#33 [2PM, Nichkhun/Wooyoung] Pt 3

[kpop_ficmix_mod]

[Previous]

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Nichkhun hears laughter amidst excited voices when they go to the living room and it makes him relax somewhat, mainly when he sees the way his fellows are sitting. They’ve somehow ended up on the floor, pillows under their butts or over their laps. Junho’s leaning against the couch and Chansung resting against his arm, absentmindedly patting Jeonggam, who purrs every now and then. Next to them is Junsu, legs crossed at the ankles and hands supporting him as he leans back, head almost touching the couch. Where their circle meets its other half, there’s Taecyeon, legs drawn in the butterfly position, eyes pausing on each of their faces but going back to Jay’s every so often.

There’s a hole in the circle where Nichkhun supposes he and Wooyoung shall sit. Junho beckons for them to come and tries to move aside to make more room, but Chansung is heavy and takes some time to realize what’s happening. Then Jay’s hitting the maknae with a pillow and Junho is yelling at him to move instead of crushing him down in a vain attempt to escape Jay’s attacks. Junsu pulls Chansung by the leg and the maknae almost hits his head on the floor, but it’s not a problem until Taecyeon decides to tickle his foot and Jay continues to hit him. Junho is grinning like a maniac and joins Jay instead of helping Chansung, which makes Junsu shout too because he’s just been hit not so accidentally.

And Wooyoung laughs.

Nichkhun’s cheeks are starting to hurt because he’s either smiling for real or unsure of what to do, which makes his lips freeze midway between a remaining smile and a confused face.

“Stop, stop, STOP!” Chansung finds some voice to scream at them despite the fact that he’s the one laughing the most. He gets up and aims what would have been a strong pillow-hit at Jay, who surrenders, dropping his weapon to the floor. Chansung chuckles giddily then, nods at his hyung and sits back down, looking warily at Junho before leaning against him again.

“Sooo, guys, I should get going,” says Jay, which sounds too sudden and too soon.

“But hyung, you’ve just arrived,” Wooyoung says, probably disappointed that he didn’t get to spend any time with the other.

“I shouldn’t even be here, I mean, I have a comeback in a few days and I gotta meet the staff, practice some more, do the final preparations… you know how this goes.” He sounds casual, but his words are heavily underlain, something they don’t have to talk about and they probably don’t want to.

“We should… get together sometime, and not just in extreme situations…”

Jay smiles at what seems to be Junho’s attempt at a joke, though there’s truth in all that. “I know. It’ll be even harder once you guys come back as well because everyone will pine for your attention, but hey-don’t let it get to your heads, okay, kids?”

Some of them chuckle at that, others look thoughtful. Jay’s already getting up though so there’s not much to do except hug him and exchange a few words before his taxi arrives. Taecyeon says he’s accompanying him out and no one tries to fight him for the chance to do it.

When they hug, Nichkhun thanks him. Jay tries to dismiss it with a sequence of “yeah, yeah’s” and variations of “I still have to kick your ass sometime”, but he ends up staring seriously at him. “Good luck,” he says, nodding almost imperceptibly at Wooyoung, who then had his attention to Junsu. Nichkhun feels obliged to thank and hug him again, but Jay pushes him away. “Hey, quit that or I’ll suspect you’re hitting on me, bro,” he whispers, then winks, and follows Taecyeon to the door.

When Nichkhun turns around to check on the others, he notices Jeonggam is now on Chansung’s left shoulder while the maknae scratches behind his ears, nuzzling the grey fur as if that’ll give him comfort. Junho is watching the two of them, but Nichkhun also sees the way his eyes go furtively to the door, then to Junsu and Wooyoung as they whisper what seems to be worries from the former and reassurances from the latter.

They get back to sitting in the circle as the front door is closed: Junho, Chansung and Jeonggam, Junsu, Taecyeon, then Nichkhun, and, finally, Wooyoung, who stares at his lap until someone decides to break the ice.

“So, you two lovebirds finally talked?”

Nichkhun stutters, especially because the joke came from Taecyeon, whose unreadable expression gives away more than it hides-if it were just a joke, he would be either wriggling those eyebrows or trying to look as innocent as a schoolgirl. The fact that he said that in English, looking at Nichkhun, makes it even harder to ignore.

Junho and Chansung are staring at them with curious expressions, while Junsu looks questioningly at Wooyoung. He seems about to ask something, but Nichkhun surmises it’s hard to put it into words or to pick one out of possibly many questions.

Wooyoung looks at Taecyeon, then at Junsu, but his eyes settle on the one by his left side. “Khunnie?” he touches his shoulder, and ignores the way Taecyeon almost smirks at them. They’re all used to touching one another all the time, some more than others, but he can put up with Taecyeon’s mockery as long as it means he’s just being Taecyeon, because that’s a good sign.

