sick and twisted smiles
sick and twisted smiles
pg-13 (nana/seungho, nana/mir, soyeon/seungho)
if she can't have him, neither can anyone else.
a/n: undoubtedly inspired by the nana/seungho fancam. i adore nana to pieces, but her quiet side can be interpreted as stalker-esque.
jinah wonders how many hours of sleep he gets each night.
she notices how the circles under his eyes are deep, but he's still confident - he's still smiling.
under dark lashes she catches how his lips pull into smiles that don't reach his eyes, and how his breathes are heavy because he's probably a little out of shape. she can't help but think about what it would feel like if maybe, just maybe, he held her hand or pressed his lips against hers in these fantasies - and then she snaps out of it.
"so are you up for it, jinah?" cheolyong's voice rings in her ears and lizzy jabs her elbow hard into her side.
"sure," she replies, her gaze fluttering down to her untouched food.
he's grinning ear to ear, "alright, so i'll be at your house around seven to pick you up for the movie."
jinah just nods and smiles so he can leave. she then disappears before lizzy can utter a word.
jinah stands in the bathroom, leaving the water running in the sink. she stares blankly into the mirror as her fingers graze against the skin of her cheek.
she bites her tongue hard enough so that it bleeds, and she's pulled back into reality.
"i wonder where he is," she whispers before washing the taste of blood out of her mouth.
she hates it when she gets stuck in her fantasy world.
"seungho," she mutters his name under her breath, her words a little shaky - but she wants to talk to him before he leaves school.
he turns on his heel and looks at her, arching a brow and not bothering to give her even the smallest of smiles - and she likes it.
"yeah?" he asks with slight disinterest, wanting to hurry and get home so he can make way to his part time job.
in a split second she can see the way they're meant to be together - that they should be together (he's the missing piece of my puzzle, she whispers to no one but herself every night.)
"what should i get cheolyong for our date?" she asks with feigned curiosity.
he chuckles and smiles, "it's just a date jinah, i think you being there is good enough for him," and he waves goodbye without another word.
somehow, she ends up hearing it would be good enough for me.
"so, what movie do you want to see?' cheolyong has this sheepish grin with his hands shoved into his pockets.
jinah looks at all the options before settling on some cheap horror movie. cheolyong is still scared shitless.
he pulls on the collar of his shirt and is about to protest, but he doesn't want to damage his pride, "well, oka -"
"bang cheolyong!" jinah turns and sees a girl with short black hair approaching them. she's not that pretty, at least, not to her. she's taller and skinner than the girl approaching them, but jinah's stomach turns when she sees who's treading behind her.
"seungho," jinah lets his name escape her lips and he gives a nod as a greeting.
cheolyong smiles brightly as he waves a the both of them, "seungho! soyeon! what are you guys doing here?"
soyeon just shrugs, "well, seungho and i were hanging out and we got bored. so we decided to watch a movie - probably that new comedy. maybe we should make this a double date?" she throws a wink at seungho and he laughs lightly.
jinah's insides burn.
"i don't think that's - " "that's a great idea! we'll watch the comedy with you guys." cheolyong just wants to get out of the scary movie.
she spends most of her time watching how soyeon leans into seungho's ear, giggling. she doesn't care how cheolyong's arm snakes it's way around her shoulders - or how it stays there.
but she does care when she catches seungho's hand linger a second too long on soyeon's thigh.
"are you enjoying the movie?' she feels cheolyong's hot breath against her cheek and she just looks over and presses her lips against his.
"uh huh," she mutters half heartedly when she's done and just turns her attention back to the screen.
cheolyong doesn't talk after that, but he's not smiling because of the movie.
soyeon and cheolyong are off buying candy, leaving the two in the middle of the lobby theater.
"i didn't take you as the type to kiss on a first date," seungho has his hands in his jacket pockets and jinah just shrugs. she assumes he told him.
"are you and soyeon together?" she asks, concealing the bitterness in her voice with a small smile.
seungho shakes his head in a no, but she feels something inside of her ache when he looks down and smirks to himself, letting out a light chuckle.
