Natural Instincts 11/13
Author: kpopforlife
Word Count: 4880
Rating: PG-13 (overall NC-17)
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Genre: omega!verse
Warnings: Omega!verse, knotting
Summary: As soon as Jinki stepped off of the elevator he knew something was off. There was a tension, a faint whiff of something different, something foreign that laced the stagnant air with the most delicious aroma he had ever encountered. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was amiss. His senses were heightened, body reacting on its own accord, alpha pheromones immediately stirring, but for what he wasn’t quite sure.
lethallycute & MandeeGee betas<3
Prev
The first few days were… awkward to say the least. Awkward in the sense that Jonghyun was floundering, trying to find his sea legs after that emotional rollercoaster ride. It was awkward because Jonghyun had no clue what he was doing. In his defense though, he had made a rather large mental and emotional leap, and he had sort of been under the impression that their new relationship status would mean things would change for them. Things were supposed to change for them. It was something he had stewed over for months after all. He had sort of envisioned them being a bit more… attached at the hip? Maybe annoying the other members with PDA or kicking them out of the dorm to fool around; at the very least going out together to eat or catch a movie. Something along those lines at least. Just… couple things. He had been wrong. Why was he always wrong?
It was like nothing had changed. Not anything big anyway. As usual, Jinki was gone on schedules all the time so their time together was scattered, just a handful of stolen minutes throughout the day. It was as if they had started treating time like currency, rationing and saving up to spend on each other. No matter what they did, it never seemed to be enough. The elder had taken to texting him to bridge this newfound gap. Nothing heavy, just checking up on him; inquiring about his doctor’s appointment or reminding him to eat. It was un-intrusive and sweet and really not at all how Jonghyun had imagined things going. He wasn’t exactly disappointed since he was still nervous about all this dating/bonding business. He still had no idea what he was doing or if this what really what he wanted. By the looks of things, dating Jinki simply meant they did all the same stuff they did as friends with an added bonus of sex (well… at least in theory since Jinki hadn’t touched him like that since his heat).
While he enjoyed having time with Jinki without any pressure or weirdness, he kind of did want them to hurry up to the sex. Jinki’s scent was intoxicating, torturous; perfect. Jonghyun’s body recognized Jinki and now that they were spending more time together, it was harder and harder to ignore. It was getting difficult to be in the same room together without touching, without taking it further. God, Jonghyun felt like jumping him every time the elder padded down the narrow hallway fresh from the shower, towel slung low on his hips, hair dripping down his neck... was Jinki not having these same problems? He had to be… right? Or was he not as sensitive to Jonghyun’s scent as he was to Jinki’s?
Jinki wanted to take things slow and Jonghyun would respect that. He had put Jinki through enough this past year, it was the least he could do. He could be patient. He could wait. Well… he could try.
~~
The first big change happened a few days later and surprisingly, it didn’t involve Jinki at all. Minho had greeted him with a small, “good morning” at the breakfast table. His tone sulky and bitter still but they were the first words the two had shared in private that weren’t part of a fight. Jonghyun, wide-eyed in shock, stuttered out a comparable greeting of his own. The tension between them still there, but Jinki’s smile was so bright it rivaled the sun and that was enough for Jonghyun to start burying the hatchet.
~~
Over the next week, things began to smooth over within their group. Minho eased up around him more and more, falling back into old habits. They wouldn’t be back to normal for a long time but… it was an improvement. Taemin, that little shit, was more smug than anything. The two of them made up with ease but Jonghyun still lectured him about honor and respecting his elders- a blatant and vain attempt to retain some shred of his pride. Taemin humored him, nodding along but hiding a smirk behind the back of his hand the whole time. Things got easier by the day and Jinki’s happiness was tangible. The stress of the past few months was falling off of his shoulders and Jonghyun couldn’t be happier about that. It felt like for the first time since this whole mess started, Jonghyun was finally doing something right.
~~
Since their little breakthrough things had been good, great even. Jonghyun was recovering well from his injury, finally able to start getting back into his life. He was still being monitored by the doctor but he was given the green light to begin vocal training again. He had a lot of work to do and a lot of ground to make up but that was okay. However, Jonghyun being out of the house again meant even less time for him and Jinki to spend together. They could barely managed more than a few broken hours a week to spend together, usually in the dark of night when both were too tired to do much of anything.
Despite that, Jinki still went out of his way for them to spend time together. Be it a sweet phone call between schedules or bringing home his favorite meal; the elder was always doing his best to remind Jonghyun how much he cared. Likewise, Jonghyun did his best to make an effort, to reassure Jinki just how serious he was. He always prepared a plate for nights that Jinki missed dinner and made an effort to stay up to wait for him to get home.
More often than not he would end up dozing on the couch, TV still blaring. Jinki would always wake him with a sweet smile or a steaming mug of hot chocolate for them to share. Jonghyun liked those nights best, when the rest of the world was sleeping around them, everything silent and black. It was peaceful. It felt like they were in a bubble where nothing could touch them. Jinki would wrap his arms around him, letting Jonghyun’s back rest against his chest as they passed the warm mug back and forth. They would share about their day and basking in the warmth and comfort of each other. Maybe being in a relationship with Jinki just meant their comfortable friendship in addition to enjoying this newfound level of intimacy on a regular basis. However, they were definitely slipping farther and farther past friendship and into murky, unknown waters. With Jinki’s arms around him, sweet voice dripping like honey into his ears, he wasn’t so scared of that unknown. He wasn’t scared because no matter what, he wasn’t going through it alone. He was sharing this experience with his best friend. They were slipping together. He snuggled deeper into Jinki’s chest; sleep tugging at his eyelids and a content smile on his lips.
~~
Jinki didn’t know it was even humanly possible to be this happy all the time. No matter what godforsaken hour he had to rise, he woke with a smile. His whole day was a blur of being with Jonghyun, thoughts of Jonghyun and waiting to be with Jonghyun again. That wasn’t exactly new but… the warm, happy feeling that was a companion to his thoughts was definitely something he was still adjusting to. He used every spare minute during his schedules to check in with the younger. Responding to his messages and the occasional call to hear his betas perfect voice. Just knowing that as soon as he got home he could wrap his arms around the younger made him warm to his very core.