Nichkhun clears his throat, playing with the pillow on his lap. He wonders where all their plushies have gone, but it’s a fleeting thought. The fact that everybody seems to be looking at him makes it difficult to start talking, but at the same time he just can’t brush it aside anymore. “I want to… apologize for the pain I caused you guys. For leaving like that, for not answering you, for worrying you so much. I know this won’t make up for the time you lost and I’ll have to work hard to make everybody trust us again, to get us back to the top…”

Junsu takes his pause to interrupt him softly. “Don’t worry about that. I mean, as long as we’re together, we can always start again. We still trust you, we love you, and we’d be trying to bring you back as long as you wanted to.” His gaze shifts from Nichkhun to Taecyeon and back, then at Wooyoung again, obviously expecting them to address that even if in other times it might have passed as a joke.

Chansung nods at Junsu and the others keep quiet, different levels of agreement showing on their faces. “What worried us more was how you didn’t reply to any of our messages, hyung. Sometimes we were not sure if you’d really want to return, but that’s just because they-we didn’t know why you left.”

Junho frowns a little at Chansung’s slip, but doesn’t say anything. His eyes, often downcast, are now fixed on Wooyoung and Nichkhun, who can see the engines turning on his head. He doesn’t need to voice the question Nichkhun has been waiting.

“In the beginning, the way things turned out, I thought it wouldn’t be possible for me to come back… It would be better if I didn’t keep in touch with any of you, because I might be putting you at risk, and-” he gazes at Wooyoung, whose hand squeezes his shoulder for a moment, either to offer or gain support from him. They keep looking at each other, and Nichkhun’s next words are more for him than anybody else. “If they found out I was talking to you, they might not believe that I’d ended this.”

“End what? And what’s this about putting us at risk? Come out and say it, Khun-ah!” Taecyeon raises what might have been Junho’s questions. His voice is nearly amused, though, and he sounds as easygoing as ever.

Nichkhun is puzzled again, but Wooyoung tugs at his t-shirt and he understands they have to do this. He opens his mouth, but the words don’t come out. He doesn’t know how to phrase this and the truth is he’s still afraid. Wooyoung’s hand is now flat on his back, near the nape of Nichkhun's neck, and it moves slightly as if to tranquilize him. Besides its effectiveness, the touch is something he’s craved for, but he was not expecting Wooyoung to concede him this much after their unfinished talk. It may be unconscious, or even a silent plea for Nichkhun to touch him back, something Wooyoung usually wouldn’t do, but perhaps uncanny situations warranted uncanny behaviors.

“The company found out that Nichkhun and I had an affair.”

Nichkhun gapes at him, but Wooyoung is busy watching the others’ reactions. Taecyeon sniggers as if this was all a big joke-either that or it’s his smugness for confirming what were probably just suspicions. Junsu still looks puzzled and will likely demand an explanation of what exactly Wooyoung means by an affair. Chansung’s face is not exactly serious nor is he smiling, but he looks relaxed, as if things were falling into place. And Junho-

“Are you serious?” there’s an almost laugh that escapes with his voice. He looks from Wooyoung to Nichkhun repeatedly, until it seems that he absorbs the mood of the others around him: Taecyeon’s face is matching Chansung’s now, though his lips curve up when he looks at the newly announced couple. Junho’s eyebrows are furrowed and then lifted up a few times, until Chansung puts a comforting hand on his knee. Junho’s gaze is not really focused on the maknae when he speaks, not a question or a confrontation, but something similar to wonderment. “You knew about this.”

Chansung’s features soften at that, and he grabs Junho’s hand so naturally, the other doesn’t even try to stop him. Out of all of them, Nichkhun thinks, Chansung is probably the one whose affection is most often displayed like this, which is why his leaning over Junho, linking arms with him and shutting him up by refusing to answer all pass as a common occurrence, whereas his own and Wooyoung’s for each other must have aroused suspicions.

“Wait.” Junsu stares fixedly at Nichkhun and Wooyoung as if to confirm what he’s heard. “You’re saying that you two are together? As in a relationship?”

“Yes-”

“We’re not-”

“I want-”

“There’s no way-”

Junsu throws a pillow at both Nichkhun and Wooyoung. “Learn to talk when your hyung asks a question!” Taecyeon laughs and Junsu looks at him out of the corner of his eyes, trying to look serious but letting out a chuckle, too.

Nichkhun wants to take Wooyoung’s hand in his but as they tried to answer Junsu at the same time, Wooyoung stopped touching him and is now clasping and unclasping his own hands, not looking at any of them anymore. He realizes that Wooyoung would talk about them in the past, whereas he would do it in the present. As much as Nichkhun wants to respect his decision and offer him the compassion he asked for, he also doesn’t want to give up. The fact that their situation has been left undefined makes it even harder to tell the others the truth-because the two of them are not sure about it either.

