Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved...
OMFG... I did it... it's over... Jim and I... seperated.... wow. This is it. I can't believe the talk we had. He still is a close friend, and always will be. He gave me Christian, and for that I will love him for always. Shit, this is unbelievable... after so many fights, it doesn't even hurt that bad. Fuck. I'm still in shock, haven't really cried yet... I will need plenty of hugs when I do. It's such a relief though, no more suffering, no more pretending. It's fucking hard to be honest, u noe that?? But it was worth it. Holy fucking single am I... loving it??? Not quite. Hating it??? Dunno yet, I'll get back to u. But, it's done. And more relieved I could not be.
These past 4 years have been good and bad. Mostly good I'd say. He gave me alot, and taught me a hell of alot more. I will miss being with him, but this is right. This is better for him and I, as well as Christian. He was in the middle of all the lies and he did nothing to deserve that. Life will be better now, I know it.
So for everyone, I apologize for the way I may be for the weeks/months ahead. Bear with me, cause I know it will hit- hard. At least I know I have just a little over a month to go before I can be with the 2 people I need the most right now. I can't wait. Fuck. Glad I have smokes, unfortunatly no alcohol. Maybe I'll go pick some up tonite. I could use a good glass of wine... and some good weed if anyone's got some for me.
I will cry tonite, this is inevitable. I may cry tomorrow and next week. But in a way, it'll be a good cry. Just knowing that for once I did the right thing makes me feel somewhat ok. But I need to cry, and I can't wait to do it.
*Sidenote* Jason, u think Monty would wear a red zip-up Old Navy sweater??? I dunno what to get him for xmas....
Anyhoo, I'm off to let things sink in........
These past 4 years have been good and bad. Mostly good I'd say. He gave me alot, and taught me a hell of alot more. I will miss being with him, but this is right. This is better for him and I, as well as Christian. He was in the middle of all the lies and he did nothing to deserve that. Life will be better now, I know it.
So for everyone, I apologize for the way I may be for the weeks/months ahead. Bear with me, cause I know it will hit- hard. At least I know I have just a little over a month to go before I can be with the 2 people I need the most right now. I can't wait. Fuck. Glad I have smokes, unfortunatly no alcohol. Maybe I'll go pick some up tonite. I could use a good glass of wine... and some good weed if anyone's got some for me.
I will cry tonite, this is inevitable. I may cry tomorrow and next week. But in a way, it'll be a good cry. Just knowing that for once I did the right thing makes me feel somewhat ok. But I need to cry, and I can't wait to do it.
*Sidenote* Jason, u think Monty would wear a red zip-up Old Navy sweater??? I dunno what to get him for xmas....
Anyhoo, I'm off to let things sink in........