#18 [SNSD/f(x), Jessica-centric]
Fandom: SNSD/f(x)
Title: a perfect life (the gilded remix)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Jessica-centric, platonic Jessica/Krystal
Length: 1,679 words
Summary: Sooyeon comes home in more ways than one.
Warnings: offscreen domestic violence
Notes: -
Remixee author: ladadadi
Title of work you remixed: if i was you
Link to work you remixed: http://ladadadi.livejournal.com/8896.html#cutid2
When Sooyeon visits home for the first time after she dyes her hair blonde, her mother flips.
"But why?" she asks, desperately combing her fingers through Sooyeon's locks. "Your hair was so beautiful before. Now you look like a rascal," she laments. "I didn't raise you so you could do this to your hair."
Sooyeon just shrugs, not really wanting to respond because she knows it will just lead to an argument. Soojung watches, silently spooning rice into her bowl at the kitchen counter for dinner.
"I think it looks really nice, eonni," Soojung says to her quietly, after their parents levee them to clean the dishes.
Soojung's own hair hangs dark, straight, and long down her back, framing her small face nicely. Sooyeon wants to say this and more, wants to perhaps reach out and stroke her sister's ebony colored hair and tell her to treasure it.
"Thanks," she replies instead. She means to sound nice about it, to say it with a smile, but it comes out flat and toneless. Soojung watches her closely, and for a moment Sooyeon is afraid that her sister will see through her.
But then Soojung just gives a weak smile and turns back to continue washing the dishes. Wordlessly, Sooyeon turns and leaves out the porch door to stand on the rainy balcony. The outside lamp flickers listlessly, moths fluttering around the filmy light as Sooyeon fits a cigarette between her lips and lights it up.
She blows the smoke out in a thin stream and wraps one arm around herself to shield from the early nighttime chill. The smoke dissipates into the night as quickly she exhales it. She takes another drag.
Behind her, she can feel her sister's eyes on her back through the window above the sink. When she goes inside, Soojung says nothing to her.
♔
"You're coming here?" Sooyeon says into the receiver, some two weeks later. Her phone is pressed against her cheek. She's still at her parents' house. Things don't feel the same as they did when she lived there regularly, almost like she's a stranger in her own home. Some of the dresses from her closet are missing, and Soojung's ever-present gaze has been giving her an uneasy feeling.
"Yeah, what's the big deal?" her boyfriend replies, voice crackling through the shoddy phone connection. "Some kind of problem?"
"N-no, it's fine," Sooyeon says, biting her lip. "I just wasn't expecting it."
"You hiding something from me, Jessica?" His voice turns sharp suddenly, and Sooyeon flinches. Great, she thinks, now he's in a bad mood.
"Of course not babe," she hastily responds, holding her phone against her shoulder and cheek as she rifles through her things, searching for her purse. It has her wallet and makeup in it - she needs it.
"Good," his voice is calm again. "I'll be over at seven." The line goes out suddenly, and Sooyeon lets the phone drop onto her bed. She still can't find her things.
Shit, shit, shit, she thinks, knocking over several picture frames on her vanity while looking for her purse. One of them falls to the floor, the frame's glass cracking soundly against the wood. Sooyeon sighs exasperatedly, bending down to pick it up.
It's a picture of her and Soojung, from the time their whole family went to Disneyland. Sooyeon was in middle school and Soojung in elementary. Both of them had on Mickey ears in the picture. Soojung had blinked as soon as the camera shutter clicked, so her entire expression was off - it made Sooyeon smile. She gingerly slid the picture out from the cracked frame and leaned it against the mirror for safekeeping.
The doorbell rings just then. Sooyeon is hardly ready - she's never let her boyfriend see her so bare-faced before. Her fingers nearly tremble as she rushes out of her room and out into the hall. Soojung emerges from her room as well, and for a moment, Sooyeon thinks she sees a flash of pink in the exact same shade as her purse sitting on Soojung's bed. She pauses for a moment, and Soojung looks back at her with wide eyes.
The doorbell goes off again, and Sooyeon looks away.
"Hey," she says leaning up to kiss her boyfriend on the cheek when she opens the door. Behind her, she can feel Soojung's eyes on her back. "Um, I'm not sure if I can go today," she confesses, fingers playing nervously at the end of her shirt. "I can't find my purse, and it has my wallet and makeup and stuff in it."
To her surprise, her boyfriend laughs and says it's fine. Sooyeon is perplexed, until she realizes that Soojung is still watching them from a distance. He must have realized it too.