“The company found out about us,” Nichkhun says, because that part was not subjective at all. “They talked to me and-maybe I should have denied it,” he feels Wooyoung’s eyes on him then, “but I was so shocked, I didn’t. Back then…Well, it’s been only a few months, but at that moment Wooyoung and I weren’t really, huh, together, I mean, we were, but not in a… conventional way, I guess.” He clears his throat, embarrassed and all the more ashamed for it. “Maybe we weren’t careful enough because we weren’t aware of what was really going on, but the thing is…” he pauses to take a deep breath. “They were afraid of the consequences in case other people found out. I understand it’s not easy to handle this-discovery, but I guess their reaction was as bad as mine after what they told me: that one of us had to leave.”

"And they didn't talk to anyone else about it?" Junsu sounds almost offended. He looks from Nichkhun to Wooyoung, then at Taecyeon, who shakes his head.

"I didn't know.” Taecyeon says, his resentment not completely veiled. “I kept asking them to tell me, so… I tried to figure it out, but I didn't know this was the reason." He gestures vaguely at Nichkhun and Wooyoung, then sighs. "They should have talked to us, asked us... We wouldn't let you go, we wouldn’t give up on any of you. It was not fair that you had to make a decision on your own, and even though I think you could have shared this problem with us, I understand that you were trying to protect us. Back then, I might have tried punching some sense into your head, but you can make up for that in other ways.” Although his smile is brief, his words are just as sincere. “But, now that we know about it, can you two relax? We’re together in this. We’ll work it out.”

Nichkhun doesn’t hesitate in hugging Taecyeon, who chuckles but returns the gesture. “Thank you,” he whispers and the other slaps him not too gently on the back. He’s so moved by Taecyeon’s words, by his acceptance, how calmly he’s been dealing with this, there’s not enough thanking him for it.

“You know, Taecyeonnie wasn’t talking just about himself,” Junsu says as his hands move in their general direction, “So, how about showing some appreciation to the rest of us, too?”

Taecyeon laughs and clings to Nichkhun, though the younger one also beckons for Junsu to just come at them. A second later there’s a heavy weight over them both as Junsu jumps on him and Taecyeon, who falls back to the floor, complaining and laughing at the same time. Chansung’s amused chuckle reaches their ears but the pile doesn’t grow as Wooyoung’s low, tentative voice is heard, too.

“Junho-ah?”

When Junsu moves back to his spot-though it seems the circle has grown smaller and they’re sitting closer together-Nichkhun sees that Junho is hugging Wooyoung, whispering words that he can’t hear as Wooyoung nods, swallowing what could easily be a lump of emotions, but he handles it well. Nichkhun notices Chansung trying to hold it in and goes to him, sitting on the small space left between their maknae and ahjusshi. Chansung smiles when Nichkhun puts an arm around him in an invitation for him to rest his head on his shoulder, which is what he does. The six of them keep still in what could almost be described as a companionable silence until there’s a loud meow, and then Jeonggam jumps on Chansung’s lap.

“You hungry, hmmm?” Chansung strokes the back of his ear and leans forward until their noses touch.

“I don’t know about him, but I am hungry,” Wooyoung says, and Nichkhun remembers what the guys said about how much he slept, so he’s been up on an empty stomach.

“What was that? Is our Woodong speaking up? Are you gonna cook for us?” Taecyeon tries to squeeze his cheeks but the other shoves him away, though there’s a hint of a smile on his lips.

“I think we’ve all missed our Prince’s food,” Junsu says.

“It’d be a pleasure to cook for you guys.”

“Aren’t you tired from the flight, hyung?” Chansung has picked up Jeonggam and put him on his right shoulder, but the cat has moved on to the nape of his neck, so that he’s facing Junho, who pats his head, and then Chansung’s, for good measure.

“I don’t mind it,” Nichkhun says, and he means it. It would be great to do this for them, as small a gesture as it may be, in addition to helping him feel even more at home.

“You should prepare some French dish,” Junho says teasingly.

“Or something from Australia, since he has his own koala bear.” Taecyeon looks pointedly at Wooyoung, who ignores him.

“He could prepare something from a different place every day,” Chansung says, grinning at the Thai, who smiles back at him.

“Oh, oh, that could be the start of all the sucking up you’ll have to do to compensate for the time you were away.”

“You’re such a perv!” Junsu kicks at Taecyeon’s calf, and the other is about to fake a scene when there’s the sound of keys on the door again. He looks stupidly guilty for a second. “Guys, I didn’t have time to tell you, but-”

“Good afternoon,” Lee JuSeob greets them after closing the front door.

“Hyung? I’m sorry, but what are you doing here? Did we have a schedule today?” Chansung looks from their manager to Taecyeon, who’s trying to hide behind a pillow.

“Of course you did,” Juseob looks at Nichkhun, the hint of a smile on his already cheerful features. “You had to welcome a friend back home, right?”

“Hyung…!” Nichkhun stands up to hug him. He would have been unsure about how to proceed if it weren’t for the way their manager just spoke about him. “Hyung, is this true? Jinyoung hyung will accept me back? You’re okay with this, too?”

