time, ticking on me
time, ticking on me [1/2 3]
4,045 pg-13, (jessica-centric, jessica/donghae)
highschool!au it's about the people you meet along the way.
a/n: inspired by garden state. except, the boy was supposed to be all dark and broody. it didn't work out that way.
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
-
"Two more months," she hears herself whisper.
Jessica only has two more months of taking the 4:15 bus back to Seoul, and then she takes a bus back to America. Well, not technically speaking, it's a bus to the airport - but it's still getting her to where she wants to be: anywhere but here.
It's an hour bus ride because her aunt and uncle can't afford to pick her up from the high school. "Soojung has violin lessons from 3:45 until 4:30, and it's on the other side of Seoul as well." Jessica pretends like she understands. Her younger sister has a lot of potential that they can't afford to waste, not like with her anyways. Even though her hand twitches like maybe she wants to slap someone, she doesn't. Instead, she asks a question. "Why do you call her Soojung? Her name is Krystal."
Jessica doesn't really remember what the answer to that was. She doesn't think she stuck around to hear it.
By the time she gets to the house everyday, when it is five o clock pushing into six, no one greets her. Krystal is up in her room, trying to perfect music on screeching strings. Her aunt and uncle are sleeping, maybe, or they're out to eat. She drops her school bag carelessly off to the side, the family dog, Roberto, leaping out of from its hiding place under the cupboards and attacking the bag as if it were a vicious monster. Jessica has used the excuse "My dog ate my homework," a lot more times than she probably should have. The validity of them were questionable. Well, at least half of them were true. The dog's name is Roberto, because she was allowed to name it. It's the only thing in the house that she feels like actually belongs to her, because even her clothing seems borrowed. After being washed in her aunt and uncle's washing machines all those times, she notices they start to get bigger - or maybe she's shrinking, but the clothes aren't hers anymore.
"You're home," Krystal says. Her black hair curtains her face perfectly. Jessica thinks she could star in a horror movie, like their old friend Jiyeon does. She stands on the fourth to last step from the ground, her toes curling into the carpeted stairs. Her fingers curl too, almost as if she were holding onto something, but Krystal knows better than that. It is Jessica after all, the remnants of her sister nothing but faint wisps of air.
"Home," Jessica repeats in a whisper. She looks up at Krystal with a shake of her head, this isn't home. "No, not really."
Their night is the same as any other night when their supervisors are gone. They grab a blanket, a pillow, and sit in the roof. There's a window with a brown latch in the room Jessica sleeps in. It opens with a loud creak, leading onto the low roof. Someone could easily break in if they wanted to through that window, but no one ever does. They lie there, hands out stretched above to something they can't reach.
"We'll be watching the stars one day, from different places, but they'll still be the same stars," Krystal says with half lidded eyes.
At first Jessica doesn't understand, her mind to busy wandering along an abyss called the milky way. Krystal's voice seems only like a blur in the background, and then her words cut clear through her wonderland. "I'm not going back to America with you, Jessica. I'm staying here until I finish high school."
She sits up, brown eyes peering down at her older sister with a frown. Maybe she wants a thumbs up, a smile - but both are unlikely. Jessica feels her lip quiver, as if she weren't in her own body, but only watching the scene unravel before her. It surprises Jessica how she isn't surprised. She saw this coming, or maybe it was because she had heard her on the phone with mom three days ago. Either way, she offers no physical signs of support. Jessica only nods.
It's a Monday afternoon, a rainy one at that.
She stands there without an umbrella at the bus stop, her blond dyed hair sticking to the side of her face. She wonders if her mascara is running, or if the old woman beside her thinks she is going to get hypothermia. Jessica doubts it, but she offers a smile of reassurance to the stranger anyways. 4:13, she reads on her watch. She has two more minutes until the bus pulls up. Jessica simply sticks her tongue out to pass the time. She figures, maybe she was thirsty.
The bus comes and she takes the three steps to enter. She receives and returns the courteous nod from the bus driver who knows her well, before making her way to the second, left row in the back. Left when you're entering, but it's actually the right when you're sitting there. She sits on the inside, placing her bag on her lap. The seat in front of her is a grey tinted blue, remnants of it's once color peeling off. She pulls at the dry paint sometimes, the chipped flakes falling onto her skirt and then falling onto the ground, where she steps on them. Her shoe buries whatever trace of blue it might have been into the bus floor, and jessica pretends like she remembers what that color once was - just like she pretends like she remembers who she once was, but it's all too far away now.
No one ever really sits next to her, but she doesn't complain. She likes it better that way.
School goes by like gravel on a passing train. You know it's there, it has to be there, but it isn't like you pay much attention to it anyways.