"we've been friends for eight years, i don't know. i kind of think i like her," he mumbles and he knows it's supposed to be to himself, because he just forgets that jinah is there. he then catches her glance and gives an apologetic smile, "sorry, i'm just rambling. probably shouldn't have said that."
"yeah, you really shouldn't have."
cheolyong comes and sits next to her during the math class they have together, his normal smile on his face. she just smiles back, hoping that's enough for him to think nothing is wrong.
it is.
"so, about last night," cheolyong tries to act nonchalant and cool, and it's kind of working, as much as it can work for someone like him anyways.
"it was fun," jinah lies through perfect teeth, because cheolyong is just to silly to notice otherwise.
"we should do it again," he spurts out and she just nods. "sure."
"hey, are you okay?" she feels a pair of hands easily lift her up from where she had fallen on black ice outside.
jinah immediately tenses at his touch, turning slowly to face seungho. he blinks a few times, placing a hand on top of her head. "you fell pretty hard," he explains, eyes narrowing in slight concern.
she sees how he cares about her, because she tells herself he really does. how his eyes seem to stare a little too long in worry, and she smirks to herself knowing she fell on purpose after throwing a glance behind her shoulder and seeing him tread behind her.
seungho's eyes narrow a little more, slowly pulling his hand away.
her heart races and she just grabs his wrist, holding it for a moment.
"what are you doing?" he pulls his hand away and she just gives this smile before hugging him.
"thank you," she buries her face into his shoulder - and it isn't like he's going to be a douche bag and shove her off, even though he kinds of want to, so he just hugs her back.
"uh .. i'm just glad you're okay?"
jinah's heart soars.
she doesn't realize cheolyong is talking to her until he plants a kiss on her cheek. "but i have to go to history anyways, so see you later!" and she just waves before looking back at seungho.
she thinks he probably woke up late, his hair a little tousled. she wonders if he had a long night - and if he did, doing what?
"are you tired?" she walks up to him when byunghee finally leaves with jooyeon. he just stares at her, a frown plastered on his face.
"a little."
"i noticed," jinah replies quickly, flattening some of his disheveled hair. he takes a step back, messing his hair up again with his fingers.
"i like it that way," he mumbles a bit coldly. jinah just grins,
"if you do, so do i."
"your girl friend has been talking to me a lot," seungho states blandly when he leans against the lockers with cheolyong. his eyes widen innocently, "well, she probably just wants to get to know my friends."
"then tell her to talk to chansung or jinwoon - she's nice and all, but .. i don't know."
"come on, just because you're socially awkward -"
"it's a little past my comfort level, other than being socially awkward."
and they both glance in the direction of the girls and cheolyong sees jinah wave at seungho. not at him.
"hi! jinah, right?" soyeon asks her after class one day, a smile plastered on her face.
her fingers curl, nails digging into the fabric of her skirt as she forces herself to give soyeon a smile. its hard for her to resist the temptation to just turn and break something, but she doesn't.
"yeah, you're soyeon. seungho's friend," her words are strained.
"and cheolyong's friend!" she chimes lightly and jinah wants to puke.
"i just wanted to let you know that the movie thing was fun! sorry we didn't get to talk much afterwards, but we should be friends! - since i'm close with seungho and cheolyong, i want to get to know his other friends!" she talks fast but jinah thinks this is going on forever.
she just shakes her head, "no thanks."
jinah waits for seungho after his tech class before grabbing his sleeve.
he turns, all be it baffled and ready to cut someone, but he just only sees jinah. "what are you doing here?" he asks with a frown.
"i think soyeon has the wrong idea of us."
"us? what?"
"she wants her and i to become friends. i think she's threatened by me," jinah explains with a stolid expression while seungho's turns dour.