“Ah, Nichkhun…” he steps back and joins them as Taecyeon moves closer to Junsu so there’ll be room for Joseob to sit next to Nichkhun, who has returned to Wooyoung's side. “There’s still so much to negotiate within the company and we have a lot of decisions to make regarding you guys, but Jinyoung-sshi and I never meant to reject you…” He then looks past Nichkhun to the other half of the equation. “Or you, Wooyoungie. Or, well, any of you, just to make it clear.” He looks at all of them as he says the latter. Wooyoung’s quiet again, Junho flushes, Chansung smiles thinly, Taecyeon nods as he tries to regain his dignity. Nichkhun supposes he called the manager and either forgot to tell them or wanted to catch them off-guard for whatever reason he had. Junsu frowns for a second before speaking.

“So what really happened that night?”

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"Well, I don't know how much Nichkhun has told you, but allow me…”

They’re all intent on what their manager says now, and Wooyoung’s sense of foreboding picks up. He still wants to hear it though because details were not part of the letter Nichkhun left him that night.

“Although we did find out about their relationship, these two here were usually very discreet about their encounters, they never did anything out in the open, especially if there were other people around. But sometimes, they left traces behind. I didn't really connect the dots until this one time we were touring and these two shared a room."

He doesn't explain exactly what happened that time, but that’s something Wooyoung ought to be thankful for. He's chagrined enough not to dare raise his eyes and look at the others, though he's sure they'll be looking at him and Nichkhun now. And their manager continues.

"I wanted to talk to you two about it, because despite it being personal, it might have caused trouble in case other people saw you. So, I went to Jinyoung-nim and asked how he'd react in case we had a situation like this in one of the groups and he had no trouble figuring out that it was not just a hypothesis. But the thing is... we managed it badly. Both he and I exposed the situation to the wrong people, and… well, you guys know the company doesn’t depend on Jinyoung-nim’s choices alone anymore, so he often has to make decisions that not necessarily go with what he’d prefer.”

“But if it’s like that…” Wooyoung’s voice is low. However, he forces himself to look at their manager out of respect and because he wants to see his face while hearing his answer. “Why would they accept us now? I don’t mean us being in a relationship, but…we’re not exactly the sons-in-law mothers will be looking for.”

“That’s… one way to put it.” Juseob looks at Wooyoung as if searching for what he himself wants to say. “I’ll get back to that, but I still have to answer Junsu’s question, if you don’t mind.” He looks at Junsu then, though his gaze flicks over to Nichkhun as well. “The night before Nichkhun departed, he’d just had a schedule and we were supposed to discuss some commercial contract, but one of the white-collars broached the subject rather unexpectedly and things went askew after that…” He sighs. “They didn’t realize back then that forcing one of you out of the group would only cause harm to 2PM as a whole. We really didn’t want to do that, to have either Nichkhun or Wooyoung leave, and maybe we might have managed to convince them with time-which actually happened-that you are all essential to the group, and that we could find a way to keep this-affair-from reaching the wrong ears.”

Nichkhun speaks up before the others get to make questions. “I decided to leave instead of talking to Wooyoung or any of you because I thought it was the only solution. I didn’t know that Juseob hyung and Jinyoung hyung were ‘on our side’, that they’d try and keep us all together.”

Wooyoung closes his eyes, choking with the urge to say that they could have avoided this.

Juseob’s nodding at Nichkhun, though. “You were not entirely wrong in what you did. Maybe if things hadn’t gotten this ugly, we wouldn’t have managed to really convince them that you should come back, that both of you should stay.”

“Aish, people having to lose things in order to realize how important they are…” Taecyeon mumbles. Wooyoung feels the words reaching within him, coiling and spreading underneath his skin. It was true to how he felt when he read that letter, but what hits him more painfully now is that he might still lose Nichkhun. This time, however, it wouldn’t be because one of them would be far away and completely out of reach, but because Wooyoung would have to restrain himself, if he kept to his decision.

As surreptitiously as possible, he brings his left hand closer to Nichkhun’s right one, and holds it. He feels the other’s eyes on him, but his own are kept fastened on Juseob’s face, otherwise he might not be able to bear the rest of this conversation.

“Taecyeon-goon is right.” Juseob meets each of their gazes as he speaks now. “You guys have always been able to talk about everything, from the silliest to the most serious matters, so I’ve hardly had to intervene when you have disagreements. I guess I put too much pressure on you without noticing… I should have come here with Nichkhun that night and discussed what had happened with you all instead of expecting him to do it anyway, or at least, talk to Wooyoung before departing.”

“Why didn’t you tell us what happened after Nichkhun left?” Junho asks, but despite his lack of formalities, he sounds cautious and almost unsure of broaching the matter to their hyung.

“How would you have reacted if I told you Nichkhun had to leave 2PM because we found out he was gay and in a relationship with Wooyoung?” he retorts, his tone soft, but the words make Junho’s ears go red, and he looks almost apologetic. Juseob smiles, then, as if that was exactly what he expected. “I wouldn’t have phrased it that way, of course, but in short, that’s the truth. It was not my place to reveal something like that without talking to Nichkhun first, or Wooyoung. But, our Woodong wouldn’t open up about it, no matter how many times I tried.”