Yesterday, Taeyeon had offered Jessica a ride home. She accepted reluctantly, but it was a nice conversation on the way home. School. Boys. Boys named Siwon. Boys named Heechul. A nice conversation, but nothing Jessica plans on holding sacred. So, now it's Wednesday, and Jessica goes back on the bus to regain her righteous seat. Unlike the house she lives in, she also feels like it's hers. Then, she wonders, why is someone sitting in it?
The faint trace of the smile she had offered a woman who also always takes the bus quickly disappears, like it was never there in the first place. Her fingers curl around the straps of her book bag, her eyes darkening at the male. His head is leaned against the window, cheeks flushed from something that she doesn't know about. His eyes are closed and she doubts she can see him through unopened lids, so she continues to glare. Jessica lingers on the thought of asking him to move, saying that it's her seat he is sitting in. She doesn't. Jessica finds herself sitting next to him, eyes attached to the seat in front of her. She can hear his music blasting from his ear phones, strings plucked and a soft voice singing something about love, or the lack thereof. She doesn't wake him up, the stranger who lightly snores by her side, Instead, she closes her own eyes. Maybe if she remained silent she could be a ghost, unreal and not there. She doesn't expect to fall into a deep slumber, but unfortunately, she does.
"Miss, this is your stop," She feels someone shake her arm lightly. Her eyes flutter open to the woman in the front, who also gets off at the same stop as her. Jessica finds herself nodding, her fingernails digging into an unfamiliar fabric. Her head moves, as if it weren't on her own body. and in a way it isn't. She brings herself to sit up correctly, turning her face slowly to a male with a broad smile. It's cheeky, endearing maybe, but Jessica makes no note of it besides that.
"I hope I made a good pillow," He says with a nod.
Maybe he expects her to blush, but she doesn't. "Sorry if I drooled on you," is all she says, the back of her wrist wiping away at the dry corner of her mouth. He continues to grin and she doesn't smile back. Jessica just grabs her bag and turns on her heel, walking off the bus without another sound. She'll pretend like that never happened, and like she didn't throw a glance back over her shoulder to see the boy with the same smile through the tinted window.
On Thursday, she finds him sitting there with an expectant smile.
Because of that, she would have taken any other seat, but she notices that is the only one open. She wonders if she could hold it out for an hour, standing. When she takes a step towards the back though she feels the pain from gym class, and she accepts her defeat with a begrudging glance.
"I'm Donghae," he smiles, but it fades when Jessica gives no response.
He wonders if she's mad at him, maybe he embarrassed her. He takes a good look at her, after a few minutes deciding she doesn't look like the type to be easily embarrassed. So, he sits there and racks through his brain, trying to think of something to say to her. Maybe ask about the weather, or what school she's from, or if she likes music - because he certainly does. Maybe they have that in common, and he expects her to be brutally honest because she doesn't seem all too charmed by his physique, so she won't lie in order to impress him. And before he can ask anything from that stroke of brilliance, she speaks first, "You stole my seat."
"Oh."
He blinks a million of times after that, wondering what he should respond with. He decides replying with silence is the best form of getting her attention, and it does.
"Do you have any response to that?" She asks, a frown lingering on her lips.
"No, not really."
She continues to give unpleasant glances and frowns, and Donghae grins, "It's not like I killed your puppy or anything. It's only a seat."
There's a stray of silence before Jessica responds, "If you ever killed Roberto, I would decapitate you."
it's a little too serious for his liking, and, admittedly, "You're scary."
Jessica shrugs, "Fear is subjective."
She mumbles something after that, and Donghae probably wouldn't have noticed if it were anyone else, but he had been paying close attention. He doesn't say anything about her english comment, but it only adds another dimension to her. It takes him awhile, to decide if he likes it or not.
"What's your name?"
"I don't give my name to strangers."
"Well, I am assuming you also don't fall asleep on strangers either, but you did."
They don't talk after that, not until it's her stop anyways.
"My name is Jessica," she says a little too quickly, but he catches it. He debates on whether she is lying or not, and he supposes that it's written all over his face. Her lips dip into a frown again, and he wants to reach other and pinch her cheeks to pull them upward. He decides that they're still too much of strangers to do that, but they're closer now in that weird way you can be close to someone when they fall asleep on you and then exchange names.
"Nice to meet you," Donghae says, his hand then reaching out for hers. She doesn't take it, but he didn't really expect her to anyways.
Strangely, she looks forward to the bus ride home on Friday.
When she gets on, she realizes he isn't on. She tries to hide her disappointment, and the vague feeling in her stomach afterwards.