"jinah - " "i shouldn't be a threat to your friendship," she places a hand on the side of cheek, letting her other hand linger on his belt buckle.
he swallows down this lump in his throat before placing both hands on her shoulders and pushing her away, "jinah. you're no threat to our friendship. you're dating cheolyong, or did you just forget?" his voice is stern and she just giggles. he's so cute when he worries.
she places her index finger under his chin, shaking her head, "seungho, i remember that. but the way you get nervous around me - maybe you're the one that forgot."
"i think seungho likes me," jinah whispers to lizzy during class.
lizzy gives her a perplexed look, "he definitely doesn't."
"he's always looking at me," she says a little harshly, eyes narrowing.
lizzy looks over at seungho - seeing him look in their direction.
"if anything, he's looking over here in disgust," lizzy replies in all seriousness.
jinah just scoffs and rolls her eyes, looking back to the front of the class.
"jinah," cheolyong grabs her hand and she looks over with a feigned smile.
"i actually have to go, but i miss you! text me later!" she presses a kiss against his cheek and walks away quickly.
when she throws a glance back over her shoulder a few minutes later, she sees him and seungho talking in hushed whispers.
she thinks nothing of it, but she's tempted to go back then.
she doesn't.
her blood boils as she watches them. she didn't mean to catch them, but now her eyes can't seem to look away.
she stares as seungho presses kisses against soyeon's neck, how soyeon's fingers grip at his hair and she just begs for more. that slut.
her teeth grit together and her fingers curl into a fist. that should be me.
she listens closely as she watches from behind the wall as they continue making love in the classroom, and she just wants to scream, she just wants to hurt someone. but she tells herself to breathe - because seungho doesn't really like her.
she turns and misses the words that would kill her.
"soyeon, i think .. "
"i love you too."
jinah walks down the hall and punches a locker before she sprints down the corridor.
"what happened to your hand?" cheolyong asks when he sees a bandage around her knuckles. she just shrugs, her gaze cold and bitter before she leans in and kisses him.
his eyes widen but he doesn't object, instead he just kisses her back.
it's when she takes his hand and places it on her ass and shoves her tongue into his mouth that he pushes her away.
"what the - what are you doing?"
"don't pretend like you don't like it, we've been dating for two weeks -"
"not even two weeks, and we've been on one date. and .. you look at seungho more than you look at me, and all of a sudden you want to get down and dirty in the front of the school?" his words are harsh, but he doesn't feel remorse.
jinah just shakes her head, "look, i'm sorry - i've had a lot going on. you wouldn't understand."
cheolyong frowns, "we're not even friends, are we? you didn't even bother telling me .. jinah, i don't know."
"look, it isn't a big deal cheolyong-"
"i want to break up."
she forces herself to cry in the bathroom.
she runs the freezing water and splashes it against her face, smudging her make up, but she decides she looks good.
jinah walks out and goes to find him,.goes to find his comfort that he fucking owes her.
she finds him in the library.
"seungho," her fingers tremble and the air turns raw when he looks over. for the first time, she sees the disgust all over his face.
"what the hell do you want?" he asks quite bitterly before she approaches him. he presses his back against the chair, seeing how her eyes are glassy and figure pale. "why do you look like that?"
"cheolyong broke up with me," she mumbles under her breath before taking the seat next to him, placing a hand on his thigh. "and .. i don't really know why, but i think it's okay."
"what? jinah, get your hand off of me-"
"i think it's okay. now we don't have to pretend like there isn't tension between us."
she stares blankly at him.
"it's okay . i know it's been hard on you -" "jinah - " "i saw you with soyeon. it's a pity you had to use her, but now you don't. you can just let her down easy, okay?" her hand creeps up the side of his leg.
he just stands up, "this .. you are insane." seungho spits out at her in pure nausea.
"there's no tension - none, jinah. the only tension is me wanting you to leave me the hell alone. okay? and .. soyeon? just please, please, leave me alone." seungho shakes his hand and gathers his things quickly to leave the library.
she just shatters the quiet by slapping him.
the back of her hand is on fire, but so is his cheek. she bites her lip hard - almost hard enough to draw blood, and she can't bring herself to speak. the students around them stare and seungho just lets his fingers linger against the burning skin on the side of his face.
he stares at her, hatred forming in his eyes - and she just smirks.