Wooyoung would like to hide his face from the others, then, but he just fights the sting in his eyes and hopes they won’t notice or think too much about it.

“You really didn’t want us to know…” Taecyeon’s voice lacks its usual confidence and he sounds nearly wistful. “Wooyoungie, you do know you have my support, right? You too, Nichkhun. All jokes aside, you can do whatever you want and I won’t mind.”

Wooyoung should probably smile or have any positive reaction that might convey how good it is to hear that, but he just feels like crying again. Maybe he gripped Nichkhun’s hand too tight or the other just sensed he needed something, but what matters is his arm sliding around Wooyoung’s back and pulling him closer, his hand holding Wooyoung’s arm and then just scratching gently over his shirt.

“I agree with Taecyeon hyung,” Chansung says, even if Wooyoung already knows. Maybe this is also for Nichkhun or for the others. Either way, it’s important for him to express that. Wooyoung manages to lift up his lips at the maknae, who answers him with an encouraging smile.

“I’m with all of you,” Junsu says, as if that shouldn’t be a question at all. “I’m a little shocked, but that’s more because Taecyeon and Chansung somehow knew about this. In what world do OkCat and Oblivious Maknae catch up on things faster than the rest of us?”

“I found out by accident, if that makes you feel any better, hyung.”

Junsu chuckles at that. “I’m just kidding, Chansungie.”

Wooyoung looks at Junho, who is seemingly detached, but actually observant. When Nichkhun and he first told them about it and Junho hugged him, he said this didn’t change things. That he now understood why Wooyoung was behaving like that, even if he would have liked him to be a little more approachable-though that could have come from his part, too, in Wooyoung’s opinion. What was past was past though and Wooyoung was willing to take Juseob’s advice to heart when it came to future conflicts.

Junho looks at both of them, at Nichkhun’s arm around Wooyoung, pausing for a moment at Nichkhun’s apprehensive face, not missing the pain still there in Wooyoung’s eyes. “I don’t have a problem with how you feel for each other, if you’re together or not, but it’s just… weird, I guess. We’re all a family, so it’s like seeing two of my brothers… y’know… doing things.”

“They haven’t done anything in front of you, though. I mean, the way they’re sitting now, even Chansung has committed greater sins than that.”

“Taec.” Juseob sounds reproachful enough that Taecyeon apologizes. However, their manager smiles again, not easily flustered. “That went almost too well… We still have a lot to work on, of course. First I need to check some things-starting by the two of you.” He looks at Nichkhun and Wooyoung. “I don’t know how you feel about having to lie to other people, but you do understand that right now you need to be extra careful about everything you do and say?”

Wooyoung bites back the impulse to say what he would have told Junsu before, when he asked if he and Nichkhun were in a relationship-that they’re not together. They still are, in a sense, and he doesn’t know what the future might bring, so he just nods, while Nichkhun assures their manager that they’re very serious about protecting 2PM.

“Okay. We’ll have to work on what and how to tell the press once it’s time to reveal you’re back, though right now, I’ll just ask you to stay indoors and for the rest of you to go on with your schedules lest we draw unwanted attention if we change plans too suddenly.” He scratches the back of his head, thoughtful. “We do have some concerts on the way so you’ll have to practice a lot…At least now we don’t have to worry about rearranging choreographies or redistributing lines anymore.” He smiles again. “Well, we don’t need to hurry right now and I don’t want to get you guys worried about things I still need to discuss with other people anyway, especially Jinyoung-nim.”

“Does he know I’m here, hyung?”

“Yes. He said he’ll call as soon as possible. Now, kids, go eat something. I’ve heard someone here hasn’t been taking good care of himself and I won’t put up with any of that.”

Wooyoung narrows his eyes at Taecyeon, whose face is unrepentant. “What did you want me to do? Let you become a zombie for real?”

Juseob shakes his head at the exchange, but he’s not reprimanding any of them; he actually seems to be amused for a second. “Nichkhun and Wooyoung, you two can get something from the kitchen first and then rest a while.”

Wooyoung is about to protest, but their manager looks at them as if that’s an order instead of a simply dismissal. Maybe there’s more to him sending them away than what he’s letting on, thus Wooyoung nods meekly, and gets up. He waits for Nichkhun to do the same, so they’ll go together. He might have felt guilty about getting to eat before the others except they’ve probably had breakfast or lunch already. Moreoever, he is hungry, and tired-emotionally drained.

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They find the leftovers from lunch in the fridge: dukbokki, chicken wings and some salad that Wooyoung ignores. Although Nichkhun suggests they prepare something else to add to that, the other simply shakes his head and heats the cooked food.

