(no subject)
I just read this article (Grief and Fear) on Psychology Today. It hit an interesting note. We live our lives everyday absorbing people, places, and things. It just becomes a part of us and our day-to-day lives, usually we don't even think about it. But, when the moment comes that we lose one, life is suddenly immediately different. The prescence of something that was once there is no longer. We're thrown into a life that we suddenly don't know how to live with. Different people experience it to different degrees and some take longer to figure out how to live without the prescence. People die, things change and we have to deal with the grief of that loss, of a change in our world and the way we think.
The person I was ten years ago is not the same person I am today. Hell, the person I was a year ago, or even three months ago is not the same person I am today. I've lost one of the most important people in my life, who shaped my life in so many ways and continues to influence my thoughts and feelings. Learning to live in a world without him was terrifying. So terrifying that I almost took my own life because I didn't know how to live without him and I wasn't sure I wanted to, wanted to learn.
People come and go, too. There's a saying of "People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime." I, unfortunately, am a person that can get really attached to people. If I really like someone, I might mistake a season friend for a lifetime one and be devastated when they leave. I had a friend in high school whom I was close to when my uncle passed away. He was there for me through much of the illness and then, shortly after my uncle died, he up and left. There was no goodbye, no reason given, nothing. I happened to see him a few months later and he talked to me like the last year hadn't happened. In hindsight, I believe that he was a reason friend. I'd known him since the beginning of high school but he became close at the end. He was in my life to give me a sounding board and, maybe I was too much. He helped indirectly to keep me alive for a lot of my grade twelve year. I used to hate him, despise him for leaving me so quickly and without even a goodbye, but now I realise what he was meant to be and I kind of thank him.
I've also gone through some events in the last year that have challenged me and shown me some seasonal friendships and some more reason friendships, maybe more "testing" friendships. They showed the strength of my will, my resolve, my trust in my own gut instinct. Their lessons have helped me become stronger in myself, my relationship and how I view the world and those around me.
The person I was ten years ago is not the same person I am today. Hell, the person I was a year ago, or even three months ago is not the same person I am today. I've lost one of the most important people in my life, who shaped my life in so many ways and continues to influence my thoughts and feelings. Learning to live in a world without him was terrifying. So terrifying that I almost took my own life because I didn't know how to live without him and I wasn't sure I wanted to, wanted to learn.
People come and go, too. There's a saying of "People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime." I, unfortunately, am a person that can get really attached to people. If I really like someone, I might mistake a season friend for a lifetime one and be devastated when they leave. I had a friend in high school whom I was close to when my uncle passed away. He was there for me through much of the illness and then, shortly after my uncle died, he up and left. There was no goodbye, no reason given, nothing. I happened to see him a few months later and he talked to me like the last year hadn't happened. In hindsight, I believe that he was a reason friend. I'd known him since the beginning of high school but he became close at the end. He was in my life to give me a sounding board and, maybe I was too much. He helped indirectly to keep me alive for a lot of my grade twelve year. I used to hate him, despise him for leaving me so quickly and without even a goodbye, but now I realise what he was meant to be and I kind of thank him.
I've also gone through some events in the last year that have challenged me and shown me some seasonal friendships and some more reason friendships, maybe more "testing" friendships. They showed the strength of my will, my resolve, my trust in my own gut instinct. Their lessons have helped me become stronger in myself, my relationship and how I view the world and those around me.