They rarely had time to do anything together; he usually came home to Jonghyun waiting up for him on the sofa. The younger didn't manage to stay awake most nights but the fact that he would even try made Jinki so happy. Jinki would try to scold him for not just going to bed if he was tired, but Jonghyun would give him that heavy-lidded smile and Jinki was putty in his hands. Those nights always ended up being the best part of his day. Jonghyun was cuddly when he was tired, happy to relax into Jinki’s embrace while they exchanged details about their days. It was the most perfect end to the day Jinki could ever hope for. To hold his mate close, nose buried in Jonghyun’s hair, sharing body heat and sleepy whispers.
They hadn’t gone further than simple cuddling since that first day. Not even a kiss. Of course Jinki wanted to do more. It was a sweet kind of torture to hold his mate so close, to feel that smooth skin under his fingertips, to have the intoxicating scent of beta clouding his senses and not be allowed to go further. It was difficult but he wasn’t about to complain. Jinki knew Jonghyun still had reservations about their relationship so he figured it was best to let the younger set the pace. Jonghyun hadn’t made any comments about the lack of intimacy so Jinki didn’t worry about it, letting himself enjoy the simpler things to the fullest.
It didn’t matter to him how long it took them to deepen their relationship. He had waited so long for this, suffered so much, as long as they were on good terms he was more than happy. It was a downhill slide and it was perfect. He was content with how things were because his bond was quiet and his heart was warm and happy. That was all he really needed, they had the rest of their lives to sort out the rest.
~~
Things only got harder because the more Jonghyun grew to accept and embrace their situation, the less time he got to spend with Jinki. Schedules piled up one after the other, pushing their long awaited first date further and further back. The group had more promotions, more concerts and that meant Jonghyun was alone in the dorm while Jinki travelled all over Asia without him. He still wasn’t well enough to perform so he was resigned to the dorm and the practice rooms to complete his doctor-approved vocal exercises.
Unlike last time, Jinki was able to tolerate being away without him now. It seemed all the cuddling and late night whispers were enough to appease the bond. It was a shame; Jonghyun kind of wished the elder would hop a plane again. He knew that was a selfish wish but he just wanted to be with Jinki. Even if it was only a few days apart, it was like he had restructured his life around spending time with Jinki over the past few weeks so it felt off to be alone now.
His insomnia had all but vanished when he was pressed against Jinki’s chest but now that he was sleeping all alone in the dorm, it was making a comeback. It only made it worse that he was still “healing” and wasn’t allowed to do much of anything. He felt fine but the doctor insisted that he needed to take things easy. All alone and bored out of his mind, the days seemed to drag on endlessly with nothing to distract him from how much he missed Jinki.
He wasn’t even allowed to leave the dorm unless necessary because the fans were getting anxious to see him again. He had played every video game, watched every TV show and practiced every instrument he knew. He was bored. Bored, bored, bored. He knew he really shouldn’t- there were things called boundaries after all- but he took to raiding the members’ rooms looking for something to do. He was hoping to find a stashed game, maybe a video of questionable content… anything. His findings were disappointing to say the least. The others’ rooms were dull and surprisingly clean.
He entered Jinki’s room last, the elders scent assaulting him as soon as he pulled the door open. The few days apart only made it that much more potent, making him lightheaded and weak in the knees. He couldn’t seem to help himself, his brain short-circuiting upon entry. He didn’t even bothering to look around Jinki’s room. Instead, he crawled into the elders bed, burying his nose into the pillow and breathing so deep the scent must have permeated all the way to his toes.
Heaven.
He could feel his whole body relaxing, muscles going slack and his heart rating slowing as he sank into the soft sheets. The lack of sleep seemed to have caught up with him and for once, his mind powering off long enough to allow him some peace. He snuggled deeper into the covers, cocooning himself in the blankets and letting himself drift off to sleep.
He woke, rested and relaxed. It was late, the sun had long set and it was far too early to be awake. He checked the clock and groaned, 3:27am. At least he got a good sleep, even if he still woke up too early. He stayed in bed a little longer, enjoying the comfort and hoping that sleep would come back. He finally resigned himself to his fate, getting up for a bathroom break and a bite to eat. Without much thought he made his way back to Jinki’s room, the lingering scent a siren’s call. He went about his original quest, only a few hours late, looking through Jinki’s stuff for something to entertain himself with. He settled on a book from Jinki’s shelf. He remembered he elder raving about it and Jonghyun felt like he needed to know why. He needed to feel some kind of connection with the elder, even if it was only through a shared book.
He ended up spending most of his day lazing in Jinki’s bed, reading and napping. It was the most relaxing day he’d had in a long time. The book was just as good as Jinki had told him, sucking him in so completely that the hours just slipped by. Jinki’s bed was so comfortable and the lingering scent made every muscle in his body relax. It was wonderful. Why wasn’t he spending every night in this bed? The warmth of another body, the comfort of a steady heartbeat against his ear and his nose pressed against the source of this relaxing scent… yes, Jinki was definitely going to have to share his bed from now on. Jonghyun doubted he would hear any complaints though.
He pulled himself from Jinki’s room for food and basic chores around the house, but by the end of the night he found his feet taking him right back to the elder’s door. He replaced the book on Jinki’s shelf, his finger sliding across the tattered spines to pick another. A spiral-bound notebook at the end caught his eye, pulling it out to get a better look. There was nothing written on the outside, just a worn black cover. Curiosity got the better of him, sliding it out of its place and tottering back to Jinki’s bed. He snuggled down in the covers and flipped open the book.
