#35 [2PM, Wooyoung] Pt 2

[kpop_ficmix_mod]

[Previous]

The days went by so quickly. Despite wanting to spend more time with his family, Wooyoung has to go back to Seoul to discuss about his schedules and take care of some paperwork, so just like that’s he back to their old villa again with Taecyeon and Chansung.

Nichkhun had stayed in Seoul with them for another week. It almost felt like the old days having the chance to gather around together like this again. In that short period of time, Wooyoung allows himself to easily get used to the presence of his other members. For a while, it felt good to be with his brothers again but at the same time, something feels hollow, something is missing and the thing is that, Wooyoung doesn’t know if he will ever get it back again to fill the void in his life, in his heart. Just the thought of it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Although it doesn’t seem like it, over the years, as they all get older, Taecyeon’s really grown to be a workaholic- an overachiever. When Taecyeon got back to Seoul, it’s no wonder he immediately participates actively in getting his schedules alive and going again. Chansung, on the other hand, chooses to pick very little work consisting of only small projects instead because he’s more interested in expanding his gym. Wooyoung himself receives a lot of offers- releasing his fourth solo album being one of them, but just like the other offers, Wooyoung politely declined. Maybe it has something to do with what happened on that night of September 6th. After being abandoned for opening up his true feelings to Junho, Wooyoung feels ashamed and suddenly self-conscious of everything. He’s lost a lot of his confidence, so Wooyoung doesn’t think he’s ready to go out there and face the public yet. He needs time to build the walls and his public image again before he goes out to greet his fans. Although Wooyoung loves and misses them, they can wait for him for a little while longer.

When Nichkhun finally flew back to Thailand, Wooyoung is left all alone in the villa. Being ‘jobless’ has its own good and bad. The good thing is that Wooyoung gets to rest his body. But the bad thing- especially with him being alone most of the time- is that it’s too easy to fall deep into his thoughts like this. One thought leads to another and Wooyoung often finds himself getting so mentally exhausted that sometimes he ends up getting too much sleep.

When the sadness and hurt subside a little, it gives way for the anger and bitterness to kick in. They come with hate and blame for himself for ruining everything, for turning Junho away from him and letting him run far, far away from his reach. If only they had stayed inside the ballroom, if only he hadn’t said anything to Junho, maybe this all wouldn’t have happened in the first place.

Wooyoung falls into a familiar pattern- the same gloominess clouding his mind, the same questions, the what if, what if, what if? His anxiety is so easily triggered by everything and because of that, Wooyoung’s locking himself up in his room and isolating himself from everyone again. He didn’t expect to get caught in this situation again so soon, and it honestly feels so much worse this time around. He couldn’t talk with anyone before, neither can he now because his other counterpart is missing- because Junho is missing.

Because Junho is who he wants to see and talk to the most but he’s also the one avoiding Wooyoung right now.

It only gets harder the more Wooyoung sits down and ponders about it. The memory does not only come in the form of dreams anymore. In fact, everything resurfaces back up to his mind even in his wake. All Wooyoung ever wanted was for it to stop repeating in his head, to stop getting these feelings of hopelessness and humiliation but he can’t, he can’t find the switch to turn it all off.

So he’s left watching the scenes repeating themselves before his eyes again as he lies down and stares at the ceiling above of him. Wooyoung can almost feel the warmth of the sunlight on his face, the sting on his foot and prickling of sands against his skin. There’s a sound buzzing in his ears, slowly disintegrating into voices, laughter and music. When Wooyoung closes his eyes and turns on his right, the image of the beach replaces the darkness behind his eyelids.

Things progress quickly from there. It’s Junho running towards the sea and then it’s Junho running away from him. The waves crash mercilessly against the shores and Wooyoung realizes everything is too vivid by now. It’s not only the vision that’s clear but so are the sounds. Wooyoung can also feel the sands clearly against his fingertips and feet, feel the breeze caressing his face. His fingers come across something cold and smooth, pulling the glass out from the sands and then throwing it into the sea but it’s him, it’s him who falls into the water and swallowed up by the hungry waves.