"Okay…," she replies quietly, slipping her hand into his. His hands grip hers too tightly, painfully, but she doesn't let it show. Behind her, she hears the quiet click of Soojung closing her bedroom door behind her.
She's alone for the rest of the night now, despite the other person beside her.
♔
"You should dye your hair," he says one day as she lets herself into his apartment. "You look so boring with black hair. So ordinary."
Actually, Sooyeon likes her hair the way it is. She likes the way it looks and feels, how the dark of it lights up in the sunlight, glossy and rich. How it darkens with water, black and smooth against her pale shoulder in the shower.
She opens her mouth to say something, but something about the look in her boyfriend's eyes stops her.
"How about red?" she suggests instead.
"Nah, that shit looks way too cheap. I don't want to have people to think I have some kind of tramp bitch hanging off my arm when we go out," he responds sharply, his voice biting.
Sooyeon wants to say that she doubts her hair color is what will make people think that, but ultimately she says nothing.
"Blonde," he speaks, breaking the silence. "You're gonna be a blonde."
Sooyeon looks down at her hair now - she curled it this morning, so it hangs in graceful, dark waves against her white shirt.
"Okay," she agrees.
♔
"What are you doing?" Sooyeon asks, as she pulls back jerkily. Soojung wipes her mouth, and Sooyeon can see where her lip gloss had smeared across her skin when she pulls her hand away.
"I don't know," Soojung mutters quietly, looking down. Her long hair falls in curtains covering her face, and Sooyeon is envious. She wishes she could have that kind of curtain again, separating her from the rest of the world.
"You just kissed me," Sooyeon says carefully, tone accusatory. It felt strange and…off. Just not right. She can see Soojung nod slowly.
"I know," her sister says. Her voice is shaky.
"What's your problem?" Sooyeon says sharply, beginning to get angry. "I know you're the one who stole my purse last week. And a lot of my clothes have been missing from my closet, too."
Soojung stays quiet, head bowed. Somehow, the sight of her just makes Sooyeon angrier. "Don't you have anything to say?" she says, frustration evident in her voice. "You're always so fucking quiet. I know you've been watching me the entire time I've been here, and yet the only thing you've said to me is that my hair looks nice. Don't you have anything else to say? Are you just gonna sit there?" Her voice is loud now, anger and desperation--not all necessarily directed at Soojung--slipping through the seams.
"Sorry we can't all be like you," Soojung replies in a whisper, almost inaudibly. Sooyeon stops, then.
"What?"
"I said," Soojung repeats with more force, raising her head finally to look at her sister, "sorry we can't all be like you! You have the perfect life, the perfect body, perfect face, perfect hair, perfect boyfriend, perfect everything. Mom is always comparing me to you. I'm always comparing me to you. Can't you just," she loses wind, wiping away at the tears that have sprung at the corner of her eyes, "try to understand someone else, for once in your life?"
Sooyeon is floored. Soojung is staring across at her now, and Sooyeon notices that she's tall. Taller than herself, even. When did her little sister get so tall?
"If you think that my life is perfect," she finally replies bitterly after a few moments, "your definition of perfect is seriously flawed." Tears well unbidden in her eyes, and she ducks her head down to wipe them away.
"What is that?" Soojung asks, suddenly. She reaches over and touches the bruise on Soojung's cheek that Soojung had covered up with makeup earlier that day.
"Nothing," Sooyeon says quickly, recoiling. She must have wiped away some of the makeup accidentally. "It's nothing."
She watches as realization dawns on her sister's face, a brief flash of horror appearing in Soojung's eyes. Sooyeon's hand is still cradling her cheek, hand covering the yellowy-purple bruise.
"You know," Soojung breaks the silence, "I really hate your boyfriend."
"Yeah," Sooyeon says. Me too, she almost says.
"You should break up with him."
"…Yeah."
♔
"I'm so glad you're moving back in, dear," Sooyeon's mother says. "I've been worried about Soojung lately - she's so unsocial and quiet. She should be more like you--"
"Actually," Sooyeon interrupts, "I think she's fine just the way she is."
Her mother pauses, appraising her daughter. She seems to be shocked at having been spoken back to.
"But I'm glad to be back too, Mom," Sooyeon says, a fond smile on her face. "Actually, I think Soojung may have a surprise for you when she gets back."
"What do you mean?"
At that, the porch door opens.
"I'm home," Soojung announces, slipping her shoes off and setting her backpack down. Sooyeon smiles, and their mother stares in shock, speechless, at the vibrant red hair atop Soojung's head.
"You look amazing," Sooyeon says appreciatively.
"Thanks," Soojung replies. She brushes a lock of crimson hair behind her ear and smiles, genuine and proud.
