The Fight.
The
boy and I had a fight on Tuesday night. I just wanted to vent about
it--although I am over it. Then I will update on my surgery (blech)
Alright. The plan was that Jeremy was going to come up after work Tuesday night and stay with me that night. Then take me to the hospital in the morning and he'd leave when he had to go to work. Well, he came up earlier than expected but told me that he had to leave that night because he had to work super early the next morning. now that made me sad, very sad. I tried to half heartedly bribe him (hahahaha with head and ciggy-butts, no I'm not proud of that, but I was only half serious...so it's ok). He was getting really stressed and felt awful and I just kept making him feel even worse. Then I was pissed at myself.
But basically---this was all his fault. When I called him that night at work he was really, really worried about me. I thought that he had to go though (since he was at work) and told him that I'd just talk to him the next day. Basically I had everything that I wanted to say planned---but it didn't go very well. I could tell from the beginning that he was distant, he didn't really want to talk about it, he felt bad that he couldn't come---and that was it. I *knew* I was making him upset but I didn't get why. So I didn't go into the horrid details that the doctor had told me because I didn't want him to think that I was just trying to guilt him into it.
Now, Jeremy didn't think I was lying. But he thought I was being *me*. He thought that I was worrying too much, I was just focussed on the worse case scenario---and he just played it all up to my nerves. Basically he didn't take it seriously. He had the surgery done when he was little, so did his mom, ---and it hadn't been a big deal. He felt bad that he couldn't be there of course---but he didn't think it was a serious situation, just more of an inconvience.
So when his boss asked him "Is this a serious surgery?" He said no.
But if he only would have listened to me---he would have known different.
Well, his mom talked to his aunt who had her adenoids removed---and she told a much worse story. That's when Jeremy got concerned. Apparently his aunt said everything that the Doctor told me. So that's when it went off in his head that I wasn't just being *me* I was being dead serious.
But he hadn't taken me seriously. It was too late to take off. He felt like a total jerk. He was honest with me and it upset me because I didn't get why he didn't take me seriously. I tried so hard to get it across to him and he just wasn't listening. And that's what he told me, he wasn't listening and he was sorry. So that *really* upset me and hurt my feelings. Which he understood. He said it was all his fault and well, I agreed.
I wasn't really pissed--- I was just more hurt. Sometimes he does things that are so totally out of character and this is one of them. It isn't like him to tune me out.
Well--after all this the night was really stressful. All I wanted to do was him to be there. Now that we both knew how bad it was going to be, it--- just made it so much harder. I was crying. Then he cried because he felt like such a jerk and was so pissed at himself, because if he just would have listened to me---then we wouldn't have been in that situation.
I did tell him that I was pissed that I had told him that it was a big deal---and then he went and told his boss that it wasn't. That's what really pissed me off--- I know I exagerate sometimes, but I kept stressing to him how serious I was and he was just not listening for whatever reason.
He explained to me why he couldn't take off last minute. The 'boss' is going to retire soon. And if Jeremy plays his cards right---he might be the one in charge. He's going to be getting more set hours, full time, with insurance---- and him taking off at the last minute. When no one else could cover, could put that in jeopardy. Now looking back I realize this---but I was being selfish and a bitch because I was upset that he didn't take me seriously.
So we got into this sudden explosive argument. We were outside and he was going to leave and he said something really mean (I don't even remember what it was) and he was taking my bags into the house and he said it just felt like God kicked him in the stomach. He ran into the bathroom and he just started puking his guts out. So then of course my nurturing side kicked in---and when he came out he said right away that he was sorry, he didn't mean what he said, and that was it. I didn't mean whatever it was that I said either. So we just snuggled for awhile and talked it out.
He understood that I was mad at him, but he was more mad at himself. He said he'd be up Saturday night after he worked and would stay with me until monday before work. He said he'd make it up to me or at least show me how sorry he was. I told him he didn't have to, I know he's sorry. I just don't get why he did what he did. But he said he's going to bring me flowers and we can eat ice cream and just watch movies and stay in bed all weekend.
It was really hard for me that he couldn't be there. But---is it worth getting uber upset about? No. We've been together forever---but he fucked up big time this time. And I've fucked up big time before as well. It isn't worth dwelling over.
