fuck

[korupt_n_krazy]

well i want you to know something.....i love you....i know this means shit to you right now, and i know i have fucked up completely but ya know it is shit....it isn't all my fault....we have been like this for a while, adn tonight was just something blown out of proportion....i mean it happened because i have been depressed, because i have no idea how to tell you how i really feel....i mean i have been holding it in for the longest time....but i have no idea what to do, because for some reason i feel like i can't tell you how i feel, because i am worried that you'll tell me that i was out of line, or that i was just being stupid, which is a phrase i hear all too often from you, i mean yeah it is all well and good if i am being stupid, but when it involves certain things that mean so much to me, don't insult me by telling me that i am stupid. i know you care....i mean you have made that obvious sometimes, but you have to understand i have feelings and i can only take so much before i break, and i fall and hit rock bottom.....because that is where i have been successfully cast aside to tonight....i have officially fallen apart....i mean the stress is too much...i cannot handle this....i mean what happened i guess wouldn't have affected me, if i hadn't liked you since like forever, and then on top of that, if i wasn't so fucked up in the head right now...and then i know this is probably not right, but i am so fuckin worked up about this shit.....i mean i love you and i don't want to lose you, but i can't take this. you cannot tell me all the shit you told me the other night on the phone, and expect everything to be all hunky dorry. i mean you really hurt me, you took everything that mattered to me and crushed it within a half hour on the phone....i mean damn....you must really try, because i know you ahve done this to me before, and i am beyond sick of it....because i noticed something about you, you are fine with making me cry if we are on the phone, because at least then, you can hang up the phone and run away, as if nothing has happened....and damn.....i know you are affraid of taking responsibility, but that is really fucking dick of you, the least you could do, is talk to me about it in person and shit.....i mean fuck....and then today, i am sorry for what happened, and how it happened, but remember in what happened the other day, you played a big fucking part in it too, i mean don't fucking blame everything on me.....fuck that....just remember you will lose a lot of fuckin people this way....i mean i love you with all my heart but honestly hun, my heart can only take so much strain, before it is over used, adn it bursts and shatters into a million tiny pieces, never to be replaced to the same again....and for you information, this was not the first time that this has happened, it is just the first time you are hearing about it....but yeah...oh and i didnt make him do anything, so don't pull that, oh and by the way, remember you cannot fucking run away from all this shit, just because you don't wanna fucking deal....well yeah i have to go now, i love you more than you will ever know....but good bye and good night....
and i wanna thank jenn-jenn for being there for me, i mean i was so glad you were there for me.,...i love you so much....good night and sweet dreams oh and by the way your boy toy is a cutie....i love him.....
oh and by the way i am not friends with mary beth anymore, i love her to death, but i could not take where we are right now, i could not take the bull shit any more, and i was sick of everything being my fault...so fuck that i love her, and i miss her but i am done....