Title: a perfect life (the gilded remix)
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Jessica-centric, platonic Jessica/Krystal
Length: 1,679 words
Summary: Sooyeon comes home in more ways than one.
Warnings: offscreen domestic violence
Notes: -
Remixee author: ladadadi
Title of work you remixed: if i was you
Link to work you remixed: http://ladadadi.livejournal.com/8896.html#cutid2
When Sooyeon visits home for the first time after she dyes her hair blonde, her mother flips.
"But why?" she asks, desperately combing her fingers through Sooyeon's locks. "Your hair was so beautiful before. Now you look like a rascal," she laments. "I didn't raise you so you could do this to your hair."
Sooyeon just shrugs, not really wanting to respond because she knows it will just lead to an argument. Soojung watches, silently spooning rice into her bowl at the kitchen counter for dinner.
"I think it looks really nice, eonni," Soojung says to her quietly, after their parents levee them to clean the dishes.
Soojung's own hair hangs dark, straight, and long down her back, framing her small face nicely. Sooyeon wants to say this and more, wants to perhaps reach out and stroke her sister's ebony colored hair and tell her to treasure it.
"Thanks," she replies instead. She means to sound nice about it, to say it with a smile, but it comes out flat and toneless. Soojung watches her closely, and for a moment Sooyeon is afraid that her sister will see through her.
But then Soojung just gives a weak smile and turns back to continue washing the dishes. Wordlessly, Sooyeon turns and leaves out the porch door to stand on the rainy balcony. The outside lamp flickers listlessly, moths fluttering around the filmy light as Sooyeon fits a cigarette between her lips and lights it up.
She blows the smoke out in a thin stream and wraps one arm around herself to shield from the early nighttime chill. The smoke dissipates into the night as quickly she exhales it. She takes another drag.
Behind her, she can feel her sister's eyes on her back through the window above the sink. When she goes inside, Soojung says nothing to her.
♔
"You're coming here?" Sooyeon says into the receiver, some two weeks later. Her phone is pressed against her cheek. She's still at her parents' house. Things don't feel the same as they did when she lived there regularly, almost like she's a stranger in her own home. Some of the dresses from her closet are missing, and Soojung's ever-present gaze has been giving her an uneasy feeling.
"Yeah, what's the big deal?" her boyfriend replies, voice crackling through the shoddy phone connection. "Some kind of problem?"
"N-no, it's fine," Sooyeon says, biting her lip. "I just wasn't expecting it."
"You hiding something from me, Jessica?" His voice turns sharp suddenly, and Sooyeon flinches. Great, she thinks, now he's in a bad mood.
"Of course not babe," she hastily responds, holding her phone against her shoulder and cheek as she rifles through her things, searching for her purse. It has her wallet and makeup in it - she needs it.
"Good," his voice is calm again. "I'll be over at seven." The line goes out suddenly, and Sooyeon lets the phone drop onto her bed. She still can't find her things.
Shit, shit, shit, she thinks, knocking over several picture frames on her vanity while looking for her purse. One of them falls to the floor, the frame's glass cracking soundly against the wood. Sooyeon sighs exasperatedly, bending down to pick it up.
It's a picture of her and Soojung, from the time their whole family went to Disneyland. Sooyeon was in middle school and Soojung in elementary. Both of them had on Mickey ears in the picture. Soojung had blinked as soon as the camera shutter clicked, so her entire expression was off - it made Sooyeon smile. She gingerly slid the picture out from the cracked frame and leaned it against the mirror for safekeeping.
The doorbell rings just then. Sooyeon is hardly ready - she's never let her boyfriend see her so bare-faced before. Her fingers nearly tremble as she rushes out of her room and out into the hall. Soojung emerges from her room as well, and for a moment, Sooyeon thinks she sees a flash of pink in the exact same shade as her purse sitting on Soojung's bed. She pauses for a moment, and Soojung looks back at her with wide eyes.
The doorbell goes off again, and Sooyeon looks away.
"Hey," she says leaning up to kiss her boyfriend on the cheek when she opens the door. Behind her, she can feel Soojung's eyes on her back. "Um, I'm not sure if I can go today," she confesses, fingers playing nervously at the end of her shirt. "I can't find my purse, and it has my wallet and makeup and stuff in it."
To her surprise, her boyfriend laughs and says it's fine. Sooyeon is perplexed, until she realizes that Soojung is still watching them from a distance. He must have realized it too.
"Okay…," she replies quietly, slipping her hand into his. His hands grip hers too tightly, painfully, but she doesn't let it show. Behind her, she hears the quiet click of Soojung closing her bedroom door behind her.