Wooyoung struggles at first, but then he stops fighting and closes his eyes instead, willing the waves to drag him farther into the sea, willing the water to drown him alive.

But no.

No.

Wooyoung opens his eyes when he hears laughter from a distance. He feels his heart drops when everything repeats itself all over again- Junho running towards the sea, Wooyoung laughing at him and both of them laughing together. He wants to drown so this vicious cycle will stop but the water- it’s just not deep enough to drown and set him free.

You can’t.

Wooyoung startles awake and sits up on his bed, bending his legs closer to his chest and burying his face on his folded arms above his knees. Wooyoung’s had so many of these episodes before but this is actually the first time he’s letting the tears escape his eyes.

Wooyoung tried to be strong. He’s always been the stronger one between Junho and him but without the younger, Wooyoung can’t even find half of his strength to face everything bravely.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he whispers. The silence dragged on.

+

Wooyoung’s alone at the villa as usual, flipping through the tv channels looking for something interesting to watch when something caught his interest. It was one of those many home makeover shows. Now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t really have anything going on for him right now since he keeps declining offers that come to him. If he wants to explore and study more in designing, this might be his chance. Wooyoung’s always been interested in designing anyway, but choosing to sing and dance as his career, he never really gets the chance to study more in that area.

Wooyoung begins researching for schools that offer interior design course. When the ones in Korea are scratched off from his list by default, Wooyoung knows this isn’t just about studying or filling his free time anymore. This is about moving far, far away from everyone else and starting over new, abandoning all the unpleasant memories behind and finding his happiness somewhere else because he knows it’s no longer here. Japan, China and especially Thailand are definitely out of the list too. Wooyoung’s very determined to go to a place as far away as possible. The farther the place is, the better it is for Wooyoung.

Wooyoung stumbles across this one institute of arts and design situated in Boston. It’s kind of perfect and wonderful, really- relatively smaller school than the others, with fewer students and it’s also located in one of the smaller neighborhoods as well- and Wooyoung can’t help but feel as if luck is finally on his side again when he reads that they’ll be opening an online registration for a new course in few weeks time. He signs up his name out of impulse but when it really does get through, Wooyoung doesn’t waste another single second to prepare everything he needs for registration and that includes finding a place to live in while he’s over there as well.

Wooyoung’s been busy managing and preparing stuff for his stay in Boston that he barely has time to think of other things. He doesn’t think about Junho, and the dreams and visions rarely come to him these days, and that’s a good thing. A good start. Wooyoung thinks he can do this, he will get over everything and start over a new life.

When Wooyoung has to break the news to his family, it wasn’t as hard as he’d expected. They do look a little shock but it’s more because of how sudden it was rather than why he’d made such an abrupt decision. Wooyoung thinks his mother is a little worried to send her only son to a place far away from her home especially when he just came back from the army after 21 months, but he also knows his mother knows he’s big enough to take care of himself, big enough to make his own decision and know what’s good for him. Truthfully, Wooyoung isn’t sure if this is for the best, but he’s willing to take the risk. How is he supposed to know if he doesn’t try first?

It’s a different story when Wooyoung informs his members about it. Chansung seems collected, telling Wooyoung that he kind of saw it coming seeing all the brochures and notes lying around in the villa. Taecyeon on the other hand is a lot more excited for Wooyoung. Moreover the school is located in his ‘hometown’ and he promises to take Wooyoung sightseeing when he flies back home to Boston. That’s until Wooyoung reminds him that his family had moved back to Busan few years ago, of course.

“But your home is my home too,” Taecyeon says. He forms a V across his jawline with his hands and blinks his eyes full with (disgusting) aegyo. Wooyoung clicks his tongue in distaste and shoves him away. Taecyeon lands directly onto Wooyoung’s bed.

“Gross, Taec. Gross.”

“I’ll take you to that diner where Jessica and I went to on our first date.”

Wooyoung tsks at Taecyeon. “Why would I want to go there?”