It looked more like gibberish than anything at first. Jinki didn’t have the best handwriting anyway but it was mostly doodles and little sentence fragments scribbled across the page. Some were quotes and song lyrics and some were music chords Jinki had been working on. The deeper into the little notebook he got the more personal it began to feel, short little snippets about Jinki’s day being intermixed on occasion. Most were innocent enough, what program they were on that day, which songs they sang and nice things the hyungs had said to him. Some were funny little stories, a member saying something wrong in another language or a little hiccup that happened backstage. He was about to close the book, feeling like he was crossing over the line into invasion of privacy when his own name caught his attention.
“I’m so proud of Jonghyun. He worked so hard on Juliet. Really, when does he even sleep? I know he was nervous about promoting it; he always thinks he is lacking. But I knew we could do it and I’m so happy we won with a song written by one of our own members. When we accepted that award… I’ve never seen such beautiful tears.”
Jonghyun’s fingers froze on the page, his mind repeating that last line on loop. He could almost see it, Jinki all those years ago finding stolen minutes in their day to jot down his feelings about Jonghyun. It warmed his very soul.
Jonghyun began flipping through the little booking, hunting for his name. Some were innocent little blurbs, a wardrobe malfunction or a joke he had told during makeup. Others however, left Jonghyun grasping for the hidden meaning. Nowhere in the book did he find the words, “I love Jonghyun,” but rather, the sentiment was subtly laced in every story. An undertone that permeated as if every word and phrase had been picked right from Jinki's heart.
“Jonghyun has a cold today. I begged manager hyung to let him go home and sleep but he insisted on doing the broadcast. I feel so useless, not even being able to care for the members properly. I talked one of the interns into running out to buy some soup and medicine for him. I had to pay him handsomely though, I guess I’ll have to wait a bit longer for those shoes I’ve been saving up for.”
“We’re going to be in Japan over new years. I wish we could all be home with our families instead. Jonghyun always get’s so sad to be away from his mom and sister. Maybe I’ll take him out shopping while we are there, get his mind off of things for a little while.”
“Jonghyun’s insomnia has been really bad lately. I wish there was something I could do.”
Jonghyun could feel the warmth and genuine care dripping from each memory. He always knew that Jinki loved him as a brother and friend. However, these words were rooted in something else, something deeper. There were notes about the other members as well, but most of them were funny little stories or intermixed with memories from that day. None of them held the same weight, the same nuances of love and affection as his own did. They all paled in comparison.
That seed of doubt that had been plaguing him for months, the constant worries about Jinki truly loving him… they vanished like smoke. Kibum was right, Jinki would give him the moon and stars if he could and that fact wasn’t created by the bond, it had always been there, just under the surface of their friendship.
Jonghyun felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Those worries had all been for naught because Jinki loved him and he always had and he always would. Jonghyun felt giddy from the thought, his smile impossible to contain. The idea of bonding still scared him and he still wasn’t sure if he was ready but… these past few weeks of “trying” with Jinki had made him realize just how easy, how natural being together could be. It wasn’t about the bond and it wasn’t so much about Jinki being an alpha and himself a beta but rather about Jinki being Jinki and he being himself. They just fit. They had always fit.
Jonghyun snuggled down into the warm sheets, his heart so full it felt like it would burst out of his chest. Sleep was the last thing on his mind because right now his whole body was thrumming with energy. He needed to be with Jinki, his boyfriend, his… mate.
~~
The next two days were the longest of Jonghyun’s life. He felt pathetic, just pining away for Jinki. It was like he had done an about-face in the matter of a few weeks. Maybe Jinki was just that good at wooing him or maybe he was ready to accept his own feelings. Or maybe, he was finally allowing himself to fall in love instead of scrambling for anything to keep himself in familiar territory. Whatever the reason, the result was undeniable. He wanted to be with Jinki and he was turning into a nervous wreck without him.
So he did the only thing he could do… send never-ending streams of shameless text the elder. Sad face emoticons and ‘I miss you’’s. He knew he was being silly and a little bit cruel to Jinki who was so far away but he couldn’t help himself.
Jinki sent him pictures, his attempt at distracting Jonghyun from his loneliness. Some were pictures of the members making silly faces and a few scenic pictures while they traveled but not a single one involved Jinki himself. He missed Jinki's face so what does the elder do? Send him a picture of noodles. Of course. Jinki was always so frustrating.
To Jinki: “I miss you ㅠㅠ”
From Jinki: “I miss you too, Jonghyun.”
To Jinki: “Please come back soon.”
From Jinki: “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
To Jinki: “Yeah it’s fine………...”
From Jinki: “I know you’re lonely but it’s just one more day. Go out with your friends and take your mind off things.”
To Jinki: “I’d rather go out with you~~ I’ve been sleeping in your bed hyung, I hope you don’t mind ^^”
From Jinki: “Why? Of course I don’t mind ^^”
To Jinki: “It smells like you ㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷ”
From Jinki: “You’re killing me Jong”
To Jinki: “If I keep talking will you come home faster? >_<”
From Jinki: “You know I can’t. You’re making me feel bad ㅠㅠ"
To Jinki: “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll be waiting~”
From Jinki: “Sleep well Jonghyun-ah”
Just one more day… he could wait one more day.
~~
God, he was ridiculous. He was a bundle of nerves all morning. He had spent way too long in the bathroom getting his hair just right and an even longer time in front of his closet picking the best 'I look great without trying' outfit he could find. The effortless look took a lot more time than most people assumed.
The members should be back any minute now; their flight had landed well over an hour ago (and it came in on time - he had checked). He couldn’t deal with all this nervous energy, pacing around the room and he waited. What was he even going to say when Jinki got home? He knew he had been acting weird and the elder would want an explanation. What could he even say? “I realized you’ve been in love with me for years and I’m kinda okay with that and maybe in love with you too and I'm ready to be bonded to you and let’s have lots of sex now?” That was hardly the ‘welcome home’ conversation Jinki would be expecting. They still hadn’t even gone on a proper date for god sake!