Jessica spends the weekend writing an essay, or, not writing it. She sits on the bed, legs crossed and hair up in a messy bun. She contemplates untangling her hair, maybe getting all the knots of fatigue out, but it ultimately stays the same for the next two hours. "Auntie wants you to go to the store and buy asparagus," Krystal peeks her head through timidly. They haven't really talked much since the roof on Sunday, and for that, Jessica feels bad - but not bad enough to invite her into her room. It wasn't her room anyways, so if she didn't belong, why would Krystal? Jessica doesn't give a response, but Krystal knows she's going to do it. She has to.
She doesn't look up but when the door clicks shut, she shuffles to her feet. It takes her a while to get the knots out of her hair, sighing because she knew she should have done it earlier.
After fifteen minutes she walks down the stairs and grabs the money her aunt left out on the table for her to buy the asparagus, and a jacket, and her hat. She's gone within the next two seconds.
She forgets what it's like to be out in Seoul during the weekend. She easily inhales intoxicants that she could do on her own time, so her palm presses itself against her mouth and nose. Maybe she should have settled for a scarf, instead of her hat, but she's already a twenty minute walk away from her house. The supermarket is in a rather shady area. People walk on the sidewalks as if they own them with their hoods tightened so you can't see the lust in their eyes. Predators, maybe, or just people who are completely misunderstood. She likes to believe in the latter, because most of the time that's just the case. Jessica walks through the area like she isn't scared even if her lip quivers in the dark, but no one can tell.
When she's finally there, she grabs a basket. it's red and tainted, flimsy plastic that needs to be replaced. The store lights are too bright, stinging to her sensitive eyes, and she figures maybe the store owners want to prove something. We can afford electricity, bitch - yeah, that's probably what they want to prove. She can't hear anything besides rusty wheels against the floor and a child crying somewhere in an aisle.
Her back is turned to the window that reveals the sidewalk outside, but she starts to hear strumming. A jaded musician, she thinks, there are a lot of them out here. Musicians that are actually worth something, unlike the music without any meaning being played on the radio now a days. Jessica takes note that the sound is familiar, but nothing strikes her as important until she hears curses. Jessica finds herself turning slowly, unable to make out the view outside from the glare of the lights.
She takes the basket with her outside, joining the other people who have decided to crowd around.
"That's my money, man -"
"Well, I need it more than you guitar boy."
"Come on, back off -"
No one does anything except watch. Everyone already knows who is going to win, but Jessica finds her lips parted.
"Donghae?" She says a little too loudly.
She doesn't scream at the next part.
Naturally, he blames her for the sucker punch to the face. "If you hadn't distracted me," Donghae heaves a sigh when she shoots a cold hearted glare. They sit inside of the supermarket on two of those mini stools.
"Ow," He flinches, moving away from the alcohol pad she has. She know it's more than that, he's probably only moving away from her touch, and it would still be painful to him. She can see it in his eyes, underneath the scruffy mess called his hair, the way his pride is slightly bruised. Kind of like his cheek, purple and blue, a small cut, except five times worse.
"I don't know what is more painful," Donghae says, "The fact that the guy stole my money, or the fact that you just saw me get punched."
Jessica looks at him and smiles, suppressing laughter that she know will only scar him deeper. Endearing, it's the only word that really comes to her mind when she thinks of him. "I'm guessing you're not so impressed with me now, huh?" He chimes, trying to get some kind of response out of her. Jessica shakes her head, "You weren't really impressive on the bus anyways."
He laughs, even if it does hurt his face, but it aids his pride just a little. He likes her smile, making sure that his memory takes a picture of it, storing it safely in the back of his mind.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Oh," Jessica mumbles, "I have to buy asparagus." Her mind resurfaces from whatever place she was just in, whatever place she was just in with him, and her phone vibrates in her pocket. Jessica takes it out, flipping it open with a look of sudden disdain. Donghae only watches.
"Yes? .. I know, I'm on my way home, there was a long line at the supermarket." She presses end call after that, handing Donghae the alcoholic pad.
"Can you take care of yourself?" She asks, arching a brow.
He pretends to look sad for a moment, but his worry turns back on her, "Will you be okay walking home by yourself? I could -"
"No," she cuts him off, her words hasty. Her fingers fumble in her pocket, eyes narrowing down at him. "Here," She throws him the ten dollars her aunt had given her. "By yourself an ice pack or something, okay?" Jessica turns to leave, but not before she offers a semi apologetic smile. "My aunt and uncle probably wouldn't appreciate that anyways, besides, I don't know if you could do much to protect me anyways." The joke kind of hurts, but he finds some will power to smile anyways.
"Wait, don't you need this money to be asparagus?"
"No," Her voice trails of, "I'll see you on Monday."
He watches her take her leave, and how she grabs two pieces of asparagus and hides it in her coat while no one is looking.
"What are you doing after school today?" Taeyeon asks her when they're coming close to seventh period.