“It was the same place where we broke up too,” he adds in, easily ignoring Wooyoung’s question and faking cries and all. Wooyoung scoffs, but continues packing away some of the more important stuff.

“Starring in sappy dramas has finally taken its toll on you, Taec,” Wooyoung comments. He waits for Taecyeon’s response but when it doesn’t come, Wooyoung turns to look- only to see he’s fallen asleep on Wooyoung’s bed. Because of his busy schedules, Taecyeon’s rarely at home and Wooyoung knows he needs this sleep so Wooyoung smiles and lets Taecyeon rests some more.

Wooyoung tells Nichkhun through a video call. He says he’s happy for Wooyoung and that it’s a good opportunity to travel and learn something new, but he sounds a little upset that Wooyoung most probably won’t be around when it’s time for his baby girl to be born. Wooyoung’s a bit regretful too, but with all the technological advancements, there’s a lot of ways he can meet Nichkhun’s and Suchin’s firstborn. Nichkhun gives him a little advice and asks him to take care, saying that he will miss Wooyoung a lot. Wooyoung snorts and jokes “It’s not like we see each other any other days anyway.”

“This is different!” Nichkhun says. “You’ll be, like, more than eight thousand miles away from me. Do you know how far that is?” Well, probably still nearer than the non-physical distance between me and Junho, Wooyoung thinks bitterly but doesn’t say it aloud. Why did Junho even come up in his mind at times like this? Wooyoung curses himself mentally. They chat some more before Nichkhun excuses himself and ends the call because he has to take Suchin out to her monthly checkup.

He doesn’t forget Minjun. He sends him an email telling Minjun he’s moving to Boston for a year to study there, but for now there hasn’t been any replies yet. Minjun is probably busy and by the time he opens that email, Wooyoung is probably already settling in his new home. (True to his expectations, Minjun did only open his email way after Wooyoung left Korea.)

Wooyoung contemplates on sending an email to Junho as well, but what are the chances that Junho will open it and read? What are the odds that Junho will care? In the end, Wooyoung doesn’t tell Junho anything. He will find out about it from the other members, sooner or later.

+

When Wooyoung steps his foot on Boston’s ground, he feels weirdly refreshed. The air feels different, smells different- scent of a new beginning, perhaps?- and it makes Wooyoung even more determined to do this.

After registering his name to his school, Wooyoung spends about five days settling down into his new apartment. In between those times, he goes out to sightsee a bit while picking up things for his course (which are pretty expensive, but nothing he can’t afford). The first thing he noticed is that here in Boston, it’s too easy for him to go around wherever he wants to. He doesn’t get stares when he walks down the streets and doesn’t get mobbed by people either. Although Wooyoung is still trying to adapt to his new life, he’s already starting to feel safe and at ease in this new place.

Wooyoung has a decent English, only enough for him to ask for directions, places and foods from fast food restaurants. It’s times like this when he wishes he’d taken his English lessons with Taecyeon and Nichkhun more seriously, and he now finds himself missing them more than he realized.

School starts off smoothly for Wooyoung. There’s a lot of people who enrolled in the same class with Wooyoung and they come in different ages. Most of them are young but luckily, with the way Wooyoung dresses, he doesn’t look too out of place. He’s also surprised to see there’s a lot of Korean-Americans in his class and this only makes it easier for him to communicate with them in his mother tongue. No one at school seems to recognize him (or maybe they do but not really a fan) and it’s honestly such a relief to Wooyoung. Like this, he can concentrate more in his studies. He befriended quite a lot of people too, but only stays acquainted with them. It’s a lot easier this way.

Wooyoung gets a little homesick sometimes. Thanks to improved technology, he can communicate with his family anywhere, anytime. When February rolls in, Minji’s grown a little from when Wooyoung left in mid December. Woobin’s gotten bigger too and Woojun’s already reached that age to go to school. He’d cried to Wooyoung when he video-called them, saying he didn’t want to go to school and only wanted to stay at home with mama and Woobin and Minji. It took a lot of persuasion to make Woojun go to school, and when he video-called Wooyoung the next night, Woojun was back to his cheery self again and told Wooyoung about his first day. Samchon, I made a lot of new friends today! The grin on Woojun’s face stays imprinted on Wooyoung’s mind. The smile of genuine happiness and innocence. Is there a way Wooyoung can get that back on his own face as well? Wooyoung wonders.

