New Beginning
Wow it has been awhile since ive used this. Life has changed so much for me. I dont even know where to begin. Well during my course at Ai ive really learned a lot about myself and a little bit aboit what i want to do with my life. I know i dont want to do anything with film even though that is what i have a bachelors degree in. Film just isnt for me. I dont feel when it comes to being creative that the screen is where my talents shine. Which brings me to a point that ive recently learned, im good with people. I am joining the air force but even on that venture i believe my people skills will come in handy. Ive been going to church more frequently and it really seems to be doing something to me. Im not gonna lie, I havent taken the time to read the bible and really get to know jesus, but i think that will all come when the time is right. Its just good to finally believe in something. I havnt really done that before. I guess i owe that to my fiancee. Things are so different for me in this relationship. Im actually making it work. Well we both are but to some extent i think she gives more than i do at times. I guess i have mixed feelins about it. We have marriage counciling but at times i dont think she takes it as serious as i do. Idk if thats because she already has a standing relationship with this pastor but i do think that has a part to do with it. I dont think its just the councilong that she doesnt take serious but other things. Well not that she doesnt take seriously more like she still has a lot to learn i think. She says i have doible standards for our relationship but i dont see it that way. I just dont know what is wrong with me. I have trust issues forsure but i shouldnt. I guess ever since that carlos incident things changed for me. I just wish i could let it go, but i cant. Something in the back of my mind nor heart will let me. Ever since then guys have been messaging her and i know she wont cheat on me i just dont like to know that other dudes have feelings for her. I think the thing that really sets me off is when she acts oblivious to certain situations. She hasnt noticed or realized this yet, but i really have a gift when it comes to people. She thinks guys can just be her friend and not want anything more than that. For some guys thats true and i have no problem with those guys being in her life or being her friends but other guys who clearly cant handle that, she'd hold onto those guys because they used to date or they go "way back". It just seems so outta wack for me. My past has caught up with me and i got it straight right then and there. I guess i just know some people better than others. Like karson. I knew her divorce was final because she called me all kinds of pet names like babe and sugar. Tho shes harmless i know her and i know my fiancee. Monique doesnt want me to talk to karson so i cut it off right then and there and let her know to not talk to me. Thats done. Its over. But monique is so interested in "catching up" with old bfs or buddies and doesnt see why i get so upset for. Because she would keep the wrong people in the loop. Anytime we have problems she talks to all her friends and gets input from everybody. I keep to myself, which i guess is why im starting this again. I need an outlet to really let loose and get out all of my frustrations out so i can stay sane. I mean i have justin but hes so skeptical that it really doesnt help much. So writing will do so i can reflect on everything. Anyways, she doesnt understand where im coming from. She doesnt understand guys like i do. She never will. Not just guys but females too. Man this feels good and tho i have a lot on my mind i think ill pick up later. Sucks this app doesnt have spell check lol. Plus monique drooled in my armpit so now my shirt smells funny ha. Yes. Time to find something productive to do like go to the lobby and get on the computers :-P
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