She's alone for the rest of the night now, despite the other person beside her.
♔
"You should dye your hair," he says one day as she lets herself into his apartment. "You look so boring with black hair. So ordinary."
Actually, Sooyeon likes her hair the way it is. She likes the way it looks and feels, how the dark of it lights up in the sunlight, glossy and rich. How it darkens with water, black and smooth against her pale shoulder in the shower.
She opens her mouth to say something, but something about the look in her boyfriend's eyes stops her.
"How about red?" she suggests instead.
"Nah, that shit looks way too cheap. I don't want to have people to think I have some kind of tramp bitch hanging off my arm when we go out," he responds sharply, his voice biting.
Sooyeon wants to say that she doubts her hair color is what will make people think that, but ultimately she says nothing.
"Blonde," he speaks, breaking the silence. "You're gonna be a blonde."
Sooyeon looks down at her hair now - she curled it this morning, so it hangs in graceful, dark waves against her white shirt.
"Okay," she agrees.
♔
"What are you doing?" Sooyeon asks, as she pulls back jerkily. Soojung wipes her mouth, and Sooyeon can see where her lip gloss had smeared across her skin when she pulls her hand away.
"I don't know," Soojung mutters quietly, looking down. Her long hair falls in curtains covering her face, and Sooyeon is envious. She wishes she could have that kind of curtain again, separating her from the rest of the world.
"You just kissed me," Sooyeon says carefully, tone accusatory. It felt strange and…off. Just not right. She can see Soojung nod slowly.
"I know," her sister says. Her voice is shaky.
"What's your problem?" Sooyeon says sharply, beginning to get angry. "I know you're the one who stole my purse last week. And a lot of my clothes have been missing from my closet, too."
Soojung stays quiet, head bowed. Somehow, the sight of her just makes Sooyeon angrier. "Don't you have anything to say?" she says, frustration evident in her voice. "You're always so fucking quiet. I know you've been watching me the entire time I've been here, and yet the only thing you've said to me is that my hair looks nice. Don't you have anything else to say? Are you just gonna sit there?" Her voice is loud now, anger and desperation--not all necessarily directed at Soojung--slipping through the seams.
"Sorry we can't all be like you," Soojung replies in a whisper, almost inaudibly. Sooyeon stops, then.
"What?"
"I said," Soojung repeats with more force, raising her head finally to look at her sister, "sorry we can't all be like you! You have the perfect life, the perfect body, perfect face, perfect hair, perfect boyfriend, perfect everything. Mom is always comparing me to you. I'm always comparing me to you. Can't you just," she loses wind, wiping away at the tears that have sprung at the corner of her eyes, "try to understand someone else, for once in your life?"
Sooyeon is floored. Soojung is staring across at her now, and Sooyeon notices that she's tall. Taller than herself, even. When did her little sister get so tall?
"If you think that my life is perfect," she finally replies bitterly after a few moments, "your definition of perfect is seriously flawed." Tears well unbidden in her eyes, and she ducks her head down to wipe them away.
"What is that?" Soojung asks, suddenly. She reaches over and touches the bruise on Soojung's cheek that Soojung had covered up with makeup earlier that day.
"Nothing," Sooyeon says quickly, recoiling. She must have wiped away some of the makeup accidentally. "It's nothing."
She watches as realization dawns on her sister's face, a brief flash of horror appearing in Soojung's eyes. Sooyeon's hand is still cradling her cheek, hand covering the yellowy-purple bruise.
"You know," Soojung breaks the silence, "I really hate your boyfriend."
"Yeah," Sooyeon says. Me too, she almost says.
"You should break up with him."
"…Yeah."
♔
"I'm so glad you're moving back in, dear," Sooyeon's mother says. "I've been worried about Soojung lately - she's so unsocial and quiet. She should be more like you--"
"Actually," Sooyeon interrupts, "I think she's fine just the way she is."
Her mother pauses, appraising her daughter. She seems to be shocked at having been spoken back to.
"But I'm glad to be back too, Mom," Sooyeon says, a fond smile on her face. "Actually, I think Soojung may have a surprise for you when she gets back."
"What do you mean?"
At that, the porch door opens.
"I'm home," Soojung announces, slipping her shoes off and setting her backpack down. Sooyeon smiles, and their mother stares in shock, speechless, at the vibrant red hair atop Soojung's head.
"You look amazing," Sooyeon says appreciatively.
"Thanks," Soojung replies. She brushes a lock of crimson hair behind her ear and smiles, genuine and proud.