing down around me in a shockwave. like everywhere i go things just fuck up. i'm really anxious to know what anyone out there has to say. i don't care if you think i won't like it, let me have it straight in the face. cuz right now, i'm completely blown away by all this bullshit hitting the fan. and i feel so sorry for donnie. he doesn't deserve this, reguardless of the fact that he broke a stupid law against owning a plant that causes your brain to respond to chemicals that are initially all ready there... but just simply not released on command. FUCK YOU!