Despite his concern after what Juseob said-that Wooyoung wasn't taking good care of himself-he understands his weariness, so he doesn't insist much. He's exhausted, but he will ignore that if it means helping Wooyoung, or at least accepting his unspoken requests.

They can hear the others' voices but the words are hardly decipherable and Nichkhun tries not to grasp anything on purpose. He and Wooyoung eat in silence for a while. It's only when they're almost finished that Wooyoung speaks again. Nichkhun was so distracted by his own thoughts-which revolved around finding a subject that wouldn't sound forced considering the circumstances-that it takes some time for the question to register.

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I'll manage to sleep now, anyway."

"No, I mean-tonight, and the other nights. We all have our own rooms now, but your things are still in Chansung's room."

"Oh. I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

Wooyoung shakes his head. "We still have bunks, you've seen the one in my room. Taec and Junsu might even sleep here tonight, but even then, there'd still be..." He doesn't complete the sentence, as he looks for a way to express something about which he got suddenly shy. Both of them are already talking in low voices, but Nichkhun drops his even further. He doesn't want to distress Wooyoung in case he's reached the wrong conclusion.

"Would you like me to sleep in your room?" he asks. Wooyoung's troubled stare meets his own, through which Nichkhun tries to show he means this just as far as the words go.

Wooyoung's nod is almost imperceptible. Even though he was the one to broach the subject, he's still apprehensive about this. "I don't feel like sleeping right now, but I guess we both need to follow Juseob's instructions..."

Nichkhun bites back a smile.

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This time, when Wooyoung closes the door, he doesn't turn his back to Nichkhun. The other is still pretty close to him, so Wooyoung just grips at the sleeve of his sweatshirt, near the pulse. Nichkhun stops, eyes flickering over his fingers before staring at him. Wooyoung doesn't really know what he's trying to do, but he feels the need to touch Nichkhun, to stay close to him, to-experience this in a different way. Before whatever they had wasn't supposed to hold meaning, even though it did. Whatever he felt back then was so suppressed he didn't let himself realize what was really going on. Stupid rules.

"I'm still... I'm afraid, Nichkhun..." he utters and the other holds his hand, the thumb stroking his palm. "I don't want to be responsible for another crisis. It's not fair that the others have to suffer because of us..."

He looks down at their hands as Nichkhun grasps his fingers in silent caring. Wooyoung still can’t believe that their friends have offered support even though some of them might still have to actually digest the revelation. He half expects one of them to burst into the room and pull him back from Nichkhun, saying how this is wrong and that 2PM can’t go on if they’re together.

He needs to calm down. The others aren’t the only ones having to process this. He’s also heard new things, some he didn’t like and some he’s been hoping for. He can admit it to himself now: he wanted things to go this way, he wanted their approval as much as he wanted to get back with Nichkhun. So, they didn’t really have a relationship before, but why worry about definitions when he’s absolutely sure this is what Nichkhun wants too? It was one thing to deny it when they were an ocean apart and there seemed to be no way for this to work out, but now… Now, he wants to allow himself the feeling of delight that comes with Nichkhun being here, both of them being here, basking in each other’s presence.

"Wooyoungie," Nichkhun touches his face lightly, the tips of his fingers brushing near his eyes, sliding down his cheek, but retreating when he speaks. Despite Wooyoung’s change from recoiling to accepting his affection and even displaying some of his own, Nichkhun looks a little nervous, but his next words account for that. "Tell me what you want. Not what you think we should or shouldn't do, not what seems to be best for everyone but might end up hurting us all anyway-I need to know what you really want. Because if you tell me you don't-"

"I want to be with you," he whispers. It's impossible to deny the way Nichkhun almost takes a step forward but holds himself in place, and then grips Wooyoung's hand a little too hard. Wooyoung has to smile at the urgency unveiled by his very trying to contain it. "At first I was almost angry that you doubted I had feelings for you,” he says, recalling the first time he read that letter. I don’t even think you feel the same way, Nichkhun wrote, without asking and without telling anything. Wooyoung was about to prove him wrong, that is, if Nichkhun still doubted anything. He knows how the other often needs the confirmation of words and voice whereas Wooyoung tends to rely on actions better, so he continues. “Then, I realized that…I didn’t know about how you felt either. I was barely aware of how I really felt until you wrote that, so I knew I had to tell you. I was so sure you’d come back right away and we could cover that up as a really bad misunderstanding or a prank of sorts-imagine their faces-but…”

He shakes his head so sadness won’t resurface. Forgiveness takes time, and he still couldn’t forgive himself either. He knows they share fault in this and they’ll have to try and heal each other. "I couldn’t find you. It was horrible, not talking to you, not telling anyone how I felt, because-love is something beautiful, isn’t it? Love is something you share… I’ve wanted to feel like this for a long time, but then…” He bites his lower lip, takes a deep breath, and squeezes Nichkhun’s hand another time. Although his mind keeps going back to those despairing moments, it’s his heart that needs attention now. “I love you. This is what I want, even if I know we’ll get sick of each other and I’ll feel like punching you sometimes because you’re just impossible.”