"i know you told cheolyong because you wanted him to break up with me - you told cheolyong that i had been coming onto you, because you wanted this to happen. i saw you talking to him after school that one day," she whispers.
"don't lie to yourself seungho -"
"jinah." his words are like bare feet stepping on shattered glass - broken, painful, bloody - "don't lie to yourself. i hate you."
he walks past her without another word, leaving her standing in the library with a sad smile.
jinah goes home and stares at her mirror in the bathroom.
she feels like she's been here before, somewhere, like deja vu. her heart pounds out of her rib cage and she can feel it for once. she doesn't need to snap out of her fantasy land, so she lets the taste of blood linger in her mouth anyways.
it's sick and twisted and she likes it.
jinah thinks about all the times seungho has helped her, all the times he has looked at her, all the reasons why he should be hers and how she used cheolyong as in impulsive distraction because he is nothing to her.
her mind is clouded and hazed, full of broken hearts and smiles - but none of them are hers. she's not broken, she's whole, and she doesn't know that that within itself is just completely wrong.
she opens the medicine cabinet and grabs a razor before slipping it into her pocket.
"he hates you," jinah just smirks at herself in the mirror.
"and that's okay."
"jinah," soyeon's voice quivers when she sees the girl enter the room.
she has this smile, sadistic and sweet, "soyeon, i thought about what you said before."
"what are you doing here in the tutor center? it's after hours jinah," soyeon moves around the desk and locks some papers away before looking back at the younger girl.
jinah has her hands in her pocket, her fingers playing with the blade in between her fingers, forming small cuts.
she simply closes the door behind her until she hears it click.
"soyeon-ah, let's be friends."
if she couldn't have him, neither could anyone else.
-
extended a/n! i don't really even know. nana, i'm sure you're a lovely, beautiful woman. please love mir back.
pg-13 (nana/seungho, nana/mir, soyeon/seungho)
if she can't have him, neither can anyone else.
a/n: undoubtedly inspired by the nana/seungho fancam. i adore nana to pieces, but her quiet side can be interpreted as stalker-esque.
jinah wonders how many hours of sleep he gets each night.
she notices how the circles under his eyes are deep, but he's still confident - he's still smiling.
under dark lashes she catches how his lips pull into smiles that don't reach his eyes, and how his breathes are heavy because he's probably a little out of shape. she can't help but think about what it would feel like if maybe, just maybe, he held her hand or pressed his lips against hers in these fantasies - and then she snaps out of it.
"so are you up for it, jinah?" cheolyong's voice rings in her ears and lizzy jabs her elbow hard into her side.
"sure," she replies, her gaze fluttering down to her untouched food.
he's grinning ear to ear, "alright, so i'll be at your house around seven to pick you up for the movie."
jinah just nods and smiles so he can leave. she then disappears before lizzy can utter a word.
jinah stands in the bathroom, leaving the water running in the sink. she stares blankly into the mirror as her fingers graze against the skin of her cheek.
she bites her tongue hard enough so that it bleeds, and she's pulled back into reality.
"i wonder where he is," she whispers before washing the taste of blood out of her mouth.
she hates it when she gets stuck in her fantasy world.
"seungho," she mutters his name under her breath, her words a little shaky - but she wants to talk to him before he leaves school.
he turns on his heel and looks at her, arching a brow and not bothering to give her even the smallest of smiles - and she likes it.
"yeah?" he asks with slight disinterest, wanting to hurry and get home so he can make way to his part time job.
in a split second she can see the way they're meant to be together - that they should be together (he's the missing piece of my puzzle, she whispers to no one but herself every night.)
"what should i get cheolyong for our date?" she asks with feigned curiosity.
he chuckles and smiles, "it's just a date jinah, i think you being there is good enough for him," and he waves goodbye without another word.
somehow, she ends up hearing it would be good enough for me.