Jessica looks at her from underneath dark lashes, her shoulders lifting and dropping. Taeyeon's a nice girl, the whole school knows it. Personally, she's too nice for her liking, but maybe that's just because she is jealous. Or, she knows that she's jealous of Taeyeon, small, innocent Taeyeon, and how no one could ever utter a fallacy about her. She wonders why someone like her wastes time on someone like Jessica, the girl from America who practically doesn't give two shits about anyone in this prestigious school.
"Do you want to hang out?" She asks.
Jessica thinks it's a pity thing, it has to be. But she accepts anyways, not without her curiosity getting the best of her though, "Why? I've had about maybe less than a hundred conversations with you in the past four years, and you've driven me home twice, only because you live five minutes away. Five minutes away, walking distance, and we have never actually hung out. So, why?" She tries not to sound too hostile, but it doesn't really come through to an offended looking Taeyeon.
"You've been here for four years and .. you seem really cool. But you're leaving by the end of the month back to America. I figured I shouldn't lose the opportunity to make a new friends, right?"
Jessica takes a pause.
"Right."
The weather is getting nicer, and Jessica takes a mental note of this.
It's 3:30, she actually gets to leave school early, and her head finds comfort against the vinyl seats of Taeyeon's car. She drives like an old woman, safe, cautious, each turn and signal tentative in order to keep themselves alive. Jessica respects that, that and the fact that she even has her license. She never saw the point of getting hers, seeing she was going to be leaving soon anyways.
"So, are you excited to be leaving?" Taeyeon asks.
For some reason, Jessica can't really find an answer. it surprises her, how many ways she could have answered the question, how easy it was supposed to be, but isn't. So, she settles on an evasive, "Most definitely," that has too many strings attached, and she can't cut all of them without getting hurt at least once.
"Well, at least, have you made any friends with the boys here? There are a lot of good looking onces, surprisingly enough."
Jessica blinks, wondering why she automatically thought of Donghae. But they're still too much of strangers for either of their likings.
"No."
She doesn't come on the bus.
Donghae sighs, ripping off the note on the bouquet of flowers: Thanks for getting me punched in the face, and the ten bucks, and for taking care of me, stranger. - Your pillow. He hands it to the old woman before he gets off, an easy smile resting on his lips. Well, someone deserves them.
Taeyeon drives Jessica home for the next two days.
They actually become friends, friends that talk about other things besides school and boys. Jessica lets herself open up, just a little, these thoughts that she's never really been able to tell someone aloud because she had no one to tell them too.
"A lot of the time, I feel like I'm not in my own body, you know?"
They sit on Taeyeon's bed. Her room is orange, just like an orange, but Taeyeon thinks it's funny since she hates citrus. She waited, and waited, waiting for affirmation that she usually didn't give, but she wanted from Taeyeon. She wanted to know that someone felt the same. Unfortunately, Taeyeon was not that someone.
"That's weird," She comments with a tilt of her head. Jessica knows that the girl is trying, sincerely at least, and she doesn't think she should really ask for more.
Jessica pretends like her feelings aren't slightly hurt, but it's no one's fault. She just looks down at the bed, her fingers absentmindedly drawing shapes which turned into scribbles. Taeyeon gapes, "Are you crying?"
It's funny, how she didn't even realize she was. Why would she ever, anyways? Especially in front of Taeyeon? her finger tips lift slowly, pressing against the wet trail leading down her cheek. She presses a little harder, as if her hand could go right through herself. For one time in a long time, Jessica realizes that she's actually there.
"Yeah, I guess I am."
Jessica decides to decline Taeyeon's offer on Thursday.
"It's not because of the whole crying thing, I swear, it's just .. I need to see someone on the bus," There's too much sincerity in Jessica's voice for her to actually question it, so she smiles and nods. Taeyeon tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before giving a cheeky smile, "A boy?" She asks, her lips expanding across her face. Jessica doesn't respond, she merely feels comfortable enough to shove her playfully before going onto her next class.
"So, so much for seeing me Monday, right?"
Donghae looks at her. She looks back at him, arms folded across her torso, "The swelling went down."
There are several long seconds of silence after that, and both of them wonder what the other has to offer underneath their flat pressed lips. It occurs as how they really are strangers, little facts known about the one beside them. One likes to play guitar, name is Donghae, and the other is a private school girl named Jessica. The pieces of that don't really fit together, and they don't know that the other person decides that at the same moment, it's just a matter of who says what first.
"We should go on a date," Donghae proclaims, still looking out the window. Jessica feels her fingers curl, wondering if her cheeks are turning red because they feel unusually warm. He throws a glance over his shoulder to check for a response, and her blushing is quite enough for him. He doesn't bother to hide the smile tugging on the corners of his lips.
"I don't know you."
"Well, you can get to know me, can't you?"
Jessica sighs.
"I guess so."
-
part two.