Jonghyun didn’t have time to work out an appropriate way of explaining himself. The telltale beep of the front door opening made him freeze on the spot. A smile pulled on his lips without his consent as the members started piling in. They looked tired and weighed down with their luggage but Jonghyun didn’t spare them a single thought. His eyes latched onto Jinki and didn’t waver.
Jinki met his eyes, the smile on his lips was so pure and Jonghyun was gone. Even without a rehearsal, he suddenly knew what he needed to do to greet Jinki. His feet crossing the small space, flinging his arms around Jinki’s neck and jumping to wrap his legs around the elder. He heard the bags in Jinki’s hands fall to the floor before there were arms around him, holding him up. He dug his nose into the crook of Jinki’s neck, going lightheaded from the unadulterated scent of Jinki.
“I missed you,” he whispered against the elder’s skin.
“You two are ridiculous. Get a room, seriously,” Kibum scoffed.
He could feel Jinki chuckling but he made no reply to Kibum’s comment. “I missed you too.”
Jonghyun slid to the floor, taking in Jinki’s condition with worried eyes, “Are you tired? Have you eaten?”
“Yes, we ate already but I am a bit tired.”
“Let’s go lay down then,” Jonghyun said, ignoring the bags on the floor in favor of grasping Jinki’s hand to lead him towards the bedroom. Jinki released his hand only to wrap his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders, his chest pressed into the younger's back. It was difficult to walk like that, the two of them tottering down the hall but Jonghyun wasn’t about to complain.
“Do you want to wash up first?” Jonghyun asked, swinging the door to Jinki’s room open.
“Nah,” Jinki mumbled, releasing his hold to grab a pair of comfortable pajama pants and a tee shirt to change into. Without much thought, Jinki began stripping out of his clothes. Jonghyun could feel his cheeks reddening, averting his eyes out of awkwardness more than anything. He knew if he looked, he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t trust himself to look and not want to touch. Today was not the day for that, no matter how much he wanted it.
When Jinki was changed he fell face first onto the bed, letting out a groan of pleasure. “It smells like you,” He muttered, waving Jonghyun over to lay beside him.
“Yeah, I told you, I’ve kinda been sleeping here,” Jonghyun muttered, prodding Jinki until the elder was under the covers instead of on top of them. The elder finally complied, rolling onto his side and pulling Jonghyun down onto the bed. Jonghyun snuggled close, using Jinki’s arm as a pillow, his own draped across Jinki’s waist.
“You missed me that much?” Jinki whispered, searching his eyes for the answer.
“Yeah, I did,” he responded, biting his lip, feeling bashful all of a sudden.
“I missed you too,” Jinki assured him, his fingers running down the length of Jonghyun’s arm making him shiver.
“You said you were tired, you should sleep.”
“Only if you’ll stay with me,” Jinki countered.
“I promise,” Jonghyun whispered. A comfortable silence fell between them, easy and natural. Jonghyun let himself stare, studying every line and crease of Jinki’s face. Jinki’s eyelids were fluttering, the elder fighting against the sleep he so desperately needed.
“I want to kiss you,” Jinki mumbled, his words garbled, hanging heavy in the quiet.
“Why don’t you?” Jonghyun whispered.
“I don’t want to… pressure you…” Jinki muttered with a sleepy sigh.
Jonghyun smiled, soft and affectionate. He really had ended up with the best guy on the planet, even if it had taken awhile to see that. Jonghyun scootched closer, sliding his hands up to cup Jinki’s face, thumb brushing against his sharp cheekbones. Jinki’s eyelids fluttered at the touch, eyes filled with questions.
“You have never pressured me into anything hyung,” Jonghyun whispered, brushing his lips against Jinki’s. It was soft and fleeting and perfect. Jinki tasted like… home. A warm drop of happiness sank into his stomach at the touch, making him feel tingly all over. He eased back, meeting Jinki’s eyes to gauge his reaction. Jinki looked just as blissed out as Jonghyun felt, the elder’s fingers clutched onto his tee shirt, pulling him closer again, letting the kiss linger this time. It was still innocent, just gently parted lips enjoying the pressure of being pressed against each other, but it was tinged with so much want, love and desire that it made Jonghyun ache.
He had no idea how long they stayed like that, with their lips moving together, but long enough for both of them to be red and swollen and their heartbeats to fall in sync. Even after they separated, their bodies remained close; Jinki’s arms a comfortable pillow and Jonghyun’s fingers skating across the elder's skin.
“Aren’t you’re supposed to be sleeping?” Jonghyun whispered when Jinki continued to stare at him, an adoring smile lighting up his face.
Jinki ignored the question in favor of a statement of his own, “I love you.”
Rather than finding it uncomfortable, Jonghyun felt light just from the words, “I love you too.”
“You make me really happy, you know that right?”
Jonghyun chuckled, “Well after this past year I don’t know how you can still say that but…”
“None of that matters now,” Jinki reminded him gently.
“It matters to me.”
Jinki sighed, letting the topic drop, “I don’t have a schedule tomorrow afternoon. How about that date we keep having to postpone?”
“Tomorrow sounds good,” Jonghyun smiled, making a mental note to move his vocal practice to the morning instead.
“Great, I can’t wait.”
“Sleep now, you won’t look good on our date with dark circles,” Jonghyun commented with a playful smirk.
Jinki chuckled, “Okay.” The elder closed his eyes obediently, hugging Jonghyun close and letting out a content sigh. Likewise, Jonghyun found a comfortable spot, his head still resting on Jinki’s arm, nose pressed against the elder’s shoulder as the waves of sleep slowly begin to lap at the edge of his consciousness.