"so, what movie do you want to see?' cheolyong has this sheepish grin with his hands shoved into his pockets.
jinah looks at all the options before settling on some cheap horror movie. cheolyong is still scared shitless.
he pulls on the collar of his shirt and is about to protest, but he doesn't want to damage his pride, "well, oka -"
"bang cheolyong!" jinah turns and sees a girl with short black hair approaching them. she's not that pretty, at least, not to her. she's taller and skinner than the girl approaching them, but jinah's stomach turns when she sees who's treading behind her.
"seungho," jinah lets his name escape her lips and he gives a nod as a greeting.
cheolyong smiles brightly as he waves a the both of them, "seungho! soyeon! what are you guys doing here?"
soyeon just shrugs, "well, seungho and i were hanging out and we got bored. so we decided to watch a movie - probably that new comedy. maybe we should make this a double date?" she throws a wink at seungho and he laughs lightly.
jinah's insides burn.
"i don't think that's - " "that's a great idea! we'll watch the comedy with you guys." cheolyong just wants to get out of the scary movie.
she spends most of her time watching how soyeon leans into seungho's ear, giggling. she doesn't care how cheolyong's arm snakes it's way around her shoulders - or how it stays there.
but she does care when she catches seungho's hand linger a second too long on soyeon's thigh.
"are you enjoying the movie?' she feels cheolyong's hot breath against her cheek and she just looks over and presses her lips against his.
"uh huh," she mutters half heartedly when she's done and just turns her attention back to the screen.
cheolyong doesn't talk after that, but he's not smiling because of the movie.
soyeon and cheolyong are off buying candy, leaving the two in the middle of the lobby theater.
"i didn't take you as the type to kiss on a first date," seungho has his hands in his jacket pockets and jinah just shrugs. she assumes he told him.
"are you and soyeon together?" she asks, concealing the bitterness in her voice with a small smile.
seungho shakes his head in a no, but she feels something inside of her ache when he looks down and smirks to himself, letting out a light chuckle.
"we've been friends for eight years, i don't know. i kind of think i like her," he mumbles and he knows it's supposed to be to himself, because he just forgets that jinah is there. he then catches her glance and gives an apologetic smile, "sorry, i'm just rambling. probably shouldn't have said that."
"yeah, you really shouldn't have."
cheolyong comes and sits next to her during the math class they have together, his normal smile on his face. she just smiles back, hoping that's enough for him to think nothing is wrong.
it is.
"so, about last night," cheolyong tries to act nonchalant and cool, and it's kind of working, as much as it can work for someone like him anyways.
"it was fun," jinah lies through perfect teeth, because cheolyong is just to silly to notice otherwise.
"we should do it again," he spurts out and she just nods. "sure."
"hey, are you okay?" she feels a pair of hands easily lift her up from where she had fallen on black ice outside.
jinah immediately tenses at his touch, turning slowly to face seungho. he blinks a few times, placing a hand on top of her head. "you fell pretty hard," he explains, eyes narrowing in slight concern.
she sees how he cares about her, because she tells herself he really does. how his eyes seem to stare a little too long in worry, and she smirks to herself knowing she fell on purpose after throwing a glance behind her shoulder and seeing him tread behind her.
seungho's eyes narrow a little more, slowly pulling his hand away.
her heart races and she just grabs his wrist, holding it for a moment.
"what are you doing?" he pulls his hand away and she just gives this smile before hugging him.
"thank you," she buries her face into his shoulder - and it isn't like he's going to be a douche bag and shove her off, even though he kinds of want to, so he just hugs her back.
"uh .. i'm just glad you're okay?"
jinah's heart soars.
she doesn't realize cheolyong is talking to her until he plants a kiss on her cheek. "but i have to go to history anyways, so see you later!" and she just waves before looking back at seungho.
she thinks he probably woke up late, his hair a little tousled. she wonders if he had a long night - and if he did, doing what?
