say you'll miss me when i'm gone
ew this new livejournal set-up is so fucking ugly. when i got on it i was like wtf. ah oh well.
i'm glad to say that school isn't actually bad for me at all. ofcourse i've only been in it for 2 weeks and hell could blow over any time now.. ha. but i'm hoping it'll stay like this. the only class i can't stand is geometry. fucking GRR. i don't think i get like really anything in that class. that's because the teacher doesn't even fucking teach. i had her last year for algebra. ugh. the test is tuesday.. eek. we got a study guide and i'm gonna make her go through every single question with me. haha. i'm trying to do really well this year because now i care. it makes me feel really good when i do well in school. i'm trying to get straight A's all 4 quarters. think i can do it? hahaha.
i woke up this morning crying because my earings like got pushed too far into my ear and they were kind of stuck and they fucking hurt. so my mom was getting them out for me and it hurt like a mother fucker. i was crying and screaming. i'm a baby when it comes to pain, what can i say. i don't even know how the earing got so far in my ear.
sigh. i want to be with someone like you wouldn't believe. i am so sad and lonely. it seems like i never get a good guy who will love me for me. it's like i'm just meant to be unhappy and alone. that's what it feels like. i don't think it's very fair. i am beginning to seriously believe that i will never get a good guy.. a guy out of the ordinary.. a guy that i like. there's so many other girls out there.. prettier than i am.. smarter than i am.. funner than i am.. etc. i am nothing special and i wish i was. why can't i just have that special someone who i can be happy with?
i mentioned earlier that i had my eye one a special someone.. well yeah i really want to just meet him and get to know him. i think he's only a freshman but i seriously don't give a fuck because he looks older anyway. he looks a bit like bryan actually. lmao =\ ah. but you see the thing is that i can't be the one to ask someone out or make the first move. i'm kind of shy when it comes to that. i'm not really that shy at all.. like if a guy comes up to me and starts talking to me first i'll be fine. i just have this big fear of rejection. and i'm worried that i'll always have that fear. i just wish there was some coincidental way that we could meet or something. and i'm only shy around guys i like. until i know that they like me to. that's just how i am.. i cannot help it. and i wish i could. i also don't really like the idea of going out with someone my from my school because what if stuff happened and everyone would be talking, ya know? that is the last thing i want. i don't really know what i want.
i want to be that special girl
that you hold in your arms so tight
the one that you won't let go without a fight
dreaming and thinking of me locked in your heart
i'm becoming such an emotional wreck again. maybe it's all in my head. maybe i just think i have problems when i really don't. i don't even know me anymore.
i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.I FUCKING SUCK.
what the fuck ever.
i'm glad to say that school isn't actually bad for me at all. ofcourse i've only been in it for 2 weeks and hell could blow over any time now.. ha. but i'm hoping it'll stay like this. the only class i can't stand is geometry. fucking GRR. i don't think i get like really anything in that class. that's because the teacher doesn't even fucking teach. i had her last year for algebra. ugh. the test is tuesday.. eek. we got a study guide and i'm gonna make her go through every single question with me. haha. i'm trying to do really well this year because now i care. it makes me feel really good when i do well in school. i'm trying to get straight A's all 4 quarters. think i can do it? hahaha.
i woke up this morning crying because my earings like got pushed too far into my ear and they were kind of stuck and they fucking hurt. so my mom was getting them out for me and it hurt like a mother fucker. i was crying and screaming. i'm a baby when it comes to pain, what can i say. i don't even know how the earing got so far in my ear.
sigh. i want to be with someone like you wouldn't believe. i am so sad and lonely. it seems like i never get a good guy who will love me for me. it's like i'm just meant to be unhappy and alone. that's what it feels like. i don't think it's very fair. i am beginning to seriously believe that i will never get a good guy.. a guy out of the ordinary.. a guy that i like. there's so many other girls out there.. prettier than i am.. smarter than i am.. funner than i am.. etc. i am nothing special and i wish i was. why can't i just have that special someone who i can be happy with?
i mentioned earlier that i had my eye one a special someone.. well yeah i really want to just meet him and get to know him. i think he's only a freshman but i seriously don't give a fuck because he looks older anyway. he looks a bit like bryan actually. lmao =\ ah. but you see the thing is that i can't be the one to ask someone out or make the first move. i'm kind of shy when it comes to that. i'm not really that shy at all.. like if a guy comes up to me and starts talking to me first i'll be fine. i just have this big fear of rejection. and i'm worried that i'll always have that fear. i just wish there was some coincidental way that we could meet or something. and i'm only shy around guys i like. until i know that they like me to. that's just how i am.. i cannot help it. and i wish i could. i also don't really like the idea of going out with someone my from my school because what if stuff happened and everyone would be talking, ya know? that is the last thing i want. i don't really know what i want.
i want to be that special girl
that you hold in your arms so tight
the one that you won't let go without a fight
dreaming and thinking of me locked in your heart
i'm becoming such an emotional wreck again. maybe it's all in my head. maybe i just think i have problems when i really don't. i don't even know me anymore.
i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.i suck.I FUCKING SUCK.
what the fuck ever.