Next
~~
weeeeeeeeeee
long chapter is long
we covered a lot of ground with this one so I hope it didn't move too fast or seem to abrupt
Also, as an fyi
I'm doing nanowrimo again this year
so the whole month of november will be dedicated to a new project
meaning... the next chapter won't be for awhile
however I have most of the story written already
so it shouldn't take too long to polish and edit once I come back to it ^^
hope you all understand and I'll see you with a new chapter before you know it~
Word Count: 4880
Rating: PG-13 (overall NC-17)
Pairing/Focus: Jongyu
Genre: omega!verse
Warnings: Omega!verse, knotting
Summary: As soon as Jinki stepped off of the elevator he knew something was off. There was a tension, a faint whiff of something different, something foreign that laced the stagnant air with the most delicious aroma he had ever encountered. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was amiss. His senses were heightened, body reacting on its own accord, alpha pheromones immediately stirring, but for what he wasn’t quite sure.
lethallycute & MandeeGee betas<3
Prev
The first few days were… awkward to say the least. Awkward in the sense that Jonghyun was floundering, trying to find his sea legs after that emotional rollercoaster ride. It was awkward because Jonghyun had no clue what he was doing. In his defense though, he had made a rather large mental and emotional leap, and he had sort of been under the impression that their new relationship status would mean things would change for them. Things were supposed to change for them. It was something he had stewed over for months after all. He had sort of envisioned them being a bit more… attached at the hip? Maybe annoying the other members with PDA or kicking them out of the dorm to fool around; at the very least going out together to eat or catch a movie. Something along those lines at least. Just… couple things. He had been wrong. Why was he always wrong?
It was like nothing had changed. Not anything big anyway. As usual, Jinki was gone on schedules all the time so their time together was scattered, just a handful of stolen minutes throughout the day. It was as if they had started treating time like currency, rationing and saving up to spend on each other. No matter what they did, it never seemed to be enough. The elder had taken to texting him to bridge this newfound gap. Nothing heavy, just checking up on him; inquiring about his doctor’s appointment or reminding him to eat. It was un-intrusive and sweet and really not at all how Jonghyun had imagined things going. He wasn’t exactly disappointed since he was still nervous about all this dating/bonding business. He still had no idea what he was doing or if this what really what he wanted. By the looks of things, dating Jinki simply meant they did all the same stuff they did as friends with an added bonus of sex (well… at least in theory since Jinki hadn’t touched him like that since his heat).
While he enjoyed having time with Jinki without any pressure or weirdness, he kind of did want them to hurry up to the sex. Jinki’s scent was intoxicating, torturous; perfect. Jonghyun’s body recognized Jinki and now that they were spending more time together, it was harder and harder to ignore. It was getting difficult to be in the same room together without touching, without taking it further. God, Jonghyun felt like jumping him every time the elder padded down the narrow hallway fresh from the shower, towel slung low on his hips, hair dripping down his neck... was Jinki not having these same problems? He had to be… right? Or was he not as sensitive to Jonghyun’s scent as he was to Jinki’s?
Jinki wanted to take things slow and Jonghyun would respect that. He had put Jinki through enough this past year, it was the least he could do. He could be patient. He could wait. Well… he could try.
~~
The first big change happened a few days later and surprisingly, it didn’t involve Jinki at all. Minho had greeted him with a small, “good morning” at the breakfast table. His tone sulky and bitter still but they were the first words the two had shared in private that weren’t part of a fight. Jonghyun, wide-eyed in shock, stuttered out a comparable greeting of his own. The tension between them still there, but Jinki’s smile was so bright it rivaled the sun and that was enough for Jonghyun to start burying the hatchet.
~~
Over the next week, things began to smooth over within their group. Minho eased up around him more and more, falling back into old habits. They wouldn’t be back to normal for a long time but… it was an improvement. Taemin, that little shit, was more smug than anything. The two of them made up with ease but Jonghyun still lectured him about honor and respecting his elders- a blatant and vain attempt to retain some shred of his pride. Taemin humored him, nodding along but hiding a smirk behind the back of his hand the whole time. Things got easier by the day and Jinki’s happiness was tangible. The stress of the past few months was falling off of his shoulders and Jonghyun couldn’t be happier about that. It felt like for the first time since this whole mess started, Jonghyun was finally doing something right.
~~
Since their little breakthrough things had been good, great even. Jonghyun was recovering well from his injury, finally able to start getting back into his life. He was still being monitored by the doctor but he was given the green light to begin vocal training again. He had a lot of work to do and a lot of ground to make up but that was okay. However, Jonghyun being out of the house again meant even less time for him and Jinki to spend together. They could barely managed more than a few broken hours a week to spend together, usually in the dark of night when both were too tired to do much of anything.
Despite that, Jinki still went out of his way for them to spend time together. Be it a sweet phone call between schedules or bringing home his favorite meal; the elder was always doing his best to remind Jonghyun how much he cared. Likewise, Jonghyun did his best to make an effort, to reassure Jinki just how serious he was. He always prepared a plate for nights that Jinki missed dinner and made an effort to stay up to wait for him to get home.
More often than not he would end up dozing on the couch, TV still blaring. Jinki would always wake him with a sweet smile or a steaming mug of hot chocolate for them to share. Jonghyun liked those nights best, when the rest of the world was sleeping around them, everything silent and black. It was peaceful. It felt like they were in a bubble where nothing could touch them. Jinki would wrap his arms around him, letting Jonghyun’s back rest against his chest as they passed the warm mug back and forth. They would share about their day and basking in the warmth and comfort of each other. Maybe being in a relationship with Jinki just meant their comfortable friendship in addition to enjoying this newfound level of intimacy on a regular basis. However, they were definitely slipping farther and farther past friendship and into murky, unknown waters. With Jinki’s arms around him, sweet voice dripping like honey into his ears, he wasn’t so scared of that unknown. He wasn’t scared because no matter what, he wasn’t going through it alone. He was sharing this experience with his best friend. They were slipping together. He snuggled deeper into Jinki’s chest; sleep tugging at his eyelids and a content smile on his lips.
~~
Jinki didn’t know it was even humanly possible to be this happy all the time. No matter what godforsaken hour he had to rise, he woke with a smile. His whole day was a blur of being with Jonghyun, thoughts of Jonghyun and waiting to be with Jonghyun again. That wasn’t exactly new but… the warm, happy feeling that was a companion to his thoughts was definitely something he was still adjusting to. He used every spare minute during his schedules to check in with the younger. Responding to his messages and the occasional call to hear his betas perfect voice. Just knowing that as soon as he got home he could wrap his arms around the younger made him warm to his very core.