Everything’s turning out better than expected for Wooyoung and he‘s adapting quite well too. He also keeps in contact with everyone in 2PM. Well, except for Junho, that is. Chansung had once told him that Junho knows about him moving to America and studying design in Boston. Wooyoung’s heart had beat rapidly at that, curious of what Junho feels about him moving away, of how he took the news of him leaving and what does he think about Wooyoung not telling him about it? Despite himself, he didn’t ask Chansung about it. Junho probably doesn’t even care about it in the first place so why should he?

The memories and dreams still haunt him up to this day, but it’s less frequent and affects him less in comparison with a few months back. Somehow, the waves always have a way to pull him back into the waters- torturing him and trying to drown him but it’s always never deep enough for that. He’s always floating above the waters, forced to stay there and watch everything repeating itself. He busies himself with his projects, occupies his mind with only school, school, school and nothing else. It helps to distract him a lot. Sometimes, he does miss Junho but somehow all the feelings he had for the younger had turn mostly into anger and resentment now. Wooyoung is trying to be happy again, trying to find his old self but the thoughts of Junho can still pull him back down to the darkest and ugliest pit of his mind. He doesn’t want that. He wants to move forward without having to look back anymore.

+

A lot of things happened in March.

Suchin finally gave birth to a cute and healthy baby girl whom they named Kanchana. On the same week, the remaining two members of 2PM were discharged from service. Right on the same month, it was also when Wooyoung met Joey for the first time.

Wooyoung’s out and about taking pictures for his latest project again that day. At the same time, he’s looking for inspirations to complete his mood board for his presentation next week. Wooyoung takes his camera out to snap a picture of the interior design of an empty café after getting permission from the owner. Unaware of to what Wooyoung was about to do, a girl walks in to the café and Wooyoung accidentally captured the photo with her.

The girl stops on her tracks and swivels her head at Wooyoung. The glass door shuts close again, the girl’s long hair and her skirt flowing beautifully from the light breeze. She stares at Wooyoung with her doe eyes, glossy pink lips pressed together into a tight line. Wooyoung isn’t attracted to her, but he admits that he’s pretty much captivated by the scene before his eyes because God, this girl is so beautiful.

“Um, excuse me?” she calls out timidly. Wooyoung knows she’s talking to him because there’s no one else in that café. Even the cashier had gone to the back of the restaurant. Wooyoung raises his eyebrows and pulls his camera away from his face. He realizes he’s in a bad position right now because the girl might think he’s taking her picture without permission- which he’s not. But instead of getting scolded for being rude, the girl takes a few steps closer to him instead, eyes glinting with unsure recognition. Oh, wait a second. Is she a fan? “I know this might sound weird, but you look exactly like the ahjussi on my aunt’s wall,” she blinks in childish amazement.

It registers in Wooyoung’s mind that the girl just used a Korean word in her sentence, and it dawns on him that she was talking about a poster. His poster. Somehow, Wooyoung finds it a little funny. He chuckles in a mix of amusement and embarrassment, gaining another confused look from the girl.

“I’m not an ahjussi. I’m not that old,” Wooyoung says. His English is still slightly accented but at least he knows he’s using a proper grammar at that. The girl suddenly turns sheepish, tint of pink painting her pale cheeks. She really is beautiful, a reminiscence of his first love and the exact image of the ideal type he used to talk about a lot before.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude,” she apologizes. “Can I buy you a caramel macchiato?”

“You don’t have to,” Wooyoung smiles.

The girl shakes her head, insisting. “Please. Take it as an apology for being, umm, rude,” she says, already walking towards the counter without breaking eye contact with Wooyoung, as if making sure he won’t leave. When Wooyoung takes a seat on one of the tables, she finally smiles and looks away to place her orders.