Now...I will tell you about the surgery.....
Alright. The plan was that Jeremy was going to come up after work Tuesday night and stay with me that night. Then take me to the hospital in the morning and he'd leave when he had to go to work. Well, he came up earlier than expected but told me that he had to leave that night because he had to work super early the next morning. now that made me sad, very sad. I tried to half heartedly bribe him (hahahaha with head and ciggy-butts, no I'm not proud of that, but I was only half serious...so it's ok). He was getting really stressed and felt awful and I just kept making him feel even worse. Then I was pissed at myself.
But basically---this was all his fault. When I called him that night at work he was really, really worried about me. I thought that he had to go though (since he was at work) and told him that I'd just talk to him the next day. Basically I had everything that I wanted to say planned---but it didn't go very well. I could tell from the beginning that he was distant, he didn't really want to talk about it, he felt bad that he couldn't come---and that was it. I *knew* I was making him upset but I didn't get why. So I didn't go into the horrid details that the doctor had told me because I didn't want him to think that I was just trying to guilt him into it.
Now, Jeremy didn't think I was lying. But he thought I was being *me*. He thought that I was worrying too much, I was just focussed on the worse case scenario---and he just played it all up to my nerves. Basically he didn't take it seriously. He had the surgery done when he was little, so did his mom, ---and it hadn't been a big deal. He felt bad that he couldn't be there of course---but he didn't think it was a serious situation, just more of an inconvience.
So when his boss asked him "Is this a serious surgery?" He said no.
But if he only would have listened to me---he would have known different.
Well, his mom talked to his aunt who had her adenoids removed---and she told a much worse story. That's when Jeremy got concerned. Apparently his aunt said everything that the Doctor told me. So that's when it went off in his head that I wasn't just being *me* I was being dead serious.
But he hadn't taken me seriously. It was too late to take off. He felt like a total jerk. He was honest with me and it upset me because I didn't get why he didn't take me seriously. I tried so hard to get it across to him and he just wasn't listening. And that's what he told me, he wasn't listening and he was sorry. So that *really* upset me and hurt my feelings. Which he understood. He said it was all his fault and well, I agreed.
I wasn't really pissed--- I was just more hurt. Sometimes he does things that are so totally out of character and this is one of them. It isn't like him to tune me out.
Well--after all this the night was really stressful. All I wanted to do was him to be there. Now that we both knew how bad it was going to be, it--- just made it so much harder. I was crying. Then he cried because he felt like such a jerk and was so pissed at himself, because if he just would have listened to me---then we wouldn't have been in that situation.
I did tell him that I was pissed that I had told him that it was a big deal---and then he went and told his boss that it wasn't. That's what really pissed me off--- I know I exagerate sometimes, but I kept stressing to him how serious I was and he was just not listening for whatever reason.
He explained to me why he couldn't take off last minute. The 'boss' is going to retire soon. And if Jeremy plays his cards right---he might be the one in charge. He's going to be getting more set hours, full time, with insurance---- and him taking off at the last minute. When no one else could cover, could put that in jeopardy. Now looking back I realize this---but I was being selfish and a bitch because I was upset that he didn't take me seriously.
So we got into this sudden explosive argument. We were outside and he was going to leave and he said something really mean (I don't even remember what it was) and he was taking my bags into the house and he said it just felt like God kicked him in the stomach. He ran into the bathroom and he just started puking his guts out. So then of course my nurturing side kicked in---and when he came out he said right away that he was sorry, he didn't mean what he said, and that was it. I didn't mean whatever it was that I said either. So we just snuggled for awhile and talked it out.
He understood that I was mad at him, but he was more mad at himself. He said he'd be up Saturday night after he worked and would stay with me until monday before work. He said he'd make it up to me or at least show me how sorry he was. I told him he didn't have to, I know he's sorry. I just don't get why he did what he did. But he said he's going to bring me flowers and we can eat ice cream and just watch movies and stay in bed all weekend.
It was really hard for me that he couldn't be there. But---is it worth getting uber upset about? No. We've been together forever---but he fucked up big time this time. And I've fucked up big time before as well. It isn't worth dwelling over.
Now...I will tell you about the surgery.....