They rarely had time to do anything together; he usually came home to Jonghyun waiting up for him on the sofa. The younger didn't manage to stay awake most nights but the fact that he would even try made Jinki so happy. Jinki would try to scold him for not just going to bed if he was tired, but Jonghyun would give him that heavy-lidded smile and Jinki was putty in his hands. Those nights always ended up being the best part of his day. Jonghyun was cuddly when he was tired, happy to relax into Jinki’s embrace while they exchanged details about their days. It was the most perfect end to the day Jinki could ever hope for. To hold his mate close, nose buried in Jonghyun’s hair, sharing body heat and sleepy whispers.
They hadn’t gone further than simple cuddling since that first day. Not even a kiss. Of course Jinki wanted to do more. It was a sweet kind of torture to hold his mate so close, to feel that smooth skin under his fingertips, to have the intoxicating scent of beta clouding his senses and not be allowed to go further. It was difficult but he wasn’t about to complain. Jinki knew Jonghyun still had reservations about their relationship so he figured it was best to let the younger set the pace. Jonghyun hadn’t made any comments about the lack of intimacy so Jinki didn’t worry about it, letting himself enjoy the simpler things to the fullest.
It didn’t matter to him how long it took them to deepen their relationship. He had waited so long for this, suffered so much, as long as they were on good terms he was more than happy. It was a downhill slide and it was perfect. He was content with how things were because his bond was quiet and his heart was warm and happy. That was all he really needed, they had the rest of their lives to sort out the rest.
~~
Things only got harder because the more Jonghyun grew to accept and embrace their situation, the less time he got to spend with Jinki. Schedules piled up one after the other, pushing their long awaited first date further and further back. The group had more promotions, more concerts and that meant Jonghyun was alone in the dorm while Jinki travelled all over Asia without him. He still wasn’t well enough to perform so he was resigned to the dorm and the practice rooms to complete his doctor-approved vocal exercises.
Unlike last time, Jinki was able to tolerate being away without him now. It seemed all the cuddling and late night whispers were enough to appease the bond. It was a shame; Jonghyun kind of wished the elder would hop a plane again. He knew that was a selfish wish but he just wanted to be with Jinki. Even if it was only a few days apart, it was like he had restructured his life around spending time with Jinki over the past few weeks so it felt off to be alone now.
His insomnia had all but vanished when he was pressed against Jinki’s chest but now that he was sleeping all alone in the dorm, it was making a comeback. It only made it worse that he was still “healing” and wasn’t allowed to do much of anything. He felt fine but the doctor insisted that he needed to take things easy. All alone and bored out of his mind, the days seemed to drag on endlessly with nothing to distract him from how much he missed Jinki.
He wasn’t even allowed to leave the dorm unless necessary because the fans were getting anxious to see him again. He had played every video game, watched every TV show and practiced every instrument he knew. He was bored. Bored, bored, bored. He knew he really shouldn’t- there were things called boundaries after all- but he took to raiding the members’ rooms looking for something to do. He was hoping to find a stashed game, maybe a video of questionable content… anything. His findings were disappointing to say the least. The others’ rooms were dull and surprisingly clean.
He entered Jinki’s room last, the elders scent assaulting him as soon as he pulled the door open. The few days apart only made it that much more potent, making him lightheaded and weak in the knees. He couldn’t seem to help himself, his brain short-circuiting upon entry. He didn’t even bothering to look around Jinki’s room. Instead, he crawled into the elders bed, burying his nose into the pillow and breathing so deep the scent must have permeated all the way to his toes.
Heaven.
He could feel his whole body relaxing, muscles going slack and his heart rating slowing as he sank into the soft sheets. The lack of sleep seemed to have caught up with him and for once, his mind powering off long enough to allow him some peace. He snuggled deeper into the covers, cocooning himself in the blankets and letting himself drift off to sleep.
He woke, rested and relaxed. It was late, the sun had long set and it was far too early to be awake. He checked the clock and groaned, 3:27am. At least he got a good sleep, even if he still woke up too early. He stayed in bed a little longer, enjoying the comfort and hoping that sleep would come back. He finally resigned himself to his fate, getting up for a bathroom break and a bite to eat. Without much thought he made his way back to Jinki’s room, the lingering scent a siren’s call. He went about his original quest, only a few hours late, looking through Jinki’s stuff for something to entertain himself with. He settled on a book from Jinki’s shelf. He remembered he elder raving about it and Jonghyun felt like he needed to know why. He needed to feel some kind of connection with the elder, even if it was only through a shared book.
He ended up spending most of his day lazing in Jinki’s bed, reading and napping. It was the most relaxing day he’d had in a long time. The book was just as good as Jinki had told him, sucking him in so completely that the hours just slipped by. Jinki’s bed was so comfortable and the lingering scent made every muscle in his body relax. It was wonderful. Why wasn’t he spending every night in this bed? The warmth of another body, the comfort of a steady heartbeat against his ear and his nose pressed against the source of this relaxing scent… yes, Jinki was definitely going to have to share his bed from now on. Jonghyun doubted he would hear any complaints though.
He pulled himself from Jinki’s room for food and basic chores around the house, but by the end of the night he found his feet taking him right back to the elder’s door. He replaced the book on Jinki’s shelf, his finger sliding across the tattered spines to pick another. A spiral-bound notebook at the end caught his eye, pulling it out to get a better look. There was nothing written on the outside, just a worn black cover. Curiosity got the better of him, sliding it out of its place and tottering back to Jinki’s bed. He snuggled down in the covers and flipped open the book.