“Thank you,” Wooyoung says when the girl passes him one of the plastic glasses. She merely nods her head and takes a seat across of Wooyoung.

“I know you’re Asian, but are you Korean?” she asks, sipping on her drink through the straw.

“Yes,” Wooyoung answers. Her eyes light up. There’s something about her that reminds him of Woojun. Her eyes maybe. Or the aura of innocence?

“Really? Me too,” she tells him, switching into Korean. It’s nothing uncommon to meet Koreans around here because he’s in the neighborhood where a lot of Korean-Americans resided at. “I’m Josette Lee. But everyone calls me Joey.”

Wooyoung smiles again. “You can call me Wooyoung.”

+

Wooyoung had hinted Joey that the ahjussi in the poster she talked about before could be him and instead of raving about it to Wooyoung, she only looked at him with that look of silent amazement and admiration in her eyes. Wooyoung’s also told her about wanting to live a normal life here as a normal student right before that, so he’s thankful that Joey remembers and respects that, and she doesn’t ask him more on his past life as an idol before.

Joey isn’t as young as Wooyoung thought she was- she’s only six years younger than him. She honestly looked no older than eighteen when Wooyoung first laid his eyes on her. They become friends, and Wooyoung doesn’t even know how it happened, but he grows closer to Joey, even closer than he is with any of his schoolmates.

Wooyoung admits that he really does care for Joey. She’s kind and cute and smart, but it doesn’t mean that he’s attracted to her like that. It’s more of an instinct to take care of and protect her because Joey is like the little sister he never had. Even so, when Joey holds his hand and says she likes him on the night of his birthday, Wooyoung doesn’t refuse her. He doesn’t want to give Joey the wrong idea, doesn’t want to give her false hope but when Wooyoung opens his mouth to tell her that, nothing comes out. Instead his mind travels back to that time when Minseo had confessed to him, at how Wooyoung had laughed at Minseo and how Minseo had almost killed himself. He’s also reminded of that night at Phuket again-unfortunately-, and he remembers how hurtful it was to be on that end who opened up. Wooyoung doesn’t want Joey to get hurt. Even though his heart says no, Wooyoung smiles, nods his head and accepts her confession, letting her jump into his embrace.

As it turns out, their relationship is not that bad after all. They’re still the same as they were before, only that Joey becomes more touchy-feely towards Wooyoung. It’s nice to have someone beside him in a foreign country where he is basically all alone, taking care of him and being there for him.

When they kiss, it’s still a little weird for Wooyoung, but when he holds her hand, he feels how small they are in his, realizes how vulnerable she actually is and he holds her a little tighter, hoping to be the reliable pillar she can lean on. Wooyoung can deny it all he wants, but this actually has something to do with how Junho used to depend on him for moral support before. This familiarity is both bothering and comforting at the same time, and maybe Wooyoung is just being selfish, maybe there is something wrong with his head but he doesn’t want to break away from this for now. Even though his love for Joey is probably not as big as her love for him, Wooyoung thinks that maybe if he tries enough, someday he could love her back. Wooyoung is happy though. Maybe this is the happiness he’s been searching for. Maybe Joey can bring permanent happiness back to him.

Or so he thinks.

It’s mid July when Wooyoung unexpectedly meets Minseo again.

Wooyoung’s surveying gifts for Joey’s birthday when he accidentally bumps onto someone on his way out of the shop. His apologies never made it out of his mouth as his lips glued together instead when he looks at the person’s face.

Minseo’s staring back at him, but just like Wooyoung, he’s not saying anything. Of all the people Wooyoung could meet, of all the places he could stumbled upon them, it just had to be Minseo, right here and right now. In the end, it’s Minseo who broke the silence.

“It’s been a while,” Minseo says. Minseo looks different- sounds and acts different from what Wooyoung remembers of him. But then again, can Wooyoung really blame him for that? Maybe it was because of him Minseo is like this now. Wooyoung only nods his head to Minseo‘s statement. “I- have to go. I’m on a summer vacation trip with my school. My group is probably waiting for me,” Minseo adds in and turns around.

