(no subject)
i feel rather okay right now. i thought i was going to have a mental breakdown yesterday. i was just crying so much.. i started crying alittle bit when i was talking to my mom about how stressful school is for me and how i feel so stupid. then alittle later i just starte bawling. i went downstairs and my eyes were all puffy and my parents kept asking if i was okay. my mom came up later and talked with me. i got some stuff out and i felt alittle better. i told her how much i despised school and how i was worried i wouldn't get into a good college. i said how much i hated life and that whenever everything seems right in my life it all goes down hill. she said she could take me to a doctor sometime to see if i'm really depressed or not. i'm beginning to think i'm bi-polar but who knows. i told her i didn't want to be a burden and that i didn't want her to have to deal wih a mental case daughter. she told me that she loved me and would never think of me as a freak. my mom said i should really take yoga classes because it's really good for you and relaxes you. i really wanna take it so i'm going to call soon and get information about it. i really want to see a therapist because i sometimes just really need someone to talk to. i can't really talk to any of my friends about this because all i do is hang out my friends and have laughs. i never can really tell them anything serious because i don't think they'll understand. i just want to be able to someone everything i feel and know that they're not going to think i'm a freak. i really want to know if i have any personality disorders because i can't really diagnose myself. there is just so much i need to let out..
i look back at all the things i took as a kid. i took gymnastics, piano, flute, cheerleading, art, and dance. i didn't stick with any of them and it just makes me regret it so much now. maybe if i would have sticked with a couple of things i would have some talents right now. i sometimes wish i could start my life all over again because i feel that i screwed it up all ready and it's too late to start over. i want to take to gymnastics and be able to do all sorts of flips and amaze people. i would need to take a beginners class because i like don't know anything.. and i would be awfully embarrased to be in a class with 5 year olds.
i'm excited about going to caitlin's this weekend but i can't go there until saturday which means that i won't be there for halloween =\ i don't know what i'm going to do now. saturday we're supposed to go to some battle of the bands concert so that should be fun.
i missed all my classes today. why you ask? we went to the homeless shelter for textiles. we helped out by cleaning, organizing, sewing, etc. it was alright.. kind of boring though because we were there the whole day. i felt really sorry for the people there because it's not a very pleasant life style. i would be extremely bored. i was really happy for getting out of school because god knows i can't stand it.
i'm trying to stay happy... but there are just things. there's something missing and i think i might be able to get it, but with my luck i probably won't. that's the cirle of life for me.
sigh. tootles.
i look back at all the things i took as a kid. i took gymnastics, piano, flute, cheerleading, art, and dance. i didn't stick with any of them and it just makes me regret it so much now. maybe if i would have sticked with a couple of things i would have some talents right now. i sometimes wish i could start my life all over again because i feel that i screwed it up all ready and it's too late to start over. i want to take to gymnastics and be able to do all sorts of flips and amaze people. i would need to take a beginners class because i like don't know anything.. and i would be awfully embarrased to be in a class with 5 year olds.
i'm excited about going to caitlin's this weekend but i can't go there until saturday which means that i won't be there for halloween =\ i don't know what i'm going to do now. saturday we're supposed to go to some battle of the bands concert so that should be fun.
i missed all my classes today. why you ask? we went to the homeless shelter for textiles. we helped out by cleaning, organizing, sewing, etc. it was alright.. kind of boring though because we were there the whole day. i felt really sorry for the people there because it's not a very pleasant life style. i would be extremely bored. i was really happy for getting out of school because god knows i can't stand it.
i'm trying to stay happy... but there are just things. there's something missing and i think i might be able to get it, but with my luck i probably won't. that's the cirle of life for me.
sigh. tootles.