4,045 pg-13, (jessica-centric, jessica/donghae)
highschool!au it's about the people you meet along the way.
a/n: inspired by garden state. except, the boy was supposed to be all dark and broody. it didn't work out that way.
Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.
Sam: I still feel at home in my house.
Andrew Largeman: You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.
-
"Two more months," she hears herself whisper.
Jessica only has two more months of taking the 4:15 bus back to Seoul, and then she takes a bus back to America. Well, not technically speaking, it's a bus to the airport - but it's still getting her to where she wants to be: anywhere but here.
It's an hour bus ride because her aunt and uncle can't afford to pick her up from the high school. "Soojung has violin lessons from 3:45 until 4:30, and it's on the other side of Seoul as well." Jessica pretends like she understands. Her younger sister has a lot of potential that they can't afford to waste, not like with her anyways. Even though her hand twitches like maybe she wants to slap someone, she doesn't. Instead, she asks a question. "Why do you call her Soojung? Her name is Krystal."
Jessica doesn't really remember what the answer to that was. She doesn't think she stuck around to hear it.
By the time she gets to the house everyday, when it is five o clock pushing into six, no one greets her. Krystal is up in her room, trying to perfect music on screeching strings. Her aunt and uncle are sleeping, maybe, or they're out to eat. She drops her school bag carelessly off to the side, the family dog, Roberto, leaping out of from its hiding place under the cupboards and attacking the bag as if it were a vicious monster. Jessica has used the excuse "My dog ate my homework," a lot more times than she probably should have. The validity of them were questionable. Well, at least half of them were true. The dog's name is Roberto, because she was allowed to name it. It's the only thing in the house that she feels like actually belongs to her, because even her clothing seems borrowed. After being washed in her aunt and uncle's washing machines all those times, she notices they start to get bigger - or maybe she's shrinking, but the clothes aren't hers anymore.
"You're home," Krystal says. Her black hair curtains her face perfectly. Jessica thinks she could star in a horror movie, like their old friend Jiyeon does. She stands on the fourth to last step from the ground, her toes curling into the carpeted stairs. Her fingers curl too, almost as if she were holding onto something, but Krystal knows better than that. It is Jessica after all, the remnants of her sister nothing but faint wisps of air.
"Home," Jessica repeats in a whisper. She looks up at Krystal with a shake of her head, this isn't home. "No, not really."
Their night is the same as any other night when their supervisors are gone. They grab a blanket, a pillow, and sit in the roof. There's a window with a brown latch in the room Jessica sleeps in. It opens with a loud creak, leading onto the low roof. Someone could easily break in if they wanted to through that window, but no one ever does. They lie there, hands out stretched above to something they can't reach.
"We'll be watching the stars one day, from different places, but they'll still be the same stars," Krystal says with half lidded eyes.
At first Jessica doesn't understand, her mind to busy wandering along an abyss called the milky way. Krystal's voice seems only like a blur in the background, and then her words cut clear through her wonderland. "I'm not going back to America with you, Jessica. I'm staying here until I finish high school."
She sits up, brown eyes peering down at her older sister with a frown. Maybe she wants a thumbs up, a smile - but both are unlikely. Jessica feels her lip quiver, as if she weren't in her own body, but only watching the scene unravel before her. It surprises Jessica how she isn't surprised. She saw this coming, or maybe it was because she had heard her on the phone with mom three days ago. Either way, she offers no physical signs of support. Jessica only nods.
It's a Monday afternoon, a rainy one at that.
She stands there without an umbrella at the bus stop, her blond dyed hair sticking to the side of her face. She wonders if her mascara is running, or if the old woman beside her thinks she is going to get hypothermia. Jessica doubts it, but she offers a smile of reassurance to the stranger anyways. 4:13, she reads on her watch. She has two more minutes until the bus pulls up. Jessica simply sticks her tongue out to pass the time. She figures, maybe she was thirsty.
The bus comes and she takes the three steps to enter. She receives and returns the courteous nod from the bus driver who knows her well, before making her way to the second, left row in the back. Left when you're entering, but it's actually the right when you're sitting there. She sits on the inside, placing her bag on her lap. The seat in front of her is a grey tinted blue, remnants of it's once color peeling off. She pulls at the dry paint sometimes, the chipped flakes falling onto her skirt and then falling onto the ground, where she steps on them. Her shoe buries whatever trace of blue it might have been into the bus floor, and jessica pretends like she remembers what that color once was - just like she pretends like she remembers who she once was, but it's all too far away now.
No one ever really sits next to her, but she doesn't complain. She likes it better that way.
School goes by like gravel on a passing train. You know it's there, it has to be there, but it isn't like you pay much attention to it anyways.