"Wooyoung..." Nichkhun’s voice is full of longing and it’s obvious he’s restraining himself for his sake. Wooyoung cherishes that: the thought and the feeling, the passionate look in Nichkhun’s eyes, the way his free hand opens and closes as if he’ll touch him at any second, if only he gets the right sign.

“You know this is probably the only place where we'll ever get to do or say anything, right?"

"Wooyoung..." Nichkhun doesn't have to take that step forward because Wooyoung does. He can feel Nichkhun's breath against his face, a little erratic with anticipation. His gaze keeps going from Wooyoung's eyes to his mouth as the grip on his fingers loosens up and then he's touching his face with both hands and Wooyoung's smile turns to compliance.

Nichkhun kisses him. Its lightness and near hesitance last for a second before one inviting brush of lips has them giving way to taste each other. Wooyoung grasps at the short hair near the nape of his neck and lets his fingers dig in the skin under it as he kisses Nichkhun like he means it-and it does mean everything right then. It's good and then it's amazing and then he has to force himself to break it gently before it becomes too much. He pulls at Nichkhun's hair again though and enjoys the heat that comes from their bodies being this close together as Nichkhun moves an arm around his back, drawing him in without much effort.

"I've missed you so much," Nichkhun says, daring to kiss his cheek, and his forehead before resting it against his own. He closes his eyes and his intense expression makes Wooyoung smile again, contented. "I understand why you've been trying to turn me away, but you don't need to do that, not anymore..." when he opens his eyes, they stare straight at Wooyoung, full of hope and determination. "We have our friends' blessings and even Juseob hyung seems to be okay with it, so as long as we're discreet I think we'll be okay."

"I don't know if they were completely honest..." Wooyoung says, although he might agree with Nichkhun’s statement. "It's not that I don't believe them, but maybe they're just...accepting this for our sake, or for 2PM's sake, and then they'll be bothered or even disgusted and unhappy, and that scares me more than anyone else finding out about us, and-" he sighs heavily. "I know I sound paranoid. But see, I don't want to lose you, and I don't want to lose them either. It would just be too good if I could have both at the same time."

"You can," Nichkhun says, in a constant defiance of what might get in his way. "Look, even if the others approved of absolutely everything, I wouldn't want to expose us like that, and I don't think you would, either. I won't mind having to wait hours, days, weeks to touch you like this," he caresses Wooyoung's skin with his knuckles, which go from his jawline down his neck to the shoulders, "or to kiss you like this," he leans in, and Wooyoung mirrors the action. However, Nichkhun stops and then draws back slightly and Wooyoung knows he's been properly teased. It lingers, so that even Nichkhun has difficulty speaking again. "As long as I can get back to you, knowing you'll be waiting for me too, I can deal with these… ‘new rules’."

"New rules." Wooyoung repeats, mindful of their necessity but displeased nonetheless. "I don't like how that sounds."

Nichkhun doesn't seem to have a better suggestion and ends up giving a small shrug. "I prefer enjoying what little time we get to spend together than having to always pretend I don't feel anything for you. This, Wooyoung, this won't go away," he says, holding Wooyoung's hand and squeezing it as if that holds the meaning he aims for.

"You're so cheesy, but so hopeful..." Wooyoung wonders out loud, wishing that will help him hold onto his own hope again.

"Anything to make you feel better.”

Wooyoung doesn't need to answer, his remaining smile says enough. Then, Nichkhun yawns and he chuckles quietly. "You should really get some rest."

Nichkhun shakes his head as if that will also shake off the combination of jet lag, strain and weariness. "Will you sleep too?"

"I'm tired, but I don't really feel like sleeping."

Nichkhun’s eyes move from Wooyoung’s face to survey the room, pausing for a moment on the unmade bed before coming back to stare at him. "Then, lie down with me."

Wooyoung falters, his lips parted despite the lack of an immediate answer.

"No, Woodong, I mean just--just stay with me, okay?"

“I know, Khun, I didn’t think you were-” he takes a deep breath. There’s the soothing touch of Nichkhun’s hand at his back and his other hand still holding Wooyoung’s. “Can we just-I wouldn’t like the others to walk in here and think-”

Nichkhun’s eyebrows rise slightly at that. “So what if they see us? Wooyoung, you have to get used to it and they’ll have to do the same. What of all the times we’ve done much more than that? We didn’t think so hard about getting caught then.”

“We’d lock the door.”

“Not always, otherwise we wouldn’t be where we are now.”

Wooyoung frowns and Nichkhun’s expression changes, the boldness giving way to a little regret at his own attitude.

