....Damn it...
You know what I want for Christmas? A full body transplant.
Yes, I want a new body. You'd want a new one too if you had mine. Yes, this is going to be a rant about how sucky my body is, but it has nothing to do with weight or superficial appearance issues.
Let's dive right in shall we? My back is constantly a minefield of knots. I could have an hour long massage by a professional that got rid of all those knots and... guess what? They'd be back five minutes later. I shit you not, FIVE MINUTES.
Every joint in my body pops at least once every day. I don't mind so much if it's my neck, fingers, or back.. but my toes popping is a little weird. I'm not kidding either... every damned joint; fingers, wrist, elbow, shoulder, neck, back, hips, knees, ankles, and toes. And when my hips pop they tend to lock up. I'll move my leg a certain way and then I won't be able to move it... at all... until it pops. And when it pops it's loud and painful. On top of my popping joints I have arthritis in my knees. It hasn't been officially diagnosed, but when your joints hurt like this it's almost guaranteed to be arthritis. And come to find out the arthritis might be my own damned fault. I read somewhere that eating potato and eggplant can give a person with type O blood arthritic disorders. I don't like eggplant, but I LOVE potatoes and, sure as shit, I look back on exactly when my knees hurt the most and I don't think the fact that it was after I'd had a buttload of potatoes is a coincidence. My hands are mildly arthritic too.
I'm Irish and I can't eat potatoes... there is something wrong with that.
Well, I'm mostly Irish.
And then for the last month or so my body has decided to play the "Make Korde Think He's Getting Sick" game. It's obnoxious... it really is. I'll wake up with a stuffy nose, feeling like crap, and two hours later I'll feel fine, but then like, two hours later I'll feel like crap again, then I'll feel fine. I might go an entire day without feeling like crap, and then I feel like crap most of the next day... and then sometimes on the days that I feel mostly fine I'll suddenly feel funny, not quite nauseated, but... weird and light-headed and just blah, like I've got a mild fever... and then that'll be gone like... an hour later...
So yeah.. I'm looking for a full body transplant. I want something male, of course, white, make and model don't matter too much, but I'd like something in the year 83 or 84... something a little more reliable, compact, with a decent body so I can get rid of this rusted out POS clunker of a body that I have now.
Yes, I want a new body. You'd want a new one too if you had mine. Yes, this is going to be a rant about how sucky my body is, but it has nothing to do with weight or superficial appearance issues.
Let's dive right in shall we? My back is constantly a minefield of knots. I could have an hour long massage by a professional that got rid of all those knots and... guess what? They'd be back five minutes later. I shit you not, FIVE MINUTES.
Every joint in my body pops at least once every day. I don't mind so much if it's my neck, fingers, or back.. but my toes popping is a little weird. I'm not kidding either... every damned joint; fingers, wrist, elbow, shoulder, neck, back, hips, knees, ankles, and toes. And when my hips pop they tend to lock up. I'll move my leg a certain way and then I won't be able to move it... at all... until it pops. And when it pops it's loud and painful. On top of my popping joints I have arthritis in my knees. It hasn't been officially diagnosed, but when your joints hurt like this it's almost guaranteed to be arthritis. And come to find out the arthritis might be my own damned fault. I read somewhere that eating potato and eggplant can give a person with type O blood arthritic disorders. I don't like eggplant, but I LOVE potatoes and, sure as shit, I look back on exactly when my knees hurt the most and I don't think the fact that it was after I'd had a buttload of potatoes is a coincidence. My hands are mildly arthritic too.
I'm Irish and I can't eat potatoes... there is something wrong with that.
Well, I'm mostly Irish.
And then for the last month or so my body has decided to play the "Make Korde Think He's Getting Sick" game. It's obnoxious... it really is. I'll wake up with a stuffy nose, feeling like crap, and two hours later I'll feel fine, but then like, two hours later I'll feel like crap again, then I'll feel fine. I might go an entire day without feeling like crap, and then I feel like crap most of the next day... and then sometimes on the days that I feel mostly fine I'll suddenly feel funny, not quite nauseated, but... weird and light-headed and just blah, like I've got a mild fever... and then that'll be gone like... an hour later...
So yeah.. I'm looking for a full body transplant. I want something male, of course, white, make and model don't matter too much, but I'd like something in the year 83 or 84... something a little more reliable, compact, with a decent body so I can get rid of this rusted out POS clunker of a body that I have now.