Yesterday, Taeyeon had offered Jessica a ride home. She accepted reluctantly, but it was a nice conversation on the way home. School. Boys. Boys named Siwon. Boys named Heechul. A nice conversation, but nothing Jessica plans on holding sacred. So, now it's Wednesday, and Jessica goes back on the bus to regain her righteous seat. Unlike the house she lives in, she also feels like it's hers. Then, she wonders, why is someone sitting in it?
The faint trace of the smile she had offered a woman who also always takes the bus quickly disappears, like it was never there in the first place. Her fingers curl around the straps of her book bag, her eyes darkening at the male. His head is leaned against the window, cheeks flushed from something that she doesn't know about. His eyes are closed and she doubts she can see him through unopened lids, so she continues to glare. Jessica lingers on the thought of asking him to move, saying that it's her seat he is sitting in. She doesn't. Jessica finds herself sitting next to him, eyes attached to the seat in front of her. She can hear his music blasting from his ear phones, strings plucked and a soft voice singing something about love, or the lack thereof. She doesn't wake him up, the stranger who lightly snores by her side, Instead, she closes her own eyes. Maybe if she remained silent she could be a ghost, unreal and not there. She doesn't expect to fall into a deep slumber, but unfortunately, she does.
"Miss, this is your stop," She feels someone shake her arm lightly. Her eyes flutter open to the woman in the front, who also gets off at the same stop as her. Jessica finds herself nodding, her fingernails digging into an unfamiliar fabric. Her head moves, as if it weren't on her own body. and in a way it isn't. She brings herself to sit up correctly, turning her face slowly to a male with a broad smile. It's cheeky, endearing maybe, but Jessica makes no note of it besides that.
"I hope I made a good pillow," He says with a nod.
Maybe he expects her to blush, but she doesn't. "Sorry if I drooled on you," is all she says, the back of her wrist wiping away at the dry corner of her mouth. He continues to grin and she doesn't smile back. Jessica just grabs her bag and turns on her heel, walking off the bus without another sound. She'll pretend like that never happened, and like she didn't throw a glance back over her shoulder to see the boy with the same smile through the tinted window.
On Thursday, she finds him sitting there with an expectant smile.
Because of that, she would have taken any other seat, but she notices that is the only one open. She wonders if she could hold it out for an hour, standing. When she takes a step towards the back though she feels the pain from gym class, and she accepts her defeat with a begrudging glance.
"I'm Donghae," he smiles, but it fades when Jessica gives no response.
He wonders if she's mad at him, maybe he embarrassed her. He takes a good look at her, after a few minutes deciding she doesn't look like the type to be easily embarrassed. So, he sits there and racks through his brain, trying to think of something to say to her. Maybe ask about the weather, or what school she's from, or if she likes music - because he certainly does. Maybe they have that in common, and he expects her to be brutally honest because she doesn't seem all too charmed by his physique, so she won't lie in order to impress him. And before he can ask anything from that stroke of brilliance, she speaks first, "You stole my seat."
"Oh."
He blinks a million of times after that, wondering what he should respond with. He decides replying with silence is the best form of getting her attention, and it does.
"Do you have any response to that?" She asks, a frown lingering on her lips.
"No, not really."
She continues to give unpleasant glances and frowns, and Donghae grins, "It's not like I killed your puppy or anything. It's only a seat."
There's a stray of silence before Jessica responds, "If you ever killed Roberto, I would decapitate you."
it's a little too serious for his liking, and, admittedly, "You're scary."
Jessica shrugs, "Fear is subjective."
She mumbles something after that, and Donghae probably wouldn't have noticed if it were anyone else, but he had been paying close attention. He doesn't say anything about her english comment, but it only adds another dimension to her. It takes him awhile, to decide if he likes it or not.
"What's your name?"
"I don't give my name to strangers."
"Well, I am assuming you also don't fall asleep on strangers either, but you did."
They don't talk after that, not until it's her stop anyways.
"My name is Jessica," she says a little too quickly, but he catches it. He debates on whether she is lying or not, and he supposes that it's written all over his face. Her lips dip into a frown again, and he wants to reach other and pinch her cheeks to pull them upward. He decides that they're still too much of strangers to do that, but they're closer now in that weird way you can be close to someone when they fall asleep on you and then exchange names.
"Nice to meet you," Donghae says, his hand then reaching out for hers. She doesn't take it, but he didn't really expect her to anyways.
Strangely, she looks forward to the bus ride home on Friday.
When she gets on, she realizes he isn't on. She tries to hide her disappointment, and the vague feeling in her stomach afterwards.