It looked more like gibberish than anything at first. Jinki didn’t have the best handwriting anyway but it was mostly doodles and little sentence fragments scribbled across the page. Some were quotes and song lyrics and some were music chords Jinki had been working on. The deeper into the little notebook he got the more personal it began to feel, short little snippets about Jinki’s day being intermixed on occasion. Most were innocent enough, what program they were on that day, which songs they sang and nice things the hyungs had said to him. Some were funny little stories, a member saying something wrong in another language or a little hiccup that happened backstage. He was about to close the book, feeling like he was crossing over the line into invasion of privacy when his own name caught his attention.
“I’m so proud of Jonghyun. He worked so hard on Juliet. Really, when does he even sleep? I know he was nervous about promoting it; he always thinks he is lacking. But I knew we could do it and I’m so happy we won with a song written by one of our own members. When we accepted that award… I’ve never seen such beautiful tears.”
Jonghyun’s fingers froze on the page, his mind repeating that last line on loop. He could almost see it, Jinki all those years ago finding stolen minutes in their day to jot down his feelings about Jonghyun. It warmed his very soul.
Jonghyun began flipping through the little booking, hunting for his name. Some were innocent little blurbs, a wardrobe malfunction or a joke he had told during makeup. Others however, left Jonghyun grasping for the hidden meaning. Nowhere in the book did he find the words, “I love Jonghyun,” but rather, the sentiment was subtly laced in every story. An undertone that permeated as if every word and phrase had been picked right from Jinki's heart.
“Jonghyun has a cold today. I begged manager hyung to let him go home and sleep but he insisted on doing the broadcast. I feel so useless, not even being able to care for the members properly. I talked one of the interns into running out to buy some soup and medicine for him. I had to pay him handsomely though, I guess I’ll have to wait a bit longer for those shoes I’ve been saving up for.”
“We’re going to be in Japan over new years. I wish we could all be home with our families instead. Jonghyun always get’s so sad to be away from his mom and sister. Maybe I’ll take him out shopping while we are there, get his mind off of things for a little while.”
“Jonghyun’s insomnia has been really bad lately. I wish there was something I could do.”
Jonghyun could feel the warmth and genuine care dripping from each memory. He always knew that Jinki loved him as a brother and friend. However, these words were rooted in something else, something deeper. There were notes about the other members as well, but most of them were funny little stories or intermixed with memories from that day. None of them held the same weight, the same nuances of love and affection as his own did. They all paled in comparison.
That seed of doubt that had been plaguing him for months, the constant worries about Jinki truly loving him… they vanished like smoke. Kibum was right, Jinki would give him the moon and stars if he could and that fact wasn’t created by the bond, it had always been there, just under the surface of their friendship.
Jonghyun felt like a weight had been lifted off his chest. Those worries had all been for naught because Jinki loved him and he always had and he always would. Jonghyun felt giddy from the thought, his smile impossible to contain. The idea of bonding still scared him and he still wasn’t sure if he was ready but… these past few weeks of “trying” with Jinki had made him realize just how easy, how natural being together could be. It wasn’t about the bond and it wasn’t so much about Jinki being an alpha and himself a beta but rather about Jinki being Jinki and he being himself. They just fit. They had always fit.
Jonghyun snuggled down into the warm sheets, his heart so full it felt like it would burst out of his chest. Sleep was the last thing on his mind because right now his whole body was thrumming with energy. He needed to be with Jinki, his boyfriend, his… mate.
~~
The next two days were the longest of Jonghyun’s life. He felt pathetic, just pining away for Jinki. It was like he had done an about-face in the matter of a few weeks. Maybe Jinki was just that good at wooing him or maybe he was ready to accept his own feelings. Or maybe, he was finally allowing himself to fall in love instead of scrambling for anything to keep himself in familiar territory. Whatever the reason, the result was undeniable. He wanted to be with Jinki and he was turning into a nervous wreck without him.
So he did the only thing he could do… send never-ending streams of shameless text the elder. Sad face emoticons and ‘I miss you’’s. He knew he was being silly and a little bit cruel to Jinki who was so far away but he couldn’t help himself.
Jinki sent him pictures, his attempt at distracting Jonghyun from his loneliness. Some were pictures of the members making silly faces and a few scenic pictures while they traveled but not a single one involved Jinki himself. He missed Jinki's face so what does the elder do? Send him a picture of noodles. Of course. Jinki was always so frustrating.
To Jinki: “I miss you ㅠㅠ”
From Jinki: “I miss you too, Jonghyun.”
To Jinki: “Please come back soon.”
From Jinki: “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
To Jinki: “Yeah it’s fine………...”
From Jinki: “I know you’re lonely but it’s just one more day. Go out with your friends and take your mind off things.”
To Jinki: “I’d rather go out with you~~ I’ve been sleeping in your bed hyung, I hope you don’t mind ^^”
From Jinki: “Why? Of course I don’t mind ^^”
To Jinki: “It smells like you ㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷㄷ”
From Jinki: “You’re killing me Jong”
To Jinki: “If I keep talking will you come home faster? >_<”
From Jinki: “You know I can’t. You’re making me feel bad ㅠㅠ"
To Jinki: “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll be waiting~”
From Jinki: “Sleep well Jonghyun-ah”
Just one more day… he could wait one more day.
~~
God, he was ridiculous. He was a bundle of nerves all morning. He had spent way too long in the bathroom getting his hair just right and an even longer time in front of his closet picking the best 'I look great without trying' outfit he could find. The effortless look took a lot more time than most people assumed.
The members should be back any minute now; their flight had landed well over an hour ago (and it came in on time - he had checked). He couldn’t deal with all this nervous energy, pacing around the room and he waited. What was he even going to say when Jinki got home? He knew he had been acting weird and the elder would want an explanation. What could he even say? “I realized you’ve been in love with me for years and I’m kinda okay with that and maybe in love with you too and I'm ready to be bonded to you and let’s have lots of sex now?” That was hardly the ‘welcome home’ conversation Jinki would be expecting. They still hadn’t even gone on a proper date for god sake!