“Minseo-ya,” Wooyoung finds himself calling for Minseo. Minseo stops and turns back around. Wooyoung suddenly feels a little sick, looking at Minseo like this and how he had almost killed himself because of Wooyoung. Those guilt and regrets never really did leave him. “I’m sorry,” Wooyoung says. By the way Minseo’s eyes soften at his words, Wooyoung knows Minseo realizes this isn’t just an apology for bumping onto him anymore- it’s an apology for what Wooyoung had said and done to him back then, an apology for everything’s that happened before as well. Wooyoung could have said more but he’s made his point straight and there’s no need for that. Minseo doesn’t say anything, but he smiles genuinely before walking away.

Wooyoung thought he would feel better afterwards, but he doesn’t. All the things and sadness he tried to leave behind, they all come back to him again. These feelings…how does he get rid of them? Is there a way to get rid of these feelings he have…for Junho? Does he even want to get rid of it completely in the first place?

Wooyoung knows better that he can’t lie to himself.

No, he still can’t get over everything and heck, even if he was to start a new life, a new beginning, he sure as hell knows who he wants it to be with.

+

It’s not fair for Joey. Wooyoung knows that.

He should have been honest about this since the beginning but he was so scared of hurting Joey. But now, Wooyoung realizes she’ll be getting the hurt ten thousand times worse than he had intended. Wooyoung knows he still has to do this because it will hurt Joey more if he was to continue lying about his feelings for her, for this relationship. Wooyoung is happy (but something feels odd, something is still missing), Joey makes him happy but Wooyoung can’t do the same for her. She deserves to be happy too, deserves better than this.

Joey doesn’t ask nor say much when Wooyoung break it off. Even through her smile, her eyes are still suspiciously misty. She doesn’t try to understand. In fact, Wooyoung is surprised when she tells him she’s been meaning to tell Wooyoung that she’s going back to California soon. If Wooyoung hadn’t done this, she would have been the one to break it off first. After hearing about her leaving the city, Wooyoung feels a little reluctant to send her off. Whatever it is, she’s still a dear friend to him and he will honestly feel sad to see her go.

They part ways after one last hug. Wooyoung never saw Joey anymore after that night.

+

When Taecyeon informed Wooyoung he’ll be around in New York for his latest movie filming, Wooyoung doesn’t spare a single second. Coincidently, Wooyoung has a week off from school so he buys himself a ticket, packs his things and flies off to New York to meet his hyung.

It feels good to see Taecyeon. Wooyoung’s been thinking a lot lately, so it’s nice to be in Taecyeon’s presence again. He gladly accepts everything- distractions in the form of Taecyeon and his aegyo and teasing and lame jokes. It feels good to steer his mind off his troubling and confusing thoughts for once.

On Wooyoung’s last day in New York, they go to KFC to have a quick meal before Wooyoung leaves later that night. Taecyeon praises Wooyoung in a teasing way after Wooyoung had asked for Mountain Dew instead of Coke when ordering their foods, and half-way through discussing the plot of Taecyeon’s latest movie, Junho’s name was brought up and it had been Wooyoung’s own slip of the tongue. He curses himself from under his breath when everything is pulled down into a silence.

“Yeah, it’s totally Junho’s type of movie,” Taecyeon agrees. “We should all go together for the premiere of the movie.”

Wooyoung snorts and takes a bite of his chicken burger. “You just want to see yourself on the big screen.”

“No,” Taecyeon denies. “I want you guys to see me on the big screen.” Wooyoung shakes his head in resignation, his mouth full of food and it makes his cheeks all puffed up. “Can I ask you something?’ Taecyeon carefully asks, leaning back and drinking his soda trying to look as casual as he can manage. Wooyoung flicks his eyes at Taecyeon knowingly, and then glues his gaze back on the table as if there’s something interesting there. He doesn’t agree but doesn’t refuse either so Taecyeon proceeds anyway. “What happened that night?”