Jessica spends the weekend writing an essay, or, not writing it. She sits on the bed, legs crossed and hair up in a messy bun. She contemplates untangling her hair, maybe getting all the knots of fatigue out, but it ultimately stays the same for the next two hours. "Auntie wants you to go to the store and buy asparagus," Krystal peeks her head through timidly. They haven't really talked much since the roof on Sunday, and for that, Jessica feels bad - but not bad enough to invite her into her room. It wasn't her room anyways, so if she didn't belong, why would Krystal? Jessica doesn't give a response, but Krystal knows she's going to do it. She has to.
She doesn't look up but when the door clicks shut, she shuffles to her feet. It takes her a while to get the knots out of her hair, sighing because she knew she should have done it earlier.
After fifteen minutes she walks down the stairs and grabs the money her aunt left out on the table for her to buy the asparagus, and a jacket, and her hat. She's gone within the next two seconds.
She forgets what it's like to be out in Seoul during the weekend. She easily inhales intoxicants that she could do on her own time, so her palm presses itself against her mouth and nose. Maybe she should have settled for a scarf, instead of her hat, but she's already a twenty minute walk away from her house. The supermarket is in a rather shady area. People walk on the sidewalks as if they own them with their hoods tightened so you can't see the lust in their eyes. Predators, maybe, or just people who are completely misunderstood. She likes to believe in the latter, because most of the time that's just the case. Jessica walks through the area like she isn't scared even if her lip quivers in the dark, but no one can tell.
When she's finally there, she grabs a basket. it's red and tainted, flimsy plastic that needs to be replaced. The store lights are too bright, stinging to her sensitive eyes, and she figures maybe the store owners want to prove something. We can afford electricity, bitch - yeah, that's probably what they want to prove. She can't hear anything besides rusty wheels against the floor and a child crying somewhere in an aisle.
Her back is turned to the window that reveals the sidewalk outside, but she starts to hear strumming. A jaded musician, she thinks, there are a lot of them out here. Musicians that are actually worth something, unlike the music without any meaning being played on the radio now a days. Jessica takes note that the sound is familiar, but nothing strikes her as important until she hears curses. Jessica finds herself turning slowly, unable to make out the view outside from the glare of the lights.
She takes the basket with her outside, joining the other people who have decided to crowd around.
"That's my money, man -"
"Well, I need it more than you guitar boy."
"Come on, back off -"
No one does anything except watch. Everyone already knows who is going to win, but Jessica finds her lips parted.
"Donghae?" She says a little too loudly.
She doesn't scream at the next part.
Naturally, he blames her for the sucker punch to the face. "If you hadn't distracted me," Donghae heaves a sigh when she shoots a cold hearted glare. They sit inside of the supermarket on two of those mini stools.
"Ow," He flinches, moving away from the alcohol pad she has. She know it's more than that, he's probably only moving away from her touch, and it would still be painful to him. She can see it in his eyes, underneath the scruffy mess called his hair, the way his pride is slightly bruised. Kind of like his cheek, purple and blue, a small cut, except five times worse.
"I don't know what is more painful," Donghae says, "The fact that the guy stole my money, or the fact that you just saw me get punched."
Jessica looks at him and smiles, suppressing laughter that she know will only scar him deeper. Endearing, it's the only word that really comes to her mind when she thinks of him. "I'm guessing you're not so impressed with me now, huh?" He chimes, trying to get some kind of response out of her. Jessica shakes her head, "You weren't really impressive on the bus anyways."
He laughs, even if it does hurt his face, but it aids his pride just a little. He likes her smile, making sure that his memory takes a picture of it, storing it safely in the back of his mind.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Oh," Jessica mumbles, "I have to buy asparagus." Her mind resurfaces from whatever place she was just in, whatever place she was just in with him, and her phone vibrates in her pocket. Jessica takes it out, flipping it open with a look of sudden disdain. Donghae only watches.
"Yes? .. I know, I'm on my way home, there was a long line at the supermarket." She presses end call after that, handing Donghae the alcoholic pad.
"Can you take care of yourself?" She asks, arching a brow.
He pretends to look sad for a moment, but his worry turns back on her, "Will you be okay walking home by yourself? I could -"
"No," she cuts him off, her words hasty. Her fingers fumble in her pocket, eyes narrowing down at him. "Here," She throws him the ten dollars her aunt had given her. "By yourself an ice pack or something, okay?" Jessica turns to leave, but not before she offers a semi apologetic smile. "My aunt and uncle probably wouldn't appreciate that anyways, besides, I don't know if you could do much to protect me anyways." The joke kind of hurts, but he finds some will power to smile anyways.
"Wait, don't you need this money to be asparagus?"
"No," Her voice trails of, "I'll see you on Monday."
He watches her take her leave, and how she grabs two pieces of asparagus and hides it in her coat while no one is looking.
"What are you doing after school today?" Taeyeon asks her when they're coming close to seventh period.
