we've seen this and we've breathed this and we've lived this on our own
this entry has some major ranting so read at your own risk. rofl. you've been warned
i became pretty angry today. i still am kind of, but not so much. the thing with me is that i cannot stay angry for long periods of time. i can't hold grudge. i guess that's a good thing if you really think about it. i think i would rather feel anger than sadness and lonliness. i felt a tad bit upset today. not that much at all. then i was just like fuck it. i don't deserve to suffocate myself in sadness.
don't you realize you're suffocating me?
not letting me take the shortest gasp of breath
you're killing me don't you see
won't you just set me free?
i am seriously beginning to despise certain people. maybe despise is too harsh of a word. i tend to say harsh words like that when i'm infuriated. i'm not going to explain in every possible detail why i'm feeling so angry.. just because. but i will tell you that i fucking give up. i'm just gonna stop being the nicest person i can be because i can see that no one fucking appreciates me anyway. is it just me or do extrememly sweet people do not get enough credit or appreciation that they deserve? well that's it. I QUIT. i don't care anymore. i just don't i give a fuck. all i'm really going to concentrate on right now is me. that may sound selfish but whatever. i'm going to concentrate on getting really good grades and just perfecting myself. i'm gonna stop trying to get everyone to like me. because i don't care anymore. i shouldn't have to try.
i seriously think people think i'm stupid and a total ditz or something. they think i don't know squat about life or anything. well guess what assholes.. I'M NOT FUCKING STUPID. i may not be the smartest persn that's graced this planet but i sure ain't stupid.
i seriously don't think i fit in with my friends at all. i'm so different. really the only one of my friends i am remotely like is jessica. but there are some things i can't even tell her. it just seems like he only thing she cares about right now is brandon. i mean i'm happy for her.. i'm glad she finally found a good guy and she's happy.
i love you but i hate you
i can't fucking live without you
i know i say this about a million and one times.. but none of my friends really know me. maybe no one does. it's so completely true though. i just wish i could go to a different school because i can't really relate to anyone here. i have a good amount of friends but i think the majority of them don't really care about my feelings.
i'm starting to feel so lost. i still can't figure out why i sometimes think the way i do. no, i don't particulary want to say what these thoughts are because they are really beyond strange.. i'm getting better but i'm still kind of afraid to be me. i suck at life.
sometimes i feel so dirty. even if i'm showered and squeaky clean. i feel really dirty on the inside. i just want to rip out all my organs put them in a blender (pleasant, i know). i just want to be rid my body of everything. i want to be as light as air.
there's a certain someone i've had my eye on for the last couple of days. i think he's new. i only see him at lunch. but since i'm through with trying and impressing people i'm not going to become totally obsessed.
i'm gonna watch some tv then go to bed.. ciao.
i became pretty angry today. i still am kind of, but not so much. the thing with me is that i cannot stay angry for long periods of time. i can't hold grudge. i guess that's a good thing if you really think about it. i think i would rather feel anger than sadness and lonliness. i felt a tad bit upset today. not that much at all. then i was just like fuck it. i don't deserve to suffocate myself in sadness.
don't you realize you're suffocating me?
not letting me take the shortest gasp of breath
you're killing me don't you see
won't you just set me free?
i am seriously beginning to despise certain people. maybe despise is too harsh of a word. i tend to say harsh words like that when i'm infuriated. i'm not going to explain in every possible detail why i'm feeling so angry.. just because. but i will tell you that i fucking give up. i'm just gonna stop being the nicest person i can be because i can see that no one fucking appreciates me anyway. is it just me or do extrememly sweet people do not get enough credit or appreciation that they deserve? well that's it. I QUIT. i don't care anymore. i just don't i give a fuck. all i'm really going to concentrate on right now is me. that may sound selfish but whatever. i'm going to concentrate on getting really good grades and just perfecting myself. i'm gonna stop trying to get everyone to like me. because i don't care anymore. i shouldn't have to try.
i seriously think people think i'm stupid and a total ditz or something. they think i don't know squat about life or anything. well guess what assholes.. I'M NOT FUCKING STUPID. i may not be the smartest persn that's graced this planet but i sure ain't stupid.
i seriously don't think i fit in with my friends at all. i'm so different. really the only one of my friends i am remotely like is jessica. but there are some things i can't even tell her. it just seems like he only thing she cares about right now is brandon. i mean i'm happy for her.. i'm glad she finally found a good guy and she's happy.
i love you but i hate you
i can't fucking live without you
i know i say this about a million and one times.. but none of my friends really know me. maybe no one does. it's so completely true though. i just wish i could go to a different school because i can't really relate to anyone here. i have a good amount of friends but i think the majority of them don't really care about my feelings.
i'm starting to feel so lost. i still can't figure out why i sometimes think the way i do. no, i don't particulary want to say what these thoughts are because they are really beyond strange.. i'm getting better but i'm still kind of afraid to be me. i suck at life.
sometimes i feel so dirty. even if i'm showered and squeaky clean. i feel really dirty on the inside. i just want to rip out all my organs put them in a blender (pleasant, i know). i just want to be rid my body of everything. i want to be as light as air.
there's a certain someone i've had my eye on for the last couple of days. i think he's new. i only see him at lunch. but since i'm through with trying and impressing people i'm not going to become totally obsessed.
i'm gonna watch some tv then go to bed.. ciao.