“I’m sorry. I keep-pressuring you, when I should know better. But what I mean is, things happen. That’s not an excuse for doing or not doing anything, but if we look at the bright side-”

Wooyoung kisses him. It’s quick, but worth the way Nichkhun’s eyes widen in surprise. What an effective way of shutting him up. “I’ll stay with you,” he states, because that’s what he meant to answer at first, and he doesn’t want either of them to feel like they’re always treading on thin ice. He wants to relax and enjoy Nichkhun’s company again, but it seems they’ll need to remind each other of that, however subtly. “But you know, there’s this shirt I’ve been looking for these past months, and it’s my most comfy one, so you’ll have to-”

Nichkhun has his own ways of surprising him, and he does it now by taking off the sweatshirt and revealing Wooyoung’s old cotton t-shirt underneath, the grey faded to a light granite color. Wooyoung stares at him in awe, a silent laugh being all he manages for some time.

“You didn’t wear this all the time…?”

Nichkhun’s own laugh is sound, and nice to hear. “Do I stink yet?”

Wooyoung grabs at the hem of the shirt as he sniffs at Nichkhun’s neck. “A little.”

He looks amused and Wooyoung smells him again. It was actually good, for mixed with what he already regarded as Nichkhun’s familiar and particular scent, there was something fresh, something he didn’t recognize, and something of his own there.

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“It still smells like you,” Nichkhun says, pulling Wooyoung by the wrist, which he brings up to sniff at too. The other's teasing smile wavers for a second, but it's not a bad sign--he's unsure of what Nichkhun will do next as much as he seems to be looking forward to it, if his dilated pupils and sudden intake of breath are anything to go by. Nichkhun feels tempted to taste him, to lick his skin and elicit other reactions, but he holds back, because he's still serious about giving Wooyoung the time he needs to adjust to this new situation. Even though he's been expressing positivity as a way to help Wooyoung ease back into himself and into their relationship again, he knows this won't be simple; it will take effort from both of them. He's honest when he says he can bear this though because he wants to be with Wooyoung no matter the struggle and Wooyoung wants to be with him, too. The implications of that make his blood rush and he can feel and hear his heart beating as happiness is within his reach again.

He lets go of Wooyoung's hand and lets his fingers slide around Wooyoung's sides, nuzzling his neck as he embraces him. Wooyoung hesitates before holding those arms in place and resting his head on Nichkhun's shoulder, who sighs against his skin.

"Now I think I could sleep if we stay like this," he whispers, hands tightening at the base of Wooyoung's spine.

Wooyoung scoffs at his mushiness, but does move towards the bed, gesturing for Nichkhun to lie down first. He obliges gladly, leaving room for Wooyoung to join him. Nichkhun lies on his back, and Wooyoung leans against him, head on his chest, Nichkhun's right arm around his torso.

This is the most peaceful Nichkhun has felt in a long time. He clings to the feeling as much as he clings to the one responsible for that.

He feels like he can hear Wooyoung smiling, that he doesn't need to see it. "I know I said I was just tired, but now I feel like closing my eyes and..." he closes them, fakes a snore and his chuckle vibrates through Nichkhun's body. "Talk to me."

Nichkhun caresses his back, both of them relaxing little by little. "What do you want to know?"

Wooyoung’s breathing is quiet, slowing down, and his voice echoes that. "Why did you come back here first instead of seeing your family?"

"Taec didn't tell you?" he asks, but Wooyoung draws patterns across his stomach instead of answering right away. Although it tickles, Nichkhun also enjoys how he's been touching him while allowing him to do the same.

"I kind of said I didn't want to hear it."

"Oh."

"But the truth is I wanted to, and I still do. So?"

"Hmmm...” He’s distracted by Wooyoung’s touch, but he tries to gather his thoughts and keep his voice on the same level as the other’s, unknotting the remains of their tension. “I called my mom right after I talked to you guys, when I was still at Jay's. She was really...You know how she is, she said she understood even though she wanted to see me.” He pauses as Wooyoung’s fingers halt over his chest. However, Nichkhun’s constant touch up and down his back make him relax again. “Of course she missed me, they all missed me as much as I do, but I’m used to that, I guess. It was not my family I needed to make amends to, but you guys. Besides, Taec told me you'll have a concert in Bangkok soon, so if everything goes according to plan..."

Wooyoung nods. His fingers walk over Nichkhun's torso, skipping to his left arm until they brush against another hand, which he entwines with his own. The gesture discloses what words do not. "Does she know?"

"I didn't need to tell her about some things. But you..." He swallows. "I had to. Otherwise, how could she accept that I left like that, or that I needed to stay away for so long..."

Wooyoung doesn't say anything again, but he squeezes Nichkhun's hand, which is more than enough. They're both silent for some time, so Nichkhun feels the sluggishness catching up with him.

"Tell me about your trips." Wooyoung mumbles through a yawn. Nichkhun peeks at his face and, sure enough, his eyes are already closed, and his grip on Nichkhun's right hand loosens until they're just touching.

Nichkhun still consents to his request, starting with Australia. He recalls Taecyeon's joke, Your own koala bear, and smiles as Wooyoung drifts off into dreamland, knowing he will be soon to follow.

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Wooyoung finds him.

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