Wooyoung’s shoulders suddenly feel heavy as he slumps them down. He sighs and takes another bite of his food. Should he tell Taecyeon? But what if Taecyeon has the same reaction like Junho? Wooyoung can’t take that. He doesn’t want to lose another important person in his life. Wooyoung shrugs his shoulders in response. Taecyeon sighs heavily. Taecyeon knows everything about everyone and Wooyoung knows it must have been frustrating for him to not being able to figure out what happened between Wooyoung and Junho. But Taecyeon needs to understand that it’s probably for the best for everyone.

“Did you guys fight?” Taecyeon tries again.

Wooyoung shakes his head. “No. But let’s just say Junho probably hates me now seeing how he’s been avoiding me for almost a year.”

“Hate you?” Taecyeon frowns. “Why?”

Wooyoung smirks and crumples the wrapper paper after finishing his burger. “Maybe you should ask Junho instead.”

“Huh,” Taecyeon slumps heavily on his seat. “I don’t want to care anymore,” he announces. Taecyeon’s probably lying though seeing how he’s already pulled deep into his thoughts again. Wooyoung lets him as his mind drifts off to his own thoughts.

In another month, Wooyoung will be graduating from his one-year course. That means going back to Korea again. Going back to Korea means preparing for comeback, and preparing for comeback means they will all reunite again. Anger and resentment aside, Wooyoung actually can’t wait to meet Junho again and he’s interested to see how everything will unfold.

+

Wooyoung hasn’t had this dream for a very long time. When it comes visiting him again, he feels strangely calm.

Wooyoung’s walking by the beach where Nichkhun’s and Suchin’s wedding had been held. The beach is deserted, and so is the ballroom when Wooyoung walks there. On his way back to the beach, fireworks explodes in the sky and Wooyoung almost stumbles when two familiar people ran past him.

Wooyoung stays where he stands, attentively watching the two people from the beginning right to the end. He sees Junho standing up and his own face paled in horror as he watched Junho staggering away from him. When Junho’s a little closer to the hotel, he starts running, bumping Wooyoung in the way and causing him to fall into the pool.

Wooyoung’s not even surprised when it’s the sea swallowing him instead of the water from the pool. He closes his eyes and lets the waves bring him down, willing his mind to play September 6th all over again. Wooyoung only jerks his eyes open when he hears Junho shouting at him, quickly rushing up to the surface to inhale a large gulp of air back into his lungs. From where he is, Wooyoung can see the scene of Junho walking away from him replaying over and over again with every blink of his eyes.

The sirens go off, and instead of sending overwhelming feelings to him, this time it triggers Wooyoung to move, to do something and not just stay there waiting for the water to drown him because that will never happen, because his will and determination to fix this and get Junho back is much more stronger than the tides. And so Wooyoung swims back to the shores with all his might, coughing the water out of his mouth before standing up on the ground.

“No!” Junho shouts. “You can’t.”

“Yes, I can!” Wooyoung shouts back at Junho.

“You can’t do this to me!” Junho turns to leave. This time, instead of staying still, Wooyoung chases after Junho and grabs on Junho’s shoulder firmly.

“You can run all you want, Lee Junho. But just know that you won’t be able to hide forever.”

When the stewardess wakes Wooyoung up from his sleep, Wooyoung feels very well-rested. A strong sense of clarity invades his mind and Wooyoung hasn’t felt so at peace like this since that day he joined his family again after service. Well, it’s true that he’ll be seeing them again soon but the fact that he finally knows what he wants and what to do next also helps a lot.

+

It’s been a year, Wooyoung thinks as he looks at Junho directly through the gap in between Chansung and Taecyeon. One year and counting. It should have been long enough to figure things out, to accept these feelings and set them free from doubts. Junho visibly swallows and looks away when his gaze meets Wooyoung’s.

It should have been long enough, and it is.

Now, Wooyoung just has to wait for Junho to stop hiding, to come out and finally face him again so they can start a new chapter in their lives.

A new beginning together.