"are you tired?" she walks up to him when byunghee finally leaves with jooyeon. he just stares at her, a frown plastered on his face.
"a little."
"i noticed," jinah replies quickly, flattening some of his disheveled hair. he takes a step back, messing his hair up again with his fingers.
"i like it that way," he mumbles a bit coldly. jinah just grins,
"if you do, so do i."
"your girl friend has been talking to me a lot," seungho states blandly when he leans against the lockers with cheolyong. his eyes widen innocently, "well, she probably just wants to get to know my friends."
"then tell her to talk to chansung or jinwoon - she's nice and all, but .. i don't know."
"come on, just because you're socially awkward -"
"it's a little past my comfort level, other than being socially awkward."
and they both glance in the direction of the girls and cheolyong sees jinah wave at seungho. not at him.
"hi! jinah, right?" soyeon asks her after class one day, a smile plastered on her face.
her fingers curl, nails digging into the fabric of her skirt as she forces herself to give soyeon a smile. its hard for her to resist the temptation to just turn and break something, but she doesn't.
"yeah, you're soyeon. seungho's friend," her words are strained.
"and cheolyong's friend!" she chimes lightly and jinah wants to puke.
"i just wanted to let you know that the movie thing was fun! sorry we didn't get to talk much afterwards, but we should be friends! - since i'm close with seungho and cheolyong, i want to get to know his other friends!" she talks fast but jinah thinks this is going on forever.
she just shakes her head, "no thanks."
jinah waits for seungho after his tech class before grabbing his sleeve.
he turns, all be it baffled and ready to cut someone, but he just only sees jinah. "what are you doing here?" he asks with a frown.
"i think soyeon has the wrong idea of us."
"us? what?"
"she wants her and i to become friends. i think she's threatened by me," jinah explains with a stolid expression while seungho's turns dour.
"jinah - " "i shouldn't be a threat to your friendship," she places a hand on the side of cheek, letting her other hand linger on his belt buckle.
he swallows down this lump in his throat before placing both hands on her shoulders and pushing her away, "jinah. you're no threat to our friendship. you're dating cheolyong, or did you just forget?" his voice is stern and she just giggles. he's so cute when he worries.
she places her index finger under his chin, shaking her head, "seungho, i remember that. but the way you get nervous around me - maybe you're the one that forgot."
"i think seungho likes me," jinah whispers to lizzy during class.
lizzy gives her a perplexed look, "he definitely doesn't."
"he's always looking at me," she says a little harshly, eyes narrowing.
lizzy looks over at seungho - seeing him look in their direction.
"if anything, he's looking over here in disgust," lizzy replies in all seriousness.
jinah just scoffs and rolls her eyes, looking back to the front of the class.
"jinah," cheolyong grabs her hand and she looks over with a feigned smile.
"i actually have to go, but i miss you! text me later!" she presses a kiss against his cheek and walks away quickly.
when she throws a glance back over her shoulder a few minutes later, she sees him and seungho talking in hushed whispers.
she thinks nothing of it, but she's tempted to go back then.
she doesn't.
her blood boils as she watches them. she didn't mean to catch them, but now her eyes can't seem to look away.
she stares as seungho presses kisses against soyeon's neck, how soyeon's fingers grip at his hair and she just begs for more. that slut.
her teeth grit together and her fingers curl into a fist. that should be me.
she listens closely as she watches from behind the wall as they continue making love in the classroom, and she just wants to scream, she just wants to hurt someone. but she tells herself to breathe - because seungho doesn't really like her.
she turns and misses the words that would kill her.
"soyeon, i think .. "
"i love you too."
jinah walks down the hall and punches a locker before she sprints down the corridor.
"what happened to your hand?" cheolyong asks when he sees a bandage around her knuckles. she just shrugs, her gaze cold and bitter before she leans in and kisses him.
his eyes widen but he doesn't object, instead he just kisses her back.
it's when she takes his hand and places it on her ass and shoves her tongue into his mouth that he pushes her away.
