(no subject)
i wanted to delete all of my past entries because i want to start fresh, but it takes way too long and i`m too lazy. haha. i wish you could delete all of the entries all at once instead of individually.
second semester started and i`m glad. i`m definitely on a better track. i`m more organized and pay attention in class. my grades are still not great though. i know i still have a lot of time to get them where i want them to be but it`s so frustrating. i`m not going to give up though. 1Oth grade is so incredibly hard though. if i atleast tried in 9th grade i would get excellent grades.. and now that`s not the case. a lot of people probably think that 1Oth grade is a piece of cake but hey, i`m stupid, okay? haha there`s just some things i`ll never understand. i have never had to work this hard for good grades and it`s pissing me off. i`ll get through it though even if i have to bust my ass. i`m hoping to get 5 A's and 2 B's if not better.
this whole thing about losing weight and getting better grades is especially hard for me since i have no support. i know that i`m the only one who can control these things but i think they would come easier for me if i actually had friends who care about me and called me every once in awhile. i think the reason i binge so much and can`t seem to stick to a diet is because i`m so damn lonely. i really need to make friends but no one here likes me.
i think me and jessica are kind of becoming closer again. we still haven`t hung out but we do talk in school and we're sort of bonding. we`re starting to laugh with eachother all the time. when jessica starts laughing about something i start cracking up too even if i don`t know what she`s laughing about.. and we like understand what the other one is laughing about and we don`t even have to talk. it`s hard to explain. we were both cracking up in health class today for a good 15 minutes. my eyes were watering so much that my make-up was coming up. i hate to say this, but i sometime wish she didn`t have a boyfriend because maybe then we could hang out every day like old times. i`m supposed to go cosmic bowling next friday with jessica and some other people for jessica`s birthday. atleast i won`t be stuck at home next friday.
is it completely pathetic that i really don`t have any friends anymore? i don`t even really consider anyone else my friend anymore because a friend is someone you spend time with and share a special bond with. i still talk to them in school and i can tolerate them for the most part but i`m definitely not going to be calling them after highschool. i`m just going to forget my past and get the hell out of here. i just hope i can get a in a decent college far away from here. i`m really scared though.. of losing everyone. i feel that eventually i`ll have no one and i`ll be alone. i scared that i`ll never talk to my mom when i go away and i`ll have no one to fall back on. god this is really depressing.
i have one thing to looking forward to.. going to russia. i`m just so happy i`ll be able to get away from everyone and be with people i never see. i really need to brush up on my russian though. eep.
second semester started and i`m glad. i`m definitely on a better track. i`m more organized and pay attention in class. my grades are still not great though. i know i still have a lot of time to get them where i want them to be but it`s so frustrating. i`m not going to give up though. 1Oth grade is so incredibly hard though. if i atleast tried in 9th grade i would get excellent grades.. and now that`s not the case. a lot of people probably think that 1Oth grade is a piece of cake but hey, i`m stupid, okay? haha there`s just some things i`ll never understand. i have never had to work this hard for good grades and it`s pissing me off. i`ll get through it though even if i have to bust my ass. i`m hoping to get 5 A's and 2 B's if not better.
this whole thing about losing weight and getting better grades is especially hard for me since i have no support. i know that i`m the only one who can control these things but i think they would come easier for me if i actually had friends who care about me and called me every once in awhile. i think the reason i binge so much and can`t seem to stick to a diet is because i`m so damn lonely. i really need to make friends but no one here likes me.
i think me and jessica are kind of becoming closer again. we still haven`t hung out but we do talk in school and we're sort of bonding. we`re starting to laugh with eachother all the time. when jessica starts laughing about something i start cracking up too even if i don`t know what she`s laughing about.. and we like understand what the other one is laughing about and we don`t even have to talk. it`s hard to explain. we were both cracking up in health class today for a good 15 minutes. my eyes were watering so much that my make-up was coming up. i hate to say this, but i sometime wish she didn`t have a boyfriend because maybe then we could hang out every day like old times. i`m supposed to go cosmic bowling next friday with jessica and some other people for jessica`s birthday. atleast i won`t be stuck at home next friday.
is it completely pathetic that i really don`t have any friends anymore? i don`t even really consider anyone else my friend anymore because a friend is someone you spend time with and share a special bond with. i still talk to them in school and i can tolerate them for the most part but i`m definitely not going to be calling them after highschool. i`m just going to forget my past and get the hell out of here. i just hope i can get a in a decent college far away from here. i`m really scared though.. of losing everyone. i feel that eventually i`ll have no one and i`ll be alone. i scared that i`ll never talk to my mom when i go away and i`ll have no one to fall back on. god this is really depressing.
i have one thing to looking forward to.. going to russia. i`m just so happy i`ll be able to get away from everyone and be with people i never see. i really need to brush up on my russian though. eep.