Jessica looks at her from underneath dark lashes, her shoulders lifting and dropping. Taeyeon's a nice girl, the whole school knows it. Personally, she's too nice for her liking, but maybe that's just because she is jealous. Or, she knows that she's jealous of Taeyeon, small, innocent Taeyeon, and how no one could ever utter a fallacy about her. She wonders why someone like her wastes time on someone like Jessica, the girl from America who practically doesn't give two shits about anyone in this prestigious school.
"Do you want to hang out?" She asks.
Jessica thinks it's a pity thing, it has to be. But she accepts anyways, not without her curiosity getting the best of her though, "Why? I've had about maybe less than a hundred conversations with you in the past four years, and you've driven me home twice, only because you live five minutes away. Five minutes away, walking distance, and we have never actually hung out. So, why?" She tries not to sound too hostile, but it doesn't really come through to an offended looking Taeyeon.
"You've been here for four years and .. you seem really cool. But you're leaving by the end of the month back to America. I figured I shouldn't lose the opportunity to make a new friends, right?"
Jessica takes a pause.
"Right."
The weather is getting nicer, and Jessica takes a mental note of this.
It's 3:30, she actually gets to leave school early, and her head finds comfort against the vinyl seats of Taeyeon's car. She drives like an old woman, safe, cautious, each turn and signal tentative in order to keep themselves alive. Jessica respects that, that and the fact that she even has her license. She never saw the point of getting hers, seeing she was going to be leaving soon anyways.
"So, are you excited to be leaving?" Taeyeon asks.
For some reason, Jessica can't really find an answer. it surprises her, how many ways she could have answered the question, how easy it was supposed to be, but isn't. So, she settles on an evasive, "Most definitely," that has too many strings attached, and she can't cut all of them without getting hurt at least once.
"Well, at least, have you made any friends with the boys here? There are a lot of good looking onces, surprisingly enough."
Jessica blinks, wondering why she automatically thought of Donghae. But they're still too much of strangers for either of their likings.
"No."
She doesn't come on the bus.
Donghae sighs, ripping off the note on the bouquet of flowers: Thanks for getting me punched in the face, and the ten bucks, and for taking care of me, stranger. - Your pillow. He hands it to the old woman before he gets off, an easy smile resting on his lips. Well, someone deserves them.
Taeyeon drives Jessica home for the next two days.
They actually become friends, friends that talk about other things besides school and boys. Jessica lets herself open up, just a little, these thoughts that she's never really been able to tell someone aloud because she had no one to tell them too.
"A lot of the time, I feel like I'm not in my own body, you know?"
They sit on Taeyeon's bed. Her room is orange, just like an orange, but Taeyeon thinks it's funny since she hates citrus. She waited, and waited, waiting for affirmation that she usually didn't give, but she wanted from Taeyeon. She wanted to know that someone felt the same. Unfortunately, Taeyeon was not that someone.
"That's weird," She comments with a tilt of her head. Jessica knows that the girl is trying, sincerely at least, and she doesn't think she should really ask for more.
Jessica pretends like her feelings aren't slightly hurt, but it's no one's fault. She just looks down at the bed, her fingers absentmindedly drawing shapes which turned into scribbles. Taeyeon gapes, "Are you crying?"
It's funny, how she didn't even realize she was. Why would she ever, anyways? Especially in front of Taeyeon? her finger tips lift slowly, pressing against the wet trail leading down her cheek. She presses a little harder, as if her hand could go right through herself. For one time in a long time, Jessica realizes that she's actually there.
"Yeah, I guess I am."
Jessica decides to decline Taeyeon's offer on Thursday.
"It's not because of the whole crying thing, I swear, it's just .. I need to see someone on the bus," There's too much sincerity in Jessica's voice for her to actually question it, so she smiles and nods. Taeyeon tucks a strand of hair behind her ear before giving a cheeky smile, "A boy?" She asks, her lips expanding across her face. Jessica doesn't respond, she merely feels comfortable enough to shove her playfully before going onto her next class.
"So, so much for seeing me Monday, right?"
Donghae looks at her. She looks back at him, arms folded across her torso, "The swelling went down."
There are several long seconds of silence after that, and both of them wonder what the other has to offer underneath their flat pressed lips. It occurs as how they really are strangers, little facts known about the one beside them. One likes to play guitar, name is Donghae, and the other is a private school girl named Jessica. The pieces of that don't really fit together, and they don't know that the other person decides that at the same moment, it's just a matter of who says what first.
"We should go on a date," Donghae proclaims, still looking out the window. Jessica feels her fingers curl, wondering if her cheeks are turning red because they feel unusually warm. He throws a glance over his shoulder to check for a response, and her blushing is quite enough for him. He doesn't bother to hide the smile tugging on the corners of his lips.
"I don't know you."
"Well, you can get to know me, can't you?"
Jessica sighs.
"I guess so."
-
part two.