"what the - what are you doing?"
"don't pretend like you don't like it, we've been dating for two weeks -"
"not even two weeks, and we've been on one date. and .. you look at seungho more than you look at me, and all of a sudden you want to get down and dirty in the front of the school?" his words are harsh, but he doesn't feel remorse.
jinah just shakes her head, "look, i'm sorry - i've had a lot going on. you wouldn't understand."
cheolyong frowns, "we're not even friends, are we? you didn't even bother telling me .. jinah, i don't know."
"look, it isn't a big deal cheolyong-"
"i want to break up."
she forces herself to cry in the bathroom.
she runs the freezing water and splashes it against her face, smudging her make up, but she decides she looks good.
jinah walks out and goes to find him,.goes to find his comfort that he fucking owes her.
she finds him in the library.
"seungho," her fingers tremble and the air turns raw when he looks over. for the first time, she sees the disgust all over his face.
"what the hell do you want?" he asks quite bitterly before she approaches him. he presses his back against the chair, seeing how her eyes are glassy and figure pale. "why do you look like that?"
"cheolyong broke up with me," she mumbles under her breath before taking the seat next to him, placing a hand on his thigh. "and .. i don't really know why, but i think it's okay."
"what? jinah, get your hand off of me-"
"i think it's okay. now we don't have to pretend like there isn't tension between us."
she stares blankly at him.
"it's okay . i know it's been hard on you -" "jinah - " "i saw you with soyeon. it's a pity you had to use her, but now you don't. you can just let her down easy, okay?" her hand creeps up the side of his leg.
he just stands up, "this .. you are insane." seungho spits out at her in pure nausea.
"there's no tension - none, jinah. the only tension is me wanting you to leave me the hell alone. okay? and .. soyeon? just please, please, leave me alone." seungho shakes his hand and gathers his things quickly to leave the library.
she just shatters the quiet by slapping him.
the back of her hand is on fire, but so is his cheek. she bites her lip hard - almost hard enough to draw blood, and she can't bring herself to speak. the students around them stare and seungho just lets his fingers linger against the burning skin on the side of his face.
he stares at her, hatred forming in his eyes - and she just smirks.
"i know you told cheolyong because you wanted him to break up with me - you told cheolyong that i had been coming onto you, because you wanted this to happen. i saw you talking to him after school that one day," she whispers.
"don't lie to yourself seungho -"
"jinah." his words are like bare feet stepping on shattered glass - broken, painful, bloody - "don't lie to yourself. i hate you."
he walks past her without another word, leaving her standing in the library with a sad smile.
jinah goes home and stares at her mirror in the bathroom.
she feels like she's been here before, somewhere, like deja vu. her heart pounds out of her rib cage and she can feel it for once. she doesn't need to snap out of her fantasy land, so she lets the taste of blood linger in her mouth anyways.
it's sick and twisted and she likes it.
jinah thinks about all the times seungho has helped her, all the times he has looked at her, all the reasons why he should be hers and how she used cheolyong as in impulsive distraction because he is nothing to her.
her mind is clouded and hazed, full of broken hearts and smiles - but none of them are hers. she's not broken, she's whole, and she doesn't know that that within itself is just completely wrong.
she opens the medicine cabinet and grabs a razor before slipping it into her pocket.
"he hates you," jinah just smirks at herself in the mirror.
"and that's okay."
"jinah," soyeon's voice quivers when she sees the girl enter the room.
she has this smile, sadistic and sweet, "soyeon, i thought about what you said before."
"what are you doing here in the tutor center? it's after hours jinah," soyeon moves around the desk and locks some papers away before looking back at the younger girl.
jinah has her hands in her pocket, her fingers playing with the blade in between her fingers, forming small cuts.
she simply closes the door behind her until she hears it click.
"soyeon-ah, let's be friends."
if she couldn't have him, neither could anyone else.
-
extended a/n! i don't really even know. nana, i'm sure you're a lovely, beautiful woman. please love mir back.