Jonghyun didn’t have time to work out an appropriate way of explaining himself. The telltale beep of the front door opening made him freeze on the spot. A smile pulled on his lips without his consent as the members started piling in. They looked tired and weighed down with their luggage but Jonghyun didn’t spare them a single thought. His eyes latched onto Jinki and didn’t waver.
Jinki met his eyes, the smile on his lips was so pure and Jonghyun was gone. Even without a rehearsal, he suddenly knew what he needed to do to greet Jinki. His feet crossing the small space, flinging his arms around Jinki’s neck and jumping to wrap his legs around the elder. He heard the bags in Jinki’s hands fall to the floor before there were arms around him, holding him up. He dug his nose into the crook of Jinki’s neck, going lightheaded from the unadulterated scent of Jinki.
“I missed you,” he whispered against the elder’s skin.
“You two are ridiculous. Get a room, seriously,” Kibum scoffed.
He could feel Jinki chuckling but he made no reply to Kibum’s comment. “I missed you too.”
Jonghyun slid to the floor, taking in Jinki’s condition with worried eyes, “Are you tired? Have you eaten?”
“Yes, we ate already but I am a bit tired.”
“Let’s go lay down then,” Jonghyun said, ignoring the bags on the floor in favor of grasping Jinki’s hand to lead him towards the bedroom. Jinki released his hand only to wrap his arms around Jonghyun’s shoulders, his chest pressed into the younger's back. It was difficult to walk like that, the two of them tottering down the hall but Jonghyun wasn’t about to complain.
“Do you want to wash up first?” Jonghyun asked, swinging the door to Jinki’s room open.
“Nah,” Jinki mumbled, releasing his hold to grab a pair of comfortable pajama pants and a tee shirt to change into. Without much thought, Jinki began stripping out of his clothes. Jonghyun could feel his cheeks reddening, averting his eyes out of awkwardness more than anything. He knew if he looked, he wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t trust himself to look and not want to touch. Today was not the day for that, no matter how much he wanted it.
When Jinki was changed he fell face first onto the bed, letting out a groan of pleasure. “It smells like you,” He muttered, waving Jonghyun over to lay beside him.
“Yeah, I told you, I’ve kinda been sleeping here,” Jonghyun muttered, prodding Jinki until the elder was under the covers instead of on top of them. The elder finally complied, rolling onto his side and pulling Jonghyun down onto the bed. Jonghyun snuggled close, using Jinki’s arm as a pillow, his own draped across Jinki’s waist.
“You missed me that much?” Jinki whispered, searching his eyes for the answer.
“Yeah, I did,” he responded, biting his lip, feeling bashful all of a sudden.
“I missed you too,” Jinki assured him, his fingers running down the length of Jonghyun’s arm making him shiver.
“You said you were tired, you should sleep.”
“Only if you’ll stay with me,” Jinki countered.
“I promise,” Jonghyun whispered. A comfortable silence fell between them, easy and natural. Jonghyun let himself stare, studying every line and crease of Jinki’s face. Jinki’s eyelids were fluttering, the elder fighting against the sleep he so desperately needed.
“I want to kiss you,” Jinki mumbled, his words garbled, hanging heavy in the quiet.
“Why don’t you?” Jonghyun whispered.
“I don’t want to… pressure you…” Jinki muttered with a sleepy sigh.
Jonghyun smiled, soft and affectionate. He really had ended up with the best guy on the planet, even if it had taken awhile to see that. Jonghyun scootched closer, sliding his hands up to cup Jinki’s face, thumb brushing against his sharp cheekbones. Jinki’s eyelids fluttered at the touch, eyes filled with questions.
“You have never pressured me into anything hyung,” Jonghyun whispered, brushing his lips against Jinki’s. It was soft and fleeting and perfect. Jinki tasted like… home. A warm drop of happiness sank into his stomach at the touch, making him feel tingly all over. He eased back, meeting Jinki’s eyes to gauge his reaction. Jinki looked just as blissed out as Jonghyun felt, the elder’s fingers clutched onto his tee shirt, pulling him closer again, letting the kiss linger this time. It was still innocent, just gently parted lips enjoying the pressure of being pressed against each other, but it was tinged with so much want, love and desire that it made Jonghyun ache.
He had no idea how long they stayed like that, with their lips moving together, but long enough for both of them to be red and swollen and their heartbeats to fall in sync. Even after they separated, their bodies remained close; Jinki’s arms a comfortable pillow and Jonghyun’s fingers skating across the elder's skin.
“Aren’t you’re supposed to be sleeping?” Jonghyun whispered when Jinki continued to stare at him, an adoring smile lighting up his face.
Jinki ignored the question in favor of a statement of his own, “I love you.”
Rather than finding it uncomfortable, Jonghyun felt light just from the words, “I love you too.”
“You make me really happy, you know that right?”
Jonghyun chuckled, “Well after this past year I don’t know how you can still say that but…”
“None of that matters now,” Jinki reminded him gently.
“It matters to me.”
Jinki sighed, letting the topic drop, “I don’t have a schedule tomorrow afternoon. How about that date we keep having to postpone?”
“Tomorrow sounds good,” Jonghyun smiled, making a mental note to move his vocal practice to the morning instead.
“Great, I can’t wait.”
“Sleep now, you won’t look good on our date with dark circles,” Jonghyun commented with a playful smirk.
Jinki chuckled, “Okay.” The elder closed his eyes obediently, hugging Jonghyun close and letting out a content sigh. Likewise, Jonghyun found a comfortable spot, his head still resting on Jinki’s arm, nose pressed against the elder’s shoulder as the waves of sleep slowly begin to lap at the edge of his consciousness.
Next
~~
weeeeeeeeeee
long chapter is long
we covered a lot of ground with this one so I hope it didn't move too fast or seem to abrupt
Also, as an fyi
I'm doing nanowrimo again this year
so the whole month of november will be dedicated to a new project
meaning... the next chapter won't be for awhile
however I have most of the story written already
so it shouldn't take too long to polish and edit once I come back to it ^^
hope you all understand and I'll see you with a new chapter before you know it~